For Every Rule There's An Exception

"Thanks for coming over today, Eric; I really appreciate this."

"This may be a bit difficult for me, Alysha. Please explain again what you need from me."

"Sure, as I mentioned on the phone, I am doing my doctoral thesis on the psychology of victimhood. I am trying to show the psychological differences, if any, between different types of victims. I have lined up or already met with people who were in terror attacks, a woman who was kidnapped, two people that were abused; a child and a wife, and three spouses who were cheated on. Each of the spouses reacted differently to the cheating. I am more focused on the victim's emotions, immediately prior to and following the episode, in order to learn and maybe help others cope with the emotional distress better. As I mentioned, in my dissertation, I will not use anyone's real names and I will try to avoid identifiable events to protect your innocence as much as possible. I will also allow you, if you'd like, to read my thesis, prior to submission. There may be a lot of psychological terms that I use."

Alysha MacDonald was the wife of one of my closest friends, known to all as Mac. They have been married over 30 years. She called me out of the blue the other day and explained all this to me. I was a bit nervous, and afraid of how I would handle bringing up old wounds. Alysha, however, was a great friend of mine and helped me, or tried to help me, so much in my time of need, way back then.

"Okay, but why now? Why didn't you complete your doctorate all those years ago?"

"After I completed my masters, we started having children, and now that the boys have finally moved out, I think it's time. My old professor, Helen Robinson, is still working and has encouraged me to complete my requirements for a doctorate. I believe you are well acquainted with her."

"Yes, you are bringing up so many memories, some quite painful."

"I'm sorry, Eric. Maybe you retelling your story will be some kind of therapy for you, if you need any.

"Eric, I will be taking notes and as you speak, I will be recording you. My notes will focus on your implied reactions as you reiterate the details. Please speak in the first person for yourself, and when referring to me, please use the 3^rd person narrative and not the second. Please try to treat me as someone who doesn't know any details whatsoever."

"Okay, that may be a bit weird, but I will do my best. Where should I start, what should I focus on and where should I end the story?"

"That's a great question. The focus should be on the days, weeks and months prior to the cheating and following the cheating; until you decided what you were going to do about it. I think it would be very helpful to lead up with your courting and emotional needs in the beginning of your marriage, and at the end, you can fill in what you have felt over the years after you were cheated on. How often did you think about it, how often did it come up, how did you, to the best of your opinion, emotionally handle the history? I will focus on the emotions. Please try to be as factual as much as you can and not analyze yourself.

"The one thing that doesn't have to be said, and I will describe this in my doctorate, is that I do know you and your strong beliefs of right and wrong and your strong sense of ethics. I will use that and try to explain, as best I can, the decision you made. With my other two victims of cheating; one male and the other female, I don't have that knowledge, so I will try and pry that out of them, but that may be difficult for me."

"Okay, Alysha, turn the tape on."

*****

The main event of my story occurred about 30 years previously. It was a bit after my 30^th birthday. I was working for the same company from which that I am about to retire. I am vice president, with stock options that are worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. At the time of the incident, we were a small company. I was one of the first ten employees, hired by the then owner, president and CEO, my great friend, Sam Murray. Sam and I weren't acquainted prior to me joining his firm, but through the years we have developed a very close professional and personal relationship. I had been working for Sam for about seven years at the time of the incident, and there were two other people who were working for the company then who were key players in my story: my wife Sandy and our best salesman, George Thomas.

They say (I'm not sure who they are) that the husband is always the last to know. Well, in this case, I'm pretty sure I was the third to figure it out and the first two didn't need to, since they were already aware.

I headed the Post Sales Department at SM Services. My job was to manage all the active accounts, make sure our customers were satisfied with our services and solutions and I was responsible for negotiating and renewing all contracts. All George had to do was bring in the client, get the initial contract signed and then move on to the next. George had a partner in crime and that was his boss, Alex Jensen. Alex was senior to George, but once Alex hired George, our sales took off. George started about two years after I did, and when George came aboard, I needed to create a team for all the new business that he brought in. That is where Sandra Elkins came in. She was this bright-eyed smart as a whip kid who just graduated with a bachelor's degree in management, and very eager to work hard. I say a kid because she was just 21 and I was almost 26 at that time.

