All Comments on 'Happy Anniversary in Vegas'

that escalated quickly. Ended a paragraph or two early though. If you're gonna end with the violent revenge angle, flesh it out a bit more!

Don't even know who he shot.

Did he kill himself? His wife? The arsehole Deck? Or perhaps one or both of the bodyguards? It's too vague to be of any value. A pity because the story-line had been good... up until the nonsense about Deck paying for a divorce and the stupid non-ending.

I love it, really, but it need an ending.

Another author who can’t finish a story. A good story until the end. Shame.

one more sentence and it would have been a complete story, but you souldn't bring yourself to name the target.

You could have ended it better.

A revenge divorce or kicking the wife out or even forgiving.

That end was like sex being interrupted just when someone is about to cum.

Good story though.

when did it go from good story to shit

I couldn’t give it a five. It was good but needed an actual ending. A more fleshed out one at least.

Boohoo. My wife cheated on me 4 times and now I’m going to regain power by shooting...someone? Myself?

Yeah, that’ll make them pay. I’ll kill them and go to prison. Hope the kids like their father dead or in prison for murder.

Fucking bitch ass husband.

The story is told in first person perspective. HE'S DEAD. Shot himself in the head

I have to agree with some of the other comments - a nicely put together story up until the last sentence or two - I'd say the end, but there really isn't one.

. . . I thought the ending was perfect. No, we don’t know who he shot, and that let’s us use our imaginations.

He needed to shoot the two security guards first, or he’d get quickly stomped. I can’t picture him having the mental time to have gone for suicide first. Does he shoot Alex or the bastard first?

5 stars

That gun should have fired 4 times in a real ending...

I agree with those who want to know who was shot. It SHOULDN'T be himself for two reasons: 1) He's telling the story - if he shot himself, he's dead, can't be telling anything! 2) He aimed the gun - I don't think there's much aiming going on when you shoot yourself. I also don't think he shot Alex. Again, she's in his arms, no real aiming necessary.

I also feel a special antipathy to cheater who cheat on anniversaries.

But 4*

That's why he grabbed the gun and shot at her, but missed. Sounds like he's been missing a lot. She's been fucking him over for years, and will continue after the divorce. He should have shot himself when he had the chance and the incentive. Now his suicide will be slow, painful, and unending.

Who let's their wife walk away from them and go dancing with some celebrity jock? Who marries a woman that selfish and shallow? Who goes to confront a wife's predator without a weapon? He got what weak timid men deserve, a self-centered arrogant bitch who uses men for her own fun. He should have ignored the text message and accepted the sloppy seconds and thirds his life has always been and always would be.

Well written dreadful story.

This had potential, but could have been better. I agree with the other commenters that it needed more closure at the end. You had some good ideas. You should have fleshed them out into several pages. What was the rush? I don't understand why a former college football player who never made it to the pros is supposed to have huge money and henchmen and talks and acts like a Mafia don. You could have told a similar story, more believably, by writing it such that Deck was in LV for a reunion with some of his former teammates, Alex meets them the first night, turns into a slut (that damn Martian slut ray again!), winds up having sex with several of them over several days, and Deck sends videos of the sex to Mike just to be an asshole. Mike is not a wimp, realizes that if Alex really loved him then she would not have treated him like this, and divorces her. The story needed more character development and plot development. And there were quite a few typos. I suggest you proof read more closely, in the future. But keep writing. At least this guy was not a wimp.

"I was able to quickly grab it before he could react, aim and then fired"..."Only then I felt I had shot my foot"...He was better divorced than in jail...1*

This had potential but then went from erotic to pathetic.

Aimed and fired pretty clear . Life as he knows it is over! What's hard to get

Seriously, dude - you leave us with a sorry cliffhanger, without anything close to a proper conclusion...

Don't expect to be praise for that.

I think you mean a recurring nightmare. It works well as a nightmare, including the unresolved shooting and the evil characters.

what a stupid ending who did he shoot the bitch the bastard or himself finish the story it has become stupid

But he wouldn't go to jail. He could easily claim fearing for his life after being kidnapped and bound.

