Girl on a Hot Tin Roof

I lit a cigarette and offered her one. We smoked in silence for a moment and I went on. "So here I am. I don't want to live with the vision of you thinking of me as you came and not having done anything about it. I may hate it or I may love it. It may be a one-night only thing. I may run, kicking and screaming the first time you touch me..."

I paused, not knowing how prophetic my next words would be. "Or it may change my life. At my age, I ain't going to die wondering. Only one way to find out."

She held her hand out and took my fingers in hers. Her hand felt tiny. "Good enough for me." She leaned across the table and put her lips to mine. I almost recoiled at the shock of it, but held my nerve and accepted the brief kiss. She tasted sweet and smoky and I realised I wanted more.

She smiled. "Good start - at least yer no runnin', kickin' and screamin'!"

As she sat back down I was aware of Gabby and Bex watching us intently. The older woman grinned, clapped her hands together silently and blew me a kiss.

As I turned back to Thea, I heard Gabby's voice from behind me. "Theodora Tanith McLeod, you fuckin' lucky wee lassie."

Thea was grinning. "Fuckin' lucky wee lassie indeed. So come on then, Jess - I don't like talking to strangers - well not for long anyway. So, your life story - your two minutes start... now!" She glanced at her watch as she said it, eyes twinkling.

I smiled and thought for a moment. This needed to be spiced up a little, so I gave her a few details I'd not usually readily admit to in polite company.

"Ok - Jessica Rhiannon Vale at your service. Born just outside Manchester thirty-two and a bit years ago. Ordinary childhood and schooling, lost my cherry at seventeen and somehow it was pretty damned good. Did the usual rite of passage stuff at University in York; a few too many pills and raves and sleeping around. Played keyboards in a trance band for a while, spent too much time in Ibiza on my back and off my head. Got a bit of a reputation for my oral skills and my willingness to allow access to all orifices, sometimes simultaneously. Left Uni with an ok grade, got a reasonable job in a finance company back home in Manchester and tidied up my act. Fun over."

I twisted my mouth. "Now the boring bit. Met a nice guy, fell in love. Got married, got bored, fell out of love, got divorced. Travel a lot with my job analysing business processes, which is why I'm here - helping bed in a new system I had a hand in developing."

I took a long pull on the More. "That covers the first thirty two years. Bringing things right up to date, I had a bad day yesterday and met a nice girl. I thought about her whilst coming last night and this morning. Decided if anyone was going to turn me over to the dark side, it would be her."

I paused again for a drink. "So here I am and I am scared half to death. I haven't a fucking clue what the next few hours will bring, but in the interests of science and sexual advancement, I will give it my best shot!"

Thea in turn took a long pull on her cigarette and regarded me over her wine glass. "Good job I know then, hey?" She smiled an arch little smile and looked at her watch again. "Well under two minutes. Thanks for not boring me!"

It felt nice to be back in the flirting game, even if it was with a girl. Same principles and I'd always been good at it with boys. Something about her just made me want to tell all my dirty little secrets, and despite eight years of marriage, I have a few. "I may let out a few more little snippets as the night progresses. Your turn..."

She sighed. "Ok little old me, eh? Born right here in Leith, Edinburgh nineteen years ago."

Something in my look stopped her dead in her tracks. "Only nineteen?" I couldn't believe it - I'd put her a good few years older she looked so poised and confident.

She smiled. "Yeah, so old enough to do both of these..." She held up her cigarette and wine glass. "Ok, nearly twenty, but what the fuck. And well old enough to show you a thing or two, that's for sure, lady. Can I go on?"

I nodded, taking a drink. This was fun. Nineteen? I remembered what I was like at that age and shuddered. They grow up fast these days!

"Ok, so I was a wee bit of a naughty lassie and got into a wee bit of trouble for a few years. Bit like you with the pills and all. Except I got done for supplying at school and got kicked out just before my eighteenth birthday. So my folks, being well off, decided I should go to an exclusive all-girl school to sort me out for my final year. And did it sort me out? I went from a few casual shags with boys to fighting off girls with a shitty stick. I fought like hell, gave a few black eyes and in the end, I just caved in under the relentless pressure - I was like the last non-infected human succumbing to a tide of zombies. I just let them run all over me and it was fucking wonderful. Not touched a male appendage since. Well not a real one anyway. There's a great big pool of lovely femininity out there and I am going to swim in that pool until I am absolutely fucking knackered."

