Full of Hate

On Sunday, I woke up around 10 AM. For the first few minutes, the events from yesterday seemed like a dream. I needed to glance at the sticky note on the wall to make sure it was even real.

Then I remembered the email.

So, I leaped to my feet and ran toward the laptop.

A bit nervously, I opened my inbox.

Yep. He answered with just one word.

"Sure."

I smiled. Good...

"Are you gay? I am gay also, closeted, like you. My question is not some provocation and is not a joke, trick, or anything of the sort. I genuinely want to know.

X."

I jumped up and went to the "peephole" in the wall. I looked through it, but... Marley wasn't there in the room. So... I wasn't going to see his reaction to my email.

Disappointed a bit, I started to think he wasn't gonna respond at all, but... I was very wrong.

Two minutes later I received his reply! So, most likely he read the email on his phone.

"Well, signing yourself as "X" is a sure sign of you being... genuine. And no, sorry to disappoint you, I'm not gay,

Marley"

I quickly sent back my reply:

"I told you the truth, I'm gay and I didn't give you my real name as I am closeted. Is this really surprising? What if you were a raging homophobe? It wouldn't be wise to reveal myself to you. But If you are willing to admit you are gay, I will reveal my name to you,

X."

"I'm not gay. Sorry, you are so scared of people, you shouldn't be, not on our campus. People here are tolerant and progressive. Wish you luck in coming out of the closet,

Marley"

Wow, he was nice, so uncharacteristic of him!

What could I answer? Pressing him seemed unwise, so I sent him that:

"Okay, so I was wrong. I'm sorry. Good luck to you too,

X."

Around 1 PM I heard some noises behind the wall and I used the small hole again to check the situation behind the wall.

Marley carried some groceries with him. I stared at him for a while. He stood with his side to me, I saw his not-very-beautiful profile.

Why, when being alone he didn't seem that arrogant and offensive? But somewhat sad? I analyzed his face. He was pale and had dark circles under his eyes.

I couldn't stop myself, I opened my inbox (I finally added the new account to my Gmail app on the phone) and sent this:

"I'm sorry but I have to ask this. Why are you always so sad? I often see you kinda dispirited when you think nobody looks at you,

X."

I noticed him twitch slightly, and he pulled his phone out of his pocket. So he heard the buzzing sound of an incoming email. He unlocked the display. For the first time, I saw him reading it in real-time. He stared at the screen for a while. Much longer than it needed to be to read the message.

Then he responded to something and... my phone buzzed.

"I'm not sad. It's just my face. And even if I were, it's not your business."

Yeah, sure. I shrugged. He was being himself again.

I decided to leave him alone and took out my books. I needed to prepare myself for an upcoming test. So I was studying for many hours, and only around 7 PM I decided to take a break and also... check the 'peephole'.

And... I cursed under my breath.

Marley was naked and was already cleaning himself off the jizz after his dildo session! He went to (as I suspected) wash the dildo, then he put it inside the box, and dressed himself.

Fuck, I was too late for the show. How disappointing.

And the guy was horny, did he masturbate like that every day?

***

The next day we had a test in the morning and after that, some labs that we attended together.

As I went into the lecture hall, I noticed Marley sitting with Josh, the other guy from the chess club, who was sick, and couldn't participate in the competition. He probably shouldn't have come, as he looked bad, and was still coughing - but obviously didn't want to skip an important test.

I noticed Marley's short gaze on me, very hostile or maybe cold, I couldn't decide, but I ignored that and proceeded to my usual place, to sit alone in the corner of the hall.

The test went very well, I was glad about my results. After that, I went to the cafeteria and ate something, alone - as usual. Of course, Marley was there too. With Josh, again.

Josh looked even worse, tired and pale.

After lunch, we had labs together. Josh wasn't there so... Marley was now alone. The professor said that we have to pair off as we're gonna have group projects. People quickly found themselves paired, only me - Marley, and one (not very... bright) guy called Doug - we were left without a project partner...

I headed toward Doug, but suddenly I felt a slight push! I was moved out of Marley's way! He reached Doug first.

"Hey! Can I do this assignment with you?"

I stood there, my mouth gaping.

"You asshole! You saw I was going to him!"

Marley gave me a truly dark look - if looks could kill, I would be dead right now.

"Sorry, I was here first!" he growled.

