Found in the Woods

The sound of her tires on the gravel nearly put me in full panic. "Get control, butthead." I was a terrible actor, but I would need an Oscar-worthy performance to appear normal until I could pour my heart out to her. I silently prayed for strength and for the desires of my heart.

"Happy Labor Day, Ryan!"

"Same to you, neighbor. I hope you're hungry."

"You bet. I could eat a horse."

"I don't think the horse would like that. How about some choice parts of a cow?"

"That'll do. Do you want me to put the cherry pie in the kitchen?"

"Sure."

She stopped to pet Velcro on her way inside, and I breathed a sigh of relief now that act one was over.

I tended to the barbeque while we chatted about nothing in particular. I needed to keep my hands busy to maintain composure.

The meal was ready. I served our feast, and Sandy asked if she could say the blessing. I barely heard her prayer because I was praying in earnest for my own needs. God knew I needed His help.

"Did Velcro help you with all this?"

"Oh, yeah. She skillfully supervised from her perch on the porch."

"I'm starting to get jealous. I think she likes you more than she likes me. If I didn't feed her, I think she'd stay here."

"Nah. She definitely loves you, but she's a rare cat and seems intent on sharing her affection for us both."

"She's the best kitty I've ever had. She's certainly the smartest."

I felt my right foot rapidly tapping. I was beginning to lose control. Moments of silence between us were unusual, and for the life of me I couldn't think of anything to say. Sandy broke the silence.

"Ryan, are you okay? You seem a little off today."

"Me? No, I'm okay. Well, to be honest, my stomach is a little off. Can you excuse me for a minute?"

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be back in a minute or two."

I closed the door to the bathroom and tried to compose myself. "Dammit, Ryan. You can do this." My acting skills failed, and my nerves betrayed me. I was in the room so I figured I'd use it for its intended purpose, which would also kill enough time that maybe Sandy would be done eating when I returned.

I emerged and a worried Sandy walked up to me and put her hand on my forehead. "You don't seem warm. How do you feel?"

"I'm okay. Oh, you cleared the table."

"I was pretty much finished and you didn't seem interested in food, so I put it all away for now. Let's go out on the porch and relax for a while. If you're hungry later, I'll reheat it for you."

We sat next to each other in Adirondack chairs, and I felt her take my hand. "You have me worried. Do you think you picked up a bug?"

"No. That's not it."

"Are you sure?"

It was time. My heart was screaming to my head, "Tell her, you idiot! Tell her."

"Sandy, it's you." She looked back at me with eyes wide open and lips parted as if to question what I said. I struggled to continue. "Since the night we met I've felt drawn to you with a force stronger than I've ever known. I thought you felt it too, but our past was too fresh and I agreed to take things slow."

"But, Ryan..."

"Please, let me finish, or I'm gonna fall apart. Since that night, you're all I can think of. I never believed in love at first sight, but I fell that night, and it keeps getting stronger. I want to be patient, but of late, I'm not sure you'll ever feel that way about me. I get it. Maybe you're not into me the way I feel about you. But, Sandy, I love you. I mean, all-out, forever kind of love. But if being friends is all we can be, I need to know, or I'm gonna implode."

"Ryan, you're... oh geez... I'm sorry. But you're putting me into a corner here."

"Please, just tell me if there's a chance for us. My heart is out there. I need to know."

She stood facing away from me. "Ryan, yes, I'm drawn to you, too. It's just... I'm afraid."

"Afraid? Of me?"

"No. Yes. I mean, no, not of you."

"What then?"

"Lots of things. Look, when I first started dating Tad, he seemed nice and I thought I loved him. Strike that. I was sure I loved him. It didn't take long for him to turn into a monster."

"I'm not Tad."

"I know that," she bitterly lashed out. "Don't you think I realize how different you are?"

"Then what? Why?"

She turned toward me with fire in her eyes. "Dammit, Ryan," she shouted. "He raped me! Raped and beat me!"

She collapsed into a heap on the porch floor and cried uncontrollably. I wanted to go to her, but I feared she might not want to be touched. I let her cry a few moments before I said anything.

"Sandy, I'm... Can I hold you?"

Unable to speak, she nodded. I joined her on the floor, gathered her in, and let her cry without interrupting. Now knowing what she'd been through, my silent tears joined her.

