Fifteen to Life

That explained so much. The distance, the secretiveness, his hot and cold attention now. I put my hand under his chin and lifted it so I could look him in the eyes.

"I used to pretend that you were my boyfriend all the time. Mom kept lecturing me about proper behavior in public because I always wanted to be as close to you as possible. I was in love with you. I know that now.

"I deliberately went after Marcy and Tina because I wanted them gone. I wanted you all to myself. I wanted you to fuck me, even if I couldn't put it in those words. I wouldn't have stopped you."

David's face was a mixture of confusion and fear. "You don't understand, Meg --"

"Yeah, I think I do. I love you. You love me. Mom and Dad aren't here and you haven't tried to hurt me yet. You could do anything you wanted to me and I'm not going to stop you."

"Meg --"

"All I've wanted for fifteen years is to explain why I did what I did. To tell you how I felt. Even if you didn't feel that way, I knew you would try to understand. I couldn't figure out why you left, why you ignored me. I thought you knew I would do the same for you, try to understand. I wasn't going to stop trying, either.

"Ed and Leah actually did me a favor. It still hurts but it was a lesson I needed to learn the hard way. I should have told you from the very beginning, when I figured out how I felt. I threw away fifteen fucking years of happiness. No more.

"So...are you going to make me yours or not?" He had that inscrutable look down pat, I'll give him that.

"Meg, I love you, always have. I want you. But I can't, not right now. You've been hurt and hurt badly. I need to be sure that you're not just trying to get even with those two and that you understand that once it happens, we can't ever go back." His earnestness was evident, as evident as the respectable bulge in his sweatpants. "I've spent the last fifteen years trying to keep you from being hurt by me. I don't need to add to that pain any more than necessary."

I leaned toward him and kissed his lips lightly. "Fair enough. I'll make an appointment with a therapist tomorrow. No more bullshit, okay? Nothing but honesty with each other, like it used to be." My labia were starting to feel a little full and it was getting warm down there. My nipples were doing their little tingly thing too.

David's eyes kept drifting from my face to my tits, and then down to my lap. He was definitely hard now. I managed to fight down the urge to stroke him through his sweatpants. He said he wanted to wait until I was in a better place so I would wait, too. Rosie Palmer and her sisters would do for now.

We stood up together and I quickly went in for a hug. I ground against him playfully and his grip around my waist tightened before he gently pushed me away. "Meg, please. No games." He was serious about waiting. I really wanted him inside me now.

"Sorry. I feel like I need to make up for all that lost time." I caught a slight hint of my own arousal. David's face remained pretty much expressionless but that bulge said all kinds of things were going on upstairs.

"You still need to eat, Meg. Figure something out." He turned and walked back toward his bedroom. I had my hand in my panties before he even made it through the living room. I closed the bedroom door, stripped naked and lay face down on the bed with my face buried in my pillow. Wetting two fingers with my mouth, they slid right in up to the knuckles and I came as I fondled the shit out of my left nipple, calling David's name into the pillow.

After I caught my breath, I put on clean underwear and the t-shirt. He was sitting on the couch, looking at something on his laptop. The bulge was gone and he seemed less stressed. Seems he knocked one out, too. I swore I could feel the spasms run through the walls of my pussy, thinking about how it would feel when he came inside me. The thought also occurred to me that this was going to be harder than I thought.

"You mind Italian? I feel like I need some carbs and I want pasta." All of a sudden, I was starving and pasta was my comfort food of choice. It used to be his, too.

He got up and pulled a menu off the refrigerator door. Handing it to me, he said "I love this place. It's quick and they give you a lot."

A quick scan showed they had lobster ravioli. I knew it was his favorite and that's what I wanted, too. A quick call netted two orders and some breadsticks, with a promise of 45 minute delivery. They were at the door in 38 minutes. It was everything David said and then some. I went easy on the wine with dinner. I was still worked up and I wanted to respect his decision. It was the only way I was going to get what I wanted.

