Goddamned Superheroes

This is my entry for the On the Job 2023 Challenge. Special thanks to my brother for editing this story and making it a better, more enjoyable read. He finally gets to put that English degree to good use.

* * * * * * * * * *

At precisely 7:30 AM, Travis Krieger strode briskly across his lobby. Though he owned neither the building nor the company headquartered therein, he was the head of security and felt immensely protective of both his people and his building. Especially his pristine lobby, the entryway to his domain. After four years of ROTC and a further eight years of active duty, Captain Krieger (ret.) prized routine and orderliness above most things.

Recruited by GDS Enterprises while processing out of the army, Travis swiftly professionalized and organized the company's security operations. Within nine months, he had increased staff, improved technology, and instituted protocols designed to protect his building, and his people, from any reasonably foreseeable threat, and several unlikely ones as well.

Sitting at his desk, his practiced eye swept over the bank of security cameras, confirming that nothing was out of place. He then read through his night manager's report from the previous evening, as usual. Seeing nothing amiss, Travis stood, straightened his maroon blazer, and began his customary morning inspection of his building.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Goddamned superheroes!" Travis growled. The damage to his once-beautiful lobby offended his sensibilities. The thirty-three-year-old security chief stalked across the field of melted glass and frozen concrete shards. "Where the hell is that construction crew?" he shouted, drawing blank stares from the dazed employees wandering aimlessly through the debris.

"Over here, ya big ape," a gruff voice shouted from a back hallway. "Keep your fucking shirt on! We're doing the best we can."

"Lou!" Travis shouted, relief softening his features. "Thank God you guys are here! It's a fucking mess," he continued, gesticulating wildly at the wreckage. "A couple of asshole super-freaks decided to fight it out in front of the building," he exclaimed, temper flaring again. "Some fucking ice-shooting asshole got beat down by a fire-shooting asshole, and I'm left with a wrecked lobby," he fumed. "Again!"

Lou quickly assessed the carnage with experienced eyes. Turning towards the growing crowd of jumpsuit-clad construction workers, Lou started calling out assignments. The lobby swiftly transformed into a bustling hive of organized activity as the crews got to work removing the detritus.

Nodding in satisfaction at the workers' efforts, Lou turned back to Travis and quipped, "At least you guys don't have to pay for the repairs these days."

"Just because the Feds are paying for the repairs doesn't mean we aren't losing business every time my building gets damaged by those goddamned superheroes," he responded.

"Hey now," Lou joked, "sometimes your building gets damaged by supervillains too." With a final smirk, Lou set off across the lobby again, shouting out additional instructions to the laboring workers.

Taking a moment to admire the sight, Travis muttered under his breath, "Finest ass I've ever seen on a construction worker, that's for sure." Shaking his head again, Travis returned to his office to begin the mountain of paperwork. It was a pain, but the effort was worth it to make sure that Lou's work was promptly covered by the government's Superhero Hazard Indemnification Taskforce.

* * * * * * * * * *

Travis strode confidently out of the elevator, clutching his notes on the latest incident. He approached the imposing glass and steel reception desk manned by the equally imposing Harleen Quinzel. "Travis Holmes to see the boss, Ms. Quinzel." She glared imperiously at him for a moment, before picking up the phone to announce his presence.

Seeing her nod, he grinned and said, "Thanks," before passing her desk and entering the Board Room.

Standing before the leadership of GDS Enterprises, Travis took a deep breath, collected his thoughts, and began his briefing. "Overall, we were not damaged too severely this time. Our building was only struck in passing as this supervillain was blown down the street. His acid spray damaged 15 windows, including frames, our window-washing rig, and one A/C unit. We also need to replace some sections of the roof, but the construction crew is confident that it can be patched."

"Who is handling the repairs this time?" asked Pamela Isley, GDS' sultry redheaded founder and CEO.

