For Every Rule There's An Exception

"I understand, I assume Alex will be discreet, although the rumors will flow throughout the office." I added.

"Sandra, I am truly sorry for you, both personally and professionally. I suggest that the two of you go to counselling. I also suggest that you come up with a very good story for your families and friends if your marriage doesn't survive. Eric, Denise and I will always be there for you if you need us. I know how hard you try to keep personal and professional separate. I will call you later after I speak with Mr. Thomas."

With that, he stood and left.

We must have sat there for about a half an hour. Sandy was just staring at me, with a pleading look in her eyes. I needed to get out of the house. I changed into jogging clothes and went for a walk. I'm not sure how far I walked, but I came back around three hours later. Sandy was still in the same position on the living room couch.

"Sam called. He wanted to speak with you. I said that you were out and I didn't know when you will be back. I didn't think it would be appropriate for me to ask about his conversation and he didn't volunteer."

I nodded at her. I said that I would take the conversation in our bedroom, and then corrected myself and said, your bedroom. I heard her crying again as I walked away.

"Sam Murray, how can I help."

"Sam, it's Eric."

"Eric, please hold for a sec while I close the door to my office.

"Eric, I didn't say anything to Alex and George prior to the meeting. It was here in my office right as I got in. I started by asking Mr. Thomas if anything unprofessional occurred on his trip to NY, with Mrs. Shaw. He had his poker face on and said 'Nothing unprofessional happened, Mr. Murray'.

"I said 'Well I heard a different story from Mrs. Shaw,' at which time he said, 'Mr. Murray, she came on to me'," he said

"'I thought you just said nothing happened."

""'I didn't want to incriminate her, and her husband works here,' he said.

"So, I said, 'I see, and since your return, your behavior has only been professional? Before you answer, let me inform the two of you that Sandra met with me this morning and has resigned. She has told me everything.'

"George asked me, 'Well what else did she say?"

"I said, 'Why don't you tell me, and please tell me everything and don't hold back. I know her husband works here, but as I said, she has resigned. I want no lies, Mr. Thomas, or it may affect your severance, should we come to termination'.

"Eric, that man is cool. He didn't even sweat. He said, 'I have nothing to hold back. She came by my office Tuesday and asked if I can come to her home Tuesday night when Alex and Eric were in Dallas. So I did.'

"I played along with him, I said, 'You know we have a morals clause in your contract, which you violated. Even if it's true that Sandra came on to you in NY, and even if it's true that Sandra visited you on Tuesday in the office, you still drove to her home Tuesday night by your own admission. Is that correct?' For the first time, I think he realized that he was in trouble, he just nodded. I than added, 'Is that your story or is there something else you'd like to admit?' He looked at me with a look that I have never seen on his face.

"'Mr. Thomas, Mrs. Shaw was unaware that her husband had a security system installed in their home. They have your entire visit on video and audio. What do the words blackmail and extortion mean to you? What does sexual assault mean to you? This is already a criminal offense. I expect your resignation on my desk within the hour'.

"That man doesn't give up. He said, 'They are bluffing, did you see the tape?'

'No, I didn't but they were willing to show it to me, despite the great embarrassment to Mrs. Shaw.' I then added, 'I may ask them show me the tape, and if their evidence is as they say it is, I will be forced to involve the police, if that is your desire, please let me know.' I know this is your life, Eric, and I apologize for that, but it was checkmate.

"He said 'You'll have my resignation within the hour.' I have never seen the man so defeated. To me, that was as good as his own admission. I will make the announcement about George tomorrow. You should let everyone know that Sandra is dealing with personal problems, and then maybe in a week or two, I will announce that Sandra has resigned. That is the best I can do for you."

"Thanks, Sam. I will see you tomorrow."

I came downstairs, and Sandy still hadn't moved.

"Do you know any marriage therapists?" I asked

"No, do you really think we need one?"

"Are you nuts? Well, maybe you are, of course we do. You have disrespected me, broken our vows, I don't trust you. I'm not even sure if you trust yourself. Your behavior for the past year has been erratic. Probably since a bit before Scottie was born. I don't know what's going on with you. You need serious help, I need help and we need help.

