Feb Sucks again

''Ok, just dinner and we go Dutch agreed?''

''I'm happy with that, when would you like to go?''

''How about Saturday I don't have any classes on Saturdays, say pick me up at eight?''

I wrote my address on a napkin and handed it to him, his face lit up like a neon sign. I hoped he wasn't seeing more into our date than was there, I realised I had just thought DATE as in going out with another man.

''I look forward to it see you then.''

Saturday arrived and I was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. As eight o'clock approached I debated calling the whole thing off but decided to go through with it as I couldn't bring myself to hurt Mike.

On the dot of eight, there was a knock on the door. I looked through the security peephole and saw Mike standing there, I opened the door and let him in. he was wearing what looked like an expensive suit and I wondered how a security guard could afford a suit that expensive. I grabbed my coat and he took my arm and guided me to his car, it was a BMW SUV an expensive car again I wondered if it was actually his or borrowed. I hoped he hadn't spent a fortune hiring expensive props just to impress me. We arrived at the restaurant and oh God it was one of the most expensive restaurants in town. When we entered and the receptionist asked if we had a reservation I thought Mike would say no but could they fit us in? Before Mike had a chance to answer the maître d came over and shook Mike's.

''Mr Walke it's a pleasure to see you again and in such company, please come this way.''

And he showed us to our table, I couldn't believe that a security guard had this much clout. When the maître d left a waiter came over with the menus and took our drink's order. I looked at Mike and he was smiling; I raised my eyebrows in question.

''Sorry Linda, I have a confession to make. I'm not really a security guard, well I am but not the way you think. When you saw me and called me over to take care of LaVillier I was filling in for the guard who should have been there and had called in sick. My brother and I own the security company and the conference centre is one of our clients. Do you forgive me?''

''So why have you been keeping up the pretence all these weeks?''

''So, I could be near you and I was getting up the courage to ask you out, you see I haven't had a lot of experience in the dating game and didn't know where to begin. I asked my brother Tom and he said just ask she can only say no and you can move on. So here I am, oh and I don't expect you to go Dutch here maybe next time if there is a next time.''

''Mike, that's so sweet but there won't be a next time if you don't let me pay my way, I'm not without funds Jim left me well taken care of so you don't need to worry about that.''

''Jim sounds like a really nice guy, tell me about him if you don't mind.''

''You didn't ask me out to talk about my ex so let's talk about you, I know your English how did you end up here with your brother.''

''That's a long story but if you're really interested I'll give you the reader's digest version.''

''Please Mike I'd like to hear it.''

''You asked for it so here goes. My brother and I come from a family with a long tradition of service to our country. My Dad was in the army as was my uncle so my brother and I joined the Royal Marines straight out of university. To cut a long story short I was invalided out after having my left foot amputated by an IED in Helmand's. You can hardly notice the difference when I walk and I can even dance if it's not too fast. My brother followed me out when he was shot in the knee and could no longer pass the physical. Our parents died when we were in university and as my brother is the eldest he inherited our family's wealth. You see our family is quite well off by British standards, we both decided to sell up and move to the US to reinvest our family fortune. Tom had insisted we share to inheritance so we set up a security company. Tom runs the East Coast branch and I run the rest which is actually smaller. Tom married Kim the nurse who looked after him when he was shot. She was in the Medical Corps and outranked him, him being a lieutenant and she was a captain. Anyway, you know the rest.''

''Jim was in the British army something to do with servicing aircraft I think.''

''That's interesting what unit was he in?''

''I don't know he never talked about it but he had photos on his office wall and he dropped one when he left, I'll show it to you if you like.''

''I'd like that perhaps when I drop you off.''

The rest of the evening went off without a hitch and when he dropped me off he walked me to the door saw me in safely then left. As I closed the door I realised I hadn't shown him the photo so I got it out and left it on the side table as a reminder. We went out twice more to the same restaurant with the same results but I still hadn't shown him the photo I kept forgetting.

Mom and Dad said they wanted a word with me when I went to Thanksgiving and by their faces it didn't bode well.

