Ghost

Her eyes shot to mine. "Caine, what are you doing? If you're just playing with me, don't you see that I can't... I..." she couldn't go on.

"I'm not a monster," I stroked the legs on top of mine. "I'm not playing with you, Gwen."

"Don't get my hopes up and then hurt me," she pleaded. "I can't stand that, Caine. I'm weak and broken. It will kill me. If you just want to be friends, we can do that. You can have me any time you want me. I'll always be available to you. I can't take any more pain. Don't make me love you and then hurt me. I think it will make me lose my mind. I know it's all my fault, but just seeing you and knowing what I threw away will drive me mad, if you aren't going to love me back."

"I understand," I told her. "Let's just sit here, talk about our kids, your job; you know, things friends talk about."

"I'd like that," she smiled up at me. "Caine, let's go fishing Saturday."

"You hate fishing," I laughed. "It always bugged the hell out of you that I went."

"I did hate fishing," she grinned at me. "I needed something to do. I remembered how much you liked it, and I decided to give it a try. Do you remember Mitchell Thomas? He has a big spring on his place. It runs out into a little creek. I started stocking it with trout about a year after... after..." her voice trailed away.

"Go on," I said, "a year after you fucked the dipshit and I bailed on my family."

Her voice had a little tremble. "Yes, a year after that. I wanted... I wanted to do something special for you for when... for when you came back. They're cutthroats, Caine. They don't have them anywhere else in the state."

I was touched. She'd gone to a lot of trouble to do something nice for me. Especially considering she was broke. "Thanks, Gwen, that's amazing that you'd do that."

"I learned to fly fish," she looked up at me shyly. "I've spent a lot of time out there. I can think, and I think about where I am in my life and where I want to be. Some of the older fish are getting pretty big."

"I don't have any tackle," I told her.

"I got you a split bamboo rod and a Nautilus reel," she said. "It's a five weight. I've been waiting to give it to you for three years."

I could feel my eyes getting moist. "I'd love to go fishing with you," I told her. "Thank you Gwen. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," she smiled. "They bite best at sunup. I'll fix us a lunch and we can stay as long as we want to."

She finished her beer and got up. I walked her to the door and she kissed my cheek. She started to say something, but changed her mind and went in the house.

My emotions were in turmoil and it took me a while to get to sleep. I heard the girls come in and finally drifted off. Someone was knocking on the door when I woke up. It opened and Gwen stuck her head in. It was still dark outside.

"Wake up, lazy," she said. "The fishies await."

I groaned and crawled out of bed. It took me a bit to become human. I finally dragged my ass outside and got in her car. I don't know what time she got up but she had made homemade biscuits. There was scrambled egg, sausage and cheese on them and it was way better than anything you can get at any fast food place. She had two thermoses of coffee, too. One was for her with some kind of those awful creamers she likes and one was black for me. I poured us cups and we drove the twenty miles or so out to Mitchell's place.

I couldn't believe what I saw. Gwen had gone to a tremendous amount of work. She had created pools in the creek and done a bunch of dirt work. Three cross ties stacked up to form little dams and the water ran over them. Long, dark shapes swam in the pools and it was beautiful.

"The biggest ones are in the spring hole," she said. "I don't fish for them very often. Let's start there. You can only catch one of them, Caine. They're kind of my babies and I've been saving them for you. I feed them and they're big and fat. I'll catch one, too, and then we'll save the rest of them for other times. We can catch as many of the smaller ones as we want to. They're reproducing, Caine. There are little bitty guys, too."

I could tell she was proud of what she'd done. It was impressive. She had almost built a monument to me. "How long have you been working on this?" I asked.

"Four years," she said. "Do you like it?"

"I love it," I told her.

She walked up the creek toward the source and the sun burst over the treetops. I watched her, stunned again at how beautiful she was. Her hair floated behind her, a white gold mane in the morning sun. She had on a white t-shirt, khaki shorts and short leather lace-up hiking boots. She stopped and looked back at me quizzically. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

"No, I had just forgotten how beautiful you are," I said.

She smiled and gave her butt a sexy little wiggle. "The fish won't catch themselves," she said.

I walked to her and took her hand. We ambled through the deep grass to the spring pool and took our rods out of the tubes, attaching the reels and threading the line. She was fishing a dry fly and I put on a streamer. "You go first," I said.

