Found in the Woods

"You're right. Sorry."

"No need to apologize. Do you want dessert now, 'cause I'm kinda full?"

"I'll fix some coffee, we can talk for a while, then have dessert a little later if that's okay. Are you a coffee drinker?"

"Absolutely. I live off the stuff. Strong and black, please."

"The girl knows how to drink java."

Dishes done and coffee in hand, we sat on the porch to watch the evening fade.

"Wow, Ryan, the view from your place is amazing. At home I can see the pond and lots of trees, but you can see for miles up here."

"Yeah, I really love it. It makes the lonely days and nights bearable."

"When did you move here?"

"April a year ago, the week my marriage disintegrated. The night I left, I stayed at a hotel and got online to look at real estate in the Poconos, and this place popped up. The ad said it was immediately available and that the owner would rent it month-to-month for up to a year. I called the next day, made a deal to rent with the intention of buying quickly, and I moved into an empty cabin a day later. Two days after that, furniture I bought from a clearance warehouse was delivered, and this became home."

"Wow. You lucked out. I bought my place a few months after that. If I had seen this, I'd be calling it home."

"What's yours like?"

"It's only two rooms," she offered with a sigh. "A great room with a kitchen, and a small bedroom. It's a lot smaller and really meant to be just a vacation cabin, but I call it home."

"Once this COVID thing dies down, I was thinking of having this place redone with an all-new kitchen with all the conveniences and adding on a master suite. But lately, I'm thinking I may build a whole new house on the land and keep this to rent out by the week. Either way, I pretty much want this to be my home for a long time."

"After this meal, I can see why you'd like a fancy kitchen. Dinner was better than most restaurants. You obviously like to cook?"

"Yeah, I do. You?"

"Yep. I'm a bit of a foodie."

"That makes two of us."

"So, you're a successful, really nice guy who can cook. I can't imagine any sane woman throwing you away."

I smiled at her transparent intent. "Is that you're nice way of asking for my story?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. Is that okay? You don't have to."

"Nah. It's okay. I haven't really talked to anyone about it, and I think it's time to share with a friend."

"Ooo, I've made it to friend status. I'm glad."

"Me, too," I said as I returned her warm look and smile.

Her smile faded a bit as I saw concern wash over her. "So, what happened?"

"I met Maggie at a church social, and we were married nine months later. For almost eight years, I thought we were happy. Certainly, I was. Several months before I left, I noticed some changes in her. She used to cringe when people swore, but suddenly the 'F' word became a major part of her vocabulary. She had always been upbeat and optimistic, but suddenly she changed moods in the blink of an eye. And the sex? We were always passionate and made love more than the average couple, but soon it was every night and then some. I'm sorry. Is that too personal?"

"I'm a big girl, so I can handle it if you can."

"Okay. Well, on the Monday night I left, I came home from work and Maggie was dressed like a hooker and on her way out. I asked where she was going, and I remember her reply word for word. 'I'm meeting some friends that will F the shit outta me.' Sorry for the language."

"No problem."

"I objected, of course, but she said I hadn't noticed before and, since I couldn't keep up with her needs, she had to find others. That was the last time I talked to her. We lived in an apartment, so all I had to pack were my clothes, computer, and personal items. I had a lot of tools and stuff in a storage unit, and there was no need to take care of that immediately."

"Wow. It sounds like she had been a nice girl. What could make such a change?"

"I don't know. I've thought about that a lot and haven't come up with anything. Anyway, I called my mother-in-law, a really sweet lady who I loved like she was my own mother, and told her what was happening. It was a tough conversation, but she believed me and understood. She said she noticed a change in Maggie, too. The next day I had lots of phone messages and texts from Maggie, but I ignored them. I bought a new phone with a new number, got hold of a good lawyer, and disappeared as best I could to this cabin."

"And you haven't talked to her or her mother since?"

"No. What could they say? What could fix something that outrageous? I did send her mom a long letter several months later and apologized for dumping this on her. I also told her I was shaking the dust off my feet from Maggie, and I didn't want to hear from her or have anything to do with her."

"Are you okay now?"

"I don't know." A few tears escaped now that it was my turn to cry. "I loved her--what can I say? A year-and-a-half later, I'm alone in the mountains. I'm not feeling sorry for myself like I did at first, but I'm still not the same as I used to be."