"Lou Smith, from Smith Family Construction, ma'am," replied Travis. "We've worked with them in the past and we have always been satisfied with the speed and quality of their work. Lou stepped up as Smith's lead foreman three years ago when Bobby took over after their dad died. They've got a top-notch crew and have moved this project to the front of the line."

"Have you sent my office all of the necessary paperwork for Federal coverage?" inquired GDS' uptight and pedantic attorney.

"Yes, sir, Mr. Dent," he answered. "I was told that it should be reviewed and approved by the end of the day. Once it is, I'll get everything sent over to the Taskforce, as well as a copy for Lou's records."

"Excellent," purred the CEO. "Thank you for the timely and efficient briefing, as always, Travis. I'm quite pleased we were able to snap you up once you were discharged. Please let your team know that their hard work is appreciated and will not be forgotten at bonus time."

Acknowledging the dismissal, Travis nodded at the Board and swiftly retreated. He was glad to return to his normal work, though that would only last until the next superhero-related incident, and that could happen any time, these days.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Another day, another disaster," Travis grumbled, gazing at the damage in confusion. "What the hell happened here?" he asked a disheveled office worker.

"Tornado," the man replied.

"On the 15th floor?" Travis gawped.

"I guess that's just how a weather-control hero captures an invisible villain," the man responded.

"Well...fuck me," was all Travis could manage, suppressed irritation flushing his face.

"I'm game if you are," Lou interjected, stealthily coming up from behind the two men.

"Fucking hell!" yelled Travis, spinning towards the construction foreman. "Did you have to sneak up on me like that?"

"Have to? No," joked Lou. "Want to? Absolutely."

"Goddamned sneaky construction workers sneaking up on me," Travis muttered to himself, shaking his head. "Goddamned superheroes wrecking my building. What fresh hell will the rest of the day bring me?"

"Hey Travis," Lou called out, stopping his retreat. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did," Travis joked, a flicker of joy from getting to use the cliched riposte ameliorating the worst of his glare.

"Ha. Ha. Ha," responded Lou blandly, clearly less amused. "Anyway, I have to ask...what's the deal with you and superheroes?"

"What do you mean 'what's the deal?'" he gawped. "They keep wrecking my building!"

"I get that part," Lou responded. "I mean, I only hear you complaining about the superheroes, not the supervillains. Don't they both damage your building?"

Travis paused to consider this, trying to find a way to articulate his feelings. "Supervillains are honest," he finally declared.

"You've already lost me," Lou said. "Supervillains...are honest? What does that even mean?"

"Supervillains aren't out there pretending to be good guys," Travis answered. "They're robbing banks, wrecking buildings, and whatever else, but they don't act like we should be thanking them for it. They don't hide the fact that they are just trying to benefit themselves."

"I suppose you have a point," Lou grudgingly acknowledged.

"Also, smugness," added Travis. "Superheroes always seem smug. That irritates me."

Seeing that Lou had no response to his profound insights, Travis returned to his day, tossing a vague salute to the bemused and dumbfounded foreman.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Sign here...and here...and here...and also on this page," Lou instructed. As Travis continued to sign off on the inspection paperwork to certify the latest set of repairs, he noted a drop-off in background lobby noise. Looking up from the clipboard, Travis' attention was drawn to the plaza in front of the GDS Tower. A burly man with metallic skin was facing off against a full-sized wooly mammoth.

Travis and Lou watched as the mammoth tried unsuccessfully to trample the metallic human. The mammoth then made the mistake of trying to gore him with his tusks. When the tusk broke off on the man's skin, he grabbed the mammoth by the trunk. Planting his feet, the man began to spin the mammoth around faster and faster until the creature was lifted fully into the air.

Travis knew that, with his luck, there was only one possible outcome from this fight. He started yelling for everyone to evacuate the lobby immediately, and his well-trained crew of security guards shepherded the confused workers away from the impending impact site. Travis saw that Lou hadn't moved, staring intently at the whirling mammoth.

