Forever is a Strong Word

Was she ready yet? And even more importantly, how could he know the answer to that? She seemed so much different from Paula that he was sure he'd have no trust issues. The only caveat was his apparent misread of Paula that he certainly didn't want to repeat.

At the least, he could spend the rest of their time together today enjoying what her Daisy Dukes didn't cover.

"Feel free to kick off your sandals. This carpet is very conducive to going barefoot."

Tanny did just that, tossing her Sandals away and standing, her toes wiggling in the thick carpet.

Bryan was gently shaking his head as Tanny danced around on the soft carpet. He wondered if she realized how sexy she was just being herself.

"That is soft and cozy," she said as she sat down, tucking her legs under her.

"It's the pad underneath," he said. "How's that for boring and useless information?"

Tanny laughed. "I'll remember that if I need new carpet for the condo."

"Tell me about your condo."

That reminded Tanny of something. "We need to exchange cell numbers."

They did, and Bryan felt his heart flutter, somehow glad that Tanny had suggested it.

"Do you have Skype?"

"Sure do."

"Let's exchange our tags, and I'll show you around the condo tomorrow. It's old-fashioned, but it works for me and my family."

Bryan could feel his courage building and wondered if he'd be able to give Tanny a hint regarding his feelings for her. He'd never been shy about that sort of thing in the past, but this was different. She was different.

"Can't wait to see it."

"Now I'll have to clean up."

"Since the kids are asleep, how about a glass of wine?"

"I have to drive home."

He chuckled. "I said glass, not bottle."

"I guess I'm just overly sensitive since I'm alone."

"Listen," he said, his eyes holding hers, "and I'm very serious about this. You have my number now, and if you ever have a problem, call me. Promise me?"

"Bryan, I can't--"

"--Promise me," he interrupted?

She sighed. "Thank you, Bryan. I guess it will be good to have someone I can count on."

"I hope you never have to call, but if you do, I'll do my damndest to be there."

Tanny nibbled her lower lip.

"I know you will, Bryan. And thanks again."

"I almost forgot about the wine. I have both white and red."

"I've tried both, but tried is the key word. Which do you like best?"

"Let's go with the red."

She followed him to the kitchen and saw the wine glasses sitting on the counter. She held up a glass and raised her eyebrows.

"A good host offers his guest wine."

"I'd better get some wine in case you visit then."

"Next play date is yours."

Nodding, Tanny took her glass of wine to the family room, sat down, and tucked her legs under her once again.

Bryan was barely able to keep himself from sitting down beside her. She was absolutely delectable, sitting there delicately sipping her wine. He was amazed at how quickly his feelings had changed. She'd been cute from the first time he'd seen her, but he came into contact with lots of cute girls...women. She was a mother, after all.

"This is kinda good," she said.

"I'll know what to get next time you're here."

Next time she was here. He was expecting her to be here sometime in the future. Bryan was certainly different. She watched him watch her and knew there was more there than just being attentive. But she was still afraid. She hadn't really thought about it before, at least not seriously, but now that she was, she could almost feel herself trembling.

"I like the light colors you have in all the rooms that I've seen. It's bright and cheerful."

"I like bright and cheerful, although it takes more than colors to make that happen."

Tanny sighed. "I know what you mean."

She took a large swallow of her wine. She was surprised she didn't choke but could feel the effect almost immediately. It was a different feeling as she seldom drank anything alcoholic. Terry hadn't liked to drink either, as he felt he always needed to be ready to fly a plane somewhere at a moment's notice..

"That was a pretty big gulp. Are you okay?"

Tanny smiled. "I guess I should sip and not gulp, right? You can see what an amateur I am at this."

"If you're uncomfortable with it, you don't have to drink the wine." Bryan looked concerned.

"Just the opposite, I think I'm too comfortable with it. I've never been drunk, but I'm feeling something in my head already."

"Wow, I don't want to teach you any bad habits."

"I'm a big girl. I can decide for myself," she said, finishing the glass.

She was a big girl, all right. Bryan could see that. He didn't want to do anything to offend her, but neither did he want to allow her to endanger herself. It was a delicate line, and he would be treading it carefully. Maybe a change of subject.

'How long does Mikaela usually nap?"

"Oh, well, usually an hour and a half, sometimes two hours."

"Bart's about the same, I guess. They have another thirty minutes or so, then."