It was her turn to pause. "What else? Ok, I've ditched the stimulants - well mostly anyway. I'd had enough institutionalisation so decided against Uni and went into advertising. Been there a year and loving it. I can be creative, stupid, mad - anything I want and get away with it. I've got a nice wee flat just down the road and there are so many notches on my bedpost, there's a fucking great pile of sawdust on the floor a foot high. Oh and a naughty wee toy department building up nicely."

She finished her wine and set the glass down. "I drink too much, I smoke too much and..." She paused, giggling.

"I was going to say I fuck too much, but that's not really possible is it? I can do something about the first two, but not the latter." Her grin lit up her pretty face and my heart lurched a little. She held her hands up. "So, c'est moi! Theodora Tanith McLeod, this is your life!"

My turn to laugh. "Sounds perfect!"

She pointed at my now empty glass. "Another?"

"I'll switch to wine thanks - whatever you're having."

She got up and went into the pub.

Still with massive trepidations about what was to unfold, I sat checking my phone again. I stiffened as I felt a hand slide around my left breast, cupping it gently. I recoiled in shock as fingers sought out my nipple. I could see a tattooed arm and my head shot round. I was looking up at Bex, her dark eyes smouldering down at me, nostrils flaring. She ran her tongue along her lip and leaned down towards me. I could smell beer on her breath. My mouth was still open in surprise and it gave her the perfect opportunity to clamp hers down on mine. Her other hand went into my hair to prevent me pulling away. I was so shocked I was unable to respond. Her tongue probed and I could feel her lip ring hard against my mouth as she tweaked my nipple. I could feel her hot, sweet breath in my mouth and her dark ringed eyes burned into mine. She sucked on my tongue, her hand stroking my hair softly.

I could hear an angry voice as I began to regain my composure and tried to pull away from her. "Fuck off, Bex - she's scared shitless, poor wee lassie."

Bex pulled off me, removing her hand from my breast, propping it flat on the table. I wiped my hand across my mouth, shaking. Gabby glared at the girl. "Cannae fuckin' help yerself, can ye?" She looked back at me. "Sorry, darlin' - forgot to tell the insatiable Rebecca here that it's yer first time."

Bex moved her hand from my hair and covered her mouth. "Oh fuck, sorry. I just assumed..." I was surprised when her accent was very posh, upper class English.

I breathed deeply. "That's tantamount to fucking assault, you bitch..."

Gabby nodded. "Girl's got a point Bex." She looked at me. "You ok, love?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Just get the Goth-girl to back off, yeah? Should keep her on a fucking leash!"

Bex grinned at me and ran a gentle hand down my arm letting it linger there. "Oh she does, darling. Keep me on a leash, I mean!" She brushed her lips in my hair. "Sorry, babes - just jealous of McLeod. My only defence is that I fucking love red-heads. Hot as hell."

I shivered at her touch. Despite the shock of it all, I realised it had actually felt quite pleasant. She had been gentle and that sucking feeling on my tongue had sent shivers though me. I wasn't going to let her see that though. My empty beer glass was a heavy-bottomed mug. I held it over the hand she was using to balance herself on the table and glared up at her. "Get your fucking hand off my arm or I'll fucking break this one..."

Smiling, she slowly removed her hand put both up in front of her. "No need for violence." She grinned wickedly. "At least not of that sort..." She turned as Thea came out carrying drinks.

Thea stopped in her tracks, regarding her with narrowed eyes. "What the fuck's going on?"

I looked from Thea to Bex. "Oh nothing - just a jealous little cow. Doesn't like the thought of someone younger and better looking getting to take my second cherry."

Thea put the drinks on the table, her face a mask of fury. "I'll put these down before I make you two bitches wear them. Now fuck off and leave us alone..."

The two women made to leave, Bex grinning all over her face. She looked at Thea and then me. "Watch out for the quiet ones, eh?"

Thea shook her head and followed her back towards the pub. As she passed me, Gabby put her hand on my shoulder. "Really sorry pet... she's a lovely lass but she gets a bit carried away at times."

I nodded. "Thanks." As she left I put a hand on hers and she stopped again. "Don't tell her, but it was quite nice..."

She tapped her nose and grinned. "Guid girl! And guid luck, wi' Thea eh?"