"Sandy, I love you with all my heart. I have never thought I could love someone as much as I love you, but you have a problem and you better take care of it. I can't go on like this, we should have done something before your episode, your incontrollable temper, you are constantly angry at me. The one thing that I am thankful for is at least you are a wonderful and caring mother to Scott."

She just looked up at me, like a lost puppy with tears in her eyes.

"I will call Alysha, she's a therapist. She must know someone who is marriage counselor, although I'm not sure if that is your main need. I will ask her to be discreet, but I assume she will confide in Mac."

*****

Alysha gave me the name of a family therapist. We went to therapy for over a year. One week it was just Sandy, one week it was the two of us and then after eight weeks or so, it was just me and Dr. Robinson. That was our routine for the next 12 or 13 months. Dr. Robinson was one of Alysha's professors in the University of Colorado. She was quite experienced. To make a long story short, she explained to me that the source of Sandy's problem was having her mother get sick when she was in her adolescent years in high school, and even though she lost her five or six years later, she was very sick for a while prior and until the cancer was discovered, that, too, took time. Sandy has no sisters and she became the matriarch of the family at the age of 14 or 15, even though she wasn't ready for it. Sandy was aware of the reasons for her issues, was working on controlling her anger. It was interesting that I was the only one who was the recipient of her anger. Never her father, brothers or Scottie. It had something to do with her replacing her love for her mother with her love for me; although it was a very different love and I could never replace her need for a mother.

I asked the doctor, since Sandy was now aware of the source of the problem, if it could be controlled. Dr. Robinson was quite hesitant in her answer; she couldn't commit. I asked her, is it possible for her to cheat again, if she gets angry at me again, and again the doctor was not committable.

I asked her, what am I supposed to do? I can't stay in a marriage where my wife has this uncontrollable temper with a tendency to cheat. The doctor asked me, when was the last time Sandy had lost her temper with me? That was a good question. I didn't recall.

I was approaching my 32^nd birthday. Scott was nearly three years old. He probably thought it was natural for his parents to sleep in separate bedrooms. He also probably thought it was natural to never see his parents embrace. We tried to be great parents. Sandy had recently started to work again, in another industry. It was time to make a decision.

*****

On the work front, things never were better for SM Services. Alex hired two salespeople after George "resigned." I hired one person to replace Sandy: a young man named Tommy. We had Tommy and Tammy, but they weren't an item. In fact, Tammy had a boyfriend and Pete had married. Our department was growing. Once in a while the guys asked about Sandy, but I just said I'd pass on their best, and I usually did. Alex, months later, went out with me and was very supportive. He knew we were in therapy. Sam, too, knew I was in therapy. I did confide only with Sam and Denise about details. I did hear that George got divorced. I was pleased about that. I never did speak with his wife and I'm not sure if Sandy did. It wouldn't be something that we would discuss. I was glad that I wasn't involved with that.

Our families knew that we were having issues; they never knew the source. Sandy once told me that she told her dad that she was the cause of the problems, but never explained why, even though he persisted.

Of our friends, only Mac and Alysha guessed the reason why. I swore them to secrecy. I think they honored my request.

My life was really going nowhere. Business was doing great. My cost analysis spread sheet became part of the sales process and Alex and I worked very closely together on prospective deals. Our sales were closing in on nearly $15,000,000 a year, with around 12% net profit. In the days of George, our net profit was around 3%. I was starting to have financial security, but I was in a loveless marriage.

"Sandy, I made a decision."

"A decision, what was the issue?"

I think she was oblivious to my emotional needs and was satisfied with status quo.

"Sandy, I think it's time we divorce."

She just looked at me like a deer in headlights.

"You seem surprised."

"I... I... I thought we were doing okay. I thought our sessions with Dr. Robinson were helping me and us?"

"Sandy, we haven't made love in over a year, we don't sleep in the same bedroom, our son doesn't even know that his parents love each other, we never embrace."

"Eric, I am ready for you to move back into our room any time you like. I haven't cheated on you in over a year. I don't look at other men, not that I did before my one episode. I am really trying to control my temper, I think I have been pretty good, in that department, also. What more can I do?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's my problem. I asked the doctor for a guarantee and she wouldn't commit. It isn't fair to either of us. We both need to have love and happiness. I still love you, but I can't be with you. I don't know what I want. I just think we need to move on."