She kept a low profile as she approached the water and made a few false casts before landing her fly near an overhanging bush. It drifted for a moment and she stripped a little line, making a small twitch on the placid surface. It erupted and a long, heavy bodied fish leaped two feet into the air, shaking and flipping in midair in an attempt to shake the pesky hook in its mouth. She played it expertly and it made several long runs and deep dives before she subdued it. She removed the hook and held it up. "Isn't it beautiful?" she asked.

It was, and she was. "It's a beautiful fish," I said.

She crinkled that cute little nose. "Your turn," she said.

I was a little rusty, but I got the swing back after a bit. I had made three casts before it felt like a bulldog hit my streamer. The big fish jumped a half dozen times before I got it landed. We admired it and it slipped back into the cold water. We fished the pools and caught fish all morning, all the way from three or four pounds down to little eight-inchers. She went back to the car and came back with a basket and a couple of blankets.

We sat in the shade under a tree and she unpacked lunch. While we were getting ready to eat, Mitchell's old truck came rumbling up and we talked for a while. After he left, I leaned back against the tree trunk and Gwen came and sat between my legs, leaning back against me while we ate. She had bottles of iced tea and we relaxed for a while. She leaned back and looked up at me with a shy smile. I wrapped my arms around her and just held her. The scent of her hair, so familiar, and the feel of her warm body against me caused stirrings.

I slid my hand up under her shirt and stroked the silky skin of her belly. It was as flat as ever and even more muscles ridged it. She shifted against me. "Would you like to fuck me, Caine?" she whispered.

"Oh, yeah," I growled. "You think Mitchell will come back?"

"I don't care, I want you," she said. She pulled her shirt over her head and her breasts were beautifully and gloriously bare underneath. She lay on her back and opened her shorts, pushing them and her panties down over her boots. I was frantically stripping and I moved over her. She grabbed my cock and pulled me into her dripping pussy. "We can play later," she whispered. "I need this big cock in me now!"

We didn't last ten minutes. We lay naked, boots still on, and caught our breath. "God, I needed that," she gasped.

I petted her, running my hands over those spectacular breasts and down over her golden body. She was so beautiful she made my brain ache. She rolled over on top of me and rested her cheek on my chest. I toyed with a few wisps of her hair.

"Why, Gwen?" I asked her. "I'm not trying to upset you. I'm not mad anymore, I just want to understand. Why did you do it?"

She didn't say anything for a while, then she kissed my nipples and propped herself up on my chest so she could look in my face. "That's what I asked myself for a long time," she said. "I finally figured it out. I was selfish and willful and childish, Caine. I was angry with you. I know I agreed to you going, but I wasn't happy about it. I didn't feel like I could object. I didn't have any good reason to object, but I didn't want you to go. I knew, I thought I knew, that you would be upset with me if I said anything. I just felt powerless and angry that you left me alone like that. Everything that happened just made me angrier. It all just built up until that night at dinner. I got as drunk as hell and just lashed out. I wanted to hurt you because I was hurting. It wasn't your fault. I should have just told you, but I was childish and stupid. I just did it."

"Was it that good?" I asked her. "Was he some kind of super stud with a foot long dick?"

Her face looked stricken. "No, God, no! It wasn't like that at all. To tell you the truth, he was a good bit smaller than you are. I had to get drunk every time. I don't even remember very much about it except that it didn't last long, I never even got a chance to come and he was done. Caine, you're a dream lover. It had nothing to do with that. You were always more than enough for me; you know that. You've always made me come like a bomb. It wasn't about the sex; it was about power and me hurting you even if you never found out. I'm so sorry. I was so stupid and such an idiot. I've tried very hard to make sure I never, ever find myself like that again. It's been five years, Caine. I'm a healthy girl, but I've never even thought about another man. Ask the girls."

"They told me," I said. "Whatever happened to Dickwad?"

"I have no idea," she said. "The school fired us both. We had morals clauses in our contracts. His wife divorced him; I know that. He went away somewhere. I doubt he could ever get another job teaching with something like that on his record. Do you want to find him and fuck him up or something?"

I laughed. "No, if I saw him on the street, maybe. I don't give a damn about him. I was just curious."

"He called me a couple of times," she said. "I hung up when I heard his voice and he quit trying."

"Any men you're interested in?" I asked.

