He Used To Be My Idol

Driving through Ventura, my eyes got a bit heavy and I decided, enough's enough. Seeing a flashing vacancy sign, I pulled into a Motel 6. Lying in bed, I started to drift off to sleep. As I did, my phone started buzzing. I didn't recognise the number, so I answered. "Are you okay Luke?"

"Yeah, fine thanks, Candice."

"Are you wishing I was there with you? I still could, you know."

"Nope, not for me thanks. I'm having a quiet drink, celebrating my freedom. Lucky I found out what sort of slut my wife was early. I hate to think I wouldn't have found out until we had been together thirty years. Now that, would have been a waste."

"Luke, I thought you loved Kayla?"

"I did, but that was then. Now, I just think she's a cheating bitch. Hope she enjoys living alone, because I bet fucking Rogan won't want her. Especially when he finds out she's single."

"You're an idiot, Luke. A damn fool. We could have had a wonderful weekend together. You could have had the same experience, and next week it would be forgotten."

"Maybe you can have casual sex like that, Candice, but not me. I have to like the people I sleep with."

"Ouch, low blow. I hoped we could at least be friends."

I laughed. The harder I laughed, the harder it was to stop. When I finally did, I snorted. "Jesus, with friends like you. I wouldn't need any enemies."

The despondency seeped out in her angry words. She obviously felt insulted, which was my aim after all. "Sorry you feel that way, Luke. If you change your mind, call me on this number."

"Goodbye, Candice."

After disconnecting, I checked the phone, there were a couple of messages from Kayla. The first said, "I love you Luke. Have fun with Candice."

The second just said. "I do love you, Luke. Looking forward to Sunday afternoon and catching up."

I couldn't believe how off-hand she was being. It was like she actually believed I was going to be okay with this. She was so bedazzled by him, she had gone fucking crazy.

Sleep did take me in the end, but it took a while. I was awakened in the morning by the maid. I was supposed to be out by ten.

I turned off my phone and drove north. It took five hours before I pulled into Santa Cruz. The surfing there was pretty good, and as I pulled into the beach, I could see the surf was cranking and there was already a group lined up.

I stripped and pulled on my wet suit. The wind was up, and it bit with a bracing sting. I almost ran out into the water. The shock was just what I needed, and I paddled out. There was a group sitting on their boards waiting. Sitting, lining up amongst them, my mind started processing everything that had happened. It felt weird. I never thought Kayla would do anything like that. I mean, wow, how could she be so callous?

I caught a couple of good waves before calling it quits. My heart wasn't in it.

I found a motel and then went out for food. For the first time since the party, I felt lonely. There was plenty of Christmas cheer, families out enjoying the lead up to the big day. Sitting alone, I felt alone. I felt betrayed and angry.

I finished my food and went down to the beach for a walk.

It was pretty late when I got back to the motel. Lying in bed, I turned my phone back on. It went nuts. There were literally hundreds of messages lighting up.

I started with the calls and there were a few from Candice, but then ones from Kayla started lining up.

I went to message bank and there were a couple from Candice. "Hi, Luke, just checking to see if you're okay. Could you call me? I don't care what time it is. I just need to know you're okay."

There were several like that. Each one sounded a little more desperate.

I started going through the ones from Kayla.

At first they were sort of chirpy fun. "Hey, spunky, just seeing if you survived your night with Candice. Bet it was hot. Love you."

Another. "Babe, you won't believe how cool Costa Rica is. the surf is amazing. You would love it."

The next one was completely different. She sounded worried. "Luke, what's going on? Candice said you aren't with her? Babe, call me. I'm worried."

Then another. She was in tears. "Luke, call me please. We are on our way back. Please call me. Candice said she can't get hold of you. Babe, I'm worried. Please call."

On and on. I counted them. There were twenty five.

I went directly to the last one. "Luke, oh my god. What have you done? Where's all your stuff? Babe, please call me."

For some reason, it made me happy that she had found out. I was glad I wrecked their dirty weekend.

The phone rang several times while I held it, but I didn't answer. I just turned it back off.

I went to sleep happy, well, happier than the previous night. Nice to know she was feeling some of my pain.

The morning arrived, and I went out for breakfast. Nice, I packed up and headed for Mavericks. Jesus, it was pumping.

I sat in the car watching for a while. There were a few riders out, and they cranked out a few good sets.

Watching was nice, but it got me fired up. I changed quickly into my wet suit and hit the beach. Man it was pumping today. I had only surfed there a few times, and this was definitely the biggest surf I had ever seen there. I was a pretty experienced surfer, but this shit was sick.

I managed to get out behind and line up with a few locals. I watched the waves they caught and followed suit. Shit, these monsters were big.

The first one, I hit the lip and then, went over the falls. I freaked, it was mammoth.

It turned out to be just what I needed. You can't think of anything else when you're on the face of one of those bombs. If you do, you're fucked.

I stayed out for a couple of hours.

Time to hunt down another motel, and some food.

Late again, lying on my bed. I checked my phone and there another load of missed calls and messages from Kayla.

There was one that I didn't recognise, there was no message, just the number. Interested I hit dial. "Hello." Ah fuck, it was Rogan. I disconnected immediately and turned it back off.