"Ryan, you're a sweet guy and deserve much better. I'm glad you felt you could share that with me."

"Me too. It felt... it felt good to share."

I wrestled with thoughts of taking this conversation deeper. I really liked her, and she had no idea how much everything about her was perfect in my eyes.

She took my hand and looked at me with the tenderness in her eyes. "Since we're already friends, Ryan, I gotta ask something."

"Sure. Anything."

Her cheeks turned crimson as she gently let go of my hand. "I'm sorry. Don't be offended, but I'm known for speaking my mind even if it's not the wisest choice."

"No, please. Ask away."

"It's the way you look at me. It's like you're studying me, or as if you feel we met before and you're trying to figure out where you know me from."

"Oh." It was my turn to blush and I stood to regain my self-control.

"Ryan, I shouldn't have said anything. Now, I've embarrassed you."

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm not as good at being subtle as I thought. I have a good explanation. Well, I hope it's good. I need to get my computer. Did you want to slice us each some cheesecake while I get it?"

"Well, now you've captured my curiosity. Why would you need your computer?"

"You'll see."

"If you say so. I'll get the cheesecake and meet you back out here?"

This was a risk. I almost passed out when I first saw her and now I had no idea how'd she react. I prayed she'd understand.

I arrived back on the porch before Sandy and sat feeling very unsure I was doing the right thing. She came through the door with two plates and a beautiful smile.

"I wasn't sure if you were a purist or liked raspberries and chocolate on your cheesecake, so I put them on the side."

"Ooo. I love it both ways."

One bite and I was in dessert heaven. "Wow, Sandy, this is amazing."

"Glad you like it. Now, the suspense is killing me. What did you need me to see on your computer?"

"Shouldn't we finish dessert first?"

"Ryan! Come on. This is torture."

Her laugh was simply adorable.

"Okay, but I need to explain first."

"You're dragging this out on purpose, aren't you?"

"A little," I laughed. "First, you have to promise me you won't be offended or get freaked out."

Her smile faded. "Why? Is it something bad?"

"No. Well... I'll let you judge."

"I'll do my best. Now, Ryan, tell me!"

"All right. Here goes. After the stuff I went through with my wife, I moved here with the intent of giving up on relationships. That resolution only lasted a few months when the loneliness became more than I bargained for. So I was surfing the internet one night and came upon online dating sites. One seemed to stand out as a service I might like, so I signed up and started a profile, although I haven't finished or posted anything yet. That was about a year ago."

"I toyed with the idea of doing that, too."

"One of the questions asked me to describe my idea of the perfect woman. That's what I want you to read. It's been a year since I wrote it, so could you read it aloud so I can recall it all?"

"If you want."

I handed her my laptop while my stomach turned flip-flops as I feared I was messing things up by showing her my innermost thoughts.

"Okay," she said with a sigh. "Describe the perfect woman for you. Oh, no. Are you telling me...?"

"Read on."

"The perfect woman is not easily described since the question doesn't take everything into account that makes someone who they are as a person. That being said, the perfect woman for me is honest, loving, humorous, supportive, and she knows I'm the perfect man for her. I want to look in her eyes and feel a warmth to my core. When I hold her hand or kiss her, I want to be overwhelmed with an attraction that tells me she is part of me, I'm part of her, and we belong together.

"That's beautiful, but I don't see what you're worried about."

"Keep reading and you'll see."

"Okay.

"The question implies that I should describe her appearance. I've always had a certain image in my mind, and yet none of the women I've dated, including my ex-wife, looked anything like my ideal. I can only describe the kind of women who catch my attention in passing, or the attributes of the girl I see in my dreams and fantasies.

"Fantasies?"

"Don't you fantasize about the perfect man?"

"I guess. I'm more a girl who fantasizes about people like movie stars."

"Who's the one you drool over?"

She started laughing. "Drool? I don't drool."

"If you say so. Who is it?"

"If you must know, Hugh Jackman."

"I could see that. I mean, if I were a woman, you know."

"How about you?"

"You'll laugh."

"No, I won't. Come on, now. I fessed up."

"Fine. Kelly Clarkson."

I was right. She laughed.

"Really!"