As Thea went inside I could hear raised voices. I glanced inside and saw her in animated conversation with Gabby and Bex. It didn't seem terribly friendly. I could hear Thea's voice saying something about scaring me off and Bex apologising again - something about 'fucking Gabby not telling me she was a virgin.'

Thea came out moments later. Taking two cigarettes from her pack, she lit them both and handed me one. She seemed to be shaking a little as she blew out smoke. "Sorry about that - are you ok? There's a bit of a history with those two."

I nodded. "Yeah, fine. I think I quite enjoyed it, but I wasn't going to let Cruella de Vil know that!"

She shook her head again. "Fucking Bex!"

My thoughts went back to the moment she kissed me. I could feel a tingle in my nipple where she had squeezed it. I flashed back eleven years to Ibiza and thought of a redhead with dark Goth eye makeup getting her first tattoos, her nose stud. Back in Manchester I still had the boots, the ripped fishnets, the heavy jewellery that had rattled so hard during my double penetration. Fucking Bex? Hmm - may not be such a bad idea...

I shook myself back to the present. My sensible side was telling me to apologise to Thea and go and play with green salad vegetables for the evening. But my sensible side had been telling me what to do for far too long now. I remembered the thrills of that summer eleven years ago. Trying new things, pushing my limits. Rave after rave, pill after pill, cock after cock. Then the crashing back to earth and the reality of a new job. Losing my Goth look, hiding the tattoos. The nose stud lasted all of a few weeks. Things were different now - maybe time to get another one?

I put my sensible side back in a little wooden box and locked the lid. I was twenty-one again. There was a beautiful young girl opposite me ready to induct me into the world of Sapphic delights. If I didn't act now, I'd never know.

But still I was so scared and something in the comments the women had made about Thea had got me feeling a more than a little nervous. Gabby's aside about me being lucky to break myself in gently - Bex's 'watch out for the quiet ones' gibe. I decided to try and put some parameters on what was about to happen.

"Look Thea, I'm not pissing you about as I said earlier, but... first time and all. Give me room to breathe, yeah?"

She nodded. "Of course. Wouldn't have it any other way."

"Thanks. I'm sorry - I'm just... well part of me is still forcing the other part to go through with this. I'm torn between running and hiding under the bed and dragging you over the table right now."

Thea touched my hand. "No forcing, Jess. You have to make the choice. I didn't have that choice my first time, but hey - here I am, eh?"

I looked at her in horror. "What? You were forced into it?"

She nodded, blowing out smoke. "Was indeed. But if I hadn't been, I may be sitting in a different pub right now with a guy feeling as miserable as fuck. It's a long story - I hope you'll stick around to hear it."

I slid my fingers into hers. "No forcing, but maybe I'll need a bit of coaxing here and there. I'm completely out of my depth, Thea. Depending upon how I am, you may need to hold me above the level of the water or you may have to pull me under until I scream for air." I let out a deep sigh as though I had finally made my mind up. "Will you come to my apartment? Not exactly familiar ground for me, but at least it's neutral territory." I didn't add that the thought of her own comment about her 'naughty wee toy department' had made me a little uncomfortable. I just wanted it to be the two of us and no artificial aids. They could come later.

If there was a later.

She tapped ash from her cigarette. "Fine by me. Don't mind where - I just want to see that red hair of yours unpinned, falling down around that lovely freckled face of yours. I want to hear you shout my name as I slide my fingers into your slippery wet crack; feel you suck the air out of my lungs as you come. See those amazing green eyes glistening with tears at the sheer beauty of what we've done together. Sound good?"

I swallowed hard. "Yes, sounds good Thea." As I spoke, I unpinned my hair for her and shook it, letting it fall down around my shoulders.

She took a long pull on her cigarette, staring at me intently. Her voice was quiet and husky. "Oh my fucking Lord. What kind of stupid cunt divorced you? Drink up, Jessica Rabbit - it's going to be a long night. In Leith, no-one can hear you scream!"

Friday

The next morning, it took me a long time to come round. Part of me was aware I needed to pack and get into the office. I could still smell and feel Thea's musky perfume on me and the bedclothes. She had left at six o'clock, a short walk back to her flat. I had her number in case I was back in Edinburgh again.

When I was back in Edinburgh again.

I showered and stuffed my things in my overnight bag. I had tingles in places I had never had from making out with guys. I kept trying to suppress thoughts of what we had done and concentrate on the day ahead.

It didn't work.

