All Comments on 'Falling for Jennifer Ch. 02'

you had a good story going here but i stopped reading on page 3 when you ruined it by adding the slimey priest thanks for fucking up a good story

The part with the Priest i think help the story along. The mother confessed to the perverted Priest about the brother and sister screwing in hopes to get him to help them. The only thing the Priest had on his mind was to try and get into Jen's pants.Was trying to blackmail her. So when she refused. He exposed them . The priest needed to taught a lessen ,but the author for what ever reason chose not to. Good story .It is a shame that there will not be anymore chapters.

I loved it, it wasn't just sex... it was such an unexpected follow on from Chapter 1 which was in itself brilliantly written. I can't agree with other comments, the 'finding out' and the priest and the other back stories were additions that helped make it a gripping read...

I shall read your other stuff for sure. Well done!

Seriously, how do you go from a 5-star first chapter to a second chapter which was, generously, a 2-star posting, salvaged slightly by the ending?! Did we really need the lecherous priest? Or the attack and the (would have been fatal) tarring? And just why was it logical for two siblings in love/lust to be separate for more than a decade? Granted, an explanation was provided....but that would justify a period of some three or four years, not more.

The two chapters had a good story concept, but it got lost in the weirdness of the second chapter. Sorry, but that's how I see it.

Thank you for making words come alive. Others may say what they do for religous reason but the story was beautiful.

You write from deep in your heart and it shows.

Thank you!

Raggswashere yh

Seems they had different last names as she was once married. They could live in Melbourne and get married.

I completley enjoyed it. After facing the worst this two now have a better chance to make it. And thanks for not making it threesome, foursome or more. I absolutely hate that kind of stories.

is a magnificent ending. I cannot commend you enough. There was angst, and sadness, but it was angst at the points you were meant to feel it in the story, and sadness at the time lost between the two lovers. Excellent.

I commented on another story of yours that was disastrously written, and horrifically ended. I believe it was a fifth chapter to the chelsea series (it does not appear to be available any longer). Anyway, in my comment, I said that I had planned to ask for a continuation of your Falling For series, but I dreaded how you would destroy it. Well, I have never been happier to eat crow. This was so far beyond the "fuck you" to the reader that that ending was that it's not even funny. Magnificently done, and I am eager to see more from you.

-Anubelore

I must say that you succeeded... You literally drained all of the emotions that I felt and the anguish I felt throughout this story. I guess that means you accomplished your objective.

I must tell you though, for as much as I enjoyed Chapter 1 (I'm just a romantic at heart), I allmost stopped reading Chapter 2 when it got to the part of the scumbag priest. I really fucking hate bullies and he was at the top of my list. But I got through it and am glad I did.

Jack

When I grow up, I wanna be able to write like this!!!

You have a brilliant talent.

thank you for being so creative you. I am looking forward to chapter 3 i think that in this chapter they should get married and there son and daughter should follow there parents footsteps with there parents to guide them

The hope for continued relationship between the two is touching.

I hope that you will continue this story and show the culmination of tht hope into a forever love. Remember she was married before so, I assume, now has a different last name so might now be able to marry him as long as they live in a town different from where they grew up.

I also hope you find a way for them to be able to get justice against a demon in priests clothing. I would guess it would be too much to hope for a way to cast shame on the town that both ostracized and assaulted her.

This was a beautiful story. The love and loss combined made it spectacular. The thing that gripped me is that it is not only about sex. This could (should) really become a novel.

As much as I enjoyed the first part, your feedback was right.... it hadn't finished the story. THIS completes it and I can feel good there is someone that understands love literally knows no boundaries, even if church morality or small town gossip tries to set them, or even the law attempts in many places to set limits they have no rightful cause to do with consenting adults, related or not. Of course I gave your story 5 stars.

I don't know what to say or feel, only that I like your ending.. Also I would like to add that I hope the priest would've died , somehow because it mad me really mad when he try to take advantage of Jen. However the way you had everything plan out towards the ending made me happy again.

P.S. I don't want to ever read another story like this again because, picturing the story in my head, how it affected Jennifer's life, because her funny mother decide to died seen her children commit incent, made me sad.

This is the best story I have read on this website. I hope that you will keep writing and I love the ending. I wanted to cry when they were huting Jen in the ally and that they were acting that why to her because of who she loved. Again I would have to say that is the best story I have read I gave it five stars and I never have given any stories five stars but your story deserved the five stars.

A powerful story. Just powerful.

Bit of an emotional roller-coaster that was...........

Thanks, again.

you should have listened to your heart and stopped before you wrote this trash. if i wanted to read about scumbag priests and the other garbage here i would read the paper. i come here to get away from that shit incest stories should be loving with out the crap of the world poured on it. not the first story ruined by a second chapter think about deleting it and doing a rewrite leaving out the crap.