"Yes, really. She's cute as can be, in her younger days she had the perfect body type for me, although she's just fine the way she is, and her personality totally warms the cockles of my heart."

"Cockles? Who says that anymore?"

"Oh, it's something my grandmother often said, and I guess it stuck with me."

"I guess I can see your point of view. She really is an attractive package. I just assumed you'd pick Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Lawrence."

"Don't get me wrong. They are beautiful, for sure. But the woman I want to spend time with is more down-to-earth. You know, the girl next door. Some of those so-called beautiful women turn really ugly as soon as they open their mouths in public."

"Wow, that's deeper than most men think."

I laughed. "Ah, so you're stereotyping me and the male population as shallow."

"Just from experience. Maybe you're refreshingly different. Anyway, let me read on.

"My dream girl is medium height and medium build. It seems people want breast size mentioned, but I don't care as long as she's comfortable with herself. She has red hair, freckles, and the cute face of an Irish lass. She's as comfortable in muddy jeans and a tee shirt as she is dressed for a night on the town. The most important thing, though, is her eyes. Hazel would be my favorite, but it's more about her spirit that I see when I look into them. The most attractive woman, to me, exudes energy, life, and love."

"So, you see why I can't stop looking at you. Physically, you are that woman right down to the gorgeous hazel eyes. The more I get to know you tonight, the more I see the whole person I described. Please tell me I didn't upset you."

"No," she said as her eyebrows furrowed and smile faded. "I mean, it's flattering and all. What are the chances?"

"I know. Sorry."

"Look, Ryan, we just met, and I really like you. This kinda scares me. It makes me think you'd like to launch right into a romantic relationship because your dream girl landed on your front porch. I get it. But, please, I'm not ready for a relationship like that. Tad, well, really messed me up."

I saw a tear trickle down her cheek. I was screwing this up.

"Sandy, seeing you certainly gave me a pleasant shock, but I know the difference between fantasy and reality. Both of us are healing from some bad stuff. For now, friends and neighbors, okay?"

She forced a tearful smile. "Yeah. I'd like that. Maybe, down the road, something more will develop. I mean, you are very Hugh Jackman-like."

I laughed. "Yeah, sure."

"Neighbors and friends?"

"Yeah. Neighbors and friends. Really good friends that hug once in a while and, maybe, do some stuff together?"

The friendly smiling face changed immediately into an angry glare. "Stuff? Look, I'm not into friends with benefits kinda stuff!"

"No, no. I mean hiking, skating, or shopping kinda stuff. I'm not wired for casual... you know, sex."

She blushed and, fortunately, the anger left her face. "Okay, but don't push it," she said with a laugh.

We sat and watched the sunset. Once darkness surrounded us, we went inside and enjoyed a second slice of her magnificent cheesecake while we sat next to each other on the sofa. Heavy topics were skillfully avoided for the rest of the evening, and we just delighted in each other's company with Velcro sitting on my lap.

Time seemed to fly before, eventually, she looked at her watch. "Oh, my gosh, Ryan. It's after two in the morning. I should get going."

"You sure?"

"Uh, unfortunately."

"Sandy, can we see more of each other? I mean, I really enjoyed meeting you, and, if you're willing, what would you say to us getting together a couple of times a week for dinner? Maybe, one day here and one day at your place?"

"I like the sound of that, although I think you're a better cook than me."

"I'm sure you're just fine in that department. Besides, it seems a shame for us both to be cooking for one when we can share."

"Then Tuesday night at my place?"

"Deal."

I walked her to her car with Velcro following. She turned and hugged me and said, "Ryan, I can't tell you how great it feels to have a new friend so close."

"Me, too. I hope I didn't freak you out like some kinda stalker, did I?"

"No. You caught me off guard, but it's actually rather sweet, in a way. So, no worries. Good night, neighbor."

"Good night, friend!"

Another hug, a warm smile, and she drove off into the night.

*****

The next morning was hard to describe. All night, I couldn't stop thinking of Sandy. I didn't get to bed until about 2:30 after she left, but sleep wasn't happening. I was going to sleep in but gave up around 6:30 and got up to make coffee.

