Faultless Pt. 02

_

There was one thing though that turned me on more than any other. Mike knew about it because we'd had an honest and frank discussion about children and whether he was ready for them. He assured me he was.

"If you're not ready, it's absolutely okay, you're my cheat code anyway," I quipped one evening when we were at our favourite pub by the river near his apartment. I was now so relaxed about that stuff, it was all about the journey, not the destination. So cliché.

Mike the geek laughed. "Cheat code?"

"The man I'm going to have children with. I wanted to have kids before I was 30 but the cheat code is that I'm with the man I want kids with, before I'm 30. I hoped at the time it would be Benjamin, but I'll settle for you," I sighed. The brat in me couldn't help myself, I really enjoyed teasing him.

He shot me a warning look which made my heart race. It was all play, he wasn't actually annoyed about what I'd said, he was far too secure about my feelings for him given how often I shared them with him. It didn't stop me from picturing him bending me over right there and spanking me though.

"As cute as that is, we're getting side-tracked from a serious conversation," he pointed out. "As a person, I'm ready to have children with you right now."

My heart raced. If he wanted to take me upstairs and put babies in me, I was all for it. It was my orgasm-fodder, Mike breeding me. Just thinking about it turned me on. He smiled at me but held a finger up.

"But," I hated that word. "While I'm ready in terms of myself, I don't think I'm ready in terms of being secure in my career and content in our relationship."

"What?!" He might as well have flipped the table over, he couldn't have shocked me any further if he tried. I had an almost instant reaction where I wanted to scream at him. He wasn't content in our relationship, is that what he'd just said?

I saw him considering his words based on my reaction and then his expression turned to one of horror. "No, no, Lils that's not what I meant," he reached out to take my hand but I withdrew it.

I pushed myself away from him and back against my chair, straightening up. We'd spoken about how I wasn't doing that anymore but I felt my walls being built at pace. If he wasn't content, if I wasn't enough for him, I was done with men. I'd find a sperm donor and I'd raise a child alone if I needed to.

I saw him look at the way my posture changed. Yeah, I'm in flight mode right now, you ass.

"Explain," I just about managed to get out in a clipped voice. He had a chance to explain; only he would have had that.

He did look genuinely horrified and he paused before replying, choosing his words carefully. "I really didn't mean it like that. I am so happy in this relationship; I didn't mean it like that."

He stopped because I had started to cry. What an absolute mess. I was trying to be strong to let him know he'd blown it, but I fucking cried. He handed me a tissue which I snatched from him and patted my eyes. Someone on the table nearby looked over, but I ignored her.

"Shit, I am so careless sometimes. Okay, I'm not going to choose the right words and I'm just going to brain-dump so you get it." I nodded in agreement, and he nodded back. "I meant that we haven't gone on a holiday together yet, we've not ticked off a lot of pre-children things I'd like to do. It'd be nice to do a long holiday like Australia or a little tour of Asia before kids make that really difficult. I think we also need to permanently agree our living situation as neither of our apartments scream 'raise a family here'. All of that costs money and I'd like to be more financially secure first. It's not essential to do beforehand but I'd also quite like to marry you Lily."

I gasped and annoyingly, cried some more. "You're sure that's what you meant?" My voice didn't break when I asked him because something approaching anger was still gripping me. "You had better not be back-tracking and making this up. I can't have you of all people do this to me. You know exactly what I want in my future, and I want that with you so please Mike, don't string me along if you're not completely sure about those things."

He held his hands up in a show of innocence. "I swear, Lils, you're everything to me and that's everything I want. Sometimes I think about us getting married before we have kids but other times, I think about how beautiful it would be to have them be part of our wedding. You as a bride? God, I think I'll die. That is if seeing you in a bikini on a beach in Portugal doesn't do it first."

I smiled despite my tears, remembering the holiday we'd booked late in the year just after my birthday because I couldn't take that much time off any sooner, and how excited Mike was about it. I held my hand out for him to take which he did, gladly. I'd stopped crying too. Crisis averted, but damn. "Kids, huh?" I asked to let him know I was okay.