Were you on drugs, or just drunk ?

Was there some sort of rush to bang out a story in a hurry ?

There was no need at all to destroy a mediocre read by introducing the priest. The rest was average at best because it was w-a-y too long and drawn out.

A classic example of defeat snatched from the jaws of victory.

Your story-writing is far too erratic. You need to work out ahead of time where the story is going and then present it that way. Instead, you seem to just strike the keyboard and see what you can rescue from where it leads you. Not good. Not good at all.

I noticed the jerkers that critisized the story were to fucking good to leave they`re names.. If you`re so fucking talented try writing,, from you`re coments its very fucking obvious all you look for is jerk material;; you wouldnt know a good story if it jumped off the page and slapped you in the mouth, fuck off and go buy a playboy mag ,, that is if you are old enough and mommy and daddy will let you

Great story Hot-Sister

P.S. to the wankers,,, we allknow how fucking goodPriests are specially around little boys and girls

Verno

You truly are an amazing writer. I can only think of one other writer on this site who actually makes me feel a story as strongly as you, but this was a hard story to like.

I understand that it could be difficult to force your creativity into writing a sequel to a story you had considered finished, but this was DARK stuff.

I do appreciate that you finished with a happy ending, but I'm just reeling from all the negative stuff in the middle. As much as I hated the way this sequel went, if I'm speaking honestly, I think this might be one of my favorites of all time.

It's like one of those movies that you think will be totally predictable and then at the end you're slammed with an ending that was just too terrible to even consider. You hate the way the movie made you feel, but you know that the ending set it apart from all the other garbage you've experienced.

I absolutely hate you and love you for what you did here. Aside from my complaints about your plot choices, you have a serious talent for writing erotica and I'm going to be looking into your other works as soon as possible.

Fuck the negative commentators.

First of all: I agree with archeopteryx_feather.

My vote: Another 5 and is short!

Ch. 02 is dramatic, as life itself...

Incest is a difficult low level flight route to follow, with many thunderstorms and mountains, many times difficult or impossible to avoid... and sometimes you crash!

As David said, "It was part of growing. It had to happen. We had to walk through the shadow to understand how important the light is."

They had to cross the desert by different trails, but fortunately they could find their oasis, with a lot of years ahead to enjoy their love.

The story could have been different, but an author has liberty to choose how to develop the story.

I think Jen and David deserve another chapter and I would like to read it very much, but you decided to stop here and I have to respect it.

Congratulations for your outstanding work (both chapters).

(Sorry, english is not my native language)

I'm with rackerson3 in that it was unexpectedly dark and slammed you in the middle. "You hate the way the movie made you feel, but you know that the ending set it apart from all the other garbage you've experienced." However, I liked that about this sequal. I enjoy being surprised and appreciate someone who has the balls to be different and set their own course. I won't say this second chapter was erotic for me, but I love it anyway for it's art and completion of the story. ^.^

Great job! Loved the swerve away from the predictable plots...

Jen's sad sojourn was rough, but to her sudden turn at the end was awesome... Today, we are truly witnessing a Sea of Change in morals/values regarding incest. For centuries incest was forbidden (but ever omniscient) because of the unknown inbreeding health problems of unborn. Now, we have birth control and advanced pediatrics so love may produce healthy babies. Both my wife and I loved the excellent description of Jen as a cool-as-a-cucumber waif resisting her brother's lust, fighting her own guilt, until just the right moment. With hip children like Jen and David, their Mother's (very old-fashioned) reaction was a bit of a shock. Wife and I read the bro/sis stories because my wife was involved with her bro until he was transferred and now it is something they are not sorry about, but look at it as a kind of phase gone thru. They NEVER went without (sex) and always know they would have each other forever if marriages went sour. She promises to inform me if they take up again when they see each other. After 20-years of marriage to her I don't think it would bother me. There are a couple of very talented writers here at Literotica and you are one of them. Thank you for the great sex. And my wife thanks you too!

the story was erotic and very well written. It made you happy, horny, mad, sad, and just so damn good when they meet again. i enjoy your writing. well constructed and well placed. THANK YOU, THANK YOU

how should i put this......you are one of the best author to ever write a story on this website (out of the ones i've read). the way you described everything made me think i was standing right there. and out of all the books i have read and the stories i have read on this website, you are by far the best author i have known. and i should be thankful that i found a great story now cuz to tell you the truth, im in love with one of my cousins and im hoping that she has the same feelings for me. your story inspired me to take that final leap to jump over the idea that you cant be in love with one of your family members. and so you have my praises. p.s keep on writing. the world should know of your good writing

Looks like I'm about a year and a half late finding this gem of a story. This is absolutely fantastic writing: plot, pacing, characterization of the leads, all of it. The nay-sayers among the comments are simply all wet. This is easily one of the two best stories I've ever found on this site.