During the interview process, it never once occurred to me that we would, date, fall in love and eventually marry. That was so far beyond the realm of professionalism. If you had asked Sandy, she thought of me as this much older guy who would become her boss, if she passed all my requirements. She, too, never considered romance when she was interviewing. I was, in fact, only five years older than she was, but I guess working for more than four years gave me this aura of maturity. She thought I was much older than my 26 years.

I didn't have much of a budget to work with, and Sandy was very inexpensive. She was also personable, very knowledgeable, very smart and even I noticed, she was very attractive, which I felt would also help with the customer base. I hired her. I decided that we should share an office in an open space layout, and left room for growth. Pete and Tammy joined within a few years, and I had my team to manage for our growing business.

On the personal front, I did go out once in a while, usually a blind date set up by my one of my sisters, but I hardly met anyone I wanted to date a second time. I did hang out with my college buddies from time to time. There were four of us, Jerry, Bobby and Mac (his name was really Deion MacDonald, but we all called him Mac). Jerry married his high school girlfriend, Laura, and they were already expecting their second child. Bobby met Juanita on the job. Bobby was a salesman for a manufacturer of sheets and linens, and Juanita was a buyer for Bed, Bath and Beyond. They met and were married within nine months of their initial date. We had recently celebrated Mac's marriage to Alysha, so I was the last remaining holdout. Laura, Juanita and Alysha were always sending me names and numbers of their friends. I actually managed a third date with one of Alysha's friends, but she wasn't interested in a long term relationship. Most of the time, I was married to the job.

One of the requirements that I had to fulfill was travelling to trade shows. I would always go with either Alex or George. It was during one of these shows that I got a two glimpses of George's real personality. There was a two-day show in Vegas, and at the time, I think I only had Sandy on my team. I felt that Sandy was capable enough to manage the clients and I was only a phone call away. This was before the days of email and cell phones, and certainly smart phones.

George manned the booth and I listened to the questions that the prospective clients were asking and to his answers. I had never heard so much bullshit in my life. He was promising the world, and then it would be up to me to deliver.

"George, what is that? You know we can't answer their needs. Why are you making promises like that?" I said to him privately.

"Eric, my boy, that is the way it works in the sales world. We need to get the fish to take the bait and then I rely on you to figure out how to keep the client happy."

"George, did you ever do any analysis of the cost to the company to provide a profitable solution to these clients?"

"Eric, that isn't my problem. My job is to bring in the sales."

"Does Alex know that you are doing this?"

I actually was aware of these crazy deals that we signed, but didn't understand that it was George and not Alex that was making them.

"Alex, ha, he don't know shit. Last year I brought in revenues of over $4,000,000, while Alex is still in the $2,000,000 to $2,500,000 range. It's unfair that as my boss he gets commissions on my business. I think I should renegotiate my terms with Sam."

I was going to say I thought I should let Sam know what you are doing, but let it slide. I decided that I would do an analysis of all the business that George brought in and our costs to deliver the solutions.

George was much older than I was. He was around 40. He was even older than both Sam and Alex, who were in their mid-30's.

After George and I had dinner, he suggested that we go to the bar in the hotel. We met many of the potential buyers there, and everyone was drinking and having a good time. George had me alone for a second.

"Hey, Eric, you see that blond with the big tits over there?"

"How can anyone miss her; she's practically falling out of her dress."

"Ten bucks I have her in the sack within 30 minutes."

"George, aren't you married; what would your wife say?"

"That ball and chain, she wouldn't do a thing. She hardly does anything for me. We have sex once a week and she just lies there like a freakin statue. That babe over there looks like a live wire."

"She looks half your age; why would she want an old guy like you?"

"Because I got seven inches that she don't have. I am also like the Energizer Bunny: I don't stop for quite some time and I have a reputation in these parts."

"You mean you do this all the time?"