Mom: ''Linda as you know we've been in contact with Jim and the children these past months. The thing is Jim has asked us to go to stay with him over Christmas. This means we won't be seeing you over Christmas this year I hope you understand.''

''Mom I think that's great you'll be able to see the kids and give them my love and perhaps talk to Jim and Gail about talking to me. Don't worry about me I've got plenty to do I'll be fine.''

I told Mike that I would be available over Christmas and he was delighted, he said he was going to his brothers and would I go with him. He must have seen my face and quickly added, as a friend, of course, separate rooms no monkey business I promise. I talked to Tommy over Christmas and my parents seemed a bit nervous as they told me neither Gail nor Jim would talk to me. It no longer hurt as much as it did but I still cried myself to sleep that night. I had a wonderful time with Mike and his family, Tom and Kim were thinking of starting a family and asked if I had any children. When I looked down they apologized and changed the subject. Later that night Kim and I were left on our own while the boys cleared up and she asked me what was wrong. I wondered how much she already knew, I think she read my mind as she said Mike hadn't told her anything about me apart from saying I was just a friend and would need my own bedroom. Mike and Tom were in the kitchen watching a British soccer match so would be out of hearing range for a while. I looked at Kim and it all just fell out of me the whole sordid truth of how I had destroyed my husband for a night of lust and how much I regretted it now. By the end, I was crying uncontrollably and Kim had her arms around me rubbing my back, she ushered me to my room and sat on the bed with me.

Kim: ''Linda, I am truly sorry for your troubles but where does Mike fit in.''

I explained about Mike rescuing me from Marc and she had a little chuckle about that. I explained Mike knew everything and we were just friends without expectations who enjoyed each other's company.

''Does Mike know you still hold out hope for you and Jim?''

''Yes I made that very clear I want to get back with my husband he means the world to me I would do anything to earn his forgiveness and get back to where we were.''

''Linda, you must realise you have nearly no chance of that happening, if I had done to Tom what you did to Jim we would both be dead now. Jim must be a very special man to leave you with the means to live the life you lead now but I don't see a reconciliation on the cards. You have to be honest with yourself and be prepared to give Jim up. When you do Mike will make his move and will want to be more than just friends. When he does if you accept him it must be for the right reasons because if you hurt him you will have to deal with me and you won't like the result. Do you understand what I'm saying, be sure before you commit to Mike. You do know he's head over hills in love with you don't you?''

''I know he cares for me but he hasn't even tried to kiss me he's been a perfect gentleman every time we go out, I don't know what to say.''

''Just keep him at arm's length until you sort out your feelings that's all I ask, now let's join the boys and get pissed.''

The night went pretty much as she suggested and the next morning I had a hangover. Over dinner that night Mike brought up the fact that Jim had been in the services. I remembered that I had put the photo of Jim and his friends in my case to show Mike later so I suggested I go and get it. I brought it down to show Mike and his reaction was not what I had expected. He looked surprised and then concerned and handed the photo to Tom who looked like he had seen a ghost. Kim seeing his reaction quickly went to his side and looked at the photo and then at me.

''Linda what did you tell Mike Jim did in the service?''

''I think he said something about servicing aircraft, why?''

All three looked at me and then looked again at the photo, suddenly it seemed the penny had dropped and Kim smiled and said ''did he say Special Air Service?''

''Yes, that was it servicing aircraft.'' I proudly replied.

''Linda have you ever heard the term SAS on the TV or in the papers?''

''Yes of course they are like our Green Berets aren't they?''

''Exactly only better your Green Berets are modelled on the SAS. Linda SAS stands for Special Air Service; Jim was SAS the elite Special Forces of the UK.''

I sat there stunned that Jim was a trained killer and I never knew.

Tom asked me to point out Jim in the photo and when I did he sucked in a sharp breath.

