Full of Hate

Fair warning:

The story contains offensive and triggering elements. The main character is obnoxious and judgmental and has controversial views. He also hates daddies! I decided to write such a character simply because I heard lately all my MCs are boringly "the same".

So... I introduce you - hateful Parker! But don't... hate me for that :)

Info: The story is an angst-to-love _voyeuristic_ type of gay ROMANCE. It's not a quick smut, you have to wait for a sex scene :)

Tags: voyeur, hate-to-love, angst, judgment, offensive, students, college, controversial views, twink, rimming, dildo, masturbation, chess, male virgin, first time, prostate orgasm, small dick + big dick, lanky body, hairless bodies!, ginger, romance, HEA, ugly main characters.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"You idiot? Why did you do that? We don't have a chance to win as a team now!"

Marley stood over me with an angry grimace on his ugly face.

I had just lost the chess game due to a stupid rookie mistake and he, as our captain, was furious, perhaps rightfully so, but he didn't have the right to get in my face so much.

"Fuck off!" I growled and stood up. I towered over his lanky body - he was about 5'10", so I still had a bit of an advantage at my 6'1".

"You didn't have to bring me to this competition! You knew I wasn't as good as Josh!"

"Dammit, Josh couldn't come, you know that! He's got the flu! I had no choice, we wouldn't have qualified for the competition with an incomplete team!"

"Then don't whine about me losing now, you idiot!" I growled and turned to walk away, but he grabbed my arm, his face was furious.

"You are off the chess team as of now. You're too stupid for this anyway!"

I tore my arm from his grip.

"Fuck you," I said slowly and showed him my middle finger.

His eyes, the color of honey, narrowed. I knew he hated me as much as I hated him.

"You begged me to join your fucking team, so suck it up now," I snarled, and then left.

I rushed out of the building and headed to our bus, which was standing in the parking lot, waiting for us to be back from the state chess competition. The driver, Minnie Dawson, was leaning over the hood, smoking a cigarette, her round face framed by her pink curly hair.

Seeing me infuriated, she asked what happened, so I told her. I didn't care what she thought about me anyway.

"I'm off the fucking chess team. Marley nagged me to join them from the beginning of freshman year. I really don't know why, as it turned out... he thinks I'm stupid. I should never have been on the team in the first place. So, fuck him."

Minnie Dawson observed me with a weird grimace. She was also on the chess team, but she hated competitions. She didn't like stressful situations. However, her father owned a transportation company and he rented this bus to us, and she was assigned as our driver.

"He probably had his reasons..." she murmured, staring blankly at the cigarette smoke coming off her mouth.

"Yep, to torture me. He hated me from the moment he realized our rooms were next to each other. He was furious all the time, hitting the wall with his fist..."

"That's because you played bass! He couldn't sleep when you practiced."

"Well, he should be happy now, I stopped practicing a couple of months ago, right after I left the band."

"You're a bit of a quitter, aren't you?" she asked ironically.

"What?" I almost jumped. " You can fuck off too."

"You were in a band, you quit, you were on the chess team, you quit now?"

"I didn't! He kicked me off!"

"Only after you called him a jerk."

"He called me an idiot first!"

Minnie winced. "You know... He is the team captain..."

"That does not mean he can behave like he owns me!"

"Maybe he tried to... push you a bit. So you've reached your full potential?"

I grimaced. "Fuck him. Fuck everyone. I won't let anyone treat me like that."

And I got on the bus, not wanting to continue our conversation.

I was fuming, and couldn't easily calm myself down.

The ugly motherfucker: Marley.

He knocked on my door at the start of my first year of college and obnoxiously requested that I quit practicing my bass. Yes, it was 11 p.m., but who cares? I got a single occupancy room for a reason! (Well, he probably had it also for his reasons...)

We met on a regular basis after that because we had the same major, financial mathematics.

Bad luck. I frequently had to work with him on group tasks, projects and assignments. I hated him because he was usually the one to take charge and order everyone around.

Marley somehow learned that I was a member of the chess club at my high school, and he asked me if I would like to join their club.

