Free Food

Lucy had her eyes set on Airfare - A new restaurant with a strange twist. Airfare had special seats. Below their soft fabric hid a tube, capturing any warm air that may pass down. This warm air is then used to create renewable energy, and the savings are passed onto the customer. It had initially started as a single location in the UK, as a pop-up. The idea was a mix of a social experiment and a joke. However, during the month-long period, it actually got a lot of buzz on social media. The pop-up became permanent, and they opened a few more places in the UK and US.

'Airfare: You pass the gas, we pass the savings.'

Of course, nobody knew whether it would actually be a hit, or just a gimmick that died off. After all, the company had only been around 6 months, and they had only just opened their 4th location. Not many people particularly want to spend their time eating in a room full of people farting. But if anything, this made Lucy want to visit even more - It may only be a matter of time before it closed down.

As luck would have it, that 4th location opened right in her hometown. She brought her best friend Emma along for the ride, too.

In their friendship, Lucy had never heard Emma fart. Lucy had accidentally done one or two around Emma back when they were roommates, but never the other way around. She seemed almost too shy to even talk about them. Even when Lucy's farted, Emma wouldn't speak a word about it - She would simply laugh, before continuing the conversation. This day would change that.

"So, what's so different about Airfare? You can 'Earn a discount'? Is that what you said?" Emma had clearly not seen the viral videos online.

"You'll see, don't worry. If you don't know, it's better to find out whilst you're there. It's hilarious." Lucy didn't want to spoil too much, although she was surprised Emma hadn't heard of it before.

As Lucy pulled up to the place, she spoke to Emma to try to distract her from the slogan. She didn't want it to be a dead giveaway. Thankfully, it worked - They made their way through the doors, waiting at the front to be seated.

The music was loud, but not too loud. Lucy knew why. Covering the sound of your fellow patrons tooting constantly was probably in a food place's best interest. She was also surprised to find no gassy aroma - Airfare had clearly thought of everything. Cover the sound; Cover the smells. A clever arrangement of air-conditioning and automatic air fresheners could be spotted if you knew where to look. She also noted how busy it was, with almost every table having customers. Perhaps more people were fine with this sort of stuff than she realised. Or maybe they're all here for the laugh and unique experience, as she was. She almost missed the waitress walking right up to them, as she was lost in her own mind.

"Hi! I'm Mackenzie, I'll be your waitress today. Do we have any allergies?"

"No, thank you," Lucy answered instinctively.

"Great, if you'll just follow me to your table."

As they made their way to one of the few empty tables, Emma reminded Lucy, "I'm lactose intolerant. Why didn't you say?"

"Well, when they say allergies," Lucy answered, "I don't think they mean like that. Do you normally tell restaurants that?"

As they sat at their table, the waitress handed them the menus, and began the normal routine of questions - "Have you dined with us before?"

"No, this is our first time!" Emma answered before Lucy could lie. Lucy wanted to be the one to tell her about this place, but now they'd be hearing it from Mackenzie.

"Okay, so, as you've probably noticed..." Mackenzie tapped a small digital screen built into the table. It sat pointing upwards, its screen flush with the surface. Its numbers were digital, like an alarm clock. It currently displayed £00.00. "...This will tell you your current discount. The number on here will be taken off of your final bill!"

Mackenzie started to giggle a little now. Despite working here, she still enjoyed explaining this next part to clueless guests.

"Your seats are built into a power generator. The more you break wind, the more you provide us with clean energy! As a reward, we give the discount to you! If you --"

Her explanation was cut off by Emma. "Sorry? Did you say break wind? Like... Like a fart? Like farting?"

Lucy laughed, as did Mackenzie. Even Emma chuckled a little, but more out of confusion.

"Yes," Mackenzie continued as she composed herself, "exactly like farting."

The waitress made her way off as Emma began questioning Lucy. "What the fuck?" She laughed loudly as she exclaimed. "You didn't tell me this! This is so funny and weird. Is this real?"

Lucy showed her some of the viral videos, commenting on how surprising it was that they had never seen any. After calming down with the humour of the situation, they began to look at the menu. Lucy settled on the tacos, for obvious reasons, and Emma chose a burger.

"I'm bursting for a wee. Can you order the burger if the waitress comes?" Emma asked without even waiting for a confirmation before she walked off to the toilets.

Sure enough, Mackenzie came over whilst Emma was gone.

"Can I take your -- Oh, sorry, shall I wait for your friend?"

"No, no, it's okay! I'll have the tacos, please. And she'll have the..." A thought crossed Lucy's mind. One she can't believe she didn't think of earlier. Could Emma's lactose intolerance pay off?

"She'll have the cheeseburger, please, with extra cheese."

Mackenzie took the menus away, and Emma shortly returned.

"The menus are gone - I assume she came over?"

"Yeah, I ordered you a burger. But, I did something a bit naughty. I got it with cheese..." Realizing this might upset Emma, she clarified, "If you really don't want it, I can eat the cheese! I just thought maybe you could get us a big discount, you know..."

Emma simply laughed, and started speaking about something else. Perhaps she thought it was a joke? It's fine - she'd see soon enough. Eventually, Mackenzie arrived with the food. The service here wasn't speedy, but it could be forgiven on this day - They were super busy.

"The tacos, here..." she spoke as she set them in front of Lucy, "...and the cheeseburger with extra cheese, here. Enjoy!" She set them in front of Emma before walking off.

Emma stared for a moment. "Holy shit you weren't joking."

Lucy asked, "Is that okay?"

After thinking for a moment, Emma shrugged, "I love dairy anyway. Any excuse!" - She then took a big bite.

