by amenarimix
Good story, you are doing very well, keep going and have some confidence in yourself, it is awesome.
The first few paragraphs are straight up Homeric. Had to slow myself down so I didn't get distracted by the prose.
The language here is way too flowery and colorful. It’s an overwhelming amount of description, leaving not enough to human imagination. I couldn’t get past the first few paragraphs before giving up. People just do not talk about themselves or others like that, no matter how fantastical.