Weird one.

Nothing worse than an unfinished story. No matter the quality of the writing, or lack thereof, a story that leaves the readers hanging just isn't worth reading. You could use some editorial help with both your structure, your spelling and the tendency to drop a word here and there. The logic in "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" has always mystified me. If you're single, that line works. But for a married woman with kids her actions don't match the facts and realities of her life. Even for a fictional story it was both improbable and unbelievable.

1 star

I hope he shot the cheating, lying, bitch of a wife first. The typical thug 9mm holds 15. A little spray and pray clears the room quickly. Just make sure to save a couple for the Wreck. A nasty story all in all.

Good first story. However like everybody else pointed out, the end is intentionally left open to create debate. We follow the story of a man and father in a 10 year marriage trying to bring back some excitement into it by going away in a couple's vacation without the kids to bring back the spark into their sex life. In a few hours his heart, his self-respect, his trust, his marriage and family life are forever changed and destroyed by the self-centered actions of his wife and a crush from her college's days. He has been deeply humiliated, and is suffering terribly. He lost the reasons to live. He took the gun, aimed at himself and shot himself, ending his suffering once and forever. His death will involve the police and the press, and the fallout of his suicide will for sure mess the cheaters life as much as they had messed his. That's my take.

Not the story. The story isn't bad, but it's not good. It's so-so.

The terrible thing is this is what many women are actually like, and there are a few sick fuck guys that actually get off on taking something that isn't there's. Yes, a woman is an object. That's how we men will always see you, get the fuck over yourselves ladies. If you didn't view men as objects, you wouldn't make such a big deal out of marriage, alimony, child support, ect...

So you're no better. In fact, women are worse....because THEY need the marriage. Men don't. We love our kids, but our bond will never even come close. We're better at training teenagers, but not raising babies. We don't raise them in the womb. And without DNA testing, we don't know if it's really our kid. Those are some basic sex differences, and explain why women need to own men, not the other way around. Men owning you, makes it feasible to raise a stable family, makes him likely to believe it's his child, and makes it likely he'll want to stay around. Otherwise he can just sow his seed elsewhere. You'd think women would treasure marriage more, since it was built....FOR THEM.

They learn in the end. Even with a corrupt and sexist against men court/legal/social system out there fleecing men in toxic marriages. Even then women wind up worse after the divorce. Women have to trade their pussy for commitment, and their pussy depreciates in value every year. A man can still GROW his career, and his sperm is still viable well into his 60s or 70s. And that's a civil society. Like this story seems to suggest....a man wronged so much is almost hard wired to take....other means of getting even. This is the same civil society that's still bombing hospitals as collateral, we have NOT become all that better at managing our animal side.

Fired. Kneecap . fire kneecap. Two down. Got the other gun. Face him. So you like fuckin married whores? Here's something from a soon to be ex husband. Boom.

He won't be fuckin anything for a while, may be ever. Boom. Kneecap. Good luck playing football now. Got wifes phone. Tell everyone everything or next bullet goes in your skull! Ten seconds....nine, eight. Ok ok I fucked your wife with you tied up...

Thanks, great video. Ambulance on the way. My ex wife will stay and help you I'm sure. I have a plane to catch. If I ever see any of you, it all goes public. Happy anniversary honey. See you in divorce court. I've got to be going.

Justifiable termination of a human turd.

if he only played in college how is rich. this story suggested he blew out his knee..no NFL =broke does not buy lawyers

No matter who he shot or killed himself. He is dead ,she is dead all are dead. Kids left homeless. Or life in prison for him. Re write this Shity ending . Maybe your first and last story. You could have used another page or too.

Probably himself.

<P>

He shoots her, and there are three witnesses, so he goes to prison and his kids have no parents. He shoots Marcus, and there are still three witnesses. Plus, he has to deal with Leroy and the other guy, who will probably beat the shit out of him.