"Yep, every trade show, but even I have my limits. I never go for the married ones. All I need is one irate husband to come after me. That little thing don't have no ring. Last night it was that brunette in the corner. She was recently divorced and boy was she on fire last night. She was really hungry. You should try her out."

"Well, if she was so good, why not go for round two?"

"Another rule of mine; once is enough, I don't need to get any attachments, Remember, I am married. Go for it. I think her name was Carolyn, or Kathryn or something like that."

"Sorry, George, I usually have a relationship before I sleep with a woman."

"Whatever suits you, Sonny. Your loss."

George walked over to the blond and within a few minutes they were laughing it up. After about 15 minutes, I saw her grab onto his arm and they started to walk out. Before they left, he stopped by the brunette and started talking to her and they were looking right at me. George left with the blond, and shortly after the brunette started walking towards me.

"Eric, is it?"

"Yes, hi. I'm sorry, George didn't remember your name."

"It's Jackie or Jacklyn. My mother calls me Jacklyn, but my friends call me Jackie. I hear this is your first show."

"Nope, been to many. This is at least my second with George, but I usually travel with Alex, his boss."

I'm not sure why I felt like I had to mention that George had a boss.

Jackie was from Cleveland. She worked for a competitor of ours. She was recently divorced (I knew that) after a three-year marriage. Her ex cheated on her twice.

"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me," she said.

"So, I said, enough. He promised he would change, he'd go do therapy and yada yada yada, but I figured I'm only 32, I can try again. Excuse me for asking, how old are you?"

"I'm 27".

"Cool, I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but you look older, very mature for 27. You have this serious look on. Much more than your asshole friend George."

"He's not my friend; he's my colleague. He actually told me that you loved being with him and couldn't wait for him to get into your pants again. Pardon me for being so vulgar."

"He's a real putz. He talks a good game, but he ain't no Don Juan.

"Wendy is going to be very disappointed in about 20 minutes."

"Whose Wendy?"

"She's the stupid little girl who went off with him. I told her that she's wasting her time, but she's young and wants to have fun."

We started to talk about other stuff, but eventually made it to business. She knew of our company, but I never heard of hers. That's the way it goes. We exchanged contact information and business cards, but my interest in Jackie was only on a professional basis. She was very good looking, but not for me.

*****

After that trip, I started to do my analysis of cost effectiveness of each client. I maintained it all in a spreadsheet. I think I used Lotus in those days. I kept information such as deal size, client satisfaction, client expectations, cost to go to market, etc. I also linked each deal to a salesperson. It was either Alex, George or Sam; who also closed some big deals.

Shortly after that trip, we had our annual end of the year Christmas party. Sam rented a small ballroom in a local hotel, had a nice band and lots of drinks and food. Sandy had been working for us for a bit over year, and I think Pete had just started. Sandy was introducing Pete to the whole team. I don't know what it was, but she just looked like an angel that night. She wore a flowy navy-blue skirt and a white blouse. Sandy had dirty blond hair with some light streaks, and she wore her hair down that evening. She always had a pony tail at work. Later, I saw her sitting by herself and went over to make small talk.

"Sandy, I'm not sure if it's okay to talk about your personal life, but if I recall from your employee application you aren't married, is that correct?"

"Married, I'm only 22; nope, not married."

"But I bet you got a guy or a boyfriend."

"Eric, wow, no, do you know someone for me?"

"Come on, you can't have a hard time meeting guys."

"In college I had a boyfriend, but he was just for fun. He wasn't interested in any commitment, so we went our separate ways. I'm not ready to get married or anything like that, but I need a certain amount of maturity from a guy.

"Someone like you, but you're way too old for me and it wouldn't be appropriate anyway."

"Yes, that's not healthy, but I'm flattered."

It got a bit uncomfortable, but we continued to find other topics to discuss. I leaned that she was from Denver and she was the middle of three siblings. She had two brothers; she was the only girl. I told her about my two older sisters. I guess that made me grow up faster, being the youngest, than other people my age. She said her mom had passed away in her junior year of college after battling cancer for four years. Her dad was semi-retired and helped babysit for his granddaughter from Sandy's older brother. They all lived in the area. I told her that my folks moved to Florida, one of my sisters lived in Colorado Springs, which was about 90 minutes away and the other moved to New York.