"There's a guy at work that's been asking me out for a year," she said. "I've told him that I'm not interested. Actually, there are a lot of guys that ask me out, but I'm not interested. I've been too sad lately, and before that, I hoped you'd come... I hoped you'd come back to me," she cried a little.

"Is the guy bothering you?" I asked her.

"Yeah, kinda," she said. "Will you kick his ass for me, Caine?"

I laughed again. "That's my job, kicking ass and taking names."

She laughed. "I was just kidding. I know how to handle that sort of thing. I'm quite a kick boxer, did you know that?"

"No, the girls told me you work out a lot," I said. "Is that what you do?"

"Sometimes," she said. "Mostly I lift and do cardio. You've stayed in shape."

"Just hard work," I told her.

"We should get dressed," she said but she didn't move.

"No, I want you again," I told her. I slid down and kissed my way down her glorious body to the juncture of her thighs. She protested and tried to pull me back up.

"Nooo, Caine, I'm messy!" I didn't care. I had to have that beautiful pussy in my mouth, tease that little pink nub with my tongue. She was nearly coming by the time I touched her clit and she exploded in minutes.

"Get me hard," I said.

She slid down and engulfed me, and we made love, slow and sweet, for nearly an hour. Her cry of completion rang again and again in the still afternoon air and we lay on the blanket for a while.

"What are we going to do, Caine," she asked.

"I don't know," I said. "Start over, I guess. Gwen, will you go out with me Friday night?"

A tear trickled down her cheek. "Yes, Caine, I will. Friday night, Saturday night, every night you want to be with me for the rest of our lives."

We packed up our stuff and walked back to her car. I took a look at it. It was at least ten years old and it wasn't nice when it was new. It was just one of those box shaped imports. It had a little body damage and a little rust going on.

"Why are you driving a car like this?" I asked her.

She looked daggers at me. "Who the hell do you think you are? I'm driving it because it's reliable and it's what I can afford. I'm not rich, Caine. Jesus Christ, you just don't get it."

I was a little taken aback. I just stared at her and a slow grin built on her face. "It is kind of a piece of shit, isn't it?" she chuckled. "It runs good though. I'm trying to save money to buy the girls a car."

Now I felt like a piece of shit. "Sorry, Gwen," I apologized. "I wasn't thinking. I was mean as hell, wasn't I? We'll work something out about money. I know I owe you big time."

"You don't owe me anything," she said. "I'm the one that screwed everything up."

We drove back and there was a strange car in her driveway. "Who's that?" I asked.

"It's your Dad's car," she said.

Well shit, this sucked. "What's he doing here?" I asked her.

"He comes to visit his grandchildren," she said. "Life didn't just end when you left, Caine. Your parents have been very good to us."

"Yeah, really good," I said. "Damn it, Gwen, I think they're responsible for a lot of what happened! What the hell was Mom thinking, filling your ear with the kind of shit she told you?"

"I'm not responsible for them," she said. "If you have a problem with them, I don't want to be in the middle of it."

"Fine," I growled. "I won't get you involved."

She went inside with our gear. I got out, walked around the side of the house and unplugged the electricity. I put the chairs up, rolled up the awning and got ready to leave. Allie came out and climbed in. "What are you doing, Dad?" she asked.

"Going somewhere else," I told her. "You heard what your mother said, Allie. My own mother wanted my wife to hang the horns on me. She actually advised her to do it. How am I supposed to feel about that?"

"Angry, I guess," she said. "How do you feel about it?"

"Angry," I grinned at her. "I'm not mad at you, baby. I'm not going to hang around and make nice with them. Unless you're coming with me, you better get out."

She slid into the passenger seat. "I'm going with you," she said. "Where are we going?"

"We're going apartment hunting," I said. "Do you know any decent ones around?"

"Yeah, there's a nice building about two miles north," she said. "I think I saw a sign."

Just as we were backing out Mari came running out. She opened the side door, came up, and wrapped her arms around me from behind. "You're not getting away from me," she said. "Where are we going, Daddy?"

"Apartment hunting," Allie told her.

I saw my father come out of the house while Mari was getting in and he came around to my window. I sighed and rolled it down.

"Good to see you, Son," he said. "Why don't you come inside? Your mother would like to see you."

"Well, yeah, that does sound like fun," I told him. "Unfortunately, I wouldn't like to see her. Don't much care for seeing you, either, by the way."

He swelled up like a toad. "That's quite a way to talk to the people that raised you and gave you everything," he said.