<P>

No matter who was shot, the ones who would really suffer are his kids. So this ending is shitty on several levels. The first is the ramifications for the shooting, and the other is, well, it's your story and you leave the ending to the readers. If you have that little respect for your own story, why should anyone have respect for it or you?

Man there quite a few good writers on here that could run with this and make it great.

Hubby will have signs of being physically assaulted, he will have ligature marks, rope and gag present on the scene, slut-whore wife will at least admit she saw them pull her tied up and weeping husband out of a closet where they held him captive. She will back his story because she will be trying to get back into his good graces. In all reality DJ Wreck's two thugs will have criminal records cause that's the type of asshole who works as a criminal thug for a guy like him, and once the story hits the papers, Wreck's past victims will come out of the woodwork with their own stories. No jury will convict, and chances are no prosecutor will bother to prosecute. Some will be publicly commending him for ridding the community of such a menace. They kidnapped him, held him captive, and psychologically tortured him by forcing him to watch that (hello temporary insanity defense), unless there is video evidence of him gunning them down while they are on their knees begging for mercy, he'll get away with this...as he should. Next up, divorce the whore and rebuild his life.

I HATED unfinished stories, and this is one.

Revenge ...needs to be savoured. The ending felt a little too short and unpolished.

Otherwise not at all bad.

. . . are doing what I suggested readers would do, and create the nding in their imaginations. That’s a good thing, showing how much those readers have invested in the characters.

I knew not everyone would like the open ending, but that seemed to be the main criticism. Already have follow-up planned, which will be a more concrete ending. Thanks to those providing constructive criticism, even the points I don't agree with. Writing is subjective.

Well written story until the last paragraph. Felt like you got tired of it and lost interest. Rewrite of ending a must.

.....but it needed a bit more.

You wrote a resonably good story until it stopped. Not ended, just stopped.Much better writers than you have tried this stunt and been chastised for it. You deserve all the negative comments caused by the"ending".

even this poor story!

The let the reader decide is a cop out.

Still other than the racist stereotype and incompletion, well written.

Wife was pretty horrid, but to get her to cheat as much as the plot says, I guess she had to be.

Unless you're in an alt lifestyle, WTF go to LV for 10 year anniversary? Unless you're from some state with no nightlife or resorts?? DB

Awesome ending. Leaves a lot to the imagination. A few have tried and failed. Good job. I imagine others are pissed off because there is no ‘closure’, but it makes it that much more interesting and unique. Keep writing.

I hope and prey he shot the cunt! She deserved it.

It was a good story until the last confusing, stupid paragraph which ruined the whole thing for me.

Not a good read.

he show himself that's why the story ended, it was his story

Great story! I don’t how, but I really hope you keep it going!!!

Story was ok but the ending was a “10”

and could get out of there fast and alone, TK U MLJ LV NV

Youve got definite talent. I was getting into the story, but it ended abruptly. Was hoping more for husband to get released, and take the slut down along with deck and his cronies. But writing is great.

...but I wish I knew who he shot. There were so many good choices!

But different

Loved the ending just stopping, if it was a dream, that's how the go. Good writing, great dialogue and character development. Read the sequel as well. This should have been the end of it - or the line. "I woke up from my nightmare in a sweat and checked if my wife was there."

I saw it all! Ummm, which one(s) did we shoot again?

Aint no way I would want to be conscious and I would kick and scream until I wasn't.

I have never given a one star score in all the years I have been on Literotica. Desspicable characters and the ending is a foul abomination on humanity.

If you think chapter 2 has a chance to redeem itself... it doesn't. Chapter 2 is even worse than this one.

Entertaining and creative! I see a part 2, but can’t imagine a reconciliation after that. Maybe some kind of revenge.

I hope he shot the Cunt and then the piece of shit before shooting the other 2 assholes. He can't take that Cunt back. She obviously has been cheating all along.

By this time author, you have probably figured out that there are a hell of a lot of illiterate, or semi-literate readers here in lit. You did not title the story, "Happy . . . Vegas, Pt.01."

