Feb Sucks again

''Enjoy...... As you don't seem to remember me I'll jog your memory. Do you remember when you finished with my wife and was going to take her home there were a lot of reporters waiting at your gate? Well, that was me, and when you got her home there were more there? Well, that was me too I also arranged the TV show Celebrities Behaving Badly to do a special on you and your activities with married women. You see I was grateful to you for exposing my wife but angry that you hurt my children who have had to grow up without their mother. And guess who paid the attorney who started the class action that took half of your wealth? In all, I am responsible for you being kicked out of your team and the top NFL teams which is why you are sitting with a load of second-rate players drinking cheap wine. You fucked my wife and my marriage so I fucked your life........... Have a nice day.''

He was sitting there with steam coming out of his ears as I walked away, making my first mistake. As I walked away I heard someone shout.

''NO Marc.''

I turned around and Marc was nearly on me holding a steak knife above his head determined to stab me. He was about five feet away and coming fast, as the knife descended my training took over. I crouched and crossed my wrists to meet his downward strike gripped his wrist with my right hand and pulled him forward. This straightened his arm, I put my left hand on his elbow and at the same time stamped my right foot into the back of his knee dropping him to the floor. As he went down I wrenched his arm up and towards his body. There was an audible pop as his shoulder dislocated and he dropped the knife. I picked up the knife and made my second mistake. I turned my back on him thinking he was a spent force and walked back towards the table. I had taken about ten steps when Mike pointed behind me and yelled. ''GUN.'' Owing to the multiple threats on Marc's life he was able to obtain a permit to carry and his preferred weapon was an under and over Deringer. As I spun to confront him he pulled the trigger and I threw the knife. The bullet went in under my left collarbone and exited my shoulder at the top. The knife sunk deeply into his left shoulder where the joint meets the socket severing at least one ligament. Marc's left hand and arm dropped to his side just as he pulled the trigger a second time. This time the bullet went into his leg just above his left knee and exited just below his left knee destroying the joint on its way. It then went and lodged itself in his right ankle. There was complete silence then all hell broke loose.

Marc's five friends decided to take revenge and advanced on me determined to do me damage. They suddenly stopped, standing beside me were Tom, Mike and the two Green Berets I had spoken to earlier. They decided retreat was the better part than valour and went back to their table. I was beginning to feel the pain as my adrenalin rush was wearing off and felt someone push a chair under me. As I sat down a crowd was gathering around us, Marc was out cold and I was starting to shiver and knew I was going into shock. Kim took charge and started ordering people about, she removed my tunic and applied two napkins to my wounds and told Evette to keep pressure on them. She then went to Marc and did the same. Linda was crying and saying it was all her fault and Mike was trying to calm her down. Evette was as angry as I had ever seen her she was shouting at me that I was a fool and risking my life to prove a point and nearly made our unborn baby an orphan. Kim stood next to her and spoke calmly.

''Evette you mustn't be angry with Jim he did what any red-blooded male would do. He had to reclaim his alpha male status from that piece of shit lying over there. He was in fact very restrained he could have put that knife in Marc anywhere he wanted to and killed him but he chose to show mercy as he didn't want you to see him as a killer. He had to confront Marc and pull him down in front of everybody, it was Marc who started the violence, not Jim. There are things you need to know about Jim but I'm not the one to tell you, you will have to ask Jim.''

I heard everything but it was as though they were far away and not talking about me at all. I remember being put on a gurney and wheeled out to the ambulance. Evette was holding my hand while Kim was applying pressure to my wounds and shouting step on it we have a bleeder; my last conscious memory was of Linda holding up a bag with blood in it and crying.

I was sitting in my car and the driver behind me was blowing his horn, I looked at the traffic lights and they were still red so what was his problem? I thought I'd had enough of this; I went to get out of my car but couldn't move I was strapped in the more I struggled the louder the horn sounded. I became aware that someone was holding me down and that the horn was a machine next to my bed beeping. I stopped struggling and looked around the room, Evette had been the one holding me down and I looked at her first.

''Jim I'm sorry if I hurt you but the doctor said you weren't to move around that's why you're strapped down. I'll call the nurse they wanted to be advised when you woke up.''

I tried to reply but all I did was croak, just then the nurse came in and gave me an ice chip to suck. She quickly checked my vitals and unstrapped me.

''You should be fine now just don't move around, I've called the doctor and he'll be here in a minute, now just lay still.''