He squeezed my hand. "I'd quite like a couple of them, yeah. Would you be open to that?"

I blushed and leaned in. "As many as you wanted," I whispered.

He looked at me questioningly but didn't press it until later that evening when we were in his bed. I admitted to being insanely aroused by the idea of him deciding when I carried his children and how many I gave him.

"I know it might not be like that in practice," I blushed, rolling out of being his little spoon where he'd been stroking my hair, and facing him, "but I'd be very receptive if you wanted to work that into our sex talk."

After that, he almost always referenced it when he came inside me. He talked about how my breasts would swell, how my stomach would grow and how I'd be a stay-at-home Mum, giving him babies whenever he wanted one. If I was close to an orgasm or stimulating my clit, it would always make me orgasm. The fact I could say that, and he wouldn't judge me for it or look at me differently as though that was something he thought would genuinely happen, was everything to me.

***

While it was obvious that I had changed and become more comfortable because of my relationship with Mike, it also had a similar effect on him. Some of it I only learnt about later on, to my surprise.

We'd spoken about his scars fairly early in our relationship, especially a nasty-looking one that was close to his heart which he said was from shrapnel. He rarely spoke about that incident though he seemed not to be hiding any worrying behaviours when I ran it through with my therapist. He didn't need to drink, there were no nightmares, and he wasn't quick to temper - something I knew was partly because of the calming effect I had on him. I'd spoken to my therapist about it because yeah, I was worried. She was helping me draw some of it out of him but it was taking time and a lot of patience.

His own family still didn't know he'd been in an explosion that left a scattering of scars on his body. I had kissed his scars a couple of times and while he let me, he tensed up and I knew, willed it to be over. He also didn't drive. After some deep conversation that he'd surprisingly instigated one evening after commuting home, he'd later got into the driver's seat of my car on two separate occasions and both times, got straight out shaking his head. I didn't push him, and I tried not to fuss him, I sought instead to support him and give him time.

I was sitting indoors on an evening where Mike was still travelling back from a work site visit a couple of hours away. I'd declined dinner with the girls because I wanted to be home for him when he got in so I could look after him.

He'd got up at 5am and wasn't due to be back until after 9pm, all because he didn't want to spend the night before away from me. The least I could do was show my appreciation with dinner, even if it was reheated leftovers, and if I was lucky, sex.

I sat on my sofa barefooted and in my pyjamas, drinking wine while scrolling through Facebook. I'd gone with a slightly racier pyjama set - dark blue satin ones that stopped at mid-thigh and buttoned down the middle. I'd left the top two open so he could at least enjoy the view. But still, they were pyjamas and not the red lace lingerie set he liked me in because I didn't want to presume.

I couldn't take it in the end and decided I needed an orgasm to take the edge off, at the risk Mike was too tired for sex. I set the wine glass down on the table and went to the toilet. I came back fully intending to pick one of our sex videos to watch but I was distracted by a friend request that had come up.

I did get a few of them, especially from guys who thought they'd try their luck. That had reduced a lot though after I put a selfie of Mike kissing my cheek with his arms wrapped around me as my profile picture. Cringey, I know, but it worked (and it was also my most liked picture - even Chloe had liked it and wished us well). So, I was surprised to see that the request had come from someone my age. He was attractive enough but that wasn't what struck me. He was in an army uniform. I scrolled through the previous profile pictures he had up as that was all I could see without accepting his request, until I stopped at a group picture from his early 20's.

"Oh my god," I said aloud.

I accepted his friend request immediately. I grabbed the wine glass with shaking hands and started to scroll. There were pictures of Tony with other men and some women, some in uniform, others not. More recent pictures showed him out of uniform and with a slightly more ragged look. There was one of him at a reunion of some kind. I rushed back to the group picture I'd seen and compared it to that one, taken almost a year ago. Most of the people were in that second picture, except Mike and a couple of others. At the front of the picture was a man in a wheelchair. I guiltily looked for more injures, finding some on other people. I moved my cursor over different people that were tagged in the picture, their names coming up. Names I'd not known before.

