Fooled Me Twice Pt. 02

A shoe hit my chest, "Martin Robert Lawrence Stevens! Tell them you are exaggerating." Ruth was

trying hard not to laugh. No one seemed to notice she knew my full name.

"Okay, you're correct; Chase doesn't have a sister. Anyway, Ruth looked at Chase standing knee-deep in the water, licked her lips with the tip of her tongue, and I swear she took a whole minute to circle her mouth with that tongue. Chase fell backward and almost drowned. Men clutched their chests, and women had that 'Well, I never' look while they were all thinking, 'I wish I had a body like that.' Chase's mom passed out and fell face down in the sand, and Mr. DeLong had to roll her over before she suffocated. Finally, the shorts hit the sand while helicopters circled overhead and drug-sniffing dogs roamed the beach."

I took a deep breath, "Are you sure you want to hear this? It's kind of boring."

More shoes flew at me, and people threatened me with bodily harm if I didn't continue.

"Ruth dropped the hat upside down, reached down, and slowly pulled the large t-shirt over her head." I drew out the word slowly for five or six seconds. "Inch by inch, she revealed her bikini bottom first, a piece of black dental floss, then her cute puckered naval, a drop of sweat inside glistening in the sun, and finally, the two black triangles barely covering her nipples. The amount of cloth on her body was barely enough to keep a mouse warm on a typical August morning. Finally, she dropped the shirt on the sand and reached into her bag, taking out a bottle of sunscreen, SPF fifty. As she lay down on her towel, she said, 'My dearest Martin, would you be so kind as to put this sunscreen lotion on me to protect me from the rays of the sun ravaging my defenseless body?'"

"Ruth, did you really say that?" My dad was enjoying this.

"I did not, Mr. Stevens. Well, I did sort of, but not the way he said it. He makes it sound like a line in a romance story. The only part about the bikini he got right was the color."

"May I continue?"

Silence!

"So I lathered her up, using tiny amounts of sunscreen on my hands, and making sure I didn't block the view of the audience dropping bills in her hat, applied it like I was slowly waxing my car. It was very tranquil, like at a symphony just before they started playing. I took care to make sure I didn't touch any cloth on her nubile body."

Ruth coughed loudly. When everyone stopped laughing, I continued with one word, "Much."

Dad was snorting with tears pouring down his cheeks, and Jason was laughing so hard he fell out of his chair.

"So after I finished waxing my car, oops, I mean slowly rubbing the lotion over her soft and supple skin," I hesitated a moment for the dramatic effect on the crowd, "on both sides of her body, Ruth applied sunscreen on my beefcake body, and her hands lingered in places I can't name or describe."

"MARTY! That is a bald-faced lie. And it only took a minute to put lotion on you. "

"Okay, I'll keep the rest of the juicy details secret. We made over a hundred bucks in bills and quarters, collected in her hat, and for the rest of the day, a planet named Ruth was the center of the Saluda river universe, and Carol and Ellie were very jealous."

I sipped some tea cuz I was thirsty, not for dramatic effect.

"We left about 10 PM after the cookout, a musical interlude, and fairy tale time. After all, what true story could top the movie clip presented on the sand."

More giggles came from the peanut gallery.

Then I got serious, " Chase's father tried to get us to stay overnight, but we both knew something might happen between friends at the beach that would not happen between a groomsman and a bridesmaid at the hotel."

Ruth acknowledged the truth of that statement with an embarrassed nod, "That's true, and Marty was a perfect gentleman all week."

After receiving CPR, Jason spoke up, "She told me you slept together four nights while she was in Greenville."

I looked around the crowd to let the tension build, and I couldn't believe who showed up late. Oh, this was going to be epic.

"Wake up, Marty, and wipe that evil grin off your face."

"Sorry, Momma. What was that question again, Jason?"

He repeated it.

"Oh yes, we sure did, in the bed in her hotel room. But we had a fence made out of the spread dividing the bed. As for why; it was all Ruth's fault."

"Marty!"

"She took advantage of a poor, immature boy by casting a spell over me."

"Marty, you fibber, tell the truth."