I enjoyed the mornings when it rained lightly. The fresh smells stimulated my senses, and the rain didn't obscure my view of the beautiful valley. The mountain setting and all my thoughts washed over me like a blanket of contentment. At the heart of it was Sandy. I didn't know what would be in store for the two of us, but I did know that I was in a far better place than I had been just 24 hours before. Relaxing in my Adirondack chair, the peace that filled my heart and mind allowed me to drift into some much-needed sleep.

After about an hour of rest, I gently awoke to a purr-factory on my lap. I smiled, petted her, and scratched behind her ears the way she liked. "Hey, Velcro. When did you get here?"

She followed me into the kitchen so I could make myself a spinach and feta omelet, and I had a special treat for her: Pan-fried chicken livers. I just finished cleaning up when the phone rang.

"Good morning, Sandy."

"Hey, Ryan. I just... well... Last night was really great, and I wanted to thank you."

"It was great, and you're more than welcome. Guess who joined me for breakfast?"

"I figured that's where she went."

"I hope you don't mind that I cooked up some chicken livers for her."

"Yuck!"

"She seemed to like them."

We talked for almost an hour. I felt like a teenager with a new girlfriend, but I fought to temper my expectations after our discussion the night before. We were working up to signing off when a thought hit me.

"Hey, are you going to any local church?"

"No, not yet. With the pandemic, I decided to wait until it was safer. What about you?"

"I started attending a nice local church just before we were expected to isolate, but the service is online. Would you like to come over tomorrow and we can watch together?

"Uh, sure. That sounds nice. What time?"

"There's a nine and a ten thirty. Which one is best for you?"

"I'm an early riser. How about the nine?"

"Great. Plan to stay for one of my famous omelets afterwards, or do you prefer to eat earlier before the service?"

"Before is good. Just no chicken livers, okay?" Her laugh was just as cute over the phone as it was in person.

"I'll save those for Velcro. Can you be here a little before eight?"

"Count on it. Is it okay if I bring homemade sticky buns? They're one of my specialties."

I fought the notion of turning sticky buns into a double entendre. Fortunately, I managed to behave. After the call ended, I floated around the house for the rest of the day in glorious anticipation.

*****

Sandy joined me for the online service, but that didn't end our day together. We took a walk and shared about our families. When we returned to the comfort of my front porch, we continued to talk about our school years, past relationships, and future dreams. We made dinner together--hamburger patty melts with caramelized onions, Swiss cheese, Russian dressing, and coleslaw grilled on rye bread, then sat next to each other to watch a movie. She dozed off with her head resting against me, and my whole body tingled with joy from being that close to her.

I couldn't help it. I was falling for her. Falling hard. The thought scared me to my core. After living through the pain of my failed marriage, I was fearful of moving too quickly entering another serious relationship. But Sandy was something special, and my desire for her made my fears lose their hold on me. But I also had to consider the relationship she was getting over. It was going to take every ounce of my patience to take my time and not push her away.

Tuesday's dinner at Sandy's house was amazing, and, again, we didn't want the evening to end. When she came to my house the next Friday, she suggested maybe twice a week wasn't enough. We agreed cooking for one person any night was a waste, so from that point forward we had dinner together every night.

Things were going well, but our relationship wasn't progressing anywhere near where I hoped it would. I was falling deeper and deeper, but Sandy continued to hold back. There were times I thought she was ready to take the next step, then I'd feel her pull back. My patience was starting to unravel while waiting for that first kiss. I was sure she felt the same, but her defenses remained strong.

Somewhere mid-August, she started to occasionally beg off from our dinner together. It felt like I was losing her. I wondered if maybe she wasn't attracted to me as I was to her. I struggled to sleep nights while trying to get a handle on what to do.

We planned a special picnic for Labor Day in early September, and I decided that was when I had to put all my cards on the table. I couldn't continue the way we were. I wanted Sandy. I wanted all of her for the rest of my life, and living in this state of limbo was tearing me up.

*****

I filled the barbeque kettle with charcoal in preparation for our Labor Day picnic. Velcro sat patiently on the porch steps, looking over the valley as if she were the queen admiring her domain. She was cool, calm, and collected. I was not.

This had to be done. I was in love with Sandy, and I had to know if she felt anything for me. My stomach was churning so badly that I wasn't sure I could eat, but I wasn't gonna do anything to upset her before the meal. No use both of us not being able to enjoy the steak and corn on the cob.