After starting the tacos, Lucy was the first to contribute to the bill. It was a small, inaudible piece of air that escaped. Emma wouldn't have even noticed if she hadn't seen the digital display tick up to £00.01.

"Did you just..." Emma asked, knowing full well the answer.

Lucy smirked and carried on eating.

Emma felt her lower abdomen rumble, but she wasn't ready yet. She was too embarrassed.

"Hi, how's the food? Can I get you anything?" Mackenzie had made her way back over to check in.

"It's lovely thank you," Lucy spoke up, "could we just get a glass of milk?"

"Sure thing," the waitress left before Emma had a chance to weigh in.

"Is that for what I think it's for?" Emma didn't look unhappy, but had certainly gotten a little red in the face.

"Think of it as a helping hand," Lucy teased, giving her a wink. Emma couldn't believe she was really considering this.

Once the milk arrived, Emma decided to treat it like any other drink. She hadn't had dairy in so long - She was so used to avoiding it, despite knowing she loved it.

"Oh my god, this is so good," Emma exclaimed in joy. Her voice was so warm and happy as she drank this forgotten taste again.

Lucy let off a few more silent savings. Their screen was up to £00.05, which was nothing huge, but a discount is a discount. She could feel Emma silently staring at her every time the pennies went up. "It's natural, Emma! You do it too!"

"I know, I know. Just not normally around people. I'm sure some will come soon, though."

She knew this to be true - She had finished her glass of milk, and could feel the bubbling in her stomach. The telltale signs of lactose intolerance were showing, yet she wasn't ready to let rip. Lucy could see that her friend was in pain, and encouraged her.

"Let it out, girl! You'll probably save us a ton with all that gas," she laughed to lighten to atmosphere. Emma clutched her stomach and groaned.

"I think I'm going to go to the toilet," Emma spoke with a slightly coarse voice.

"Emma, it's okay. I'm your friend, you can do it. Besides, it's free money!"

She was right, and Emma knew it. "Okay, hang on," she closed her eyes and placed a hand on the seat, whilst the other continued to hold her stomach. She wasn't used to farting around people, and despite her desperation, it still took a generous push to get the flow started.

A gentle, yet unmistakable sound hissed out from below Emma, turning into a soft bubbly grumble at the end. She could feel her stomach emptying, and the pressure subsiding.

"£00.25, holy shit Emma, you ripped ass!"

Emma put her head in her hands, feeling flushed in the face. Through the spaces in her fingers, she could see Lucy giggling to herself. Some gas must have escaped with her hard laughter, as the counter went up slightly to £00.27.

"Stop it, it's embarrassing!" Despite saying this, Emma still laughed as she spoke it. She could see the humour in the situation, it was just a new experience.

"Oh, shush. You're just upset I heard it. Here, hang on."

Lucy shifted her weight slightly, as a fart squeaked out from her. "See, it's not so bad."

Emma considered for a moment. "Well, I suppose it would be nice to feel more release. I definitely have more."

She bit her bottom lip as her ass exploded with noise into the chair, gently warming the top of her legs. Some people from neighbouring tables even turned around to glance, chuckling to themselves. Emma was still slightly red, but definitely felt less shy than before.

"Is it weird that it feels kind of freeing?" Emma questioned, "I kind of enjoy it."

"Not at all," Lucy assured her, "I think that's the point of this place, you know? It's meant to be a little exciting. It's freeing a taboo that society really doesn't need to have."

As Mackenzie walked past, she glanced at the counter. "Holy crap. £2.50? That's more than most people do."

"Really?" The two girls laughed as their waitress told them this. They hadn't even noticed the discount shoot up that high.

"Really, yeah! I've eaten here as a customer once, too, but I don't fart much. I got like £0.02 off overall. Keep it up! You could end up eating for free at this rate." Mackenzie walked off after this, ready to serve another table.

"Well," Emma smiled, "let's break a record!"

They finished the last few bites of their food, which was surprisingly good considering the theme of the place. You'd expect the atmosphere to overshadow the culinary enjoyment, but it never did.

Lucy delicately released some more silent gas, with the occasional squeak protruding from her bottom. Emma, on the other hand, just kept on going. With each emission from her butt, she would boast a little about it. "Try and beat that!" or "I don't think you could do bigger!"

This went on for some time, both passing wind into their seats, watching the discount grow higher and higher. Each of Emma's rumbles seemed to be slightly larger than the last, with Lucy eventually being able to feel their vibration - Albeit only slightly. The sound, on the other hand? Well, let's just say that Emma was the only person in that restaurant getting people's eyes on her. The other customers' flatulence was drowned out by the music, but Emma's stomach was capable of noise beyond the speaker's volume. She had never even heard herself like this before.

Eventually, Mackenzie came over with the bill. £19.97.

"Wow, an £18.00 discount. I didn't even know that was possible. You're paying almost nothing." Mackenzie was impressed.

"Hang on, *almost* isn't good enough," Emma said as she ripped one final fart in the seat. This lasted for about 15 seconds, as Mackenzie watched in amazement. Even Lucy, who had heard her blasting all night, was shocked at the length of this one.

The screen shot up to £21.30.

"Holy crap," Mackenzie exclaimed, "your meal is free, and we actually owe you money now..." She scratched her head, not entirely sure what to do. "We're not allowed to give out cash, so I'll have to get you a voucher for your next visit. Let me just get that for you."

Emma and Lucy looked at each other. Emma had discovered how to overcome her shyness and embarrassment of her bodily functions, and learnt how freeing it can be.

"We need to come back here," Lucy said excitedly.

Emma smirked. "For sure. I could probably bankrupt this place."