Finding Myself Pt. 01

This story and it's following parts will cover subjects that include but are not limited to:

Incest, freeuse, forced, bondage and same sex relationships.

edited by: sissy_smalldick

Finding Myself: Part 1

How did I get here? I have asked myself this question multiple times. Each time I think back at the events and all I can say is that I would not change a thing.

My name is John, and my wife died three years ago in a hit and run. The police think the other driver was drunk but they were never found. We had a great marriage and a beautiful daughter together, Sarah. To be honest, she made everything work, and I was along for the ride until that day.

For the past three years, it has been only Sarah and myself. As she grew into a beautiful young lady I had more and more time to myself. Sarah never had a boyfriend, or if she did, I never knew about him, but she would have her friends over and they would have their fun.

As my 40th birthday grew near, I was feeling lonely. My hand could only do so much, and the lack of intimacy was getting to me. I am a cuddler and crave physical touch. As a single parent of a teenage girl there was none, as I still had not tried dating again. The time just didn't feel right yet.

The Internet has many things to offer, one of which was a whole new world to me. Now, I am not into pain of any kind or bathroom play, those are hard limits for me, but there were many things that I did find that piqued my interest. Things that I either did not know about, or did not realize turned me on.

About 2 weeks before my birthday, Sarah asked if she could spend a few days with her best friend and her family on a mini vacation to the next state over. One of the websites I was exploring was going to have a meet up the second day she was to be gone, and I would be home alone. I had originally just passed on the idea of meeting strangers who might be into things as kinky, or even more so than I was exploring, but when things came together that I would be alone for my 40th and there was a party, I could attend. I told Sarah she could go, gave her some money, and asked that she checked in every once in a while.

Sarah has been an amazing daughter. After the accident, when many kids would spiral into depression or start getting in trouble, she did not. We both went to talk to someone about the loss, and she definitely handled it better than I did. In my defense, I did not become an alcoholic or get into drugs, but I did shrink into my own world some. I never went out, or made new friends. I worked and took care of Sarah and that was all.

Now as you can tell, I am a little introverted, and it took a few deep breaths just to get out of the door the day of the party. I wore black. Black dress pants, shoes, shirt, socks. My goal for this first meeting was to go. That was all. I planned to go inside, find a dark corner, and watch what happened. I do not think of myself as a voyeur, but this was something new and honestly I was scared. 40 years old and scared of meeting people, who mainstream America says are bad, but now I might be one of these people. Could they really be bad if I am one myself? Maybe, but I was starting to think not.

I got into my car and drove to the site of the party. After parking, and seeing people heading inside, one putting on a leather mask and the girl he was with zipping in on, I decided that it was now or never. Getting out and grabbing my own mask, just a nylon cover that I can still see through but not be recognized in, I started for the door. The mask came on as I approached the door. The last thing that I wanted was to be recognized. In hindsight that should not have been a big deal, because if I was seen there, that means that whoever saw me was there too. But nervous and scared, I took extra precautions.

Inside, I found my quiet dark place: one of a few booths around the outside of the main room. There were a few hallways that had more private accommodations, but early in the night most of those were empty.

I sat alone trying not to be seen. Ordering a beer to help calm my nerves, I observed. New to this kind of lifestyle, I was looking for things that either totally turned me off, or made me so excited that I just had to try it. Some things that I had found online, that I was hoping to see in person tonight, were femdoms, freeuse, and age play. What really got me going was the thought of being controlled and used freely by a younger girl.

At 5'8" I am about average in height, but I do love a short girl. Honestly, the tall ones kind of scare me, but the short ones I will do anything for. The night progressed, and I was seeing some things that I liked, and many of the people who looked like they like it rougher than I, were heading to the private rooms.

The only person that I talked to that night was my waitress. She asked why I was alone in a room full of people all having a good time, and I explained how I was new and testing the waters as it were. We chatted some when she would come by. At the end of the night, when I was getting ready to leave, she asked if I would be back. I still hadn't thought about it yet. I blurted out that yes, I would be back. She smiled, and asked why I had so much enthusiasm, if all I did was sit there and have a few beers. Was I just a voyeur, or was there something else?

Quickly, I explained about my nerves, and how maybe next time I would try talking to someone. She smiled, and gently placed her hand on my forearm in a reassuring gesture, leaning in close, she said she thought I was cute being all shy and nervous, but I wasn't her type, but if I came back next month on the same day and time, she would have something for me. I agreed because I thought it would be rude not to. I had no intention of receiving whatever it was she wanted to give me. It sounded odd at the least. That was the next open event so I may return, but just maybe.