What a jerk. But I wasn't surprised.

Yep, he might have another side to him, when he stuffed himself with a dildo and was lonely and sad... but in front of me - he was just the usual asshole.

I turned around and went back to my desk.

Professor noticed that and said,

"Sorry, you will have to do it alone. But you can skip tasks 3 to 5, and just do the rest. That will help."

I nodded and for the rest of class, I avoided Marley's triumphant gaze. I just added another point of hate to my 'hate counter'.

***

This evening I didn't even glance through the hole in the wall. I was too busy with my assignment to think about him jerking off behind the door. And I was pretty furious, of course, so I wasn't in the mood to get aroused by that jackass.

I went to sleep, and woke up at 9 AM, realizing I was... late for the first lecture!

Cursing under my breath, I did everything super quickly; shower, eat a snack, and put my clothes on. I also decided to do a super quick glance through the hole...

So I did it. Marley was... still sleeping in his bed! I burst into laughter. Yep, he was going to miss today's first lecture!

I was twenty minutes late when I reached the lecture hall, but... Marley didn't join us at all.

Not during the lecture, not... later.

In fact, he was not present at any of the lectures or labs.

When I finished the last labs, I went to the cafeteria and noticed my favorite broccoli cream soup. So I bought three takeaway soups and carried them with me to my room.

I ate two of them and suddenly remembered that Marley didn't show up today.

So I jumped on my bed and peeked through the hole.

And... wow.

Marley was still in his bed!

Lying almost in the same position I saw him in the morning! It was weird! What the fuck had happened?

I struggled with what to do. I was walking around my room and thinking intensely. Should I care?

I shouldn't. But... What if he was dead? Gross!

Something needed to be done.

Finally, I made my decision.

I took the last soup and a small roll I had for it and knocked on his door. Yes, I did it. Don't ask why.

For a long time, there was only silence. So I knocked, and knocked, and knocked...

I waited probably around three minutes, thinking already about calling the police and reporting a dead body in my dorm, but finally, Marley opened the door.

He looked awful.

Shivering, red on his face from the fever, sweaty...

"Jesus! You look like hell!"

Marley didn't answer, he was barely conscious. He had no glasses on, which changed his facial expression. He looked younger, almost like an innocent boy (which he obviously wasn't, the fucker!).

He was wobbly, and I could see he was about to fall down! So - not thinking rationally (that I can be infected also!) I took one step toward him and grabbed his thin waist.

He was so unresponsive, I wasn't sure if he even noticed I pulled him toward me, and led him to the bed, with my hand wrapped around him. God, he was so... thin and fragile! I never touched him before and was kinda shocked by how willowy he really was. His body was svelte and light.

Just before putting him to bed I stopped and faced him, he had half-closed eyelids, and his head was slowly leaning toward my chest. I embraced him, pulling him closer, as I wanted to help him lay on the bed, but for some reason, I wasn't in a hurry, I felt his slim body pressed against mine, and it was... weirdly pleasant.

Then I did even more. I let my hands slide over his back, and... over his round ass. Wow! Marley didn't push me away! He let me feel his body for a few seconds. His buttocks were firm and springy. Fuck, I even could feel my dick awakening! I felt his head leaning on my shoulder, his cheek pressing to my neck from the side. It was so fucking weird!

What the hell was happening here?!

I felt that he... slowly embraced me! He raised his hands and wrapped them around my neck. So I just couldn't push him away... he was so hot... I mean, the temperature was so hot, his skin wet and warm... My dick fully hardened and I realized it was pressing to his abdomen. And I realized something else. His own stiff dick was pressing to my... balls area. I sensed a vague smell of his sweat, but it didn't bother me. Instead, I turned my head aside and... kissed his neck.

Yes! Madness!

What's even weirder, he still didn't protest it!

So fucking odd!

It had to stop. It was just too crazy. I turned us "around" and put him onto his bed. I wasn't sure if he was even aware of what happened. He probably thought that hard thing pressing on his abdomen was my.... Hmmm.... Hip bone? Yep, some kind of... bone...sticking out of my body.

Yes. He definitely took it for some random bone.

"Did you eat something? You didn't go to class today..." I whispered.

He didn't answer.

He lay prone on the bed, his eyes half closed.

His stiff dick... I still could see it. It could be pretty clearly seen as he had only his briefs on himself.

