All Comments on 'Fixing the Past Ch. 01'

Leprechaun? 5*

Nice twist in the tail.

Look forward to the next part

5/5

Decent story so far. I need to find a guy like Patrick that can send me back in time. First order of business? Invest into bitcoin.

Well you tell an entertaining story.

Thank god that ended, why is it chapter 1 though? Long winded, boring bullshit!

Soooo… It’s a Wonderful Wife?

I'm usually not big on magical fantasy stuff, but I liked this one.

Huh. This seems pretty much wrapped up. Wonder what chapter 2 will bring...

Funny I have to agree with NTH it is the LW version of “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

However, having said that I did give it a Good Read ⭐⭐⭐ rating. I liked the way you have put it together and are blending the parts together. I enjoyed Chapter 01 and am looking forward to reading the other products you create in this series.

I may be a new fan of your tales/stories. I am going to look into the other products you have previously published to sample and see if I enjoy consuming them as well as I did this one.

Thank you for taking time to publish this one.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

Very good. Looking forward to part two.

This is just dumb ….

Oh,to go back and do a "what if?" Great story. More soon?

“ You will not be allowed to divorce. They will destroy you and probably get you life in jail if you leave their gilded cage. They can ruin anyone or simply have them killed with no trace. You are too useful to lose. Your business sense is one in millions and by the time you are thirty, you will be on a dozen boards of directors."

And that is the problem I have, right there. Two problems actually.

1. If he is such a wunderkind why would they care—capitalists are most interested in money, so why not say: “So, you are telling me that these billionaires want to give up this genius they see in me because I can’t divorce? WTF? What do they think will happen to my business acumen if you let my wife do this? That is going to take a hit, don’t you think? Want to put me in charge of a $15 billion deal in that ongoing state?”

2. If they have that much influence, why not make the slime ball disappear and make it clear to the daughter that this is not ok… since upsetting the wunderkind is off the table?

It feels a bit Saddletramp like in structure… ?

This reminds me of another story here involving star-crossesd overs, conniving dad and older daughter, an African trinket, weird eye changes before going full Groundhog’s Day, trying to find a way to true love with the younger daughter. That story had an internal logic that I don’t think this story has. But I love the do-over, even if it was a bit quick…

Ahhh Patrick is God! Like Quantum Leap! This will never end and he will go on leaping from person to person. Putting right what once went wrong. Hoping each time that his next leap, will be his leap home. OOHHH BOOYY!

Why would billionaires care who he is married to?

I know a couple billionaires, not mentioning names, who got divorces

Patrick sending him back to fix his mistake saved the story for me.

Up until that point it was running a weak 2 stars.

Fun ending, interested to see what happens in the next chapter

You have to ask yourself as you're writing dialogue: "Do people really talk like this?"

Like you have to imagine the conversation and see if you could picture it actually happening. The conversation doesn't flow. It feels stilted and there's no "why" people are saying the things they are.

I like the concept of the story, but the conversation ruined the "read" for me.

When you are in Ireland and talking to an Irishman, it IS NOT!!! a stereotypical Irish accent.. it IS!!! an Irish accent..a stereotypical Irish accent is Tommy Lee Jones, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Gérard Butler etc..

Did you fall asleep but your fingers continued to move. This crap makes zero sense.

Odd!

Props for something a bit different!

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That said, the “story” of how he got sucked into the maw of Brittany’s world didn’t make a lot of sense…even given LW “logic”. Especially the father in law’s uncanny ability to monitor his daughter’s orgasms minute to minute, and how Tom’s business acumen was SOOO fantastic that he would not be allowed to leave. But OK….still made for a reasonably entertaining story.

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So at the end he gets a chance to fix his dilemma. Will be interesting to see how it plays out. Does Allie turn out to be an even bigger monster than Brittany?

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4 ****

Solid 4 stars! Keep it going.

As 1 commenter said, if keeping the wunderkind was of such importance why not get rid of the slimenall and make it absolutely clear to Brittany that this kind of behavior was not going to be acceptable to anyone.

Ohhh, I love this story!! It has all of the right life triggers and the time travel is icing on the cake!!! Please tell us about Tom and Allie. Get them into the future timeline where they can ruin all of the people in the Cabal. Sweet revenge and retribution...deserved consequences. Ultimately the controllers pay the price owed to society....5 Stars!!

Great ending for chapter one. Looking forward to the adventure, perhaps the father will realize his mistake and take in the person he needs to survive in the business FORGET the cheater

I concur with miket0422. The story was pretty bad until he got sent back. It was over a bit too quick after that, but since you indicated this was just the first chapter I can accept that.

I will admit a bit of apprehension as the Loving Wives aspect has apparently been rectified. As such, I'm a bit concerned about what you have planned for future chapters.

Good story and I loved the ending. Please continue to write.

A wee bit convoluted.

Will wait for the rest before deciding a vote

Yayyy! There's a Walmart in Dublin! Booo! The rich guy went in there!

good original story.

More SciFi than LW. So Patrick is an Elf with time travel skill. Number of words about a cheating wife is irrelevant … What counts is what is totally critical to the story, and getting a second chance* is/will be way bigger!

* Not just a second chance, but one that has excellent proof of future success!

4*

Nice… I liked this fun read! Thank-you

This is interesting!

Sorry, no. The moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on; nor all your piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half a line; nor all your tears wash out a word of it.

Yes, more please.

Clever twist with a crafty bar tender. Great start. Thanks,

Oh, alas! How we all wish we could undo a piece of our past! To undo a lifetime ? Priceless!!!

Very interesting story! Well written and developed. Something out of the ordinary. Looking forward to payoff in part2.

This was a shocking surprise and I'm looking forward to the next part. Thanks

Excellent, hope part 2 is as good,

One quibbling point, in the story when Brittney first cheats you say Allie is dead..yet at beginning of story you say she died after 29 years.

A very weak 3*. Closer to 2 and a half. Hope it gets better in chapter 2.

Good developed story. Knew the bar tender was going to send him back to fix the mistake. Enjoyed story, thanks for writing 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

It will be interesting to see what you will do with chapter 2!

5

wtf was this kids family the first time round no way he couldnt see he was being purchased interesting idea but damn

This reminds me so much of 2 other stories on here, just bits from both put together, good plot line but it just doesn’t work for me

Weird concept but I did like it. 5 BIG ONES!

1 star - Just another fairy tale fantasy - not my kind of story.

'Time travel' to reverse bad choices - to get a second chance - really!!!

That was odd to the utmost.

Isn't there a Science Fiction/Fantasy category? Just stupid and lame.

This was an emotional rollercoaster that I almost put down on the second page. I’m glad I decided to finish it. Thanks.

So far, well done story. Interested to continue down your story path. 5* so far!

Loved the first 2 pages a great story well put together BUT The ending sux I do not believe in fairy tales (jaybee186)