I sucked the ice chip which was better than any malt whisky at the moment, as I sucked I looked around the room and was surprised to see Linda sitting in a chair asleep. I looked up at Evette and raised my eyebrows in a question.

''She's hardly been from your side since you got here, I think she still cares deeply for you please be kind when she wakes up.''

''I know I got shot but why all the fuss I've been shot before and it was worse than this.''

''Jim you nearly died the bullet nicked an artery and you nearly bled to death. They have stitched it up with microsurgery which is very delicate so you mustn't move around too much. It was Kim who noticed you were losing more blood than you should have been from your wound. When the first ambulance arrived, they were all for taking LaVillier first but Kim ordered them to take you first. She must have been one hell of an officer she frightened the medics to death and they just did as they were told. She called ahead and had a trauma team already assembled in the OR waiting for you to arrive and that's what saved your life. We owe that woman big time.''

We sat talking for some time before Linda woke up.

''Jim you're awake, how are you feeling you had us all worried to death?''

''I'm ok now I think, thanks to Mike and Kim, Mike for giving me the warning and Kim for saving my life. By the way doesn't Mike mind you being here with your ex-husband shouldn't you be with him?''

''It's ok Mike said I could stay until you were out of the woods, I call him now to pick me up. I'm so glad you'll be all right, call when you get out of here and we'll all have a celebratory dinner.''

And then she bent over the bed and kissed me on the forehead and left. The doctor let me go out two days later telling me to take it easy for the next two weeks. We did have that dinner and became firm friends; I won't say there wasn't some awkwardness but we managed to gloss it over. I asked if anyone knew what happened to Marc and was told he was still in hospital in the prisoner ward awaiting trial.

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Seven years on:

We all see each other from time to time and have dinner together avoiding talking about the past.

Gail still refuses to talk to her mother and is now married to Pierre a policeman in Paris. They have just celebrated Gail giving birth to a bouncing baby girl and called her Evette. Evette is of course delighted but Linda couldn't hold back the tears when told and had to leave the room. I motioned Mike to follow but he said I should go instead (he's a great guy and never seems to get jealous) so I followed Linda outside. She was standing and crying as I approached and as I put my arm around her (the first time since that night) she turned and buried her face in my chest and sobbed for the next ten minutes. She then looked up at me and smiled.

''I really fucked up, didn't I? If I could go back and do it all again I would tell LaVillier to fuck off. I really love Mike and I'll do all I can to make him happy but I often wonder what would have been.''

''Linda yes you fucked up but you've got a second chance so make the most of it. I'll talk to Gail again but I'm not sure it will do any good but I'll try.''

Linda gave me a friendly Kiss on the cheek and we went back inside.

Evette gave me a 9lb 2oz baby boy and he is the apple of my eye now that Gail and Tommy are grown up. Tommy went to university in England studying engineering and passed out with honours and then surprised us all by joining the army. He's now a lieutenant in the Royal Engineers and currently serving in the Middle East. Gail, Evette and Linda are worrying themselves into an Ulcer about him. Tom, Mike and I keep telling them he's working a long way from any fighting and anyway what will be, will be. He tries to split spending his leaves between Linda and I. Unlike his sister, he never took sides and stayed natural. I wonder if when he gets married he might change his mind thinking it could happen to him.

After I got shot the police charged LaVillier with two counts of attempted murder and I sued him for actual bodily harm. He got two sentences of fifteen years to run consecutively and I got five million dollars in compensation so we both got what we deserved. I truly believe Linda wouldn't have cheated on me again but the trust was gone, I hope she lives a long and happy life with Mike. I know Evette and I will.

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Now as they say Lighten up:

Two nuns are sent into town to buy supplies. There are two ways into town from the convent, one follows the road and one cuts through the woods. The one that follows the road is two miles longer so they decide to cut through the woods. On the way, they are raped by a bunch of escaped convicts but being made of stern stuff they decide to get the supplies anyway. Once they purchase the supplies one nun turns to the other and asks.

''How are we going to tell the mother superior that we got raped twice?''

''What do you mean twice?''

''Well we have to go back that way, don't we?''

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I hope I haven't offended anyone with my little joke and if I have I humbly apologise. I have nothing but respect for Nun's and the good work that they do. I should also say sorry for belittling the act of rape. I am a strong supporter of the people who say rape should be a capital offence. Rapists are just one step down from child molesters and no punishment is too severe. I went to great lengths to impress on my sons and grandsons that NO means NO.

If you made it this far I hope you enjoyed my story. And once again thank you to George Anderson.