Fantasies

A 2018 Erotica

From the time I was little, I never felt... like a boy. So, when I decided to stop lying to myself about it, I thought to live as a girl. My name was Gregory at birth but now it's Amanda. American sounding for me, but it's a nice name for me. Aside from my name, having Irish heritage, it sometimes meant arranged marriage. At the year I turned eighteen, my father told me the name of his future son in law. Bastian. My parents were supportive. But I still had a strong fear of an arranged marriage.

...I still hadn't had my surgery, meaning I still had a penis... I was afraid to even bring up the matter with Bastian and I had plenty of opportunities to do so before saying I do. Then came another hurdle. I was in love with another man... named Gavin, also from Ireland. I'd tried to run away with him time and time again, but he insisted that I marry and keep up my family's name. Even knowing I can't do that properly.

He loved me deeply and I loved him.

Despite our need for each other, we ultimately broke everything off so I could marry with no worries. Yet as I walked the aisle with my father beside me, I felt a lingering sadness in my heart. I was marrying the wrong man... I didn't know Bastian... And I was going to be with him until death do us part. As I stood there at the altar, I stared up at my future husband. A tall and handsome fellow with red hair and... seemingly enchanting dark eyes. I bit my lip. Though I had know what Gavin looked like... I hoped it was handsome like Bastian.

He lifted my veil and saw me for the first time, then smiled at my pale skin and hazel eyes. He held my face in one hand and somehow, I felt comfort. The ceremony went on, Bastian with his hand in mine. Energy like a schoolboy hanging onto his best mate. After the I do's, Bastian all too happily pulled me close and sealed us with a kiss, one all too bittersweet.

=============

Although I felt the passion through his lips, my heart was heavy, and thinking of Gavin... During the reception, we had our first dance as Mister and Missus Quartz. Being held so close, I wanted to float away while we danced slowly. My head laid on his chest, trying to think happy thoughts and keep smiling, though I wanted to tell the truth I was sad.

Through my thoughts, I heard Bastian softly speaking to me.

"You seem unhappy Amanda. Is something wrong?"

Finding a voice, I murmured an answer. "I'm just thinking Bastian."

"About what sweetheart?"

"Nothing..."

He lifted my head gently with his hand, eyes... bringing me in. "Don't worry dear. It'll make sense soon."

Without knowing it at the time, I smiled a little and gave a nod. "I hope so."

Our dance ended, then my father cut in and we danced a while. Today was a happy occasion for my family and Bastian's. Can't help but wonder... if they knew or ever could... As we drove off to 'our' cottage for the honeymoon, a fear came rising in my chest. I still hadn't told him the truth... I knew I was going to be murdered tonight when he found out I wasn't a woman... Or fully transitioned...

Arriving, I was more flushed than usual as I went inside and looked toward the ocean in our living room. Bastian brought in the bags, giving me space as I tried to be calm as we settled in. As I sat on the couch, he sat beside with two wine glasses and a bottle of vintage. I looked to see him him all aglow.

Why was he so happy to marry a total stranger? He didn't know a thing about me. I popped the cork off the bottle and poured a bit into my glass while he filled his to the brim. He handed me one glass and held the other.

"What should we toast to?" He asked with an excited smile.

"Not being dead at twenty five?" I answered sarcastically.

Finding that more funny than hurtful, he let out a good laugh. "Oh you're such a funny gal. One of the few things I admire about you Mandy."

The red on my face was instant... He... called me Mandy. "Only those I'm close to call me that..."

He scoot closer, a slight grin still on his lips. "I'm your husband now. We're family. And might have our own soon."

A warm panic washed over me, remembering my secrets. "I've only known you for a few months... We're not exactly well acquainted..."

"I've known you a long time actually... I just didn't know how to tell you..."

He got closer, making me feel more scared but craving his comfort all the same. I couldn't bring myself to run or move.

"I don't know Bastian... I'm... new to all this..."

He whispered to me, kissing my cheek. "Don't be afraid of me love... Been waiting so long for this... To be close in person... And sink away with you..."

I blushed at how sweet he was... but cried over him not being Gavin... "You're not who I want to be with..."

==============

Those words past my lips and I started crying harder. Inside of me felt awful but I needed to tell him the truth. But he gently stroked my hair, holding me lightly, whispered to me like a scared animal.

"Shhhh. No tears princess. I'd never hurt you. Together through anything, remember?".

Those words rang in my head, a memory with Gavin coming to mind. But... we... left each other. "How did you... I don't..."

He saw my shock, but smiled for me to see. A flicker of warmth in his eye. "It's me dear... It's your Gavin."

I shook my head, touching his face to remember every part of it. "Is it really you?"

"Course it's really me darling. Don't think I'd call you Mandy out of thin air."

"How do I know for sure?"

He moved away, sitting his glass on the table, and slowly undressed from his shirt and tie. As the dark shirt was tossed off, I gasped a bit. Gavin told me he'd gotten my name tattooed across his chest and the day we first spoke underneath. Sure enough, there was my name and the date on the left side of his chest. He knelt down in, took the hand that covered my mouth and pressed it to his face.

"Believe me now?"

