Growth and Lust Ch. 04 - Banished

"I want to name her Ginrar." she said as she stroked his arm.

Roke opened his eyes and found himself standing in the grass again, the wind whipping through the trees and dropping leaves around him. He quickly yanked the ring off his finger and held it in the air.

"Fenrar!" Roke screamed with all his might.

The wind stopped, his heart pounded in his chest and he held his breath, the world around him seeming to slow. Roke became aware of a new sensation, five sharp claws in his lower back, four on one side of his spine and one on the other. He gulped as he realized he was about to have his spine used as a handle for the Tallhee that was hunting him.

Fenrar pulled his claws from the mans back, reaching forward and using two powerful fingers to gently take hold of the ring that he held in his pointer finger and thumb. He felt Roke release it and he pulled it to his face, his expression softening as he looked at the gift from his past life. His heart tore as he saw the pattern carved with love and care, his daughters dried blood stuck in the crevices of it.

"This is from my beloved, my Teloo. Why were you sent here, outsider?" Fenrar said in a low voice.

Roke stepped forward and turned around, looking up to the behemoth of muscle and ferocity that looked down at him. His face showing no signs of ill intent or impatience, a calm demeanor resonating from him after he just mercilessly murdered Roke two times in a row.

"Uh, I guess Teloo sent me?" Roke said as he tried to keep his voice steady and strong, wondering if the gift was from Teloo and not Saffee.

"Hmmm," Fenrar growled as he rolled the ring in his hand, then glanced at Rokes left arm, studying the tattoos and shade of red skin. He squatted down, even on his haunches he was still up to Rokes chest, "Teloo lives then, but why would my love send you here?" he said before dropping a knee to the grass.

"I guess to meet the in-laws?" Roke said as he chuckled and tried to lighten the mood, he felt like Fenrars heart broke when he spoke his loves name.

Fenrar furrowed his brow, "The what?" he asked.

Roke paused, trying to figure out how to say it.

Fenrar reached up and placed his palm on the top of Rokes head, grasping his fingers around him he squeezed. "In laws." he said, Tallhee could not forcibly dig into peoples minds, but only see what was at the front with convincing.

Roke heard his words and felt his squeeze, he could swear his skull flexed in his grip as his brain blasted with pain and definitions. He quickly thought of the meaning of in-laws without even trying to, marriage, two becoming one, sickness and health. Suddenly Ginrars face filled his mind, his thoughts swimming with her as he tried to pull away from her fathers vice like grip.

"Gah!" Roke yelped in pain as the single last word spun through his mind, 'wife.'

Fenrar tilted his head and looked at Roke, "You were hers, and in turn now with us."

Rokes head reeled with pain as he was released, hearing Fenrars comment and not feeling any relief from the sentiment.

"Teloo has sent you so you may learn of her past, I regret it is not an easy path that she has walked. But it was one that was not her choice, I've had time to ponder my life and what I had done. I regret that it was her that..." Fenrar paused. Looking at Roke with ominous eyes, "How much did she tell you?"

"It's not my place to pry into someones past life." Roke said as he looked back at him while rubbing his temple.

Fenrar looked down and nodded, "One cannot look to anothers past, without reading his own aloud. I'm sure Teloo thinks this is for your benefit, tying to my daughter means you tied to all of her, past, present and what future she would have had. You are the banished as well." Fenrar looked at the ground, wondering what his daughter must have thought before she was cut down.

"I remember they called her that when we first showed up, but your people were so nice, they even gave us like a fuck ton of gifts when we left." Roke said as he shook his head.

Fenrar looked back to Roke, "Left?"

"Well ya we had to leave, we had the ceremony and stayed the night there, then we hopped back on the ship and left." Roke replied.

"No." Fenrar whispered as he stood up, "You left, you and her both... left the world...alive, but Teloo sent you here, she gave you passage?" he said with confusion.

Roke turned his head slightly to give his counterpart a side eyed look, "Ya...I think that gift was from her, so I guess she sent me?" he retorted. He imagined she didn't fill the box that Saffee had given him, but had put something inside, something he would find when he was alone.

"Then that means," Fenrar paused and looked at the grass in front of him, furrowing his brow with a smile. "No longer banished, my baba is no longer banished." He whispered. "Ginrar is no longer the banished daughter and she lives, Teloo didn't-!" he cut himself off as he realized his loves intentions. 'He must learn of who she was, how she became the banished.' Fenrar thought, a lump in his throat formed as he worried, telling the story of his baba that could alter how her love sees her.