I watched some stuff on my laptop after dinner while he worked on something. Around 10:30, I announced I was going to bed. I couldn't keep my eyes open watching the screen and I figured it was time to go to bed. Unfortunately, once I got in bed, I was wide awake.

I had spent the last almost seven years sleeping next to somebody. We very rarely ever spent a night apart during our marriage. Coupled with sleeping in a strange bed, I couldn't sleep, not even after masturbating once again. Soon, the loneliness set in again. I found myself questioning if David had been serious about being in love with me too. It would be just like him to tell a little white lie to make me feel better, he used to do it all the time when we were younger. I did finally fall asleep but it wasn't for long. My alarm went off at 6 because I still had to work.

I got up, peed, showered, and brushed everything that needed it while I stared at the reflection of death warmed over in the mirror. I would definitely need to order makeup. I got dressed and wandered out into the kitchen, where David had just finished brewing coffee.

He handed me a cup as he looked me up and down, "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Dead. Couldn't sleep much, too much thinking."

"It gets better." It was off-hand but it still stung a little. He was trying to be supportive and I accepted it as such.

"Where did you learn to make coffee? That's actually pretty good." It was very good. It was also a way to change the subject.

"Practice." Again with the cryptic answers. It didn't matter to me if he learned from the internet, trial and error, or he just got lucky one day and kept doing it that way. His coffee was way better than mine.

"It's good," I repeated. "I need to get to work, though. I've probably got a bit of a backlog after yesterday." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. This pain was different, more like loss. In a way, it was. I lost two loved ones yesterday. They didn't die, in a way I still loved them, but they were gone from my life. That hurt.

"Yeah, I gotta get to work, too. Computers don't fix themselves...yet." He was dressed much the same way he was yesterday, sweats and a t-shirt. I found myself interested in his job, he hadn't said anything about it at all, no company name, nothing.

I was right in thinking I would have a backlog of reports to go through. My emails were full of condolences and offers to help. I figured it wouldn't take long for word to get out. My boss' secretary was gossip central in that building. Some of them had met Ed. I had heard rumors that nobody understood what I saw in him. I was kind of beginning to wonder about that myself a little.

I started with my first job. I worked steadily, only taking a break to go to the bathroom or get more coffee. David had started out on the couch beside me but soon moved to the kitchen table. Twice, he got up and went into his room to make a call. I didn't pay that much attention, trying to knock out as much as I could today. The reports would continue to pile up every day and the only way to get caught up was to push through it.

I took my lunch break at noon. My stomach was rumbling and I had a killer headache. I walked over to his bedroom, he was on the phone in one hand and he was trying to fish something out of his wallet with the other. As I raised my hand to knock on the door, I saw a flash of gold on one side. It looked like an emblem of some sort. He looked up and palmed the wallet. David raised his eyebrow inquisitively and I made an eating motion. He nodded and held up five fingers so I nodded and went back to the kitchen.

I really wanted to ask him about that but after giving it some thought, I decided not to. If he wanted me to know, he would tell me. I was done with trying to manipulate him. It was his business, not mine, and I was going to respect that. That old saw about the best apology being changed behavior was starting to sound pretty good.

He came out a few minutes later. I had already made his sandwich for him and poured a glass of tea. He sat down and ate quietly and quickly. It felt like he was waiting for me to start asking questions and he wanted out of there before I did.

"Your day going all right? I'm getting through my backlog pretty well." I didn't want to sit in silence and I didn't want to interrogate him, so I gave him an out.

"Yeah, it's going. Some things just don't work like you want them to." He finished eating and carried his plate to the sink. "I need to get back before somebody does something stupid and breaks it worse."

'Well, good luck. It's your turn to figure out dinner. Make it happen." I rubbed his shoulders from behind and went back to work. He walked back toward his room, stopping to give me a look that came off as searching, like he was trying to figure something out and not having any luck.

I lost myself in work for the rest of the afternoon, only stopping to call for an appointment with the first therapist that came up in my search results. By 5, I was further along than I had anticipated and it was beginning to look like I would be caught up by Friday sometime. I emailed my boss a revised progress report, indicating my estimated catch up date.

