All Comments on 'First Sunrise'

needs a bit more .................

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"ahhhhhhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"ohh.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! fuck! ... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"huhhhhhh! huhhhhh! ahhhhhh!"

"ohhhhhhhhhh..... fuck..... huhhhhh... huhhhh... huhhhh...AHHHH!"

Is all of that really necessary? I mean, really.

By and large a very sensually-written story with a rather fluffy , hazy plot. Nothing wrong with Serenity getting herself off, just why should I, the reader care?

Vignettes are tough to write b/c you need to write very subtly and concisely without a lot of exposition setting the stage as it were. I really didn't get a good feel about the characters as people, just their physiques, what they're wearing, etc.

My advice to you as a writer is be proud of your descriptive gifts, but I'd focus a bit more on motivations and what's at stake for your characters. Also, you can't please everyone all the time.

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I thought it was fantastic and felt that I could almost feel the experience with her. The way the story was written had me sucked in and I had a complete picture of what she was doing, how she was doing it and how she was feeling throughout. Like a great story should, the words disappeared and all I had was a visual.

Thanks for sharing and I truely hope you turn that maybe into a definate with regards to continuing this tale.

Thank you all for your helpful comments. As I said at the beginning, this was the only story I ever attempted to write, so it's just a personal reflection. I have no writing experience, and I consider this my reaction against the orgasm-in-three-sentences-or-less. Unfortunately for me, I'm a guy, so in order for an orgasmic depiction to appeal to my senses, it has to take time out of my life. My imagination is poor, so I must have the sound and the visual of the experience presented to me in specific detail. Since this is what happens on artfully made erotic videos, I have no reason to expect any less from text.

I know that plot and character development is essential, but that's up to the novelists on here who have the experience and patience to carefully weave their tales. I had a huge overall story arc in mind that is too daunting for me at the moment to tackle. The characters involve Serenity, her cousin Ingrid and a couple of their sisters who are intimately involved, an alien plant tentacle life form deep in the forest that feeds on female secretions, a secret society of women who feed the plant regularly, and a female general who is intent on destroying said creature.

If you haven't guessed already, this was inspired by Flower's tale in the stories by homealone_447. But once again, I'm interested much more in the microplot than the macroplot.

Keep going.

Please keep this story going. I really enjoyed it.

I need more

no incest and no taboo this was in the wrong area it should have been in the FIRST TIME AREA.

if this is how you write stories there si no place here for you. your story sucked it reads like a story outline and is not postable in any way. a GOOD WRITER would be ashamed to have their name on this trash.