I declined, stating that I wasn't that skilled, but he repeated the request a few times, sounding almost nonchalant. Finally, I gave in, probably because I was getting bored after leaving the band and selling my bass. So, I had to sit through their pointless meetings when he was bossing the others around in his high-pitched, squeaky voice.

But I've had enough now. It no longer seemed worthwhile to even attempt to get along with him, making an effort to "be a part of the team." I hated this moron.

Our team returned an hour later. The spirits weren't great, we finished in sixth place, so we didn't get anything except for pointless participation trophies.

There was an awful quiet; no one spoke. I moved to the back seats of the bus, but no one joined me there. Marley sat in the front as usual.

I could see his messy mousy hair from where I was sitting. I hated him so much, that arrogant idiot.

The road back to campus wasn't long. We arrived three hours later. Sadly, I had to get out last. As I walked up to the bus door, I saw Marley standing there, glaring at me; his eyes, which were obscured by his awful glasses, seemed like two blades.

I responded with the same hostile stare.

Not saying even one word, I passed him and headed toward our dorm. I felt him walking ten yards behind me, but I ignored it. I was done with the guy.

***

I was fortunate not to run across him for the following two days. On Friday, I managed to avoid him completely. He took several different courses than I did, so he had classes at various times.

Anyway, I was always sitting alone during lectures, as I was a known loner. No friends, no girlfriend, no boyfriend.

I didn't get along with girls, I was too toxic for them anyway, as I presented myself like that, simply by mentioning on occasions Kevin Samuels or Andrew Tate in their presence. I did it not because I liked these guys - but to trigger everyone around me. I was called a bastard more than a few times and a misogynist and slut-shamer, even though I didn't openly express any such viewpoints! Yep. They were just automatically assigned to me just by mentioning an unpopular person's name. So, I was just shrugging my shoulders and didn't even bother denying these allegations. It was all funny and pathetic at the same time. The only person that seemed to see through the real me was Minnie, but she was a lesbian, so we weren't a match.

But what about men?

I was more likely gay than straight, but I also didn't feel gay that much, as my taste was far from what was promoted and cherished in the gay community.

What was my problem? I didn't feel an attraction to daddies or bears! Yes, weirdly enough, they weren't my type. I preferred slim twinks and feminine guys with smooth bodies.

I was criticized a million times on public internet forums, called "half-gay", "not mature enough", or "disrespectful to gay standards". I even once received a comment from some British gay - saying I shouldn't call myself gay at all - if I didn't "fancy" daddies!

Yep, I was definitely a misfit. No place to call home. I didn't belong. I didn't fit.

So, I was always... alone.

To be honest, I attempted to change that at some point. During my freshman year - I tried to find guys that were to my liking on Grindr and actually met two of them, but sadly it didn't go as well as I hoped.

One time I got to know a pretty femboy that I grew to like. He was one of the few who even agreed to talk with me for a week before we met, and let us get to know each other better.

When we actually met and started to fuck, he, however, began yelling:

"Yes, daddy, yes! Make me your cumdump!"

I stopped and backed my dick out from his gaping hole.

C'mon! Really? Could my luck be that bad?

I asked him if he liked daddies and he said he did, they were his type. Especially silver foxes! He also liked to be forced into submission. So I asked why he met me at all (as I was ginger, young, and had zero hair on my chest) - and the femboy said, "Oh, sometimes I like to meet somebody different, just for the thrill of diverse dating."

What the fuck? So, I wasn't even his type, he was bored, and he did mercy-fucking for me, a poor virgin ginger?

Another cute twink I met (after carefully chatting first - for a few weeks) had his phone on full volume and during our fuck, the famous Grindr sounds were serenading us like crazy. As we finished, and I walked toward the door, I heard the doorbell ring.

It was another guy, waiting to see the cute twink.

Yep. So, I received another mercy-fuck, goddammit!

My bad luck continued.

So disappointing. I was even glad I wore a condom, and didn't get warts or something worse.

So, after these two times, I thought I'd had enough and went even deeper into my hate and loneliness.

I wasn't the "right" kind of gay, let's be honest. A weirdo, a loner, a ginger nerd.

