All Comments on 'Fulfillment 14'

Seriously get an editor, proofread your story, or stop writing. The idea of the story is good but your grammar needs a lot of work. Also the story is extremely choppy and you keep switching verb tenses.

Thanks for this installment.

you have done a great job w/this whole series and I hate to see you try and rush the ending. If it takes 3 chapter fine or if it takes 6 great, just don't let the length change your ending. I will read this story to the end and hope you have something else planned because I really enjoy your writings. Now if only Calvin could finally get thru to Stef. Well and just maybe Lyssa could become pregnant......what ever happens I'm here till the end!

You should create and end your story when and the way you want. I enjoy the beauty of your work. I enjoy the whole series. It pulls such a range of emotions from me. Relax and let the creative juices flow from the fountain of your mind.

the flow is much better and easier to keep track of everything that's going. As for the length of the story, it takes as long as it takes. In fact I would much rather you take your time and get everything out that you need to, rather than try to cram things together to finish a set number of chapters. When authors do that the writing tends to come out feeling and reading very rushed and hurried. So long as you finish that's all that matters no matter how many chapters it takes.

To Anonymous:

There is critiquing someone's work, there's being critical of someone's work and there's just plain criticizing (or bitching if you prefer). The first two are find they help a writer grow, the last basically sounds like you're trying to find anything wrong that you can. And all you are doing is criticizing (BITCHING), which doesn't help anyone; so just SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!! If you can't do that then at least have the decency to SIGN YOUR NAME, INSTEAD OF THIS ANONYMOUS BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!

The last part of my previous comment is directed to the first anonymous didn't realize there were two until after I posted.

I've been a fan of all three of the stories in this series, including the first, "Animal Lover" and second, "Pursuit of Happiness." I've particularly enjoyed the imaginative world building that constructed a very logical and intriguing were-culture as a backdrop. But it's the author's distinctive style that has really set the saga apart for me.

Though I tend to be a fast reader, I have not had any difficulty keeping up with the switches inherent in the episodic style of the work. Maybe it requires a modicum more attention from the reader than strictly linear sequences, but not disturbingly so.

Even more noteworthy is the use of the present tense in telling the story. For me it has successfully created a feeling of immediacy that is characteristic of screenplays or graphic novels. There's always a sense of things simmering, often about to boil over. In this latest episode it did erupt briefly, with the Alpha's calling Lyssa to account for a breach of pack etiquette. This sets their world apart, which is quite fitting for a world of wolf packs. Makes for great reading, too.

I'm in no hurry for the story to conclude. It still has my attention, and I'm enjoying the ride.

or are this alphas very unpleasant!!

good chapter.

It is much easier to follow the story now. You have really grown as a writer and each new chapter shows this. Also the story takes as long as it takes. You are the one that needs to be satisified with the final outcome. While some of us voice our opinions about what you put in on the page the work belongs to you. So continue as long as you wish your faithful readers will follow where you lead.

Thank You

Sherrylee

One...GREAT STORIES!

Two......Stephanie is driving me to use my 'good' straightjacket! Lol!

Nike is the Greek goddess of victory

1. I am not to keen on Nat's pack they are better of joining her old pack although her pack leaves a lot to be desired aswell!

2. Still don't think Randall and Ariel are very caring Alphas there is little or no emotion showing when they are dealing with troubled pack members, they are to cold.

3. Steph is driving me nuts,Cal is bending backwards for her and getting very little in return. I hope she wakes up soon. It has been over 50 bloody years for pete's sake and no one has hurt her since what kind of pack are they that didn't see her problem and help her in the first place.

4. Wish Lyssa would just start to enjoy her life instead of the constant drama and hope she and our lovely Em find she is pregnant soon. They could use a break!

We were reading about Joanna and her sister in law's sexy evenings after their shopping trip, then we read this:

(He was fucking her mouth, and she was taking him, all of him. Oh, he wasn't extraordinarily large, but he was a good size. He felt himself slide into her throat, and she swallowed, and the feeling on the head of cock was more than he could take.

He begins spurting, groaning his release.

Brandon waits for his breathing to return to normal before getting up to clean himself up.

Ross looks over at him. "Really, man, who is it?")

First, I don't remember who Brandon and Ross are, and I'm sure that's my fault, but who are they again? Second, what female was Brandon with and why was Ross watching and then asking "who is it"? I didn't get that brief section.

Can someone help explain ?

