All Comments on 'Following Her Dream Ch. 08'

I think the past two chapters have been a bit of a misstep. This chapter in particular emphasizes one of the more definitive weaknesses of this story, notably the lack of development from your supporting cast. Melanie seems to simply be a prop, not a character. And, while this is fine to an extent, the amount of care you put into Janet and Rachel's character makes it stand out. By association, Violet comes off as needlessly cruel and... just one dimensional without motive or purpose. To be so inherently antagonistic without definition makes the set up feel unnecessarily cruel and detracts from Janet and Rachel's relationship dynamic.

I think the other main issue with this chapter in particular is that it fundamentally fails to maintain suspension of disbelief. While, I'm aware this is all fictional ect, ect. One of fictions primary goals is to reasonably suspend disbelief. And this chapter fails on that account. The reason for this is simple: the solution to Janet's problem is blindingly obvious, report her tablet stolen. It was established that Violet stole it and I believe left with it, so simply report the item stolen. One of the greatest weakness in a plot is that it moves forward because "The Plot Says So". I feel that you've begun to enter that territory.

Overall, the story is still good. Keep it up.

Thank you for the feedback. This is the first story I've ever actually written, so I know there is still much for me to learn.

There is more to Violet than is apparent at first, for better or worse. I am currently writing chapter 15 though, so not much of an opportunity for me to make any changes without risking mucking something else up, unfortunately.

That said, I'll try to take your advice to heart for any future stories, and I'm glad you are still able to enjoy it for as much as you do.

I can't see how Janet, succumbing to her program, can continue to be the main protagonist in her own story, now. So a secondary character we have barely been introduced to is now the new protagonist? We, the readers, have been following along and attached to Janet and now we have someone who we have no attachment to leading the story continuing on. On top of that, it seems this new protagonist has little for morals and consequences. At least with Janet, she had some humanity, albeit selfish gains too, and remorse for what she was doing. Violet seems to lack these characteristics. I truly hope I am wrong and you offer some redemption along the way. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter to see where this all leads.

Don't take the comments from individuals too strongly, even from me. While I might not like every turn you take, it's your story and I like it and want to read more. Keep going.

I agree that the plot seems to have got lost, but it's redeemable. In the background we have Melanie, whom Janet has told something and asked for her help but we are not sure what. Though we do know that Melanie is a very bright cookie. We also know from an early episode that the design was intended to transmit via TV/LED screens in Doctors' waiting rooms etc to alleviate anxiety (or so she claimed). So there may be other ways to overcome Violet while Janet sacrifices herself in the short term? There is also the maths professor who is still open to instruction, though that story seems to have been left in a cul-de-sac. But it is there to call on. So a number of routes to get back on track.

I never expected such a reaction from this chapter, haha. Some quick things I wanted to mention, some of which I forgot to in my previous comment:

Regarding Janet calling the police, I suppose that would be an option for her to get the tablet back, but her friend has been taken as well, and that's more important to her. It's not like she can tell the police that some stranger kidnapped and brainwashed her. Rachel would just side with Violet and deny everything. That is certainly not something I had thought of though, for sure.

Also would like to say that Janet is still very much the protagonist in the story, and Violet is now the antagonist. Not much else I can say without getting into spoilers.

With the tablet being for waiting room tv's, that was just something Janet lied about to get Rachel to look at the screen at the start of the story.

Thank you all for the comments. I hope everyone is still willing to give the story a chance going forward. There are some moments coming up that I'm rather proud of, and I can't wait to share them with everyone.