"You are sick, Marley. Probably whatever bug Josh had, you have it now. You need to eat something, I have soup for you..."

He didn't answer again. But I was sure he heard me as he made a small move with his head as if wanting to check out the bag I was carrying with the soup container.

I took out the soup and opened the lid.

"Smell it, it's nice, it will help you regain your strength!"

And then the mood suddenly changed.

"Get out! I want nothing from you!" he growled and pushed me away. He hit my hand, and the soup... fell on the ground, spilling over his carpet.

I cursed under my breath.

"You fucker! You spilled it!"

It was only then he kinda came to his senses. He flipped to his side and looked at the floor where he could see the spilled soup.

He also cursed.

"Fuck... Sorry... I... didn't mean to spill it..." he whispered, blinking rapidly.

I stood up and snorted.

"I wanted to help you, and this is what you do?!"

I turned around and went out, going back to my room, but something was not right. I felt a weird squeeze in my stomach, as if something was pressing on it.

I stood for a moment without moving, cussing angrily... and then took paper towels, Tylenol I'd had since my last flu, a bottle of mineral water, and a small roll. Gritting my teeth I went back, as he hadn't closed the door, obviously.

I found him lying on the side and... what?!

Sobbing?!

Seeing me, he suddenly stopped and held his breath, tears, however, were still visible on his cheeks. Wow, how weird.

I didn't say a word. I kneeled and wiped the carpet in total silence as he was staring at me.

Then I straightened up, threw Tylenol, the roll, and the mineral water bottle on his bed, and left without saying a word. He also stayed silent.

The moment I was back in my room I jumped on the bed and plastered myself to the wall, removing the sticky note.

Marley was sitting on the edge of the bed with the water in his hand, staring at the floor where the wet spot could still be seen. He looked bad, shivering and sweating.

So, I did what, I thought, was the morally correct reaction to this situation.

I could hate him. I could be angry at him for shouting at me and spilling the soup. But I wasn't cruel. Marley was just a fellow human being.

So, I took out my phone and called Minnie Dawson.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Minnie, Parker here. I have a request for you. My arch-nemesis, Marley Adams is seriously sick. He needs some medicine and help with food, but I just... can't go there, he's angry at me and has already...spilled the soup I brought for him. But he is in bad shape. He really needs somebody..."

Minnie snorted.

"Why do you even care?"

I cursed under my breath.

"Minnie, stop, just stop asking. Just tell me... can you help?"

"I don't want to get whatever he has! It may be Covid!"

"It's not, Josh was tested, and Marley got it from him. But you can take your mask with you. Please come here..."

"But what do you want me to do exactly? To go shopping for him? Sorry, I'm not that rich!"

"No... I will buy it. I will give you the groceries in my room. You only carry it inside his room and leave. Okay?"

A moment of silence.

"Wow, you are weird. You hate him, but you want to help him. I do not understand you." A moment of silence. Finally, she cursed and muttered, "But okay. I'll do it. When do you want me to come?"

"In about an hour. I will prepare everything."

"Okay. See ya."

Ehhh, dear God. I really was crazy.

I got dressed and went out to buy all the necessary stuff for him, as I just knew nobody else would help him. Similarly to me, he didn't have many friends because he was just too obnoxious for everyone to like him. Josh was tolerating him, but being sick himself, I just didn't want to bother him and ask for his assistance.

While on my walk to the pharmacy, I wrote Marley an email.

"Hi, you weren't in class today. What happened?

X"

The answer didn't come, as I suspected, Marley went back to sleep.

So, I wrote another email.

"I heard a rumor that you are sick. I'm gonna send you some help, X"

After buying some necessary things for him, along with groceries, I returned to the dorm.

Minnie showed up as she promised and knocked on my door.

When she saw me, she grimaced.

"You are really odd, Parker. You hate him, but you buy him food and medicines? That's unusual, can't you see it? What's your game here?"

"Hey, I'm just able to feel basic human empathy. That's a long-forgotten characteristic nowadays. People are so self-centered, they would let another person die over petty arguments..."

She stared at me for a second. "You are really.... like from another planet."

"Yeah, yeah. Here are the groceries and medicines for him. And one thing... If he asks you who sent it, say it's from a person who asked to be called "X". Okay? Please, don't tell him the truth."