"Well... it'd be hard not to... We've been talking so long... And you got that tattoo after nine months..."

Bastion blushed, something men I've been with never did. "It's been hard to contain the feelings I have before getting a chance to tell you in person..."

I thought to push on what else he'd told me. "You told me you were an aspiring writer."

He twisted his lip to not laugh, shaking his head. "I was. You've read my books."

"You said you weren't published."

"With some luck, I got to publish four books. Two novels and two volumes of poetry, which you said you loved."

I giggled as he said that. "And you sent me your books so I could them? You vain bastard."

Bastian shrugged nonchalantly. "Had to be sure my future wife could handle other women drooling over what I've written."

For the first time, I relaxed and leaned in. "Is it bad that I'm one of them?"

He leans in with me, taking my other hand, kissing my fingers. "You're one woman I'd want drooling on me, over me, or anything like that. Only you matter to me Mandy..."

I twitched, a hot feeling in my stomach that sunk down. "Kiss me Gavin... Let me sink into you..."

Bastian wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to his chest, and kissed me hard. My arms rested around his neck and shoulders, lips parting over and over. God I was on fire... Marrying the man I'd loved for seven years... when he felt so far out of reach. While he was really the man I was meant for. We were suspended in time, kissing like horny teenagers. When we thought to stop, there was heavy breathing and smiling.

"There's my girl... My sweet Mandy..."

"Stop it Gavin... You have me hot already..."

He pecks my lips, hand pressing against my stomach. "I want more of you... I ache for it..."

Nervousness slithered through me, wondering if I'd told Bastian the truth... "There's... something I have to tell you..."

"Whatever it is won't change how I feel... Or how much I want you."

I sniffled and let out a sob, a mix of sadness and fear "Yes it will..."

He pulled me in tightly, forehead resting against mine. "Feel how tightly I'm holding you?"

"Yes..."

"I'm never letting you go now that I have you... Swear on my life."

"Remember... when I talked about... Gregory?"

"I do. Something wrong?"

"I'm... I was... My birth name... was Gregory... I was born... a man..."

It all felt still... like the air were siphoned out of where we were. Though I felt terrified, Bastian never eased his hold on me, gently brushing his fingers through the longs strands of my hair.

"Think that would scare me off love?"

"In the past... everyone ran away. But you're, not mad that I lied?"

"Crazy as that sounds, but no. Having that secret with you for so long can make you scared to tell it. Even if that means you have parts on you like I do, I love you. You could have a beard and I would still want to fuck you into the ground. You're Mrs. Quartz now Amanda. Meaning I will treasure, adore, and protect you. And if it ever comes to it, I'd die for you. You're my sweet girl, now and always."

I almost jumped at him, a hungry kiss hard against his lips. "How in the bloody hell did I not get my hands on you sooner?"

He managed a warm laugh, hands wandering along my curves. "Our parents wanted us to have careers first. If they didn't, we'd likely have been married when we learned each other's names. I'm glad they made us wait. Don't think I would have known you as I did for the past seven years."

With my body relaxed, nervousness replaced the fear. "I have a question."

"I will answer as best I can."

"Can we... go to our room? I've been waiting long enough to let you love me..."

"Of course my lovely."

===================

We stood up, my height close to his. I was 178 cm standing tall while Bastian was at least 188 cm. Walking to a smaller room, the door closed and I stopped by the bed, my back to him. As I went to turn, his arms were around my waist with kisses to my neck. I sighed, shaking like a leaf, my dress get tighter in the front. Bastian ran his hand down my chest and stomach, his hand eventually hovering over my erection. I blushed in embarrassment, hoping he didn't feel gay... When he kissed behind my ear, I spoke in a sore voice.

"I'm sorry Bastian..."

"For what Mandy?"

"Still having a dick..."

"I find nothing wrong Mandy. It's purely you. I'm past caring if it makes me a gay man or a bisexual man. I am in love with you, woman and a man. Perfectly mine."

"Stop saying this stuff to me. I'm already hard for you Bastian..."

His lips curled against my skin, warmth burning my body as it did. "Let's get undressed then. Since you're so jittery."

He brushed my hair over my shoulder and unzipped the back of my dress. Bit by bit, it fell off my back and shoulders, kisses left in return. Soft moans were his proof my body was in a trance. With the dress at my ankles, his hand explored me carefully. I eventually turned, looking up at him. I checked him out, seeing a strong, confident man with a slight belly. Imperfect... but perfectly mine.

As my eyes wandered lower, I saw his suit pants with a tent in front. I started to undo them, letting them drop from his waist, the skin of his shaft peeking through the open fly of his briefs. I looked back up at him, my hand cupping his cock and giving a bit of a squeeze.

"This for me?" I asked with a hard look, trying to contain jumping on him.

"It is. Been aching for you a long time."

Hearing that, I found a smile for him... the first time all night. "I'm sure you've done something to fix that."

"I've been waiting to be with you... Being alone with you in my mind isn't the same."

I pinched his cock a bit harder, squirming as my lips did the talking. "Me too... And I'm ready for you to ruin me... Making me cream while saying your name..."