I described my situation (and my preferences) on internet gay forums and instantly received a harsh backlash. Why? They had an easy 'solution' for my problems. It always ended one way: As I was saying to them that I was a 'total top' and was not interested in bottoming for daddies and bears - they constantly attacked me with: How can you only top? Do you know what you're missing? You're surely doing something wrong! You should change! You should be healed from total-topping! You should bottom! You should bottom! You should bottom! How can you not?! You are not a REAL gay...

It was tiresome. Really. The hate I received was immense.

So... I got angry and rebelled.

Slowly I became this judgmental son of a bitch and started randomly calling people degenerates, sluts and bitches on various occasions, which resulted in me being banned from every single internet forum for my attitude, along with my libertarian, anti-corporate views, which certainly didn't help.

And there was another group of people I learned to hate. The people who initially seemed to be very interested in my problems and 'genuinely' wanted to befriend me.

The superficially nice, fake 'friendly' people were however ready to stab me in the back and turn me into their punching bag, as soon as I decided to do something my way, not 'their' way. They were smiling and pretending to be nice, as long as I agreed with them one hundred percent. But as I tried to deviate 5%? I would soon know the reality of their friendliness...

Sitting alone during lectures, I had a lot of time to think about my life.

Also... Sitting alone in the cafeteria. Sitting alone in the library. Sitting alone... everywhere.

I could freely dwell on my misfortunes and my miserable life.

Of course, the last chess competition event - was a lot on my mind during the next two days that followed. For some reason, unknown to me, it bothered me a lot. A LOT. I was constantly rewinding what happened in my head, finding more and more reasons to hate Marley.

The longer I thought about it - I started to have this weird realization - that I should actually like Marley because he would never have pretended to be friendly, he was a no-bullshit kind of guy - just blunt and rude and he never tried to humor me. At least he was honest! YES.

I realized I actually had some respect for him, even appreciation. He was at least consistent.

Hate is sometimes the most honest thing we have, isn't it?

And we act upon it much more than upon love...

***

On Friday evening, lying in the darkness, (in the chaos of my thoughts!) I let my eyes roam over the ceiling and noticed a tiny golden spot on the wall that I never noticed before. It was like the point of a needle, just barely visible. Barely. Was it something coming from outside? A reflection from streetlights? What was it?

I got up and stood on my bed to examine it more closely.

When I was within sniffing distance, I noticed only a tiny scratch on the paint through which the light was coming inside my room.

Light...from... from where?

From my enemy's room! From Marley's?

The realization took my breath away. Fuck. So, there had to be a pane of glass at the top of the wall separating these two rooms. Maybe it used to be a single room, but the administration decided that it should be separated by a thin wall to create two single occupancy rooms. That was probably why all the sounds could be heard so easily through the walls. But why glass? Someone just painted the glass part with thick paint and that was it... But there was a small scratch and...

I pressed my eye to this small opening.

The hole was truly tiny, so all I could see was the opposite wall decorated with - a classic Bobby Fischer chess grandmaster poster. I could also see two shelves of books, and if I stood on my tiptoes, I could see part of Marley's bed. Very carefully, I widened the scratch with my fingernail.

Yep... Not much, but enough. The viewing area was now much larger.

Finally - I noticed Marley.

He was sitting in the chair, with his back to me, looking at the screen of his laptop. He was watching a replay of a chess game. Nothing interesting. I sighed, but after some hesitation, I jumped up from my bed and went to my desk to find sticky notes. I wanted to place one of them on the scratch, so that he wouldn't see a "golden dot" above his head in the reverse view.

But just as I was about to stick it on the wall, I took one last look, and... Marley was no longer sitting in front of his laptop. Even the playback had stopped. Where was he?

Not my business.

My range of view didn't allow me to see the opposite side of the room, just below my vantage point. I was just about to put the sticky note on the wall - when I could hear some faint sounds, like rustling, and soon Marley was again in my sight.

He put a box on the quilt and turned his laptop toward the bed. I could no longer see what was on the screen. But I could observe his profile, staring at the monitor. I had no idea what he was doing, until... Wait. He obviously was playing a movie (?) on the screen as I noticed flashes of lights on his face like he was watching something actively moving on the display.

He was probably going to watch some flick before going to sleep. That's why he was on the bed...

Nope!

Marley stood up and... pulled his pants down.