(1) priests are absolutely forbidden to reveal anything that is spoken in confession; how did this scumbag get away with that? (True, the mother wasn't confessing her own sins, but shouldn't the principle apply?) Besides, some of the scenes with him were hilarious (screwing the housewife while quoting Bible verses).

(2) The 10 or 11 years the lovers were apart is quite believable. They needed time to "season" before they were ready for a mature lifetime relationship. They really were "refined by fire." My soul-mate (cousin) and I have been separated for fifty years this past fall; we'll never be together now, but ten years seems as nothing. Besides, Australia is a big place and it would take years to find someone who didn't want to be found.

My only criticism, I think, would be that the character of the mother is rather flat and one-dimensional---her character is distinguished mostly by anger. Even oppositional characters should have some positive traits. That said, I really appreciate a story in which the parent(s) do NOT approve incest, practice it themselves, teach it to their children, etc. This woman's faith clearly informed her ethical standards, and I thank you for that.

No writer worth his salt avoids the darkness of life because he understands there is no light without it. I was struck by how many readers struggled with this story, yet stuck with it to the end, and in the end found it one of the best stories they had read on the website. To these readers i would say hate the darkness, hate all darkness that oppresses people and drags them down, but love the artists that brings you a vision of life that balances it out. This is one of the very best stories ever to appear on Literotica simply because these two people go through hell, survive it, and in the end find each other again and are better for it.

oh my goddess

this is one of the .... no IT IS the best story ive ever read on this site, any other site, or any book ive ever read, erotica or not....i might have just fallen in love with this author

I loved (almost) every bit of this story, and my heart nearly broke when the lovers were forced apart due to David being cruel to be kind. I nearly wept with joy when the siblings were reunited after a DECADE(!). I have to admit though, I quickly scrolled through the depraved near-rape experience, I did not expect that. The only change that would make this story even better is if you made the siblings court each other a bit before reconnecting in every way possible.

It does make sense yeah at the end of the story their together again but in the beginning it takes place after the end of the story so they are not together as a couple or are they

Very, very erotic.....whew! But so well crafted and expressive. Thank you.

A non-traditional tale of love, but a heartfelt love story nonetheless. You would hope they found a way to live together in peace. They seemed to share a love that few of could only dream of experiencing.

Great story, really enjoyed your writing.

I wasn't sure where you'd end up with these two-glad it had a good ending-great sex scenes, nice and hot-well written and thoughtful, thanks

is the mob scene with rapists, brutality, and tar and feathering your form of punishment for a sinner? You just went too far over the edge into darkness. And why only the daughter? Both the brother and sister lived there. The mob ambushed and put her in the hospital for sleeping with her brother (I'm surprised you didn't have them carry pitchforks and torches to burn down the house). Whore was written on the house. She was harrased at work and around the community. Jen is attacked by the slimy little priest (to whom nothing happens) and made to feel that she was responsible for their mother's heart attack. Yet what happened to David? He runs away awhile Jen is still hospitalized, gets a new job, sells the house and makes a lot of money. I would say it was over the top but I really think it was below the bottom. btw, this is NOT posted anonymously.

the priest needs to get some of his own medicine shoved down his throat too... hes a pervert of the first rate, and there are consequences for everyone.. he shouldn't have to get away scott free.

There are few joys in life better than reading a really really good book. While there are *always* parts of a story that everyone doesn't like, especially if it is well written as this one was, you have to take the good with the bad. ...as an example my wife loves to watch crime shows such as NCIS. Typically they are great, but I hate it when the danger/conflict actually revolves around your favorite characters... such as a main cast member being captured by a serial killer and buried alive, or the like. I'll usually skip those episodes if I know it's coming because even though there is a happy ending I don't like the internal strife. Outside of life I look for escape and these type of things ring too true to real life (and not my head fantasy;).

This being said, the emotional bonding, the build ups, the highly descriptive love and sex without being crass.. the total lack of constantly pointing out penis size that usually causes me to roll my eyes... :)

I didn't like the sister violence... and agree somewhat that the priest should have had his nuts pan-fried and fed to him. I honestly thought that they would have blackmailed the priest at the very least... and for a moment when the brother left I thought that it might have been a lead-in to him bumping off the priest in some sort of 'accident'. Heh.

Amazing writing my friend. Amazing. I look forward to reading more of your work! The biggest sigh of relief was learning that when I looked at your page and found that the story was already written and complete! Nothing worse than reading only to find out that you have to wait months/years before the author has time to finish the story, if he/she ever does!