Two days later, Sarah returned from her trip, all smiles and happy to tell of her adventures. I was surprised at her age, she still wanted to do this with me, but maybe it was the way things had been the last few years.

The next month was a whirlwind. Sarah started a new semester of college, and I got a promotion, which happened to mean that I was either working from home or traveling, rarely ever having to go into the office anymore. Then, after three weeks, all of the rushing just stopped. Sarah had most of her classes online, but she had to go to campus every Tuesday for a few hours, and a lab on Wednesday that took half the day. In addition, she had a study group with some friends that all also wanted to be nurses. They met every Friday, and, if there was a test, Wednesday. Why they wanted to study on a Friday, I will not understand, but they said it worked best for them.

With time to think again, I remembered that this Friday was the open event. I was thinking that I would go again, and follow the same plan as last time, but maybe get up and talk to someone, and get a first hand telling of how things worked. I didn't really want to find out what that waitress had for me.

Sarah left for her study session, saying she would be late and that she may just stay with her friend if she gets tired. That gave me the push to get dressed in my all black outfit, and again, as I approached the door, I pulled down my nylon mask hiding my face.

I chose a seat on the other side of the room this time, closer to the private rooms. This gave me a better look at those going inside, and increased my chances of talking to someone, hopefully not the same waitress. I liked her, she was nice and understanding, I just was not sure if I wanted her to remember me.

I ordered my beer, and watched the large variety of people interact. It was like watching people at the mall, but on steroids. There were people crawling, and acting like pets or children, in full leather or latex, and even one guy being led around on a leash attached to a penal piercing.

After an hour and a half, I saw three women walking around. Each wore a similar outfit of panties and a laced corset, but all in different colors. The tallest led the other two straight to my old waitress. The four moved off, and I did not see any of them until I was ready to leave. I did talk to a few people, but it was clear that they were into different things than I am, but everyone was respectful of the others' kinks. Feeling better and more confident that I was a submissive, I still had no idea how to find a domme, or a mistress, or whatever it is I was trying to find, as my previous waitress came up and stopped me with a big smile on her face.

Again placing her hand on my forearm, the waitress said that everything was working out as she was hoping it would. She then explained that she knew someone who is a natural domme, but is still new, and that she is working with this other person to help them become the best domme they can be. She would like us to meet, as we both are new to the lifestyle and could both use guidance on our journey.

Being nervous, but also wanting someone to take control, I was going back and forth in my mind, when I felt her hand squeeze firmly. Looking up, our eyes met and she smiled, saying, let me make this easier for you, next week on Friday, you will be back here and will meet with my friend. The two of you will not reveal who you are to each other, but will discuss what you want from each other, and we will go from there. She is younger than you, just so you know, but everyone here is an adult. As she sent me on my way, she told me again to be here at the same time next Friday, it was not a request and there was no denying her tone. As nice as she had been, I did not want to find out what would happen if I did not show up.

I was hard the entire drive home. Hurrying up the stairs to my bedroom, I stripped naked, throwing my clothes off even before I entered my room. My mind was awash with the thought of what next week may bring. I forgot that Sarah was not home, luckily, as I frantically stroked my dick. I was cuming in record time, and kept cuming, six, seven, eight white streaks covered my pillow. It started to pool into a few globs, and before I knew it, I was licking and swallowing all of the cum I could.

Standing up, I was in a haze. I had never tasted cum before. I had never masturbated with the door open, so Sarah could not accidentally see. That second thought woke me up. If Sarah was home she could have seen. Just then, my phone chirped with a text from Sarah, saying that it was late and she would be home in the morning. Relief washed over me, as my biggest fear went away. Next, I cleaned up after my rampage through the house in a need for release. I put my pillow case and clothes in the laundry, and it was well past 2am as I got in bed.

I was woken up Saturday morning at ten, when Sarah arrived home. She was happy as ever, with the news that there was a test this week, and she would have a late study session on Wednesday and Friday next week.

The week went on like the rest, except for the thought of Friday night. I tried not to jack off until then, but when I was alone again on Wednesday I was at it. Thoughts were running through my head as I masturbated. I was on my back, with my legs up, and this imaginary woman was pegging me with all she had, and I loved it. Never having anything back there before, I was apprehensive of the thought when I was done.

When Friday came, and Sarah left to study, I took a little extra time getting ready. After a fresh shower and shave, hair and teeth brushed, and some cologne, I was out the door.