I reached into my handbag and pulled out my train ticket. I usually reserve seats and times for my return journey but this trip had been done in a hurry so Lisa, Geoff's PA, had booked the ticket for me. It was an open return, valid for a month. The thought of a late, over-crowded Friday night trip back home did not appeal. I knew a nice little pub not far down the road that I'd rather be sitting in after office hours, not on a packed and noisy train.

I looked at my watch - it wasn't too early to call Lisa. "Hey Lis! I was wondering if the flat was free over the weekend? Never been to Edinburgh before and wouldn't mind seeing the Castle and the Royal Mile..." I held my breath hoping my lie would not put the mockers on things.

"Yeah, no probs Jess. No-one in until Monday afternoon, coming up from London. Cleaners will be in Monday morning so you'll need to be gone by then."

That sounded fine to me. Heart pounding, I thanked her and hung up. I thought about calling Thea but I hoped turning up at The Russ later would be a nice surprise for her.

It never occurred to me that she might not be there; that I'd get further out of my depth so quickly and so completely.

But I'm fucking glad I did.

The day dragged by and a little earlier than I should I wished everyone a great weekend and headed to the pub with a pounding in my chest.

The Russell Arms. Same time, same seat, different outcome.

Very different outcome.

I sat nervously, wondering if I should have called Thea. The beer garden was slightly busier being a Friday night, but there was no-one there I recognised from my previous visits. I was just starting to think I'd made a big mistake when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

It was the same hand as last night, but at least it was my shoulder this time and not somewhere more intimate.

She looked down at me in the same way, dark eyes narrowed, wide nostrils flaring. Her black hair was all over the place but tonight there were streaks of vivid purple in there. She was wearing a plain white sleeveless t-shirt and a tight leather skirt. I took in her copious sleeve tattoos, her lip ring, nose stud. Her eyes were heavily made up again with dark gunmetal eye shadow, her lips almost black. She ran her hand through my hair. I had made sure it was down tonight.

She began by repeating her words from the previous meeting. "Fucking love red-heads. Hot as hell." She sat on the edge of the table appraising me.

I stared back. "One more finger on me, you'll be wearing this pint and I'll fucking scream the place down."

She grinned. "'Course you will! Not like you fucking loved it, was it?" She tugged at her own left breast. "I felt that nipple harden!" She narrowed her eyes. "Looking for our 'wee girlfriend' are we?" She spoke in her own English accent but the words 'wee girlfriend' were spoken in broad Scottish.

I nodded. "Not that it's your business, but yes."

She shook her head. "Not on a Friday. I'm afraid the little newbie is going to be disappointed. The lovely Theodora has bigger things on her mind on a Friday night."

This wasn't going to plan. I managed to croak out a sulky, "Like what?"

Her smile was pure wickedness. She tapped me on the nose. "Probably best not to know. We warned you, Gabs and I, didn't we? 'Watch out for the quiet ones,' we said. Did she give you a good time?"

I was getting seriously pissed off at this woman and was crestfallen that Thea was not going to be there. "Again, none of your fucking business, Goth-girl. Now piss off and leave me alone."

She smiled again. "Fucking love red-heads. Hot as hell."

I glared up at her. "As you keep saying. Yeah, well I'm not into fucking groping weirdoes with metal and ink fixations, so tough shit."

She licked her lips again and I recalled the kiss from yesterday. The thing was, I was lying to myself to cover my disappointment with Thea. There was just something about her that mesmerised me. Something dark, mysterious and exotic. I hadn't been so different once upon a time and the look really turned me on.

She got up from the table and her leather skirt brushed my bare arm. I could feel heat from it and the touch made me tingle. She looked at me sadly. "Your loss. You backed the wrong horse in this race, darling."

With that, she went inside the pub, leaving me shivering. I recalled Thea's words from our post-coital snuggle. "It's just a game with Bex and Gabby. We pretend we hate each other, but it adds a nice little frisson when we do get together." She had sucked on the soft skin of my shoulder, making me shiver. Her teeth had nibbled at me, and she bit down, leaving teeth marks on my skin. "Nothing like a nice bit of bite, eh?"

Shivering with lust at the thought of her sharp little teeth, I lit a cigarette and drank some beer. I was screaming inwardly at myself for my stupidity in having thought Thea would be here and it would be all as it was last night. More of Thea's words came back to me. "I may have said that Gabby and Bex have been trying to get inside my knickers for the last six months, but I left out the bit about them succeeding."