We were both crying. Sandy actually came to me to hug me and I let her. She wanted to kiss me, but I moved back a bit. She hugged me again.

"I guess you thought about this a lot. I know you."

"I have."

"What do you think is fair for Scottie?"

"Well, I think that he should stay in the house with you. My proposal is for you to live in the house, which will belong to both of us, at least until Scottie is 18. I will look for a place nearby. When he is 18, we can sell the house or one of us can buy it from the other. In lieu of you living in the house, rent free, for the next 15 years, I think, that you should only be entitled to 10% of my shares of SM Services. I will of course pay for all of Scottie's child support and I will also pay for his college education. As far as alimony is concerned, I think we can figure out an amount which is fair. However, if you ever marry, or even live with someone else, alimony stops right away. If you marry and move into his home, then we can sell this house and split the profit. I will continue to make the mortgage payments. However, if you marry and stay in this home, then you will have to pay rent to me, until Scottie is 18. I think we will need to work on a figure for that.

"I will be changing my life insurance policy, making Scottie the sole beneficiary and he won't inherit until the age of 21, should my passing precede his 21^st birthday.

"As far as custody is concerned, I think it should be joint, I get him two of the three weekend nights and once during the week, either Monday or Thursday so it can be three consecutive nights. The summers should be split, evenly. Holidays, switch from year to year."

"I guess you did think about this a lot. Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"

"No, I am sorry."

"Okay Eric, I won't stay in the way of your happiness. I know that I love you more today than the day I married you. I am sad for us, for you, for Scottie and for me.

"Can you please help me talk to my dad? He will be so heartbroken."

"Yes, he will always be my father-in-law, no matter what our legal status is."

*****

"Norm, how are you?"

"Maybe a bit better, now that I see the two of you here together."

"Norm, we didn't mean to give you the wrong impression, but we have finally agreed to terminate our marriage."

I could see that he was heartbroken.

"Why, you guys love each other so much?"

Sandy piped in.

"Daddy, as you know we have been in therapy for over a year. All I can tell you is that there are some issues that I caused. The therapist has helped me understand the source of the issues and I am working really hard on myself, but I need to be fair to Eric. We haven't slept in the same room for over a year. We don't want Scottie to grow up in a loveless home."

He looked at me and said, "Eric, I always loved you like a son. I hope you will be fair to my little girl."

It was the first time I saw Norm cry. Sandy told me that he didn't cry when her mother died. She asked him why once, and he said that he wanted to be strong for his kids.

I filled in Norm on my proposal. He said that he would discuss with his attorney, Arthur Goodman; however, he asked if we can wait a week since Arthur just buried his wife. I asked how old was she, and Norm said that they are both 40. "Pancreatic cancer, six weeks and she was gone. At least I had five years with my Linda before she passed. "

The next day I asked Sam to recommend an attorney. I met with Sam's attorney, Bill Harrison, a few days later, and within a few weeks, Bill and Arthur worked out all the details.

Dr. Robinson was also saddened about our news. She said that she would continue to work alone with Sandy and if I liked she would see me. I didn't think there would be a point.

*****

I found a three-bedroom apartment a few blocks away from Sandy's home. I set up a room for Scott and tried to get on with my life.

For the next two years, I was really dedicated to work. The guy's wives would try and set me up with someone, but they all failed in comparison to Sandy. Sandy, for her part, from time to time mentioned that she would still wait for me, whenever I was ready to come back. I smiled. I still loved her. I knew it. I just couldn't commit. The pain was too great. What did Jackie tell me years ago? 'Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me?' Well, I didn't want to get to, 'shame on me.'

*****

Sandy and I met one Sunday afternoon to plan Scott's 5^th birthday party. She seemed hesitant to speak to me about something.

"Sandy what's on your mind, I'm getting an impression there's something you want to tell me."

"Eric, I don't want you to hear about this from someone else. I am seeing someone."

Well, if that weren't a punch in the gut, then I don't know what is. Ouch that hurt. I tried to be happy for her.