Tanny eyed her wine glass while glancing at Bryan as well. With the new thoughts she was having about him, it was inevitable that she compare him to Terry. He was a couple of inches taller, but their physics were very similar. Terry had sandy-colored hair, while Bryans was dark, much like her own. But those things weren't really that important. She had just realized that their personalities were very similar, and she decided that's what was creating the feelings she was having.

As much as her body was telling her to have another glass, her common sense wasn't going to let it happen. And that's what she told Bryan.

"I'd better skip that second glass. Today is a good day for discretion." And there was more meaning in that than Bryan heard, she was sure.

Bryan listened for sounds from the bedroom, but it was quiet. He watched Tanny seat herself in the usual posture one more time. He sighed.

"Busy week?" she asked.

"I have to take Bart to Paula's tomorrow. Nothing else unusual. How about you?"

"It's been really busy at the Center, so I'll be tired when I get home. Lots of details to take care of and a bunch of Social Security checks arriving. Sometimes they want to argue with you about how their money is handled, but I'm used to it now."

"Wow. It's hard for me to imagine what you do there."

Tanny thought for a moment.

"Take a day's vacation and come see what I do. We can always use another volunteer."

It only took a few seconds of thinking for Bryan to decide that spending an entire day with Tanny would be worth more than just a day's vacation.

"Do you dare me to do that?" he asked.

"Do I need to?" she fired right back.

"Just tell me when, and I'll be there."

"Really?" She had assumed that Bryan was just teasing her.

"Just tell me a good day to be there."

Someone who was just a friend would have said, "thanks, but no thanks." Bryan was opting to spend the whole day with her doing things he might not understand or enjoy. But he hadn't hesitated. The message was loud and clear, and she was hearing it, even if she wasn't sure she was ready to hear it.

"Do you have a preference?"

"How about splitting the week in half with Wednesday?"

"Okay." Tanny was ready to add that to her phone but knew she wasn't about to forget that she'd be spending Wednesday with Bryan. She wondered why this thing, whatever it was, with Bryan had to be so difficult and stressful.

"I think I hear little voices," Bryan said, and sure enough, in just a few minutes, the family room was filled with giggling.

A few more games, a quick snack, and Brian reluctantly bid Tanny and Mikaela goodbye, reminding Tanny that next Sunday was at her Condo. He was relieved to get a smiling agreement.

At the condo, Tanny prepared some dinner, she and Mikaela watched TV, and the three-year-old was tucked into bed, still bubbling about her time with Bart at his house.

She went to the family room and dropped into her lounger, lifting her eyes to the picture hanging on the wall opposite her chair, a wedding picture with a smiling bride and groom. After Terry's accident, she had viewed that picture often, but it had been a while since she had looked at it like she was tonight. Somehow it wasn't giving her the answer she knew she'd, in the end, have to find within herself.

◇-◇-◇-◇

On Sunday, when Bryan and Bart arrived at Paula's, she was sitting on the front steps waiting for them, which had never happened before. When Bryan released Bart from the car seat, he ran to Paula.

"Mama, Kayla came to my house. We played."

"A play date, huh," she said, glancing at Bryan.

"Yes. Going to Kayla's."

"Another one too? Sounds like Bart is having fun."

The lilt in her voice told him he could substitute his name for Bart's in what she'd said. Added to that, they were talking to each other like regular people, something that had only happened a couple of times since the divorce.

"You know I met Tanny and Mikaela, don't you?"

"She mentioned that she had met you."

Paula nodded and smiled a knowing smile.

"She's had a tough life," he said, trying to deflect the smile.

"She told me a little about it."

"Bart and Mikaela get along amazingly well."

"I've seen a little of that, and Darla said the same thing. Bart deserves that."

That caused Bryan to gaze quizzically at Paula. That kind of talk wasn't usual from her and had never been.

"Mama, can we go play with the cars?"

"Bart likes Hot Wheels cars, so we have a nice collection. I've gotten so I can make acceptable car noises."

"Listen, don't let me hold you guys up, then. See you later, Bart."

"Bye, Daddy."

Bryan returned to his car, wondering what had just happened and why.

◇-◇-◇-◇

On Wednesday morning, when Tanny drove into the parking lot at the Center, she saw Bryan sitting in his car waiting for her. He jumped out and followed her inside. After introductions and welcomes, he followed her to the small office where she'd spend a lot of time today, she at the desk, and he tucked into a chair in the corner.