David spent the entire afternoon in his room. When he came out at 5:30, he looked mentally exhausted. When I asked about dinner, he grabbed a menu at random off the refrigerator and told me to order two of whatever I was having. I had never eaten Thai food before but he had a star by something called pho so I ordered two of those and some spring rolls. I figured if he ate it, I probably wouldn't die if I did.

He was still in the shower when the food arrived. I stuck it in the microwave to keep it warm until he got out of the shower. He looked better but his mood wasn't. He still wasn't totally present, I had to repeat things quite a few times because he was distracted. The food was good and I made a mental note to order that again for him.

After the tenth or so time I had to repeat myself, I quit talking and started watching something on Netflix. He just sat and stared into space, occasionally taking a pull from his beer bottle. A couple of times, it looked like he wanted to say something but changed his mind.

I gave up around 10:30. I went in and got ready for bed. I stuck my head out of the door and told him "Goodnight." He just waved, still staring into space. I actually fell asleep pretty quickly, having a full stomach, a long day and a poor night's sleep the night before.

I woke up to the sound of something breaking and a startled "Fuck!" Getting up, I put on my t-shirt and stuck my head out of the door. He was mopping up coffee and trying to pick up pieces of the shattered mug spread across the kitchen floor. Looking at my phone, it was 5:15 in the morning. He was fully dressed in a suit and tie and goddamn, did he look hot. I scurried over to help him before he messed up his suit.

"Let me get that before you get dirty." All I had on was the t-shirt. I was still half asleep and forgot about no underwear until after I bent over at the waist in front of him to pick up a couple of pieces of the mug. The sharp intake of breath reminded me in a hurry. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." From my peripheral vision, I watched him adjust the position of his cock in his pants.

"What?" That was not at all convincing. I knew he got a bird's eye view of my business and somehow, his reaction was encouraging.

"Nothing, I thought I hit you with my ass when I bent over." That sounded just as convincing. His expression told me he just figured out that I caught him looking. If he looked now, I was wet as hell.

"Nah, you're good." There were a lot of ways to take that so I chose the one that made me feel hot and wanted. "I need to go into the office this morning. I'm not sure when I'll be back. I'll let you know when I do."

"Okay, I'll be here. Have fun." He had no sooner closed the door behind him when my fingers were buried knuckle deep in my pussy again and I fingerfucked myself to a good morning orgasm right there in the kitchen. That man made me so fucking horny I couldn't -- scratch that, wouldn't leave myself alone.

I quickly mopped up the rest of the mess and poured myself a cup of coffee when my legs stopped shaking. Since I was up early, I might as well get an early start on the backlog. After a quick shower, I got back to work. I worked all morning, again only stopping to pee or get more coffee. I stopped at 12:30 for lunch, not having heard from David. Texting him was out, he was working and judging from the stress level he was at, it was really important. He'd let me know some time when he had the chance.

He finally texted me at a little after four in the afternoon. He would be back after six sometime, there was some problem with a server that needed attention. I texted back I would be okay and I wouldn't wait up. He sent a thumbs up to confirm receipt.

It was almost 8:30 when he got back and he was not happy. He grabbed a beer from the fridge, said "Hi," and disappeared into the shower. I just sat and watched shit on Netflix until he came out about an hour later. He was back in sweatpants and a t-shirt. There was no mistaking that boner. When I asked about food, he said he ate earlier so I warmed up some more pizza for me. He grabbed another beer and stared into space again while he slowly drank it. He would occasionally adjust himself through his pants, almost like he had forgotten I was sitting there. Because he actually had.

Something was eating at him. I had only seen him like that a few times before as kids, where he would literally block out the outside world while he concentrated on the problem at hand. I tried to be as quiet as possible so he could think in peace and quiet. He was still sitting there at 11 when I went to bed. I brought him another beer and removed the empty bottle before going in.

The empty bottle was still on the end table when I got up at 6. When I went to pick it up, I noticed that his laptop was on the coffee table and the little battery light was flashing red. As I reached over to pick it up so I could plug it in for him, I almost screamed when he barked "Don't fucking touch that!"