Momma had to know, so she asked, just like I knew she would, "Martin, what exactly did Ruth do to you?"

"It was diabolical, Momma. She was about three feet away, and she looked into my eyes and smiled."

Everyone sat quietly, waiting for the punchline. Finally, Momma took the bait.

"Martin, what did Ruth do next?"

"That was it; she smiled."

Momma had a confused look on her face.

"Oh, Momma, now, you know the only part of a woman's anatomy I look at is her face." I gave her my best suck-up smile and added, "Isn't that how I act around Olivia?"

Gasps of shock filtered through the crowd, Momma turned red, Dad was braying like a donkey from the back of the yard, and I delivered the 'coup de grace.'

"As I live and breathe, look who joined our party. It's Mrs. Olivia Goldrake, the woman who has a, um, beautiful, um, pair of, um, lips that make my knees shake when she smiles."

Like a great partner at a comedy club, Olivia joined my tale, "I'm shocked, Marty, that you didn't admire something else, much more breathtaking, that cost a lot more than my lips." Then she worked her way through the crowd to greet Momma with a cheek smooch, and the group relaxed and laughed.

I finished with, "Ladies and gentlemen, to finish my fable; it was the best sleep I had experienced in my short life at that time. And that's all we did because I gave her my word as a southern gentleman, I wouldn't get out of line in her hotel bed."

Shaking hands as I walked through the crowd, I went to the scene of the butt crime, where Ruth was

changing her baby's diaper on my bed.

"Hi, Ruth. Jason seems like a great guy."

"Great story, Marty. You seem to have found a keeper yourself, Marty."

"Liz? Yea, she keeps me on my toes." I watched her finish changing the stinky diaper, then she picked up her baby and handed her to me.

"Hold her, Marty. Lissa won't bite; she doesn't have any teeth."

I made a face and stuck my tongue out at Lissa, and she giggled, that fantastic happy sound that comes from a happy baby.

"Marty, did you ever think about what would have happened if we had done it?"

"Not anymore, but before you married a great guy and I met a woman who keeps me on my toes, I dreamed about it a lot." Melissa was whimpering and fussing, so I sat on the bed and stood her on my legs. Holding her up under her arms, I made another face, and she laughed.

"Where are my girls?" Jason came in, pointed, and laughed. "Hey Liz, come look at this."

I bounced Melissa again, and she giggled. "I could get used to this, being a dad. Look at me, Liz."

I handed the baby back to Jason, and we rejoined the party in the backyard. We swam and played volleyball, and I drank too much champagne and ended up in bed before passing out.

It was dark outside when I felt Liz get out of bed, not to go potty but head down the hallway toward the living room. I had to kickstart my brain to stand up, and walking a crooked path, I managed to find the bedroom door and open it on my first try. I heard the front door shut, so I bounced from wall to wall in the hallway until I got to the front door. I had to rest before I tried to turn the latch like a doorknob until I remembered I needed to push down on the latch. Then, stepping out onto the front porch, I heard voices coming from the side of the house at the end of the driveway.

*

"... my turn."

"You can't keep showing up like this. You'll fuck it up."

"Still, I want back in, now."

*

At that point, I tripped over the sprinkler in the front yard and fell on my face. By the time I was able to stand and staggered around the corner, no one was there, and I couldn't hear anyone talking. I went into the backyard, and no one was back there, so I walked around the house to the other gate and back to the front door, which was closed. Did I close it when I came out?

I staggered back into the bedroom, and Liz was on her side of the bed and seemed to be sleeping. My head hurt, so I went back to sleep.

*****

The sun shone through the window when I woke up, and I still felt a little buzzed. I made a trip to the bathroom, did my morning business, and on the way back to bed, I locked the bedroom door.

"Liz, are you awake?" I poked her in the back.

"Wake up, Sunshine, or I will give you a Wet Willy." She growled and rolled over and bit me gently on the arm. "We need to get back home to pack for our vacation."

"Hooray, road trip. Riding topless, getting drunk, and fucking in the back seat."

"Now, Lizzy, we're going to explore our country, like that 'Simon and Garfunkel' song."

She threw the covers back and launched herself at me, almost knocking me over. I caught her, but the look on her face scared me; it was an evil look.