This one has been added to my bookmarks so that I can later download them all to a single file and then edit it to change the brother's name.... to MINE. ...ahhh.... Jen already works for me b/c she reminds me of a girl I crushed on in HS ;)

Bravo, Bravo!

M@

Many reader's comments are similar to my feelings about this Chapter 02. As I commented at the end of Chapter 01, I thought that segment of the story is undoubtedly one of the best incest stories I've read, though not nearly the best that I've ever read!!

Many facts and pertinent information in this chapter should have been included in the first chapter. My feeling is the story in total is like being inserted into the middle of a massively large cornfield, stalks grown to about seven feet high and being left alone to find one's way out of the maze! One would have to wander for days, in every direction, stumbling, hungry and without water, not having any idea which direction is the way to so-called "civilization"!! There is no steady movement from one scene or crisis to another! The chronology of the story moves forward, backward, then way forward with an eleven year gap, and back again.

For example, in Chapter 01, the sister is introduced as Jennifer Elizabeth Robertson, and her brother as David Montgomery (I don't recall if his middle name was used in the first chpater or not) Griffiths. There was no mention of their ages, i.e., 15 years old or 25 years old; and then there is the question of why a brother and sister had different last names, such as a marriage, maybe a stepbother or stepsister, or a half-brother or half-sister, or maybe even adopted!! Those matters should have been detailed in the first chapter! Of course in this chapter she is identified as MISS Jennifer Griffiths in the hospital, thus clarifying her name to this reader as being Jennifer Elizabeth (nee Griffiths) Robertson and that she had married and seperated after one year (divorced???), and her brother as David Montgomery Griffiths. Voila!! Brother and sister! Simply their relationship comes to light as blood-related siblings! And, importantly, birth control--or not--was never discussed!!

The scene and actions of the whoring Sophie Andrews amongst the Priest's dallyings was not necessary nor germain to the context of the story; his infidelity actions could have been detailed with several sentences or a paragraph, as some of his many other illicit affairs with the village's female populace were described.

Jennifer's brother David should have been written to have taken a much greater role and most certainly some responsibility of the discovery--and punishment--of their affair, instead of leaving him totally harmless of his actions. It was his wandering dick that contributed more to the affair than anything that Jennifer did; he flat-assed left and deserted her to the wrath, anger and emotional and physical torture of the vile and vicious "hometown" folks! Of course the writer presented the story in this manner so realistically I can't blame the character David.

The writer has great writing ability! He offers great style and, though the segments are not entirely error-free, they are aptly and intelligently described; he does not lack for the abiity to use proper and eloquent words!! The love of Jennifer for David is very heart-warmingly detailed; David lacked the wherewithal to ever utter his emotional love and feelings to his sister; near the end of this chapter he did make whimpy efforts to express his love to some extent. I will read other writtings of Hot_Sister, though I will attempt to cull the stories of "dark" subject matter!

If you have trouble following this story, perhaps revisiting grammar school would be helpful. You've never read a story that has flashbacks? Perhaps you need everything spelled out for you, such that there is no mystery to it?

The story was excellent the way it is presented. Personally, I encountered no confusion during my read of it; I will admit to be curious about their relative ages, but quickly realized given that all characters on literotica are 18+, their precise ages had little bearing on the story. You did notice, I presume, how mutual the infatuation was? Sure, we only had first-person PoV of his, but hers came across quite strongly once their relationship started really heating up, and then she confirmed it. If you were worried so much about their ages before, at that point you should have had relief.

The best stories, actually, speak as little as possible about characters' physical traits (appearance and age) - only what is necessary for the plot line. Perhaps in our modern world people are no longer able to imagine these things for themselves as they've been spoonfed every last detail on TV...

I'm so glad they got back together. Ch1 was a beautiful love story til they blamed her for her mothers death. She had a bad heart her childrens incest did not kill her. The rapists who wanted to tar and feather her had they done it would have been guilty of murder. The priest is the one who needed to be tarred and feathered. I think you should add to this story and make it have a hoppier ending. That is the reason I did not think you deserved 5 stars. First seperating them for eleven years then just leave it hanging.

This took a good story and turned it into a piece of crap.

Kill the mother, a deranged priest, banished into exile? If you really felt they deserved this kind of fate why did you even write the first chapter?

You did what alot of authors on here are not being able to do. You made me care about the characters. I nearly tried to come find you and kick the crap out of you twice, but that was what you made me assume. First I thought the priest was gonna have his way, and that would of made me stop reading cause i hate that shit, and second when you brought in the 4 rapist. Im glad they didnt do worse. I am getting into writing this stuff and i want you to know i took notes from your chapter one on sustaining and giving suspense before their first time, thank you for giving me another good story, and dont let the haters get to you, they hate what they cant understand.