Knowing they had just seconds before disaster inevitably struck, Travis grabbed Lou around the waist and scrambled backward, seeking the protection of his office's fortified walls. As he swung the armored door shut, he spotted the mammoth hurtling towards the now-vacant lobby.

Moments later, the drab walls of his office/bunker shook, and the light fixtures swung wildly, casting crazy shadows in the windowless room. The sounds of shattering glass and falling debris outside were deafening, though the unnatural silence that followed was somehow worse.

"Are you OK?" Travis gasped, winded by his frantic sprint.

"Who would be OK after that?" Lou shrilly responded. "What the fuck just happened? How did you know that was going to happen? What the fuck?"

"I told you," Travis answered. "Goddamned superheroes."

Lou stared blankly at him, clearly needing more.

"Whenever there's a superhero around, things always go to shit," Travis continued. "When I saw that asshole swinging the mammoth around, I knew that it was bound to end up in our laps. At this point, how could I expect anything different?"

Lou continued to stare, a thin trickle of blood starting to seep through her disheveled blonde hair.

"Was I wrong?" Travis asked, smirking slightly. "Let me take a look at that," he continued, grabbing his well-stocked first aid kit off the wall. He gently pulled her hair back and examined the small cut on her forehead.

"Doesn't look too bad," Travis concluded, applying a small unicorn band-aid to the wound. Seeing that she was still on the verge of a hysterical meltdown, he pulled Lou into a tight embrace.

"Everything here held up just fine. We've got food, water, and everything we might need until someone comes to dig us out." Stepping back, he continued, "We even have a bathroom, so you won't have to use a bucket or anything. I got them to add that during my contract negotiation."

In her somewhat dazed state, Lou's mind latched onto two thoughts: "Travis saved my life" and "Travis needs to shut the hell up." Both trains of thought urged her towards the same bold action. She grabbed the front of his shirt in both hands and yanked him down for a kiss, cutting off his ongoing narrative. Without stopping the kiss, she frantically struggled with the buttons on his shirt. Growling in frustration, she stopped kissing just long enough to rip the shirt open, buttons flying in all directions.

Ignoring Travis' stunned expression, Lou dove forward, recapturing his lips and driving him onto his back on the surprisingly comfortable couch. Stirred out of his shock, Travis finally started actively participating in both the kissing and the disrobing.

* * * * * * * * * *

Several hours later, the couple was wrenched from their exhausted slumber by a tremendous screeching noise. Jerking upright, Lou scrambled to find something to cover herself with. Tumbling off the couch, she snatched at the pile of their clothes before dashing behind the desk. Travis, more comfortable with casual nudity, bemusedly watched her actions before turning his attention to the front of the bunker.

After one final clatter, an eerie silence fell, broken only by a crisp knock.

"Come in!" called Travis.

"What are you doing?" hissed Lou, Travis' oversized shirt clutched around her. "You're naked!"

"It's just gonna be a couple of construction workers, or maybe some of my security guys," said Travis. "No big deal."

The door swung open, revealing the stunning figure of the CEO. GDS' attorney stood at her shoulder, and a horde of construction workers crowded behind them. Travis swiftly covered himself with a couch cushion and blushed furiously.

"It's good to see you in one piece, Travis," quipped the CEO, "though I wasn't expecting to see quite so much of your...piece."

Composing himself, Travis jokingly asked the lawyer, "Does that count as sexual harassment, Mr. Dent?"

"Can't be harassment," joked the CEO. "I'm not the one letting it all hang out."

Conceding the point with a grin, Travis responded, "Fair enough, ma'am. Did you need something from me, or can we go ahead and get dressed now?"

"Carry on, Travis," she answered. "Carry on."

With that, she stepped out of the office, letting the door swing shut again. Travis and Lou stared at each other, their glances becoming heated. Tossing the concealing cushion over his shoulder, Travis leaped off the couch and circled the desk. Taking Lou into his arms, he said, "They'll be fine without us for a little longer" before pulling her close for another deep kiss which quickly escalated.