''Linda Mike has told you he was in the Royal Marines, more than that he was a Commando another elite unit in the British army. I was also in the Royal Marines but was recruited into the SAS in my second year. I have met your husband but his name was James Devone then and he led the deadliest unit in the British army. He volunteered for the worst missions that no one else would touch. Let me tell you a little story about your husband. He led a group of undisciplined cutthroats on long-range behind-the-lines missions that earned him a $100k bounty on his head. He met and fell in love with a local girl and they dated for over six months. Then one day she invited him to meet her parents but when he got there the Taliban were waiting.

She was in fact married to a Taliban leader and was set the task of seducing Jim and setting him up for capture. When he didn't report for duty on time his unit went looking for him against orders. His captors kept him alive to collect the bounty but tortured him every day. One of the ways he was tortured was they hit the soles of his feet with an iron bar he was also hung up by his elbows overnight with his wrists tied together. He was tortured over a period of six weeks then his team got a tip-off of where he was. They were holding him in a village sympathetic to the Taliban. His team went in closely followed by mine they found him hanging from a hook in the ceiling by his elbows. They had either killed or zip-tied everyone in their wake as we found no males living over twelve years of age and the elderly were tied up and gagged. When they cut him down they brought the woman who had betrayed him and knelt her in front of him. She begged for her life saying she had been forced to betray him and she loved him and not her husband. An eyewitness said he spat in her face and then cut her throat after which he passed out. The witness later denied that he had seen anything and the matter was dropped when other witnesses swore that she was dead when they found her. I spoke briefly to Jim a few weeks after and he showed no remorse at all. He received a medical discharge as his feet were so badly damaged he could no longer pass the rigid physical requirements to serve with the SAS. His team was disbanded and the men were sent to other units. That's the last I saw of Jim until now, you and especially LaVillier are so very lucky to be alive but I doubt LaVillier will live much longer. You may survive as it appears Jim loved you very much or you would already be dead.

My main worry is for my brother who bears no blame for this but may get caught in the fallout. I advise you to tell Jim at the earliest opportunity about you and Mike making it plain you are just friends and hope he's satisfied.''

I sat there stunned, my Jim was a killer not just a killer but a cold-hearted killer, how could he kill a woman who begged for forgiveness and said she loved him? Then it hit me she had betrayed him and sold him out Just like me, oh fuck was I next? I started to feel cold not just cold but numbing cold and started to shiver. Kim saw what was happening grabbed a throw and covered me over.

''Tom quick make some cholate she's going into shock, Mike cuddle up to her if I can't stop the shaking we need to call 911.''

The next few minutes were a blur of action with me in the middle, I drank the chocolate and started to feel better but now I needed to pee. As I tried to get up I told Kim about my predicament and she helped me to the restroom.

''Don't lock the door I'm right outside call if you need me.''

I sat there but nothing happened I couldn't pee, I started to feel faint and a hot flush engulfed my body. The last thing I remember was calling out to Kim and then the floor hitting me in the face.

Kim:

I thought I heard Linda call but I couldn't be sure it was like a whisper but I definitely heard a thump so I went in. Linda was lying on the floor so I called out to the boys that I needed help. While I waited I pulled Linda's panties up to save her embarrassment. When they arrived, I told them to get her on the sofa and call 911. I laid her flat on the sofa and put cushions under her legs and feet so that the blood would go to her upper body and head. I took her pulse it was a little low at 75bpm so I got my med kit and took her BP which was also low at 112 over 70. When the EMT guys arrived, they took over giving her oxygen and said I had done all the right things, I explained I was a nurse in the army and had kept my kit up to date. They thanked me and asked if I would like to ride with her to the hospital, I of course agreed. Linda regained consciousness on the way there and asked what had happened. I explained that she had gone into shock and it had caused her blood pressure to drop dramatically and her body had shut down. The hospital kept her in overnight and she was released the next afternoon.

Linda:

When Mike picked me up at the hospital I still felt a little shaky but hadn't told the doctor as I wanted to get home. Mike said I had given them quite a shock when I passed out and it was lucky that Kim knew her stuff. I apologised but Mike just blew it off as a typical Christmas and that made me laugh. When we got back to Tom and Kim's I again apologised and thanked Kim for saving my life. She said I was in no real danger as the EMT guys would have sorted me out any way she had just saved them some time.