A great story but sad they wasted there youth apart

Chapter 2 ruined the story. You should have left it alone

First of all, I read this two part series front start to finish and lmoved every bit! It has the potential to be a true novel if you decided to write it! Second, don't listen to those who say chapter 2 ruined it. Obviously they were just looking for more brother and sister fucking than a deep rooted story.

I love how Jen just couldn't take it and rushed over to kiss her brother! I felt hope for then finally. If you continued from this I'd read it okay a heart beat! But you said you wouldn't sadly.

Anywho

Favorite!!!!

I wish chapter 2 had been different. I didn't like it when you killed her mother. I hated the Priest sticking his nose into their business. Then you had two people very much in love, waste 11 years of their lives being lonely and miserable. Not a very pleasant end to a story, even if they did get back together in the very end. I know, I wasted a whole lifetime loving my high school sweetheart and we could not be together. We are now 75yrs old and we write to each other but that is as good as it will ever get now. We both regret the way our lives were wasted.F71F

I was afraid that she would give into the priest not so much because of the fear of what people would think but because of her perceived guilt in the death of her mother...

Sure, it was the shock of what she saw that brought on her mother's death, but it could just as easily have happened if her mother had a near-miss while driving or some such...

And while it likely made for more appreciation of the end, I'm sorry they had those years of separation... and that no one beat the crap out of the priest... her brother should of at LEAST told that woman's husband... maybe he'd have known of somewhere he could bury the priest in his travels...

Tastefully done, I really get tired of the crude nasty stories by some of the writers on this site.Keep up the good work and thanks for your time.

Read both stories start to finish... Wonderful job of writing and storytelling plus character development. I like others say ignore the ones who claim chpt 2 ruined the story I believe it actually enhanced the story line. Keep up the good work.

Read both parts and was pleased on how you handled part two. And the ending.

Is there a third in the works?

I read part 1 over a year ago, and didn't realize till now there was a part 2. The pause in the reading helped accentuate the pause in their relationship. I love the conflict you introduced for them to overcome. An excellent story. Also, you have a masterful way of drawing a phrase. The sex was hot and steamy, but I even more thoroughly enjoyed some of your descriptions and metaphors. I've added you to my favorite authors and will most assuredly be reading more of your works.

Chapter 2 didn't meet my expectations of a loving, caring relationship between brother & sister. Chapter 1 was perfect, believable and a great story. Chapter 2 went off the subject of the two main characters and in other directions. The incest interaction is what I look for and I think the feelings involved, make the story.

I really enjoyed part two of the story. In my opinion it was powerful caring loving and everything else a story should be ... I almost cried reading about the pain they went through honestly wonderful job.

Nope! This time was worse!!!

All the poaibilities, all the promises, from Ch. 01 were dashed against the cliffs in this extension.

You killed off their mother using the metaphor of a broken heart, creating such angst and guilt it could have mortally wounded them. You interjected a deviant, predator in the form of a Priest. and you sent them into an 11 year exile.

Why? All it did was hang a dark cloud over a loving romance.

If you disliked like the characters you wrote about in Ch. 01 this much, it would have been better if you had quit at that point. I wish you had not created the negative images with which this chapter was littered.

Is your own guilt showing through?

Chapter 2 of Falling for Jennifer has polarised my readers more than any other of my stories...people either love it or hate it! I'm not uncomfortable with this as it suggests that the story was (is) powerful enough to cause people to react one way or another. I see this as a success, even if I have to cop it on the chin from time to time from irate readers who would have liked the fairy tale to continue.

So no, I'm not expressing any guilt or any other deep psychological phenomenon...rather, I'm the realist who knows that shit does happen to good folk from time to time and not every story is a happy one because of it. I also acknowledge the power of love, which given half a chance can - as in this story - do amazing things to mend what is broken. H_S

First, David may be meant harbor certain feelings, but his words seem to betray their depth; he too often strikes me as a shallow egotist. On the other hand, Jen is more fully described and easier to identify with. You're describing what is supposed to be a deep, abiding love between siblings, but his attitude doesn't sell me

Second, the whole wrap was too easy, too facile. They part for eleven years, then meet for a meal and immediately fuck their brains out and everything is just hunky dory? He basically abandoned her to face the cruelty of the villagers on her own, in addition to taking away the most meaningful part of her life.

I think you could have expanded on this greatly, talking a more circuitous and meaningful route to reconciliation. You have the skill...

This is one of the best stories I've ever read!!

It was sad, uncomfortable, scary, made me angry, happy, and giddy. That's got to be a writing success, right? :D

It wasn't the fairy tale that these stories often are, and it was SO much the better for it hence the inverted comas around my title feedback- brilliant story but not fluffy bunny rabbits.