Thanks, Nicole

Having been human first, she simply doesn't think the same way as the wolves and probably never will. It makes her an odd wolf.

I am a little confused to who Brandon is, but I know you'll let us in on it when its time. I love your characters, I love the story line, and I love when you make it hot it gets steamy. And I don't think the Severn pack is bad, I think we don't know them, Ran likes them so they have to be OK. I do think Jo isn't used to them and the way they do things, but I love how you brought us into their world also. I think it was right to take Jo there and us. I'm excited about Stephanie, I'm weary of this new wolf who might be after Lyssa. I can't wait till you write us more.

Thank you

Write more please

works in the garage hes the one that tried to return the red teddy to the madam beta. ross is his roommate. as for who the woman is.. in this chapter shes only in his mind but im sure she will be reveiled

The mystery woman is Lyssa

Ok, the way she went about it was wrong but the fact that Randall has done basically NOTHING about what happened to Lyssa and his daughter is disgusting! For that reason alone, in my eyes Randall is a pussy. I don't know if this story is the most depressing werewolf story on Lit, but it's certainly the most depressing one I have read here and werewolf stories are my fave. The fact that Wyeth pack and Alpha claimed at the beginning that they did not allow abuse of females, then nearly allowed a forced mating of Lyssa is a sad, pathetic joke. Then for the Alpha's daughter to be kidnapped and almost forced into another mating, and the only reason she wasn't was due to the Female Beta he grabbed and held by the throat is an INSANELY twisted joke. After those 2 events and almost going feral, Lyssa has every damn right to think 3 months after talking to Randall about her idea was too long to wait. What kind of Alpha allows his only daughter to be taken, nearly raped and doesn't kill the "Alpha" responsible??? Damn the consequences! Oh, and I almost forgot the car accident that again almost killed both his Betas. How the hell is Randall so close with Michael's father too? True, Cal was not responsible for his son's actions but at the VERY LEAST, he allowed him to run rough-shot over the pack and ignored Samson's pleas to make Michael allow Wyeth pack into their territory to search when Jo and Lyssa were missing. Cal was consumed by his grief, but he KNEW there was something wrong when his son wouldn't let them on their lands to search! He KNEW because Samson told him. So, kidnapping Alpha's daughter and the female Beta with intent to force mate/rape, trying to kill both Betas in a car crash then shooting at them... not reasons to have Michael killed. Forcibly raping his mate, also not cause for execution. But, turning feral/rogue THAT would be cause for his murder. Why, because he might hurt someone... oh wait, he ALREADY HAS!!!! Or is that if he went feral he might, probably would, kill anyone in his path including humans and therefore expose their secret. The lack of protection and accountability for abusing female wolves in this story is astonishing, especially because it is complicitly allowed by the "good" characters in this story.

Ariel and Randall are pretty much the most useless "Alphas" I have ever read. He's big and bad when it comes to picking up a Beta female by the throat, but when another Alpha kidnaps and plans to forcibly mate his daughter, he's impotent. What an alpha!

Lol, it’s definitely interesting to see the comments from previous readers that said I have to agree with them. It’s an interesting story but it’s a naively horribly flawed society. There was a claim in an earlier story segment that females are not mistreated within the pack hierarchy again that’s been proven untrue. Females don’t learn how to fight against males and they don’t go on pack hunts but sexual consent is assumed in a mating because the female is strong enough to defend herself and say no.

With Lyssa’s arrival she was marked and almost raped by Thomas and when the Alpha’s mistakenly believed that they did have sex they were going to hand her over to him because they would be considered mates. The caring sharing werewolf society? No not really, all of those who petitioned to move to the Wyeth pack because their new alpha was a narcissistic psychopath were rejected out of hand and that was after Jo had escaped and Lyssa rescued. The Ross beta was made to feel guilty because he wanted to leave Ross.

It appears that pack welfare extends only to immediate pack and even then it’s largely only to immediate family. Had Jo been mated against her will she would have automatically become a Ross wolf so not their problem anymore even if they were uncomfortable with the circumstances.

Overall there’s a distinct absence of any humanity, the characters are all wolf all of the time regardless of what shape/ form they wear. I can see some logic in that approach and it accounts for the fucked up hierarchy but it gives readers absolutely nothing to relate to. So with werewolves historically being part human and part wolf pretty much demands some degree of humanity for us human readers to relate to.

Yes this story is frustrating but curiosity keeps people (myself included) reading. Thanks for sharing your stories. Tess (uk)