Once she was able to calm down I asked if she wanted to go inside and sit on the couch, and she agreed. She sat on my lap so I could continue to hold her and, I think, so she also couldn't look me in the eye. I guess that helped her maintain composure, so she talked into my chest.

"Is this better? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said with a sniffle.

"You've been holding that in for a while, haven't you?"

"I never told anyone. I was hurt and I felt so stupid."

"Hurt, I understand. How could you think you're stupid? It's not your fault."

"I should have known what he was really like."

"Some guys really are wolves in sheep's clothing. He must have been good at hiding."

"Yeah, but there were things I should have picked up on."

"Do you want to talk about it, or are your feelings too raw right now?"

She sat up and looked me in the eyes. "Are you trying to give me an out so you don't have to put up with this?"

"No! Are you kidding? I meant what I said earlier. I love you, Sandy. That means I'll be here for you no matter what. If it helps to talk about it, I want you to. If it's too much for now, I'll understand."

"I'm sorry, Ryan. Geez, I'm messing this up."

"No, you're not. You're being open with me, and I love you even more for it."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely." In my head I was planning all the horrible kinds of violence I could inflict on Tad, but I needed to focus on what Sandy was saying. "Take your time. I'm holding on to you."

She rested her head back onto my chest, and sighed. "I met him at a party. He seemed nice, so when he asked me out, I said yes. Our first date was Olive Garden and a movie. He drove me home, and kissed me at the door. He seemed like such a gentleman that I started to fall for him that night.

"The second date was dinner at my house. We put a movie on afterwards, but all he wanted to do was make out, and he kept trying to feel me up. I should have known then."

"What did you do?"

"I told him no, and that I was a virgin and intended to stay that way until marriage. He started getting agitated and told me that was archaic thinking. I told him morality wasn't a moving target and we argued a bit, but he finally gave up.

"We went out several times a week and he mostly behaved, although he kept trying to push boundaries. Five weeks after we started dating, he showed up for dinner and I could tell he had been drinking. Without even sitting down, he tossed the plate of lasagna on the floor and grabbed me. I don't remember everything he said, but he tore off my top and shouted, 'You're getting broken in tonight, you effin cock tease.' He kept shouting, tearing at my clothes..."

She started crying at the memory.

"It's okay. You don't need to continue if you don't want to."

"No. I have to. He... he started hitting me and forced me to the couch where he, you know, did it. It hurt something awful, but at least he didn't last long. I was pretty much hysterical by then. He got up, roughly grabbed my chin, and said, 'I expect you to put out from now on, bitch.' He slapped me once more, then left."

"What did you do? Did he keep coming back for more?"

"I didn't know what to do and I was scared. He never came back, because that was the night he got into a fight and was arrested. He's been in jail since, but I didn't waste any time finding my cabin and moving here. I lived in South Jersey then, so I hoped this would be far enough away that I'd never see him again."

I held on to her. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I kept my mouth shut until she broke the silence.

"Ryan, I know you're nothing like him. I'm very attracted to you, and certainly not scared of you. I'm just not done processing my thoughts and emotions. Do you understand?"

"I think so. But you know how I feel, and I'm here for you."

"Part of my fear is totally irrational, but that doesn't make it any less an issue for me."

"What do you mean?"

She looked at me with silent tears flowing. "I'm soiled! I'm not..."

She paused for so long I couldn't hold back my question. "Not what?"

"I don't know. Worthy, I guess."

"Oh, Sandy. Don't ever think that! Don't you dare let that monster make you think like that. What he did to you hasn't changed your heart. You're more than worthy of love, and I've never been more sure of how I feel about you."

It was a quiet night after that. We were content just to sit on the couch and hold each other. When the time came for her to leave, I pulled her into an embrace. "I'm here for you, Sandy. You know how I feel, but don't feel pressure to do anything. Your friend and neighbor is here. Let's keep enjoying our evenings together, and you tell me if or when you're ready for more."

She looked into my eyes and smiled. It seemed as if she wanted to say something but couldn't form the words. Instead, she kissed me on the cheek and left for home.

*****

In the weeks that followed, Sandy seemed more connected, and we shared dinner every evening. It was rare that our evenings ended before 10:00, and they were very relaxed. Sometimes we watched TV or a movie, other nights we might talk, and occasionally we just read together in silence. It felt like we were a family, except we parted for our own homes when the evening ended.