"The Director looks kind of old to still be working, Tanny."

"He's eighty-two and founded the Center. Plus, he's not well, but he refuses to quit, and the board allows him to stay in place." Tanny was quiet for a moment. "I'm afraid they're going to ask me to take his place when..."

"Why afraid? That sounds like a wonderful honor but I'm sure it would be a lot of responsibility."

"I know, but..."

"A bit of a change for your life?"

"A big change, I'm afraid."

Bryan nodded. "And you don't know when it might happen?"

"Nope," she said, "and I'll be right back."

Bryan watched her heading to the restroom.

"Where's Tanny?" the lady in the Wharton Center shirt asked as she stuck her head in the office door.

"The restroom, I think."

"You don't look like a client, so you must be a friend of Tanny's."

"Our kids go to preschool together, and I was curious about what she did here at the Center."

A huge smile filled the lady's face. "You'll see wonderful in action, then. I hope we don't lose her to some other operation. I don't know how we'd ever replace her."

"I think she's very dedicated from the way she talks."

"So you've met Ruth," Tanny said as she popped through the door.

"We've been talking, but now I know her name," Bryan said with a nod to Ruth.

"This is my friend, Bryan," Tanny said, putting her hand on Bryan's shoulder. She realized that was the first time she had purposefully touched him, and it seemed surprisingly natural.

When Ruth was gone, and Tanny was seated at the desk ready for work, Bryan smiled.

"She said I was about to see wonderful in action."

Pink cheeks again.

"I just do my job. Ruth exaggerates."

"I'll watch and decide for myself."

Bryan watched, and it didn't take much deciding to see that the way she interacted with the clients was very special. Those that knew her were all smiles the whole time. A couple of new ones were skeptical at first but all smiles by the end.

The rest of the day was much the same, with Tanny doing her usual things and Bryan tagging along and watching. He was able to help a few times, and those occasions were the best part of his day.

When the day finally ended, and they headed for the parking lot, Bryan stopped and took hold of Tammy's shoulders, turning her to face him.

"Come to my car for a minute," he said, pointing a puzzled-looking Tanny in that direction. He opened the door for her, then climbed in his side. He took a deep breath.

"Tanny, I need to say this so that it is out in the open. I watched you in there today, and you were wonderful, just as Ruth said you'd be. But I already knew that."

Tanny seemed to tense at the last statement, perhaps due to a premonition of what was coming.

"I'm not quite sure where you are right now, but you need to know where I am." Another deep breath. "I'd like to take you to dinner to talk about it, even tonight, if we can make arrangements for the kids."

He'd said it, and all he could do was wait for her reply

Tanny had heard it very clearly but wasn't sure she had a reply.

"Brian, I haven't been blind recently. I think I've been able to read you much better than I could read myself. And that's my problem. I mean, you're as perfect as anyone I know. A voice inside me is telling me to run. But another voice is telling me to take a chance. The last thing I'd want is for that chance to hurt you."

"Don't you worry about me. You're a treasure, and I don't want to do anything that might damage that treasure."

"I'm no treasure, Bryan. But it sounds nice to hear you say it. I'm not sure what I have to give."

"I watched you today giving yourself to all those people inside the Center. You have more to give than you know."

"In fairness to you, I've found that I enjoy being with you, and each time I am, it drives out some of the chill I've accumulated."

"Is that a yes, then, on dinner?"

"Yes, and bring Bart over. I'll have a sitter."

He'd done it...the first step. What was next?

*****

Tanny was nearly trembling as she waited for Bryan to arrive. The babysitter was already playing with Bart, who kept telling her Kayla was coming. She decided it was silly to feel like that, but she couldn't help it. The plane crash had killed Terry, but it had damaged her as well, and she wasn't sure if she had recovered.

She knew she had feelings for Bryan but was that enough? If things were fouled up, it might affect both Bart and Mikaela, and she definitely didn't want that to happen. Why did things always have to be so complicated? Why couldn't it be just she and Bryan without involving others? Things never seemed to work that way, so why would she expect it to now?

As she waited, she prayed he'd not want to hold her and touch her and almost cuddle every chance he got. She wasn't ready for that, although she'd enjoyed the casual hand-on-shoulder she'd done at the Center. It was just that she wanted to keep it that way--casual. At least for right now. She was determined to take one small step at a time.