Thanks for writing and sharing your brain. :)

After 11 years, the long craved reunion won't really work. It won't be the same again. I was also unlucky enough to read this on the very day I watched Forrest Gump, so I feel a bit strongly about this.

Love is what it is.

I liked the ending of this, showed that love knows no boundaries or time. Woulda liked a bit more depth at the end you know, like how they got on an what happened to this business that jen had apparently setup.

Part 1 of this story was always going to be hard to beat, particularly when the writer perhaps didn't set-out for there to be a part 2. However, this is a good follow-up and the various strands all hang together.

Talking of 'hard to beat', there is something I have to do.....!

I tried not to think about it when I went to bed because I knew what it would do to me. I was excited this morning to find a part two knowing part one would be hard to top. Of course the were parts to this one that upset me but then I got carried away by your erotic phasing it ended well. I'm going to your writing name and look for more of you now. slowrdr@aol.com

Wow that's all I can say. Wow

This had me transfixed.What an amazing talent as a writer you are.

I have read both these chapters as in the form of novel and I would say the 2nd chapter holds on to the aspiration of the 1st Chapter Gloriously written made me transfixed shows love ❤ is above all boundaries etc great character depth

Not having words to describe

Regards DK

You have powerfully and unforgettably portrayed the power and durability of love. Thank you for not writing another fairy-tale, but for presenting honestly and unsparingly how life can unfold. A couple of other commentors have revealed experiences of their own which parallel mine. It's over fifty years since my cousin and I were forced (shamed) apart, and it's too late for us. But I never cease to mourn. In comparison, ten or eleven years pass in the blink of an eye! I'd give anything to go back to 1975 and lose only ten years of life.

For those who think David should have faced the same kind of shaming etc. that Jennifer did, they don't understand traditional British culture (and rural Australia is British in many ways!). Any kind of sexual peccadillo (incest, adultery, extramarital pregnancy, etc.) has always been "the woman's fault," because apparently men are unable to resist the wiles of an evil seductress. I'm glad that in 21st century American culture, the guilt applies to the guy as well, but that (like the character of the priest) is true to life in your story. In fact, I don't think I found any "false notes" in your whole piece. Excellent work!!

Loved the ending. If "Father" Tobias was a real person I would be first in line to castrate him with a dull rusty knife.

...and, yet, I keep reading your stories. Your stories aren't just erotica, though God knows you do that so well. No, you write heartbreaking stories that I can't forget. I have been reading novels and stories for over 60 years and yours rank up there with the best. You write literature. Be proud. Your stories move people. They certainly move me. Sometimes they are so painful I don't think I can read to the end, but I always do. Thank you for the gift of your stories. I am grateful.

Such skillful writing deserves better editing/mechanics. Polish up this gem to bring out its full, well-deserved luster.

earth moving (earthmoving)

Autumn (autumn)

Priest (priest)

Last Rites (last rites)

Hosts Above (hosts above)

Benediction (benediction)

Servant (servant)

Earth (earth)

Father (father)

Ass (ass)

He new that (knew)

Police (police)

Rectory (rectory)

scrabbled (scrambled)

Sir (sir)

Bishop (bishop)

Chemist (chemist)

any more (anymore)

Pilates (pilates)

make up (makeup)

half way (halfway)

He rose to her feet (his)

grotchety (crotchety)

Trustee (trustee)

Venetian (venetian)

douvet (duvet)

if you wanted (want)

Great story about how true love concurred all

Well done! You did a great job of spinning their lives during the missing 11 years. Finding each other again, back where they belonged, was beautiful.

ps - nobody gives a crap whether autumn or priest is capitalized or not.

The only thing I would have changed was I would liked to see the priest (no cap) get his and those fuckers with the tar. My sister's ex used to beat her, unfortunately he died in a tragic hunting accident.

Depressing and melodramatic second chapter, it ruined everything I liked about the first one, the heart attack and the mom's thoughts were ridiculous, and the priest seemed almost cartoonish in his villainy, as well as the attack, and that none of the offenders ever received any punishments for their attacks, socially and physically.

With a whole decade lost...sigh, such a waste, even with them meeting again, there's so much depressing stuff that things aren't balanced out, more bittersweet than an actual happy ending.

Neither of the siblings were very good problem solvers, I could think of many ways they could hide being siblings and not invite any scandal, not least is to just move somewhere new and far away and just act as if they were a married couple, they already have the same surname.

With an author name like 'Hot_Sister' I expected something that would actually be hot rather one of the least arousing chapters i've come across recently, all the bad stuff destroyed any chance of it being boner inducing so to speak ;-)

If I ever reread this story, I think I will just read the first chapter and forget that the second even existed.