Several times I noticed that she looked like she wanted to say something, but changed her mind. I was sure she was thinking about giving in to how she felt, but chickened out before the words were spoken. Even so, I was encouraged that it wouldn't be long before we would be more than friends. I longed for that day, but the timing would stay in her control.

Velcro still visited every day. Every once in a while, she'd arrive with her mail tube attached with some cute little note written as if Velcro were sending it. I loved those days, but I never got much work done because I struggled to find some creative response worded in such a way that it would pretend to come from Velcro.

The second Saturday in October, I finished my morning coffee on the porch and noticed Velcro hadn't arrived yet. It seemed odd, but I thought nothing more of it. I was sitting in my recliner reading the news on Google when I heard her at the screen door. She was meowing frantically.

I got up and opened the screen door to let her in. Instead of coming in, she kept meowing and ran a few steps away, and turned to look back at me.

"What the matter, Sweetie?" She ran a few more steps and again turned to look at me, frantically meowing the whole time.

A chill ran through me. I've heard of dogs fetching help, but never heard of a cat doing it. I grabbed my keys to drive to Sandy's to be sure everything was okay. Velcro ran off to her secret path home.

My morning coffee turned into pure acid in my stomach. Fearing what I would find, I was starting to panic. The lump in my throat turned into a large rock when I saw a beat-up old truck at Sandy's house.

I ran into her house and saw some guy slapping her in the face. I don't remember what was said. I know I yelled, and he spewed anger and profanity at me. I charged him and landed one punch, but he was much stronger and easily pushed me around.

I remembered falling backwards over something and hitting my head on a hard surface. I was stunned, but noticed him grabbing the softball bat Sandy kept by the door. Sprawled on my back on the floor, I tried to grasp anything I could for protection. My hand found something that felt like a metal rod. Then...

*****

The total blackness started to give way to a cacophony of jumbled voices and unfamiliar noises. They sounded like I was hearing them underwater, and yet they made my head pound as if they were amplified. Someone was holding my hand and started shouting something. What was it? "Nurse! Nurse!" My wits began to return. It was Sandy, and I was in a hospital or clinic. I wanted to speak, but I felt like I was paralyzed. My mind struggled against it until the feeling diminished.

"Sandy," I croaked out. "Where? What..."

"Oh, God. I thought I lost you."

A nurse appeared behind her. "Mrs. Cunningham, excuse us while we attend to him."

Did I hear her right? Mrs. Cunningham? Did I miss something?

"Mr. Cunningham, I'm Betty, your attending nurse. Glad to see you waking up. I'm sure you have a whale of a headache, and we're pretty sure you have a concussion. Just relax while I take your vitals. The doctor will be here in a few minutes."

"What happened? How long have I..."

"Your wife can give you the details later. You've been here about an hour since the EMTs brought you in. It looks like the lights are bothering your eyes."

"Yeah."

She turned them down, but I still kept my eyes closed. I had a splitting headache, and she promised the doctor would give me something for it.

I could hear Sandy talking with someone in the hallway outside my room. I couldn't hear everything, but I figured out she was talking with the police. I tried to piece together what happened, but the more I tried to concentrate, the more my head hurt.

The doctor came in and told me there was no skull fracture, but I had taken two hard shots to the head. Two? I remember falling and hitting my head. I struggled to fill in the blanks. "Baseball bat!"

"Yes," the doctor said. "You're lucky you didn't get the full force of it or you wouldn't have survived. Your wife can fill you in on everything. I ordered some pain killers for you that the nurse will bring in shortly. Now that you're alert, I'm going to allow the police to talk with you. Okay?"

"Sure, I guess."

Sandy walked into the room with two officers. "Mr. Cunningham, I'm Officer Linda Landis, and this is my partner, Officer Danielle Robinson. I need to ask you some questions while your wife goes with Officer Robinson, if that's okay."

"Can't Sandy stay?"

"Not right now. We need each of your versions of the events without hearing the other. You understand, right?"

"Oh, okay. Yeah."

Sandy kissed me on the forehead in one of the few places that didn't hurt too much, and followed the officer out the door.

"Mr. Cunningham, can I call you Ryan?"

"Yes, please."

"Don't worry. We know Sandy isn't your wife. I told her to tell a little white lie to the hospital staff. They can be a pain about non-relatives."

"Thank you."

"Can you recall what happened?"

