by ihartekenny
I would be nice if Stefan finds a mate. It seems he will have a big part with helping Gian get his life together.
thats off putting. Anyway, I have read a number of kalamazo's work and i must say i dont really see much similarities. You are on your way of becoming a great lit authour yourself.
I think your story is a solid 3. But you mentioned that Kalamazoo's stories inspired this entry.... Her sex scenes aren't a focal part of the story and I was wondering if you would follow her lead in that as well. Because this IS literotica. This story is off to a good start and I hope you follow through in the bedroom! :)
I was inspired by Kalamazoo's vampires. Every one has a version of vampires from Twilight vampires, True Blood vampires, and so on. As for the sex in this story I think a great build up yields an even greater release...but I cannot do tame sex scenes (trust me I've tried).
You won me over quickly, vampire and Italian men and I am so there. Looking forward to reading more. Don't like GianCarlo's father at all, please stake him!!
I am a huge fan of Kal and her Sinclaire series is simply captivating. So when I came upon this story I got excited. This is the same genre but diffrent...
i am already digging Gian. Please update soon!!!
Loving this story! Gian is my type of man! The long hair, green eyes and rocker style! Can't wait for the rest of the story!!! GOOD JOB!!! :-)
I loved this story its too cute. There interaction with each other reminds me of me... Great Job !!!
Seriously weird factoid: Dee is like the perfect representation of me...minus the pink fetish for yellow! Like looks and everything. Odd, but I liked the story!!:)
I live in Gretaer Miami/FTL area!! Good job, actually dated a green eyed Italian too!
It different and I really like these characters. Usually Italian men are portrayed as being these alpha possesive stubborn mafia ... but Gian is not only different buy he's struggling with an addiction and it seems like an unhealthy parent/son relationship. Dee has a sunny disposition that is very appealing. Great job! Can't wait to see where this goes. Also I was born and raised in MIA so this brings me waaay back... represent! Lol ;)
I like this story...the characters and how it flows.....great writing....can't wait to get to the next chapter....
My two favorites, interracial and VAMPIRES bloody hell im loving this
Refreshing story. I like the fact that Delia is dark skinned, has an Afro and is a regular size girl even on the big side, and not the typical long wavy white like haired petite goddess with "exotic" features and flat stomach that are usually protrayed. I also like the fact that Gian is a junkie vampire, with some mental/daddy issues and not the usual uber alpha male. It makes those character very appealing. I even care about Stefan! Keep up the good work!
I was intrigued the entire time! You should continue their story, I enjoyed every minute of it!
It's not bad so far, but this is basic grammar.
Questions:
Is English not your native tongue?
Do you not know the meaning of some words or are you getting confused by words that sound similar but have completely different meanings?
I ask because you constantly use the wrong words to describe things.
Body of the story:
You need an editor BADLY!
You add a lot of unnecessary filler dialogue and it takes away from the story.
Your wording at times is nonsensical.
Your use or lack thereof of punctuation causes your story to be a choppy, disjointed, frustrating, puzzle of a read.
The story has loads of potential because it's SUPER interesting. You just need help.
Trust me it gets better but I'm eternally grateful for honest feedback. You make me better