All Comments on 'Expecting the Unexpected Ch. 01'

A nice first effort. However, it really needs some serious editing. Too many homophones (words that sound the same but spelled differently) spoil the flow of the story when you have to pause and interpret what word you really wanted to use.

Could not read past the first few paragraphs; really put off by notably wrong words (especially homophones) and unworkable syntax. A strong and knowledgeable proofreader might help.

Agree with Candy, not a bad story, but it needs editing. If future episodes are cleaner, I will be a fan.

overall, a good first story. as 'Candy_Kane54' said, an editor would really enhance the flow of the story. misusing 'you're' and 'your' is distracting as is 'sweet' instead of 'suite'. minor things yes but they do detract from the flow of your story. this is meant to be constructive not to tear down. do keep up writing as you do show some promise.

Excellent job on this story

Thank y'all for the comments. Yes I know I'm not the best but I just wanted to prove to myself that I could at least write something decent. I'm new at writing so I know it's not the best.

...for a first effort, Red. Not brilliant, perhaps, but you do show promise. I won't go into the obvious faults as others have done that but do keep writing. Writing is like any other craft, you learn the basics and (hopefully) improve with practice. To repeat, the important thing is keep at it. Good luck.

I am a stickler on telling a story in past tense and not relying on first person, present tense except in writing directions in a script. For instance, before the lines, it might say: she walks into the room. In telling a story, it is always easier to read and works better if you are writing in the same manner as you would tell the story to someone else, as it had already happened, not happening now.

A very erotic and good first story. I personally love the storyline and your details. I look forward to more.🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