Roke leaned back and widened his eyes, "Oh, Ok, alright that's great so Gin can go back home whenever she wants now?!"

"So you did not come to see me, but to learn of my daughter." Fenrar said to Roke.

"Um, I guess?"

Fenrar looked away, wondering if he would be the cause of even more strife for his beloved daughter.

"So how do you know for sure that she's no longer banished? Does Gin know?" Roke asked with excitement.

"Why do you call her that?" Fenrar asked.

"Gin?"

Fenrar narrowed his gaze, "Yes."

"I don't know, I just started calling her that and she never stopped me, now I think she kinda likes it." Roke said as he shrugged his shoulders.

Fenrar looked at him with confusion, he knew humans were oddities when he first heard of them, but now seeing his second one he wasn't any closer to understanding them. 'Why did she pick this one?' Fenrar thought to himself as he wondered about his daughters intentions.

"Since Ginrar was banished, returning to the waterfall coven would mean she would have challenged the one who claimed malice. Since Teloo lives and Ginrar lives, that means Teloo has lifted her judgment." Fenrar said with a slight smile.

"Wait, why would her mom claim malice?" Roke asked as he tried to understand, wondering why the thought of Teloo killing Gin would even be something to consider happening.

Fenrar tilted his head, "Teloo banished her, because of me...Returning to the coven, if she hadn't changed, she would have been challenged...One of the two would have fallen." Fenrar grasped Rokes shoulder, "My daughter was banished, but the one that returned was not the same. Whether you changed her, or her path after leaving did I cannot say. In growing on her own, my love has forgiven my child, she's forgiven our daughter."

Roke looked up to Fenrar, seeing his eyes shine with a fathers pride as he reminisced over his daughter.

"But you must now see who she was." Fenrar said with a sigh.

"But that doesn't matter to me." Roke retorted.

"That is the way of our people, you have not tied to just her, you have tied to every part of her life. Her future is tied with you, her past is as well, which means you carry the burdens that plague her. For Tallhee, this is the way of ensuring you will always be able to understand your partner, two working together rather than one suffering."

Roke listened to him explain and remembered what he had told Gin, 'I'm not a project you have to fix, I'm fixing myself and getting back to being me.' He still believed the words, but couldn't lie that he had made steps forward with her supporting him. He relied on her and felt the cold grip of what had him submerged in regret and fear loosening, he couldn't remember the last time he woke in a cold sweat with his throat buzzing from screaming. Was he being greedy this entire time, letting Gin carry his weight as he made her carry her own as well? Her character and soul was so strong, but if he could help ease her own burden, shouldn't he try?

Then he remembered the sound his last arm made when it hit the floor, the way Ginrars claws tore through his past with a blur of power. How he asked her to do it, then the tears of pain that followed, she felt sorrow for hurting him, but did it remind her of something she did before? Something she did to become the banished, something she had boxed and pushed away and tried to forget, only to have him tear it open in a selfish fit of brashly saying he'd never go back?

Roke made up his mind, knowing he had to invade her privacy, had to dive into her past and find a way to help her. But he also felt anxious, he would have to do the same when he saw her again, would he even be able to say it out loud? Or would he have to resort to remembering it and letting her witness his own shame?

"Ok." Roke said, "Show me Ginrar.", he gulped and felt a tremor run up his spine, accepting there was no turning back at this point.

A bright light flashed and Rokes eyes slammed shut, shielding him from the blinding rays as they flooded around him. He cautiously opened them and looked around, seeing two Tallhee children playing in the forest. He smiled and watched as they laughed, then phasing in and out of sight Roke recoiled at the sight of their playful game.

Claws tearing earth underneath them as they tried to catch one another, bouncing off of trees with laughter as bark splintered and rained down. Fangs bared at one another as joy filled smiles blazed while the might of their strength showed with little effort. Roke was taken back by the sight, he knew Tallhee were strong, but seeing this he was blown away. They could cut him down with ease, and they couldn't be older than ten.

"That's Ginrar and I." Fenrar said with a smile.

Roke looked in confusion, waiting for him to elaborate as he thought Fenrar was Ginrars father.