I went to take another sip of wine and looked down, not even realising that I'd finished the glass through adrenaline. I rushed to pour another; I hadn't stopped to think about how Mike might feel. I was obviously going to tell him when he got home but right then, I was going to absorb everything I could about the years of his life I knew little about.

Just as I settled back down, a private message from Tony arrived. Only then did it hit me that Mike didn't have social media, so he was contacting me to get to him. I had to put the wine down because I was now shaking.

Hi Lily,

Thanks for accepting my friend request. I'm sure you're thinking who's this handsome stranger haha! I know who you are of course, you're Lily Williams. Mike used to talk about you a lot when we served together. Said you were the nicest girl he ever knew. We used to say 'show us a pic' but he wouldn't cause he said we'd fancy ya and he'd have to kick our arses. Seems like he finally got the girl, huh?? So, we've been searching for him for a while and he doesn't have Facebook so we've been basically checking every 'Lily Williams' and 'Megan Davies' profile every couple of months to see if he turns up in them. Do you know how many of those there are?! Full-time job that is. Anyway, we're hoping to get in touch with him and it seems like you know him quite well. Would you be able to put him in touch with me?

Thanks,

Tony

I must have read the message a dozen times while I worked out what to say. I needed to speak to Mike first.

Hi Tony,

Thanks for messaging me. You've definitely got the right Lily Williams! I'll need to speak to him first and he's not home yet but I'll show him this as soon as he is.

Lily

I was pacing the room while I waited for Mike. It was something I'd not done since the evening before I told him I loved him. I was anxious and nervous, in the end I had to close my laptop as I just kept falling into a hole of looking at pictures of Mike's regiment. When he messaged to say he was coming out of the station, I fired the laptop back up and waited for him.

"Hey," he said cheerfully after he let himself in and walked into the room. "Damn, aren't you a sight for tired eyes? Might I talk you into some shower sex - what's wrong?"

"Mike, please don't be mad," I started nervously. He frowned and looked around. I might have found him looking for another man behind the curtains quite funny, if I wasn't so worried it was only going to get worse. "One of your old army friends got in touch with me on Facebook."

I watched the colour drain from his face. "Who?"

"Tony?" I replied at once, colour draining from mine too.

He shook his head. "I told that guy he should have been in the Military Police. Misses nothing."

He walked over to me and kissed the top of my head. "Don't worry baby, it's fine. What did he say?"

I swung the laptop around, relieved he was taking it so well. He read it and laughed. "Cheeky fucker, proves my point about not showing them a picture of you, doesn't it? Hitting on you in the first message."

"He is rather handsome," I teased, wrapping both my arms around his arm and squeezing him, to counter my comment. He kissed me on the lips for long enough that my eyes closed and I wanted to get into it, then he pulled away, standing up.

"Reply and ask for his phone number. Tell him I'll call him after work tomorrow."

He walked off to get in the shower, deep in thought. I did as instructed, before heating his dinner up like the good little housewife I felt like being that night, thinking through things too.

In bed shortly after, we lay in silence. I was reading a technology magazine - the one that Benjamin happened to be editor of, and Mike was thinking. When I couldn't take it anymore, I turned to him and asked if he was okay.

"To be honest, I'd probably be spinning out if I didn't have you," he admitted. "You're a very soothing presence."

I scooted over and snuggled into him. "You'll always have me, no matter how charming Tony is." He chuckled, playing with my hair gently and then we slept together just like that soon after.

_

The next evening, he called Tony from our bedroom. I could hear the sounds of him talking and the occasional laughter, but I kept the tv up high to give him some privacy. My phone was full of messages from my friends asking what was happening after I told them all about it earlier in the day. I'd often shared my worries about Mike's time in the army and the black hole that existed regarding that time in his life. They knew this was a big deal for him; for us.

He walked out about 45 minutes after making the call, in good spirits, though tired. "How was it?" I asked, doing everything I could to be casual, as I sat on the sofa with my feet up and trash on tv that I wasn't even watching, but symbolically paused. I was trying not to rush up and wrap my arms around him, but it was hard work.