"NEVER, ever, call me that again. If you want to live a long life with me, never even say that name again. And I mean it!" She ripped herself away from me and stomped into the bathroom.

My right eye was throbbing, my mind went blank, and my hands and legs were numb. I stumbled out of the bedroom and somehow made it through the front door undetected and found myself on the sidewalk in front of the house, walking barefoot in my boxers and a t-shirt. I felt like I was floating above, watching my body stagger down the sidewalk. I didn't stop walking until I came to the elementary school I once attended. The last thing I remembered was sitting on a swing.

*****

Was I dreaming; images of Liz, and my family, swirled in my mind, and I heard their voices mixed with strange voices. Then I walked with Liz behind me and Ruth in front of me, each holding a hand, and Liz disappeared seconds before Ruth did, and then I was in bed alone. Everything turned gray, I heard Liz say my name, and I reached for her, but she wasn't there, and I heard a rhythmic beating that changed to an alarm. I felt a hand on my left wrist; someone squeezed my upper arm hard enough to hurt.

"Marty. Can you hear me?"

It was a woman's voice, but I didn't know her. I felt another presence near me, and the female voice whispered, "...level 97, pulse 48, ...over 70."

I heard another voice, "Marty, are you awake?"

"Uh-huh."

"I'm Doctor Montgomery, the neurosurgeon who operated on you."

"What happened? I can't see."

"Marty, let me check you out, and I'll answer all your questions."

I felt him pressing something cold against my chest, a stethoscope?

"Take a deep breath."

I did, and it hurt.

"Again."

It hurt a little less.

Somebody lifted me into a sitting position, and the doctor repeated his deep breath command three times. The last deep breath barely hurt at all. Then I felt thumping on my back.

"Nurse? Could you turn out the lights and close the curtains?"

I heard a woman's steps, a click, more steps, and a swoosh.

"Marty, Your eyes are covered because you were bleeding around the right optic nerve in your brain. So, keep them closed as I unwrap the bandages."

I did, and when I felt something come off my eyelids, the doctor said, "Marty, when you open your eyes, don't try to focus; just relax and let them adjust to the light. Now open your eyes slowly."

So, being a good patient and scared shitless, I followed directions. I saw light covered by clouds that were slowly melting away. Liz's face was the first thing I could identify; her mascara had run down her cheeks, her eyes were red, and she had snot dripping from her nose. With her lips quivering, she held herself to keep from shaking.

The doctor blocked my view, "Marty, I'm going to look in your eyes through this," and he held up this black device he called some long name beginning with O and ending in scope.

He ran me through some eye drills; follow his finger left to right and up and down, then close one eye and look at the eye chart and a couple of others.

"Doc, my eyes are sore."

"Close your eyes, Marty. I don't want to give you a headache. Your eyes look good, the right eye looks normal, and I think your vision will make a full recovery. Now, as to your question, what happened? You had an aneurysm, a bulge in a vein in your brain, nine centimeters from your eye that ruptured. It bled into your brain and put pressure on the right optic nerve and the frontal lobe. Marty, you were very fortunate that your father and fiancée found you quickly and got you to the hospital. Your mother knew I was in town for a hospital benefit and called me, and the aneurysm was in a perfect spot to access and repair. Most neuro-surgeons can repair brain aneurysms, but the only other surgeon available within 50 miles was in an operating room in Columbia. Time was the critical element to save the vision in your right eye and possibly your life, and we had you in the CT scanner and on the operating table within ninety minutes of you being found, sitting on a swing."

I was tired and didn't understand everything, but I understood full recovery.

"This aneurysm has been in your brain for a long time, and you probably had a spike in your pulse and blood pressure that caused it to rupture when it did. Have you ever had headaches or severe pain in that area?"

"Um, they started as a teenager. For the last couple of years when I fly somewhere, and the plane goes up or down, I feel pain right above my right eye. Also, when I get stressed, I get bad headaches. And if I drink a lot at a party, also."

"That would've been the bulge expanding. Don't buy a lottery ticket because you'll never be this lucky again. Now, I want you to rest, and when you wake up, you can eat, and we'll evaluate you further. Sound good?"