I walked Sandy to her car at the end of the evening. I was tempted to give her a kiss on the cheek but thought better of it. That night I couldn't sleep. Had I met the girl of my dreams and she was right under my nose. I couldn't do that. I was in big trouble. I had a tough time sleeping all weekend, and figured that I had to control myself.

The following Monday morning, I stopped by Sam's office and told him that I need him on a personal matter. I asked him if he had any time. He told me to come by at the end of the day.

*****

"What is it, Eric, do you need some money, a loan or something?"

"No, Sam, it's a lot more complicated."

"Go ahead."

"I met a young lady that I am interested in pursuing a relationship with."

"That's great, what do you need from me, time off?"

"No, I need you to fire one of us."

Sam had this look of bewilderment.

"Sam, she works here. In itself, that is problematic; what makes it worse is she works for me."

"Sandra?"

Sam always used peoples given names. he would have called Jackie, Jacklyn.

"Yes sir."

"Eric, that is a big problem. How far has it progressed?"

"It hasn't gone anywhere yet. We just spent a lot of time together the other night at the party, and I was thinking of her all weekend. I have been out with many women and she is the first one that I really would like to pursue. I know her fairly well already, since we share the same office and have been alone for the past year until Pete joined."

"Do you know how she feels?"

"No sir."

"Well, let me discuss this with Denise (Sam's wife). This is a potential problem on many fronts. Let's say she isn't interested; can you walk away? Let's say she is and you lose interest. We may lose a valuable employee here. I have read her evaluations and she is doing quite well. I believe we gave her a nice raise about a month ago. Let's say you become a couple, and all couples have their issues; how can you guarantee that you won't bring your dirty laundry to work? This can have ramifications on the business. I am not sure what to tell you. I assume you'd like to pursue this, and that is why you are speaking with me?"

"Yes sir."

"And if I tell you not to, what would you do?"

"I don't know, but I wouldn't go behind your back."

"Yes, Eric, I know you too well; you are too honest for that. So that leaves you with one of three options: either control your urges, fire her or quit."

"Sam, I haven't thought about it yet. I'm not up to that. I didn't plan more than one move at a time. I know we have non-fraternization clauses in our contracts. I hate to make this so bland, but that would have to be amended slightly, if I am given your permission to pursue a relationship with her."

"Eric, let's discuss this tomorrow after I speak with Denise. I don't want to lose her, I especially don't want to lose you, and I don't want to be in the way of your personal happiness. Have a good night and try and get some sleep."

"Thanks Sam, we'll talk tomorrow."

****

The next day, I kept on glancing at Sandy. I listened intently as she spoke with customers. I watched her as she continued her training of Pete. It may have been my least productive day since I joined SM Services. At 5:00, Sam called me and asked me to step into his office.

"I had a long talk with Denise last night about you. If I didn't know better, I'd think she had a crush on you."

I blushed

"Well, what did she suggest?"

"She said that we shouldn't get in the way of your personal happiness, but she thinks it would be better if I speak to Sandra, to feel her out."

"That won't be awkward; do you know how?"

"We have a resolution for that: Denise will sit in with me, she will handle the questions. But Eric, what will you do, if we tell you that you are wasting your time?"

"I guess; I'll have to figure something out. Let's deal with that after you speak with her."

****

The next day (Wednesday), Sam sent out a note to the entire company. He said he would be evaluating each department head and speaking with all the employees. This was after he had a meeting with all the department heads, letting us know what he was doing.

I found out a few years later than when Sam met with George and asked him to evaluate Alex, George really ripped into Alex, being too conservative, and not focusing on signing the clients at all costs. Sam was shocked when he heard this. It wasn't the criticism but the tone and disrespect that George had for Alex. This was before I ever mentioned or shared my cost analysis spreadsheet per sale I was developing.