I yanked my hands back and fell backwards onto the couch, legs spread and my crotch pointed straight at him. Without taking his eyes from my pussy, he muttered, "Sorry, long night. I forgot to plug it in before I went to bed. I'll take care of it."

My nipples hardened and it felt like the floodgates opened between my legs. I snapped my knees together and tried to pull the t-shirt down to hide my crotch, which only succeeded in highlighting how hard my nipples were. I fled to the bathroom, slamming the door in my haste to get to Big O City as quickly as possible. His arousal had left a small stain on the front of his sweats and I couldn't get it out of my mind. He obviously went commando and all I wanted to do was yank down his sweats and suck him off right there in the living room. I never liked giving Ed a blowjob but for some reason, I couldn't wait to feel David's dick in my mouth as he came.

I ended up leaving teeth marks on the back of my hand as I fought to stay upright when I came. Obviously, I needed to add a vibrator to my shopping cart if this was how things were going to go. My poor hand was taking a beating by my pussy and I was going to end up disabled with arthritis or overuse syndrome.

When I collected myself, I went back out into the living room. David had changed sweatpants, his computer was plugged in and he refused to look me in the eye. I poured a cup of coffee and sat across from him at the table. Of course, my nipples chose that moment to get hard again. He tried to be discreet but his arm movement made it plain he was adjusting himself. His eyes kept going from his phone to my tits and back to his phone. I was trying very hard to keep my fingers out of me again. Thankfully, the chair cushions were vinyl and easy to clean. Stained fabric would be difficult to explain. As it was, all I could smell was my arousal.

I quickly finished my coffee and headed for the shower. It was going to be a long one. By the time I finished, he was dressed in a suit again, drinking coffee at the table.

"I'm still working on that issue. No idea what time I'll be back. You doing okay?" I had put on a bra just to give everybody's libido a break. It felt awkward as hell after a couple of days of not wearing one. His eyes kept going back there anyway.

"Yeah, staying busy helps. You were right, it's better than it was yesterday and the day before."

"Yeah, sorry. It sounds insensitive but it's true." He still wouldn't look directly at me. I was having trouble looking at him, so I guess that made us even. "We'll do something fun when I finish this up, I promise."

"I'll hold you to that." My imagination went absolutely fucking wild on that remark. I could feel the floodgates opening up again and fought the urge to check how wet I was. It would have only made it worse, anyway. I realized I was unconsciously squirming in my chair. I could see his hand in his lap again. I lamely excused myself and headed for the bathroom again. By now, he had to know that was the international signal for "I'm getting myself off again."

I was sitting on the lid to the toilet, fighting the urge to fingerfuck myself again when he announced through the door that he was heading out and he would see me later. I responded appropriately as my hand found my nipple and started lightly flicking it as I ran my finger up and down the inside of my labia. I was absolutely wet. I found myself wishing I could suck on my own nipples because my fantasy required David to be pounding me cowgirl while he sucked on them.

I let loose vocally when I orgasmed. It was fantastic and completely liberating. I was slowly coming to my senses when I heard the front door close. Now there was absolutely no doubt whatsoever about what I was doing in the bathroom every time I went in there. It made me fucking horny all over again.

I had been sitting there for a few minutes, contemplating life on another planet when I heard the text chime from my phone so I cleaned up and went to go check on it. It was a video text from David. At first, it was hard to tell what it was on the screen and then he turned the interior light in the car on. He was in the covered parking for the building. His breathing was raspy. He shifted the camera angle to show he was unzipping his pants. My knees got weak and I collapsed onto the couch, unable to take my eyes off the phone screen. He slowly unbuckled his belt and unfastened the button, butterflying each side.

He reached inside his boxers through the front opening and pulled his cock out. It was amazing. He was obviously hard as hell, the veins looked like they were pulsing. The head was shiny with precum. He collected some in his palm and slowly started stroking while mumbling under his breath. It took me a minute to figure out what he was saying.

"Oh, God, Meg, just like that. Yeah, just like that, baby. You feel so good."