Fuck! Was he going to...

I realized, a bit too late, that this jerk was probably going to... jerk off!

It wasn't something I should watch, surely not with this idiot as the star!

How weird. I experienced a very peculiar feeling, probably known to all people with a voyeur kink. A strange wave of excitation. The touch of forbidden. Intruding somebody's privacy.... Seeing somebody in such an intimate moment?

I really wanted to look away. But I hesitated for some stupid reason.

In the meanwhile, Marley took off his t-shirt, getting fully naked.

He was very thin, as I suspected, and almost totally hairless, except for his armpits. He also had shaved pubes! That was unusual for a guy, right?

His body was very lanky and willowy, almost like a strong wind could easily tumble him down to the ground. He had thin, long muscles and the only more round part was his white, pert ass. Pretty nice, to be honest.

I swallowed and glanced at his dick. It was already semi and... very small. I suspected even fully hard it wouldn't be more than 4.5'' inches. Maybe that was the reason he was always angry? I heard somewhere that guys with small dicks were hostile and confrontational to make up for their small junk.

But I was in for an even bigger surprise!

My not-so-very-pleasant neighbor opened the box, and... took out... a natural-colored dildo!

I gaped! That was NOT what I expected. For sure! Could he in fact be... playing for my team?

He always seemed so constipated, nervous, and tense. Was he some closeted self-hating homophobe or what?

Marley spread himself on the bed, with the dildo, a towel, and lube within his reach.

I swallowed with great difficulty. Was I going to watch like this jerk... was pleasuring himself?

But I just couldn't tear my eyes away from it. Mesmerized, I observed him, squeezing the lube out and applying it to his hole. He was lying on his back, with the pillow under his head, and legs open wide. I forced myself to glance at his ugly face, which I hated so much.

Marley had parted lips and half-lidded eyes. Well, he didn't look as ugly as usual. Even his big nose and big teeth weren't a problem when he was in such a state.

Marley fingered himself for a while before taking the dildo. His small dick was already fully hard, sticking over his abdomen and leaking droplets of pre-cum. I was right, it was likely around 4.5'' inches.

I felt a throb from my own dick and cursed under my breath. No, no, no. Not this guy! I couldn't be aroused by HIM, for fuck's sake. Not this arrogant asshole.

Well, his ass hole was now in good use. He slowly inserted the dildo, which was around 6 inches, and my dick swelled at the view alone.

Did I really have a bit of a voyeur in me?

I lowered my sweatpants and grabbed my cock with a firm grip. Yes, I gave in. I was gonna join him in this endeavor.

Marley started to fuck himself, first with slow moves then gradually taking on a quicker pace. I noticed he was angling the dildo to hit his prostate. It looked oddly... hot. He seemed so vulnerable now, unaware of me, being a fly on a wall. Deep in abandon, with his chest moving up and down, he looked kinda beautiful... Fuck.

His normal ugliness disappeared into something more primal and basic. I stared at his every move and my own orgasm was chasing me quickly. Soon I was breathing deeply and I realized, I would soon paint the wall with my jizz.

And an even more funny thing - I made sure I did it simultaneously... with him...Together.

And he came beautifully, untouched.

His dick spurted his load high in the air (now I understood why he went all naked).

It also didn't take him a lot of time - he was pretty skilled in that - he didn't even stroke his dick! A born bottom, I would say.

I didn't stay far behind, I joined him, splashing the wall that separates us. That felt good... But for some reason, I observed him for another minute. He was just laying there, he put the dildo aside and... pressed both of his hands to his eyes.

Marley didn't... look too happy. More like... dejected.

I hesitated. He should look sated and relaxed, but... obviously, it wasn't the case.

I still hated him, of course, so I just put the sticky note on the wall and headed to the bathroom to clean up all of the mess I made, with the help of paper towels.

I hung back for a while but finally decided to do something weird. I opened my laptop and went to Google's main site. I created a new account "YouWouldNeverSuspectWho@" and, as I knew his email address (as he was our chess team captain obviously), I decided to write to him.

"Hi. I'm in the same major as you. Can I ask a question?

X."

And I hit the send button.

Then I decided to go to sleep, trying to calm down my nerves.

***