"Not much. I remember going into Sandy's house and seeing some guy hitting her. I noticed her blouse was ripped, and she was screaming at him. He saw me and charged. I think I got a punch in, but he pushed me and I fell over something and hit my head. I think it was the fireplace hearth. I was dazed but was able to recognize that he was grabbing Sandy's bat she kept by the front door for protection. I remember grasping something by the fireplace, and then my lights went out."

"Did you know the assailant?"

"No. I'd never seen him before."

"Do you recognize the name, Tad Boyer?"

"Tad? I thought he was in prison. I never met him, but I knew he had abused and raped Sandy. I hope he's under arrest. I know I want to press charges. He obviously tried to kill me."

"Uh, that won't be necessary. Mr. Boyer died at the scene."

"Died? How? What happened?"

"From what Sandy told us, when he charged at you with the bat she was able to hit him with a pan she had nearby. The bat fell from his hand just as he started to swing and it hit you. He fell forward onto a fireplace poker that you must have grabbed for defense. He impaled himself directly in the heart. The poker was made by Sandy's father in metal shop when he was a kid, and it had a rather long prong, about six inches. He died within seconds."

"I killed... I never..."

"No. He killed himself by accident."

"I mean, I didn't want him dead. But is it wrong to say I'm glad?"

"Don't beat yourself up over it. I have a question, though. Sandy was surprised you came to her house at the right time. She wasn't expecting you."

"Her cat came and got me."

"You're kidding?"

"No. It was like a scene from Lassie. She made it clear that I needed to follow her to Sandy's, that there was trouble."

"I'll be. That's a new one for me."

"She's an amazing cat, for sure."

"Well, thanks. I'll send Sandy in. She's anxious to see you."

I tried to process how I felt about Tad's demise. The revenge-lover in me was glad he met Karma, but the believer in me couldn't rejoice about it. Clearly, the officer was right. It was an accident caused by Tad's choices, and I wasn't going to expend energy feeling guilty about it.

Sandy ran in with a tearful smile and hugged me. "You really scared me."

"I'll be okay, but what about you? It looks like he gave you a black eye."

"I'm shook up, but I'm fine. Did they tell you he's dead?"

"Yeah. I wish I could say I was sorry, but I can't." I caught her attention and smiled. "By the way, when did we get married?"

"Oh, well, I lied. Otherwise, the officer said I'd have a hard time staying with you."

"I liked the sound of Mrs. Cunningham. Maybe, someday?"

"Ryan, I'm so sorry for holding back so much. When I thought he'd killed you, all I could think of was that I never told you. I'm crazy in love with you. I've loved you since the night we met. I'm not scared any more, except about the possibility of losing you."

"So, Mrs. Cunningham is a possibility?"

"Is that a proposal?"

"I think we should actually date for a little while, but that's where I want us to go."

A sly smile spread across her face. "I'm not sure I wanna wait too long, although, I mean, we haven't even kissed yet."

"We can fix that now."

Our lips met for the first time, and the energy exciting every nerve in my body was something new to me. At that moment, I knew Sandy was the love of my life. Funny--my head didn't hurt in the least while our tongues danced, and bodies desperately tried to fuse into one. No doubt, this was one hundred percent, all-in love.

She broke our kiss and smiled as she gazed into my eyes. "Wow. Now, that's a kiss! I hope it won't be long before we find a preacher."

"You know, that would mean Velcro wouldn't have to split time between us."

"That's obviously my main goal," she said with a giggle.

What were the chances? Two, single, like-minded people became neighbors and found the love they've both prayed for. I believed that was a lot more than coincidence.

*****

Conventional couples meet, date, and fall in love. Eventually, the man gets on one knee and a marriage date is set. Sandy and I were not conventional.

We spent half a year avoiding how much we loved each other. When our true affections were finally declared, we instantly went from platonic to being a fully committed couple. We both came from a belief foundation that frowned on premarital sex. We struggled with boundaries, but we settled on a "Bill Clinton" definition, thus saving the ultimate bonding for after the vows. Sandy was extremely passionate, as was I, and full restraint seemed too great a challenge.

The other unconventional aspect of our relationship is that neither one of us ever asked the other to get engaged. From the time I returned home from the hospital, it was an assumed commitment. By the end of October, we were talking about wedding dates. Neither of us had family, so all we needed was a pastor and a church soon after the Christmas holiday. Hopefully, there'd be a few friends we'd meet at church now that we were allowed to physically attend.