"Uh-huh, Doc. Thanks, you saved Marty, a rocket scientist and a legend in his own mind."

"He's all right," my momma said, "he's slapping his back and probably wants to write a book about his adventure."

"Doc, isn't there a limit on the number of visitors? Just kidding, Momma, I love you too."

"He is right because I need everyone to leave so he can rest. After a good night's sleep and food in his belly, he can have visitors tomorrow, two at a time."

I heard muffled agreements, words of encouragement, and shuffling feet, and the room got quiet except for the beeping monitor.

"Please, could I speak to Marty in private?" That was Liz speaking.

"Of course, nurse, could you wait a minute before giving him that sedative?"

"Of course, doctor. Miss, I'll be right outside."

When we were alone, I spoke, "Hi babe, I'm okay, and after we graduate, we'll get married. You helped save me."

"I almost killed you, don't you remember?"

What! I remember going to bed and then nothing.

"I remember sleeping, and that's it."

"We got in an argument, and I screamed at you. That's why your blood pressure went up."

"Liz, if it didn't happen then, it had to burst sometime; my blood pressure would spike and rupture the blood vessel. What if we were flying and the cabin pressure caused it to happen? Who would save me? What about making love? I might have rolled over and never woken up again. Don't guilt yourself, my love. I love you more now than ever."

She kissed me, and I felt her leave, and the nurse returned, and I went to sleep.

*****

The doctor ran too many tests, another CT scan, and had me walking, eating, talking, and the important one, pissing. The food was healthy, so it sucked. Everyone visiting had to bring a hamburger, milkshake, doughnuts, or pizza. Finally, after my CT scan came back clean, an ophthalmologist gave me a thorough eye examination. When he finished examining me, he told Dr. Montgomery that there was no visible damage, and I still had 20-15 vision. Both doctors agreed I could go home the next day.

*****

I got dressed by myself except for my shoes and socks. One restriction I had was bending over until I got the okay from Dr. Montgomery. I looked in the mirror to see my forehead with the bandage off. I could see the staples in my head above my right eye, and I started to cry, thinking how close I came to dying and not even knowing it. Liz called my name, and I walked out of the bathroom, barefoot.

She laughed, "You look fantastic, Lil Abner."

"Ha-ha. Mommy? Can you put my shoes and socks on? I'm not allowed."

Liz finished tying my shoes as the wheelchair showed up.

*****

Recovery was quick. I walked with Liz daily, napped, did some light reading in the afternoon, and watched TV game shows at night with Liz, Momma, and Dad. As weird as this sounds, I enjoyed watching TV with my parents and Liz, eating popcorn, and enjoying each other's company.

Ruth called me a few days after I left the hospital, and her voice sounded like she was in extreme distress.

I told her what happened, and she saw the irony right away, "So Liz almost killed you by screaming at you, causing the aneurysm to pop, and because all the medical pieces were in place, she saved your life by unknowingly trying to kill you. Remarkable!"

"How are Jason and little Melissa? I love that cutie pie so much."

"She's wonderful," and she talked about Lissa pulling herself up by the couch and wobbling back and forth, our little fingers strained to hold onto the cushion. Her voice choked a little as she spoke about her husband, "Jason's out in California at Miramar, 'Top Gun' training for nine weeks, so Lissa and I are staying with Mom here in Charlotte." I quickly realized that all the distress in her voice was not because of my accident. We talked a little more before saying goodbye.

On July 20^th, I got the okay to fly back to school. Momma didn't want me to leave, but she couldn't say I would be alone with Liz nursing me. Surprisingly, Liz wanted to stay another week in Greenville, but I had work to do on my current invention. So the day before we left for Stanford, Liz, Dianna, Dixie, and Momma met to set a budget and make a list of things that needed doing for my wedding. Momma had no problem spending my money on my wedding.

Classes started in August for our senior year, and for the last time, we went back to our dating formula, Friday night dinners out, dirty dancing, sex, sex, and more sex running over into Sunday morning.

*****

to be continued, Another party at BDSM Manor, and Liz takes a stroll on the wild side.

*****