After dinner that night Mike and I caught the plane home and Mike walked me to the door I thanked him for a great Christmas and apologised again. He gave me a peck on the cheek and left. I wondered if I would ever see him again as I had put his life in danger. That night I hardly slept imagining every little noise was an assassin sent by Jim to kill me. I finally fell into a fitful sleep holding the little.32 Jim had bought me.

I met my parents at the airport, they seemed happy to see me but were a little reserved, When I asked them about it they said it was just jet lag. When they asked me how my Christmas went I told them I had a great time but left out the bit about JIM and my reaction to his past. I dropped them off at their house and promised not to be late for dinner on New Year's Day.

I arrived at my parent's house at about 11.30 and my Dad came out to greet me saying Mom was in the kitchen. Dad followed me in and Mom handed me a mulled wine. I was staying the night so didn't have to worry about drinking and driving, both parents looked a bit nervous and I wondered why. Lunch and then dinner went off without a hitch then Mom said we would be having Facetime with the children later. This brightened my mood considerably as I had picked up on my parent's mood all day. When the time came Dad opened his laptop and we waited for the notification that someone wanted to Facetime with us. About ten minutes later the notification arrived.

Mom went first and talked with Tommy and then Gail, I cried listening to my daughter talk so openly with Mom when she wouldn't talk to me. Dad went next and then me. Tommy and I talked for about fifteen minutes and as we were saying goodbye a voice in the background said they wanted to talk to me. I nearly passed out it was Gail, I was so happy my little girl was going to talk to me at last.

''Hello baby I've missed you so much thank you for talking to me at last it means so much to me, how are you?''

''Hello MOM and that's the last time I call you that, from now on it's Linda if you have a problem with that I'll hang up now.''

''Ok, baby if that's what it has to be I'll just have to live with it, but tell me everything since you left.''

''I'll talk to you on one condition that's if you can satisfactorily explain to me why you destroyed our family and nearly killed Dad.''

''What do you mean nearly killed Jim?''

''Dad doesn't know it but I saw him holding your gun while sitting on the bed and knew what he was thinking. Then he looked at the picture of us as a family on your dresser and put the gun away. He nearly took his own life because of you. Now explain why you did what you did and it better be good.''

I was now sobbing.

''Baby I can't explain I don't know why I did it all I know is that I have regretted it ever since and it breaks my heart knowing the suffering I have caused to all of you. I can only beg for your forgiveness and ask you to let me make it up to all of you, just give me a chance.''

''Not good enough Linda when you find out maybe we'll talk again but not till then goodbye Linda.''

I sat there with tears running down my face how was I ever going to get my daughter back let alone Jim? As I sat there my Mother said ''Jim wants to talk to you now.'' I wasn't sure if I had heard her right and looked at her with hope in my eyes. She just handed me the laptop and there staring at me was Jim I almost fainted I felt so lightheaded.

''Jim?''

''Yes Linda it's me, we need to talk.''

''Oh God Jim I've wanted to talk to you since that night to try and explain. I just wasn't myself I don't know what came over me. I was so stupid, so sure you would forgive me so sure of your love for me you would understand and take me back.''

''Linda stop, I'm not here to try and reconcile that ship sailed when you gave yourself to another man. I have to talk to you to make you understand why we can never be together again. When you sneaked off with LaVillier you broke something inside me that could never be mended and that was my trust in you. You were my whole life I loved you unconditionally right up until you broke my heart. I indeed considered killing myself but the responsibility for my children overrode everything else. If I had killed myself the children would have been brought up by a slut and her boyfriend. You would have had everything you wanted, the children, all the money, the house and your boyfriend to spend it all on. This way I have my revenge you still have the house but only a little money and you have to work for what you want. I know Marc dumped you as soon as he could, and I had my revenge on him by destroying his career.''

As I looked at the screen I could see Jim softly crying and my heart went out to him, I had nearly killed my husband and had lost my children then I said something stupid.