He sat down next to me and pulled me into him; I gladly snugged into his chest. "It was nice, to be honest. He was with Steve and Luke too. Luke was the one who, er, lost his leg when I was driving back to base. It was a fucking nothing recon drive and then he's never going to walk again."

I became very still bar continuing to run my fingers along his chest slowly.

"They want me to go to the reunion they've got in a couple of weeks up near Luke where it's easier for him. They do it every year, about 10 of them. They said I need to stop hiding away and it wasn't my fault." His voice broke and I looked up to see him starting to cry. He wiped his eyes with his hands, but I did a better job with my sleeves.

"Are you going to go?" I asked tentatively when he settled. He shook his head. "So you didn't listen then?" I gently teased, kissing his cheek.

He kissed my cheek back before he replied. "It's on your birthday."

I felt my stomach drop. "Go, I don't care if you miss it." I'd definitely be sad not to have the love of my life at the first birthday we had as a couple, but this felt more important.

He sniffed and shook his head. I grabbed the box of tissues I always kept out. I'd never seen him cry before and I didn't know if I was doing a good job of soothing him.

"I don't think I can do it unless you were with me," he admitted quietly. I felt a range of emotions at that statement.

"Then I'll come," I replied at once. It was a no-brainer for me. "I'll have other birthdays; I want to be there for you."

He wouldn't have it. "We've already booked the place, sorted the invites and everything. I'm not having you miss your 30^th birthday for this. I should have stepped up and faced it years ago, but I guess I wasn't strong enough until you."

"Stop it," I choked, becoming teary too.

It took two days of trying but I eventually got him to agree to go to the reunion. I was so sure I was going to be successful that I'd already told my friends that my party wasn't happening. I hadn't told my Mum yet, that was a conversation I wasn't going to have until it was certain. Mike's charm offensive was finally starting to work with her, and I knew this would set them back when she found out I was going to miss celebrating my birthday to do something for him. That was my Mum for you.

When he walked back into the room after calling them, he was smiling. I knew I'd made the right decision. "They're bringing it forward by a day, once I explained it was your birthday. Are you okay to take that Friday off?"

"Yeah!" I enthused, getting up and kissing him. Talk about have your cake and eat it too.

He went and poured himself a whisky while I messaged the group-chat and told them the news.

Liv: It's happening, it's not happening, it's happening again. Make up your mind woman!

Lily: Be nice or I won't bring a squaddie back from Leeds with me.

Amy: Bring two please x

Char: Three please, Thomas can get lost for a night haha

Chuckling, I put my phone down just as Mike sat back down. I looked at him suggestively and tied my hair up. "You're too good to me," he gushed, getting it straight away.

I smirked and moved to my knees between his legs, taking his cock out. We hadn't had sex in days so I wanted him in my mouth probably more than he did, but I was careful not to let him know that. I was going to enjoy cashing in all the brownie points I was currently collecting as I licked his thick shaft and heard him sigh in pleasure.

***

"You're a really good driver, you know? I'm sorry I'm not in a place to pull shifts with you."

I didn't want him falling into a place of guilt, so I didn't indulge him. "Don't think this gets you out of buying me lunch, Boss."

He smiled at me. "Thanks for that."

I kept quiet for a few miles before I reached over to his thigh and gave it a light squeeze. "We're making good time for the hotel, and I should have plenty of time to do my nails and hair, so I look good for your army buddies," I teased. He snorted. "I want you to know that I am absolutely open to doing anything you want to relax you before this evening, Sir."

I went back to focusing on my drive and after a few moments of thoughtful silence, I realised I had turned myself on too. He put his hand on the top of my thigh this time, fingers inches from where I wanted them to be. I had to really concentrate at that point.

"This may not be what you're looking for, but I'd quite like to make love to you."

Him wanting that when I had offered myself so submissively, got to me more. "On the contrary, that being your answer is exactly why I'd do anything for you."

I glanced over at him quickly and smiled my cutest smile. We sat in silence for a little while and I let him be, turning the radio up slightly so that I didn't get too bored and tired on the monotonous drive.