Unless you do that, even though the reader could check your list of stories in the biography area to determine which ones are multi-part and which aren't, far too many are too damn lazy to do that, and then castigate you for THEIR OWN failures in both comprehension and slovenliness! Additionally, they could scroll down to the end of the story and see if there is an "Also In This Series" entry. (I do, and I also do that to see if the writer allows comment (anon. as well as pen-named--I coment anonymously because I have seen and experienced far too many problems with letting an unknown webmaster have a lot of personal data on me if I were to sign up!))

If the readers do any of the above, they would not be surprised at an abrupt ending! It's their fault they're stupid or lazy or both, not yours! Ignore the troglodytes!

One other way to make it completely transparent to the boobs is to add, a few lines below the end of the story, something along the lines of, "to be continued".

You'l get higher ratings when they don't project their own failures onto you.

The same crowd that blithely accepts the fantasy of all women succumbing to the sight of a 10" cock, somehow can't accept the fantasy presented here. Although I will read the sequel, HotProf could have just ended it here for my money. Great story, quite well written, and I enjoyed it.

Keep 'em comin'.

Either love it or hate it. Have to read now to see who he shot.

Mike should have packed he gone home after the first night.

Glad there's a Pt 2... Who did he shoot??!!

Good in inducing anger from reader.

This guy doesn't understand high-school grammar. He doesn't know what the subjunctive mood is. As soon as I read the introductory comment and its reference to a "reoccurring" dream, I knew he didn't actually know how to write. And the storyline is just lame and difficult to take seriously. Two generous stars.

Hopefully he shot himself and we can end this dreck.

Lost points for not telling who he shot. Don't think it was himself because he aimed.

But he husband is too much of a joke..can't imagine someone so stupid

A little over the top but it's the author's set up.

The teaser at the end causes me to rush to Part 2!

So the story starts "My wife is a few years younger than my thirty-seven years" Which would mean that she's 35 or even less.

But in the next statement you say she's good for someone nearing 40...what kind of shithousery is that. At least try to make some sense or just plain say her age instead dwindling around.

Reading again, just seeing BobNBoobi give it a *1 would earn a *5 from me. I don’t remember the story, but I sure hope he shot the bitch.

Not up to your usual standard. I didn't hate it. 2

Good writing- author choose ending fir readers to use imagination

I'm not one for long stories, but this seemed a bit rushed. Could've gone more into what hubby's feeling, her entering Deck's room....

I liked the story, HOWEVER!! More should've been written about Mike's feelings being abandoned at the club. During that night's argument, he should've raised that point, along with the fact that she left the dance floor & took 4+ songs to go to the bathroom? Mike also didn't talk about Wreck putting his fingers & smelling them. Alex was left off much too easy.

Nothing was said between Alex & Wreck on the dance floor up to her husband finding them near the bathrooms. OR what happened in the room between Alex & Wreck prior to Mike being dragged there. What was Alex feeling or wanting, except for the obvious? Near the end, Mike should've told Alex he believed Wreck on the number of times she'd sex play with him, & blasted her on her slutty display, allowing him to fuck her. Ending with he's leaving (I didn't read the 2nd part, so....) the next day, she could do what she wants, because it's divorce time.

With all this, or even some of this missing, no matter how much I liked the story, I can't give this part more than 3 stars. -- Bob

Bullshit.

Half story, you write well but you need to complete it.

So who got shot?

Just shoot him between his eyes or blow off his dick. Leaving it open ended was lousy.

I did think it stupid of the guard to show him where his gun is… Femsom agitprop but the wife had a kind of different attitude about it.

Killing a room full of assholes, I hope he left her alive or pitched her out of a window. I would have shot the primary asshole first, then Leroy, then each of the others. Then either killed her or shot a window and tossed her ass out.

Scenario 2: snatch the gun blow football star away, then myself. She has to tell the family what happened.

What kind of writer would enjoy creating a such a miserable husband character? Is this just another enabling agenda for the selfish stupid female dogs to run around loose out there and think they'll be forgiven? Just a load of crap.