I agree that the first part should have been left alone - forget part two

Incest has been a societal taboo for centuries, at the very least. But it's been a part of who we are, as a species, for as long as we have existed as a species.

We hold ourselves above the animals, but we're still animals ourselves, no matter how much we think we've risen. Sometimes our most basic instincts find a way to drive us, still, and I have to agree with Jen's attitude towards what others may think.

"Fuck 'em."

its a good thing this is only a fantasy story......if i was in the brothers place, the a..hole priest would have been dead and the township burned to the ground.....

thanks for atleast haveing a good love story ending......and i strongly agree with Jen....fuck em....society has no business interfearing in private lives, no matter what laws say....

Terrible and awful second chapter. The first one was beautiful and full of love, this one ruined that mood completely.

great story falls on it's face...

The first part was all sweetness and light. This second part had a significant amount of shadow and darkness. Yet it ended in the light. It took ten years of mutual -yet separate- suffering to bring this about. I am very happy that Jen and David got back together again and will start anew in Melbourne. All's well that ends well.

I love both chapters and would love a third chapter as well. Second chapter brought physical and emotional pain to both but to Jen more than David. Nonetheless, glad they're back together again. Great story line. Talented writer you are.

Really? After 11 years everything works out fine just like that? It would have been more believable if they got back together after a year or two. Hell, even half a decade is long enough since you implied that they kept in touch with each other.

I understand that it takes time to heal wounds but why wait too long before getting back together? If you say that if they really loved you they would wait, then you are a very selfish and sadistic person to want to inflict pain on them like that.

You should've stopped after the first chapter.

Warning!! This is going to be long. Wish I had found this story when first written but I was working to make a living at the time.

First, I will explain my title. The story ends "tenderly" i suppose. David and Jennifer were back together and intended to stay that way (loved Jennifer's last 2 words). But having Jennifer to be exposed to so much HELL and unhappiness over the course of 11 years was cruel. Losing her mom of course, the Priest, the assault by thugs, being ostracized by the town's people, her narrow minded employer, a failed marriage and other failed relationships. Sounded like she was lonely as far as relationships were concerned. That would be a lot for a youngster to handle; some of it while Jennifer was still a teen. And on top of all of that, Jennifer is one-third of a 3 member family that was apparently financially disadvantaged according to statements made by David in both chapters. Probably why they were both working when 18 and 19 instead of attending college.

And that brings me to David's and Jennifer's ages when this all started in chap 1. Since he was 30 in 2011 when he and Jennifer reunited, he would have been at the most 19 when he and Jennifer first got together in the heat of the summer 2000. Unless they were twins, which was never suggested, Jennifer would have been 18 at the MOST. And she was younger than David because she had referred to him as "big brother" during their mutual bathroom scene in chap 1. But as I had commented after chap 1, Jennifer did come across as being much more mature than David during their dialog.

And I agree with "Greatly disappointed", 11 years seems far fetched to re-unite and jump right back into the sack. Apparently there had been no contact over the 11 years as Jennifer pointed out in her e-mail response to David that neither of them even knew where the other lived and when David was telling her about selling their mom's house he told her that he did not know how to contact her.

And why 11 years?? 2 or 3 years would have been plenty of "guilt time" because David and Jennifer would have experienced plenty of "shadow" or darkness in that span of time in order to be able to appreciate the "light". By that time, Jennifer had moved to Sydney, found a job and married and separated (by 2001) as well as the afore mentioned trauma in her hometown before she ever moved. Of course during that time, it sounds like David was quite busy trying to find someone to measure up to his sister. I am curious to know if there was a specific reason for the 11 year span of time. But regardless, those 11 years basically ruined chap 2 for me. I know the saying goes, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" but 11 years of separation is ridiculous especially when it involves lovers. And after they had their last tryst, David was encouraging to Jennifer stating those years were not "wasted" as it was a "part of growing"?? Phfft!!

There appears to be at least a couple of continuity issues. For one, at the beginning of chap 2, as she was thinking about David's letter on the table, Jennifer "wondered how it ever reached her" because it had been redirected(forwarded) so many times. **I wonder about that too as her name had changed and David did not know she had been married until their 2011 reunification therefore, the last name he would have put on the envelope for Jennifer would have been "Griffiths". The 2nd issue is that when Jennifer and David finally got their freak on (chap. 1), it was Saturday night and she and David stayed together all night in her bedroom. But then the NEXT morning(chap 2), David's mom asked him where he had been that morning because she went to his room looking for him because his work had phoned looking for him. David then made a comment to mom that it was Saturday (again?!) and he had went for a jog.