That first small step was about to be taken as Bryan was at the front door.

"Hello, Bryan and Bart. Come on in."

"Hello, Tanny," Bart said as he moved past her and headed for Mikaela and the babysitter.

"You look very nice," Bryan said. "Now, let me set the record straight. You always look nice, but I think protocol insists on a nice compliment for the first date." He chuckled. "And what is that I smell?"

"That fits you as well," Tanny said, relieved that Bryan was beginning with an easy and casual approach. "I fixed some sloppy joes for their dinner. A little spicy, huh?"

"Smells delicious." He stood and looked at her for a moment until her cheeks began to pink, as usual.

"I'm sorry, but, very honestly, I can't tell you how happy I'm feeling right at this moment," he said, shaking his head from side to side very slowly.

"Bryan, very honestly, I'm happy too, if a little nervous." She paused for a moment. "I'm not sure who I am right now, but I need to find out."

"That's honest, for sure. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, please tell me. You're, well, just..." He trailed off, not sure exactly what to say.

"I doubt that will happen, but thank you. Let me tell the sitter goodbye, and we can be off."

Bryan helped her into the passenger seat, then went around the other side and climbed in.

"Okay," he said. "Casual is the word tonight, so I didn't plan anything ahead. What kind of food do you like?"

"Well, since we're being honest, I like Chinese, Italian, plain old American beef, a little Greek, and maybe some other oriental things. Not a fan of sushi, though."

"Wow, that gives some opinions, doesn't it? You mentioned Chinese first, so let's do that."

"Perfect," she said, angling herself in her seat so she could watch Bryan.

She wondered if the Bryan she was seeing was all there was of Bryan or were there hidden things that he wasn't revealing. She'd seen him under different circumstances, but she wasn't sure when he began to think of her in a special way. He was divorced. Was there something about him that had provoked that? Maybe she should just be bold and ask. It was a first date, but not the usual first date. Why couldn't things be simple?

"Have you been to D K Wang's?"

"I haven't eaten out much lately, except at the Center and dinners we sponsor. I've probably been missing some good food."

"Bart and I eat out--Big Macs and Kid's Meals."

"Ah, Mikaela has made me stop at McDonald's a few times. I wasn't counting those," she added with a laugh.

"What do you like in Chinese cuisine?"

"Terry was raised on chow mein, and that's what he always ordered." She closed her eyes, bit her lower lip, and said, "I'm game for an adventure. I'm going to let you order for me so I can expand my eating experience."

"Tanny?"

"I mean it. I trust you, Bryan. Just not spicy hot."

Bryan looked at Tanny when she said she trusted him. Was that just about choosing her food, or did it go further? He planned on doing nothing that would damage whatever trust she might have.

"So, what will you order, master?" Tanny teased when they were seated in the small restaurant with a definite Chinese look. Lacy things on the walls, signs with strange characters, tiny tea cups on each table, a huge folding fan spread wide on the far wall, and those unique aromas only found in Chinese restaurants.

"Studying the menu."

"You mean it's going to be a surprise to you too?" she asked with a chuckle.

"I'm debating, but I think not."

When the server arrived, Tanny heard Bryan order cashew chicken with fried rice. She liked both cashews and chicken and hoped she'd like whatever came with them. She'd had fried rice a couple of times and she knew she like that.

"I chickened out and went conservative."

"How come?"

Bryan shrugged. "I didn't want to take a chance on spoiling the evening. I'm nearly certain you'll like what I ordered."

"I appreciate that Bryan, but I almost think I need to get a little more daring. My time with Mikaela and at the Center doesn't give me a very broad range of experiences."

"I could have ordered General Tso's Chicken for you...with an extra pitcher of water," Bryan said with a laugh.

"I've heard of it, and I know it's hot, so I don't need that. I'm just teasing you."

Brian wished she hadn't said anything about being more daring or wanting a broad range of experiences in her life. That only created images in his mind of how that might happen, and he didn't need that right now, sitting across the table from her and watching her smile at him, those deep dimples very prominent.

He also couldn't help but wonder what exactly she meant when she said "more daring" or a "broad range of experiences." He had vowed to himself that he'd be on his absolute best behavior tonight, and that would prevent him from probing those statements any further.