Not needing another word, Bastian kissed me and leaned us onto the bed. I was still cupping and squeezing his cock in my hand, making him pull his boxers down until I felt the hot skin of his shaft between my fingers. I stroked gently and he reached down, grabbing at my cock to tease me too...

I was embarrassed but not ashamed as he did. He moved my lace panties aside, gripping careful and stroking in return. We were yipping and moaning, seeing as this was both a first for us... Though we were heated and excited, we tried to enjoy foreplay before we got fully physical.

While we hung in a moment of kissing and eager noises, Bastian moved away slightly, asking if I was ready for more and I gave a nod saying that I was. He stood back up, taking his boxers off his thighs. Bastian grinned and slipped my lace underwear down my leg, licking his lips as he saw how excited I was.

He stood there a moment, gazing at my bare body. I felt shy under his watch but had no reason to be. The man I wanted was about to give me the love I craved for so long... I ached to know what it was like. We thought to get comfortable, feeling him drip on me and the skins on our shafts brushed over the other. With a chuckle, Bastian stopped to rub himself on me, soft groans as he felt precum slip down his length from me.

==================

Wanting more, Bastian dug in the drawer of the nightstand. Wondering what he was getting, I saw the KY box in his hand and he was pouring some onto his fingers. I thought he was going to rub it on himself but he moved close to rub the warming gel around my asshole. I shivered at the sensation and felt my stomach lurch as he rubbed the last of it down his shaft and moved over me.

I felt a knot as we met eyes and grabbed my hips in his hands. Bastian pushed in slowly and I groaned in pain. I didn't know it would hurt that much... Even though I'd stuck things up my own ass, he felt... worth the pain. As he sunk deeper, the pain seemed to less, and closer to ecstasy. Once I felt him fully inside, we looked at one another, wanting to say something but holding our breath.

It was already heaven... Now we were physically one...

He sighed and I felt his heart throbbing as he thrust lightly. My fingers curled against his shoulders at the rubbing inside... It felt amazing... My neck craned back as he thrust faster, hands gripping over and over at my hips. I said his name in his ear, begging for more my back arched. Bastian pushed his face into my neck, thrusting harder as our hips rocked. As my back arched more, his cock slipped in more, rubbing my spot...

My toes curled against the sheets and my nails clawed at his back. I moaned, pushing him more inside as my legs wrapped against his waist. Bastian thrusted deeper and deeper, faster and faster, holding my hips and biting at my neck. Moving his face from my neck, I kissed him as I bucked and pulled at him to stay close.

Then my back curved deeper, hips ground into Bastian's stomach. I was near already... I wanted to go longer, but felt my body couldn't wait. He pumped so quickly and I was practically screaming as if he were killing me. Clenching my jaw, my cock went spurting and warmth dribbling on my stomach. As I finished, my nails dragged down Bastian's back.

He pulled his face from my neck and stared at each other, him panting but not slowing as he thrust. He must be cumming too. He stifled a loud moan, looking down shyly and in my eyes as he did. A hot burst rushed inside my stomach as he came, so much of it gushing out of me. When we had our moment, we looked at one another again.

Bastian held my face in his few fingers and I traced his face with my hand. We finally knew... Love was meant for us... Compared to most arrangements. After just staring and smiling, Bastian carefully pulled out of me, sure that a blanket was between us, then rest me comfortably on his chest. I drew circles on his pecks with my finger. In what seemed like forever, he started talking.

"That was... better than I imagined..."

I shook my head, a shy smile on my face. "I can second that."

"Wasn't bad was I?"

"No silly. You weren't clumsy or anything. You were careful. Sure this is your first time?"

"You know how our parents are. Course it is. You just... felt so good Mandy... I only wished I lasted a bit longer so I didn't have to stop so soon..."

Pecking his lips, I whispered. "Wish I could have lasted longer too, and keep screaming for you to fuck me."

"Heh there's always morning my love. And mornings after. More is in store, just a matter of waiting now."

"I can't wait to find out. And see if those adventures lead to more... sexy experiences together."

Bastian chuckled again, pinching my ass and giving a light slap. "Guess I released your inner freak eh?"

"And if you did?" I pressed.

"I'll have to keep you in check."

I squirmed at how serious he took that, and we'd only just fucked. He might have unlocked a freak, but I might have brought out his inner authoritarian. I can take a bit of controlling, so long as it meant he'd punish me with a good fucking.

Although we wanted to shower, we were tired and comfortable in one another's arms. But sure enough, we dragged ourselves away at 1 am, scrubbing and rinsing with smiles. Nothing had to be said, that much was true. All dry, we sat by the window, me sitting on his lap and nuzzled close.

I wasn't sure who drifted off first, not that it truly mattered. At first light, the sun glittered on my face, making me wiggled around a bit. Seeing that I was still sitting, I looked and saw Bastian's sleeping face, a quiet snore but peaceful otherwise. I gently touched his face, tracing along his mustache.

Though I tried, he scrunched his face a bit and opened his eyes. After a few blinks, his eyes fell to me and they met mine. He smiled at me and I couldn't help but feel... happy. The little boy in me never thought he'd find his happy... And now, the girl inside can say its found.