"That's great, do I know him?"

"Yes, I think you do, I think you met him during our divorce. He was my attorney, Arthur Goodman."

More silence from me. I remembered. He was this older man. I think he had older kids. What did she want with him?

"Yes, I do remember him. Isn't he much older than you, I mean I was five years older, but he's got to be at least ten years older."

"He's 42, so he's thirteen years older. I haven't gone out much, I was always waiting for you to come back. He is one of the few men that I had any contact with, and you may remember that he was a widower. He's been pursuing me for some time, so I finally agreed about six weeks ago.

"He is the only person aside from Sam and Dr. Robinson that I have shared my details of my infidelity with. He actually didn't understand how you can give up on me so easily."

Another punch in the gut.

"He said, 'one man's loss is another man's gain.' He has given me my self-confidence back. I am very fond of him.

"However, I would break it off with him in a second if you would give me another chance."

There it was, I lost her once, or maybe gave up on her. Now, she was almost forcing the issue. No one forces my hand. I was too smart and proud for that. I called her bluff. My second mistake.

"Sandy, that isn't going to happen. I am happy for you. I wish you much happiness together, but I do have my concerns for Scottie."

"Eric, we have only been dating six weeks. I'm not ready for marriage yet. I share your concerns. I just wanted to let you know."

"Doesn't he have older kids?"

"Yes, his 18-year-old son is going to college next year and his 16-year-old daughter is entering her junior year of high school."

"Will that be strange for you?"

"As I said, nothing is happening so fast, but I've known his kids many years and they like me. They want their father to be happy. I remember their mother quite well, and we have something in common with losing our mothers at a young age."

I was going to ask if they were sexually compatible, but that would be overstepping my bounds.

I had a tough time sleeping that night. The next day, I invited myself over to Alysha and Mac's. Alysha is also a therapist and was very helpful.

"Eric, she still loves you, but she has this nice-looking man, who had been a family friend, whispering sweet nothings in her ear for a long time. I am sure he's quite lonely, and Sandy is a very pretty woman; what did you expect?"

"I don't know. It isn't fair. She cheated, why does she get to be happy?"

"You aren't being fair to either of you. She has left the door wide open for you any time. If you want to suffer and be miserable forever, you can't force her to do it."

"Maybe I am the screwed up one. Maybe I should try to understand that human beings are fallible. It's ironic, I always teach my subordinates, that it's okay to make a mistake, just don't repeat it. Maybe I feared repeating the mistake by giving Sandy a second chance, but she probably never would have repeated. She learned that rule from me. I didn't keep to my own rules."

Alysha gave me a big hug and said, "You go call her and tell her, that you want to try again."

I looked at her

"I can't, what is wrong with me?"

*****

I made an appointment to see Dr. Robinson. She heard my issue, but regrettably said that she was still treating Sandy and couldn't help me because of a conflict of interest. She gave me the name of another therapist: a Dr. Allen. I never called him.

Three months later, Sandy and Arthur wed. It was her 30^th birthday. I had met with Arthur a few times during their courting. He obviously was aware of our divorce agreement. They decided that for Scottie's stability, they would move into our, I mean, Sandy's home. That meant I would now have extra income with the rent they had to pay me, based on the divorce agreement. Also, it was the end of my alimony payments. It was a three bedroom so it would be a bit tight. Rebecca, Arthur's daughter, would sleep downstairs, and when David, his son, came home, he would share a room with Scottie. Scottie now had an older brother and two new male influences in his life. I liked Arthur's kids. They accepted me as Scottie's father.

About a year later, I heard that Sandy legally adopted Author's kids.

When it was time to plan Scott's 7^th birthday party, I thought I noticed something different with Sandy.

She said to me, "Yes, I am expecting, Scottie's going to be a big brother."

Another punch in the gut.

Five months later, Rachel Linda Goodman was born. Rachel was Arthur's wife and Linda was Sandy's mother.

Sandy had managed to put her life together; I was a wreck. Yes, I went out sometimes. I even had a two-month relationship once. No one was Sandy. I began to think that I spent too much time with my ex-wife and her new family but I didn't want to give up on my time with Scott.