"Okay... like I said. You are so fucking weird."

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "Tell me something I don't know. Go already, he is in really bad shape and needs these supplies. The door is open, just go inside."

She took both bags and shook her head with a funny grimace.

As she left, I went to my usual place on the bed, with my eye peeping through the hole.

Minnie went inside, with her mask on and... gloves on her hands! Wow, did she forget her hazmat suit? How irresponsible of her...

I could hear a very muffled calling: "Marley!"

He flinched and raised his head.

"Minnie? What are you doing here?"

I could barely hear this, pressing my ear to the wall and trying to listen as focused as I could.

"Some guy sent me here. He said he is... X. These are for you."

She put all the bags on his bed, just next to his legs.

"Who... who is he?"

"Just a guy. I can't say anything more. Here are your groceries and supplies from the pharmacy. Get well!" she said and turned around and headed out, but he called her again.

"Minnie, please tell me... who is this person? I really want to know! I need to know!"

"Sorry, I can't. Take care."

And I heard the door shut.

So one minute after that I heard my phone buzzing. It was an email.

"Who the hell are you? And why do you even care? Do you have some kind of weird crush on me? Get over it, I'm not gay!"

So, normal Marley, just being a usual bitch.

"No need to thank me, Marley,

X"

"I don't need your help! I didn't ask for it. Fuck off!"

Yep, he really was angry. How should I reply? He just wasn't the type of a person who would react positively to the truth, so I wasn't gonna give it to him.

I sighed and decided to go to bed early. I was tired and pretty angry. He was just his usual asshole self and I shouldn't expect any change in his behavior. I knew I would probably react in a similar way. It takes one to know one. Because I also - exactly like him - was full of hate. It was just our way. The hateful brothers... I chuckled. Yep. So similar, yet still... not even friends.

We were just sad, lonely and sobbing... behind closed doors. That's why I understand Marley better than anyone. The only difference was, he sobbed in his room. I sobbed inside my head. Even my room wasn't safe enough.

***

The next day as I woke up, I checked the small opening in the wall to see if there was a difference in Marely's state, but he was still sleeping.

So I went to my lecture.

As I sat in my corner, Minnie noticed me and she approached me with some hesitancy.

"Hey, Parker. So... how's our... dear Marley doing?"

I let out a small huff. "I don't know. Probably sleeping."

She slowly sat next to me and bit her lip.

"Listen... do you... ummm..." She hesitated.

I glowered at her. "What? Just say it!"

"Do you have a thing for him?"

I almost jumped.

"What?! Are you crazy? We hate each other!"

"He hates you so much that he wanted to have you on his precious chess club... Even though you surely were good at the high school level, but you are not good at all.... on the state level. Let's be honest."

I stared at her, gaping. I really didn't understand what she was implying. Oh, of course, I know what she tried to imply with chess, but what was with the rest?

Suddenly I had this flashback to a brief moment between me and Marley. When I almost carried him to the bed and for maybe twenty seconds we were weirdly embracing each other, his hands around my neck, his head pressed to me. What the hell? And his dick... it went hard when I was groping him. I felt it. What happened in that short moment? Was this a split second when his defense mechanisms were inactive?

No, I was probably imagining things. It was impossible. He hated me too deeply.

"You are so wrong, Minnie. There is no other person on this campus who hates me more. Of that - I'm sure."

She pursed her lips, as if she knew a thing. Minnie the psychology mastermind, give me a break...

"Well... you know what they say. The colder they are, the hotter they get."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Oh, c'mon. Marley probably won't admit something even to himself, and you expect he'll admit it to you? He is so angry because he is trapped and can't do anything about it."

"You are babbling, Minnie! You make no sense at all," I snapped at her.

"Am I? Okay, let's leave it like that."

She stood up.

"But... don't give up on him. Okay?"

I growled, "Get lost."

She went away shrugging her shoulders.

***

I went to my room around 5 PM, and of course, felt the unexplainable need to check on Marley. So I did it.

He was sitting in bed, covered with a duvet, and was watching something on his phone. He looked better. The bags Minnie had carried into his room were unpacked, all things were on his bed, some snacks he obviously ate. Good. He should be back on his feet in no time, he already looked more like himself.

I was surprised to discover I was so relieved knowing he was... well. Why the fuck I even cared?