"Not your 'Gin', my sister Ginrar," Fenrar said with a fondness, "we played the days away and didn't have a care in the world."

The light flashed again and Roke saw an older Fenrar, watching a group of Tallhee men leave, stepping down the path to exit the village. He could see one in the center turning to look back, a Tallhee girl with pained eyes. The horns on her head having four points, high cheekbones and burning worried eyes, Roke studied her and tried to understand what was happening. He could see a gold ring on her right hand, the fingers of her left tracing around it and rubbing it for comfort. Looking at the Fenrar from the past Roke could see his finger had one as well, his thumb touching it and spinning it on his strong red digit.

"But I don't like to think of these times." Fenrar said.

"Why's she leaving?" Roke asked.

"There are many covens on our planet, even though we have the ability to travel off world and move out further into the stars. We stuck to the old ways a lot and chose to follow traditions, one being that our own were tied to the other covens as a form of peace." He said as he let out a pained sigh.

"It was an old way, and the Krell stuck to it." Fenrar spoke.

"Krell?" Roke asked as he looked back to the Tallhee guiding him.

Fenrar looked at the woman being led away, "Your confusion makes me happy, it was an old derelict way to lead a coven."

"I met the Guiders of the village, I thought they led them." Roke responded.

Fenrar nodded his head, horns casting shade on Roke as the sun burned above them, "The Krell was an old tradition, the strongest of the coven would lead. To challenge his word was to challenge his rein, I hated the system, I ensured it ended. I wanted the coven to grow, and the only way to do that was to hear the voices of all and collectively, decide, and guide the coven."

Roke thought about that kind of leadership and breathed a sigh of relief, everyone in the village seemed happy with the Guiders and their performance. One man who was the strongest and leading all by his own accord sounded like an easy way to lead a coven to fall.

"Ok, so your Ginrar was taken by them, so you named my Gin after her, but who are they?" Roke asked.

Fenrar listened to his question, mulling it over in his head, 'Your Ginrar, my Gin.' he thought to himself, looking down at the smaller man next to him. 'He is yours and you are his.' Fenrar thought as he looked at the man his daughter tied with.

"They are the mountain gods, they used to be one of the most brutal covens in the lands we shared. Outsiders weren't let in unless it was to be tied to for the tradition of peace, but rumors had said their numbers were dwindling." Fenrar answered, watching his past self begin to tremble with anger. Balled fist and gritted fang that lusted for blood, he could remember how his heart ached as he promised to change this place.

"Why would that be happening?" Roke asked.

Fenrar shook his head with regret, looking away from his past, "Mountain gods were odd, to bear a child you had to be strong, breeding with them was said to be like a fight to the death. Tooth and claw, it wasn't uncommon for no children to be born in a cycle due to blood spilling and loss of life."

Roke raised his eyebrows, thankful he didn't have to get in a knock out drag out fight to feel Ginrars delicate touch on him.

"Ok, so those dudes took your sister, and you never saw her again, will you be able to see her again when she goes to the other plane?"

Fenrar looked at him, 'Dude?' he thought as he listened to him, "No she has passed, but she did not make it."

"Like make it to the other plane, Do a lot of Tallhee make it?" Roke asked.

"With the help from the others already on the plane, yes." Fenrar said with sadness, "But you must receive the rights of the revered, If you cannot return yourself or be returned by another, then you will not make it. Then you will not join the coven of the past, you won't be able to give your knowledge to the future."

'Would Ginrar have never returned if she didn't tie to me?' Roke thought to himself.

"Your tying ceremony, did you see the witch?" Fenrar asked.

Roke thought of the old woman with the cane, "Ya I think so, she hooked me up." Roke said while pointing at his left arm.

Fenrar nodded and reached out to take his arm, stretching the skin in between his thumbs as he looked at the delicate and intricate designs. "Well then you saw the coven of the past, they listen and watch, answering when called."

"So the green fog that came from the fire, when she threw the powder in, that was the waterfall covens past?"

"Yes." Fenrar said as he squinted and looked at the tattoos, sure he had seen them before, "The vase, it holds our past."

"But Gin told me that they don't really know a lot about the other plane." Roke said, "She didn't explain much about it."