"Yeah, they even gave my wife the advice that she should fuck some asshole behind my back," I said. "How many times has Mom hung the horns on you, Dad? You enjoy watching or something?"

He tried to reach in the window and grab me. Instead, I grabbed his wrist and jerked him up against the door. "Don't ever touch me," I growled in his face.

Mom came running down the sidewalk with Gwen behind her. She gave a choked cry and ran around the RV, pulling Dad's arm out of the window.

"Caine, please," she begged. "I'm so sorry. Just give me a chance to talk to you. I'll tell you everything. You're my only child. Please don't hate me. Give me a chance and I'll do anything. Remember when you had that motorcycle accident? You were in traction and I never once left the hospital the whole two weeks. I love you with all my heart and I don't want to die unforgiven with this on my conscience. I'm an old, stupid woman, Caine, but I love you and I need you to love me. I was so afraid I would never see you again and I'd die with this on my conscience." She was crying hysterically and I couldn't stand it.

I looked at Gwen and she mouthed "Please," at me. I looked at my girls and they nodded. Sighing, I put the RV back in park.

"Okay, Mom, you win," I said. "Come around and we'll talk."

They trooped around and Gwen and Mom got in. Dad tried to climb the steps and I gave him a stiff arm. He stumbled back and glared at me. "I didn't invite you," I said.

"You... how come they get to come in?" he gobbled furiously.

"They apologized and you didn't." I said. "I don't like your attitude."

"It will be a cold day in hell..." he started. I shut the door, cutting off whatever he had been planning to say. I locked it and we all sat around the table. I looked at Mom. Tears were dripping off her cheeks in a steady rain and she just stared at me with hungry eyes.

The girls were petting her and Gwen looked at me disapprovingly. "What?" I said. "I didn't cause any of this. Quit looking at me like that or you can join Dad." I could tell that pissed her off, but she looked away.

"We all know you're pissed off, you don't have to keep showing us." Mari said. She gave me a mischievous grin.

I sighed and leaned back. "I can see this is a conspiracy," I said. "Did you all plan this?"

Mom gave a watery chuckle. "We've been planning it for five years. Caine, I'm a very stupid woman. I can't tell you how sorry I am. This is all my fault and I've just been wretched for all this time, knowing I drove my son away with my stupidity and ruined everything. I need to tell you some things and maybe then you'll forgive me and I can have some peace."

"I have to tell you, Mom, I don't see a lot of hope for that," I told her. "What you did is just about the worst thing you could possibly have done to me. For God's sake, you were supposed to have my back! You're my mother. Instead, you just shoved the knife in and you've been twisting it ever since."

That brought about a fresh round of crying. I was surrounded by crying women. I'd never been so uncomfortable in my life.

"You need to understand some things. Do you remember when your Dad was overseas? I think you were seven or eight. He was gone for two years. He came home twice during that time. I found out that he cheated the whole time he was gone. It drove me nearly crazy and I decided that two could play that game. I cheated on him, too. I guess I just came to think that's what people did when they were separated for that long. I just figured you were doing that, too. I know you had plenty of opportunities, and I just figured you would take them. Gwen was going crazy and I just thought she should get some relief. I should have known you weren't that kind of man. She obviously wasn't that kind of woman, either. After she was with that man, she was worse. Now she had all that guilt and shame on top of missing you. Your father and I just got over the affairs and went on with our lives. Once he came home, everything was fine between us. I thought that would be the case with you and Gwen. I was so wrong and I'm so sorry. I screwed up and I'll always be ashamed and regretful about that. Can you ever forgive me, Caine?"

I was just tired. I felt like I didn't have a shred of emotion or energy. I just sat there, numb and unthinking for a long time. "Dad, are you okay?" Allie asked.

"Okay? No, I'm not okay, Allie," I told her. "Every one of you treated me like shit. I never cheated on Gwen. Not once! I never even thought about it. Sure, I looked at beautiful women and wondered what it would be like or what they would look like without clothes, but never once did I even dream about being with anyone else. When I confronted you, you all gave me a line about how it didn't mean a thing and how much I was the only one for any of you, how much you loved me. You made me the bad guy. I deserve all the blame anyone wants to give me for thousands of things, but not that one thing. Damn it, I should never have come here. I should have just driven off and left you in that RV park, Allie. I've had all I can stand. I'm just dead inside."