"Hot_Sister" is apparently an experienced writer. Chapter 1 was EXQUISITE. Maybe he was irritated at writing an unplanned 2nd chapter as to why it developed as it did in a matter of 3 weeks. But I look at it this way. Had chap 1 been written and published as a novel (for sale of course) and basically with the same ending, would anyone want to buy it? Probably a few judging by the comments but it would not have been a best seller. I have no interest in voting on this chapter. -bern1965(pending).

Another fabulous I got angry at what happened to them and I rejoiced when they reclaimed their love.

Fantastic writing!!!!!

your story telling is amazing....perhaps to silence the critics...you may have needed at least, possibly two in my opinion to develop the back story of the eleven years....

personally, I really enjoyed it and shall search your other material. ''

Well done!

I don't know How any of this is connected to the first story. Should be a stand alone piece. Too much information about peer pressure. Did it take you 2 hours or just 15 minutes to throw this together.? Considering your fantastic other pieces, this sucks.

A story that so VERY SADLY mirrors true life. Old Al has been ridiculed and even ostracized for something others didn’t know nor understood. It was the perfect human emotion, unbridled hate that they turned on me, over many many lies they had been told. But, unlike Jen, I didn’t give a rats ass. I Knew the truth and if they chose to believe lies because it allowed them to attack and accuse, so as to avoid any scrutiny of their own miserable attempts at life. And one group was allegedly a church! They were nothing more than a cult of liars and demons! I wish I had known your Jennifer! I could have saved her so much unneeded anguish by telling her long ago that those who accuse and ridiculed were hiding things far far worse in their own lives…just like the priest and friends. THERE IS NO GOD! Churches are a creation of greedy men! Read your bible people! In the first 3 chapters of the New Testament each one tells you not to go to the synagogues ( they didn’t have church yet as jesus was not yet crucified). Only the hypocites go there to be seen…just as it is today!

Okay I could punch keys for an hour here. If you know and un, you don’t need another word. If you dont, then 10 millions of words will not change your closed minds.

Oh how I wish I could have helped her!!!

That was awesome! But it's a crying shame that Sophie Andrews wasn't included in the ending. She sounded like she was so invested in David that she could have possibly come to terms with the incest and shared him with his sister. 5/5

Bern1965 posted anonymously several years ago. His account was pending apparently from the words he signed at the end of his comments. I didn't research it further.

Be that as it may, I wanted to affirm everything that he said in addition to my own comment about Sophie Andrews. He had some very good and valid commentary.

As for OldUncleAl, I've had a terrible life just like you. But you're sadly mistaken. There IS a God and He loves you even if you have forsaken Him. I hope that you awaken some day and find Him. Satan is the cause for all of your pain. I'll pray for you.

Best writing I've seen here in years!

First, to Pick us Black...I am So Glad "Hot_Sister" did NOT stop after the first chapter (even tho' he said he was going to!) AAANNNDDD...now there is a 3rd chapter to move on to (even tho' I have read all of it before, and feel the need to comment on y'alls SO RUDE comments!)

To "OldUncleAl"-I am so sorry to see that you have localized/written your negative feelings about GOD, and his 'non-existence'...you ARE wrong, HE does exist, always had, always will; and HE loves you, so much, HE only needs you to CHOOSE to acknowledge HIM/ask HIM onto your life. The choice is yours, no pressure from GOD...

To "ScottishTexan"-I have commented about you and your comments before, in a positive light. And, again, I appreciate your comments to "OldUncleAl, telling him how GOD loves him! It is great to see another BELIVER who also reads these stories and appreciates them. More power to you (us!)

I agree with OldUncleAl, god doesn't exist and shouldn't be referenced in material except by exception to religious practices. This is a website of pornography, god has no place here. If you want to be conflicted about your sordid habits, please go to the confessional at church and not the comment section for a pornographic website.

The comments below me are...weird. Anyway, my compliments to the author. You went all in on the bigger picture and I look forward to what comes next.

Excellent story well told. If you write any more of this story please consider that they can marry. Recall that Jen said she got married and then separated. If she retained her married name she could use it to marry her brother. Not only have I seen this in other stories but know of two cases IRL where it worked well. Thanks for sharing and the good writing.

Awesome writing, I have truly enjoyed this story story line up to this point and looking forward to more. It was great to acknowledge the consequences that may occur in real life. The only thing though would have been to address recognize the actual cause of their mother's death and what effects they felt about it. Other than that I really enjoyed reading this.

I raved about the first installment of this story. Nothing has changed my mind concerning your wonderful writing ability, even the snide comments of some apparent trolls. As Jen said, “Fuck ‘em!”

FIVE STARS!

(5/29/2022) A very enjoyable read. A poignant story with a lovely ending. I’m debating with myself on whether I should move on to chapter 3 or end it here. Nine years between chapters and you had written you would not continue after chapter two. Five stars for chapter 1 and again for chapter 2 of course. Well done and thank you.