Fenrar listened to his words, wondering if his daughter knew she would see him again, "We know but we do not speak of it, old dark ways lead us down a path that bordered losing who we are as the waterfall coven. There are ways to communicate with the dead, or find information that may be lost. But it comes at a high price, to seek it could make you face a darkness that you may never recover from."

Roke looked up at him, "When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back."

Fenrar locked his gaze, "The abyss will do more than stare."

Roke couldn't hold his eyes, the burning warning that swam in them shook his core, "More one sided fights huh?" he said with a chuckle as he looked away.

"It can be like a level of torment specifically designed to push every button, it all depends on who you find to guide you. Believe it or not, our greeting was one of ease on this plane."

Fenrar pushed into Rokes red arm, feeling the muscles underneath, gauging their worth, "That vase in the room you were tied in, the container holds a portion of our people, their bodies burned and mixed when you die. Receiving your burial rights, then put back in the coven." He said. "In a major life changing event, the coven of the past decides who will grace you a gift if you're seen as worthy."

Roke tilted his head and let his lips part in shock, "So that vase holds ashes of Tallhee, but it wasn't that big, is the burial right not performed that often?"

"It's just a small portion of it, the families also retain some for themselves so that they may converse with the old in times of trial. That is a way to pick who guides you, otherwise you're at the mercy of the past."

Roke thought about what he was saying, "So that's how we're here?"

"Yes, you consumed part of me, I'm able to show you Ginrars past since we are father and child."

*Bleh* Roke shivered as he thought of the elixir Teloo had instructed him to drink, wondering how she could have him literally drink part of her loved so easily.

"So did you think I was sent here by chance or specifically chosen, why did you attack me?" Roke asked, lifting one eyebrow and looking at his guide with ill manners.

Fenrar looked down to him, "I do apologize, you...don't seem like one that would be sent here. But if I may ask my own questions before we continue?"

Roke looked at him, seeing a lot of the woman he loved coming through in the caring tone Fenrar spoke with. Nodding his head to answer 'yes', and wondering how alike this man and his daughter were.

"Few have responded that way when death is certain." He said.

Rokes' facial expression turned to one of indifference, not knowing where his question would lead but a sense of remorse already bubbling up.

Fenrar narrowed his eyes, "For one to be so calm when they are sure to fall, you must have ended many yourself?"

Roke shook his head, looking down before speaking, "Just three." he said, then turning to look at the living Fenrar, hoping to continue on and not press the matter.

"I see," he responded as he turned Rokes' red hand over to inspect the palm, "and may I ask, who gave you this?"

"Tentyur." Roke answered.

Fenrar tensed for a moment as the name rang through his ears.

Roke looked down to his gifted hand, shrugging his shoulders slightly, "Seems he saw me worthy?" then turning back to watch the scene in front of them.

Fenrar let his hand go, 'That man...That power, did they not tell him...can he do it as well.' he thought as he felt the hairs on his neck standing. Fenrar nodded his head and pursed his lips, wondering who this man was that his daughter had taken as her own. Wondering what kind of woman she must be now, and how she came to cross paths with the strange human that looked so small. But had been given a gift that kings would sacrifice nations for.

Roke smacked his lips and twisted his mouth in annoyance, "I swear I can still taste that nasty drink Teloo gave me, the one with you in it." *Bleh* Roke stuck his tongue out as shivers ran down his shoulders.

"It's a great honor, you should thank her when you see her again." Fenrar retorted as he looked at Roke with a cocked eyebrow.

"I'm gonna tell her about our wonderful first meeting, how you hugged me then held me up like a baby." Roke said with a grimace, "Real fatherly right there, just a great honor, right?" Roke joked.

"I was not aware who you were, boy." Fenrar said coldly, "You should have held your offering up sooner, less you beckon for a fathers wrath."

"With what your daughter and I have done, I get why you'd show some fathers wrath." Roke retorted under his breath with a smirk.

"What?" Fenrar responded as he leaned closer to Roke.

"I said where's your daughter? I just see the father!" Roke blurted out as he used both hands to gesture around him.

"I wanted you to see where her name was granted from, it's important to her story." Fenrar said as another light flashed.

Roke looked ahead and saw they were back in the same clearing the younger Fenrar and his sister Ginrar were playing in. Looking to the trees he could see claw marks that had grown over with bark again, healing the tree as time marched on. Roke saw Fenrar standing as a man in the field, in front of him 20 yards away, a small Tallhee girl.