After a restless nights sleep I decided to go for a walk around town. San Fran is a pretty cool city, and I always loved visiting. Things were different now, though. I needed a plan. I couldn't keep living in motels. Wandering around, I found a Seven Eleven and grabbed coffee and newspaper. I searched around for somewhere to stay. There were some ads for apartments.

Yeah, maybe that's the way to go, but before that, I needed a job. With no references, it was going to be tough. Back at the motel, I turned my phone back on and there were another bunch of missed calls. One I did recognise. I called him straight back. "Hey, Luke, how are you?"

"I'm fine thanks. What can I do for you?"

"You didn't come in for work today, I figured you were sick. I was hoping to go over the new position with you."

"Simon, shove the job up your ass, bud. As far as I'm concerned, you can get fucked. How's that sound, buddy?"

"Jesus, Luke, if this is about the other night. I'm sorry, but what the fuck was I going to do?"

"You could have done what any decent friend would have done and told him to do his own dirty work. No, you chose to be his wingman. Well I hope you're fucking happy, asshole. You fucked my marriage, and my life."

"Luke, you're overreacting, pal. Come in tomorrow and we can work through it. I'll throw in some extra coin for the new role."

"Fuck off, asshole. I wouldn't work for you if you were the last employer on the planet."

"Wow, sorry you feel that way. I thought you would have been pretty happy with the new role."

I disconnected at that point. Telling him to shove it was the most satisfying thing that happened.

As I played with my phone, it started ringing. I recognised the number. "What do you want, Kayla?"

"Oh my god, Luke. Thank god you're alive. I was so worried about you."

"What do you want, Kayla? Get to the point."

"Luke, I just want to meet, to sit down and talk. I'm sorry for the way things turned out. It wasn't supposed to end like that."

"Yeah, how was it supposed to end, Kayla?"

The hesitancy crept in, and I heard her crying softly. "It was supposed to be fun. You were supposed to go off with Candice on the yacht, and when I got back, we would have adventures to talk about."

"Kayla, I told you I wasn't interested. I told you I wasn't going with Candice. You knew that when I walked out."

"No, Candice said she would talk to you. She promised that it would be all right."

"I didn't leave with Candice. I left alone, and you knew that. The last words I said to you were. If you left with douche bag. I wouldn't be home when you got back. So here we are. So, back to the start. What do you want?"

"I want to talk. I want you to come home. Jeepers, babe, Simon called about ten times looking for you."

I laughed. "You won't have to worry about that one any longer. I told him to shove it up his ass."

"On my god, why did you do that?"

"Because he helped douche bag destroy my marriage. What did you expect? I told you I wasn't going to be humiliated in front of all my colleagues."

"Oh crap, babe, you're going off. You don't have to do this. Everything is going to be okay."

"No, it's not, Kayla. Wake up. We are done, our marriage is over. I'm not filing for divorce, not yet. It will have to wait until I have some money. Unless you want to get Morse to spring for it. It can be his going away present."

"Don't be like that, Luke. We all made a mistake. He's not a bad guy."

"Like fuck he's not. Any guy that seduces another man's wife, is an A grade asshole. He's a dirty fucker."

"Luke, please, sweetheart, could we just get together? I don't want this to be the end."

"Sorry, Kayla, but this is it for me. I think if we both try to move on, it will make this easier. Let's put this in the lessons learned basket, and move on."

"Luke, I love you."

"Yeah, right."

Disconnecting brought the call to a premature end. Sitting holding the dead phone, listening to the beeps seemed so final. I thought she was the one, I really did love her, and this hurt, it hurt a lot.

Surfing became my go to, my saviour and Mavericks was everything: huge surf on a regular basis. I got to know some of the locals and didn't feel like such a Benny. A couple of the guys were easy to talk to and one sourced me a job.

It was for a local tech computer repair shop. The money wasn't great, but the benefits were, I got floating hours, so I could surf whenever I wanted.

I found a half-decent apartment close to work and the beach. That was me: I worked, and surfed. Meeting the locals got me invited to some parties, which was rad, but I still wasn't much to be around. The breakup cut me harder than I expected, and the aftershocks kept hitting. I enjoyed my own company.

I did talk to a few girls at the parties, one even hinted at more. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

It was about a month later. I was immersed in my design. I was working on a new computer game and was deep in the logic when I was dragged out of my concentration by pounding on the door.

Opening it I snapped, "Yeah?"

Kayla stared back at me. "Can we come in?"

"We?" I muttered.

That's when Rogan stepped into view. "Hey, Luke. Nice to see you again."

"Please, Luke, can we come in?" Kayla asked.

I stepped back and waved some stupid gesture to show them in. It was weird seeing her again. She looked as pretty as ever, maybe more so. We stood around in a group, nobody saying anything. It was Rogan who said. "I'll go and sit on the sofa, let you two talk."

Kayla reached for my hand. "How have you been, Luke?"

"Yeah, I'm good. You know how it goes, new job, new town. I'm getting used to it now."

She nodded. "I wanted to talk, I hoped that you might have calmed down a little, and we could talk without any anger."

"And to achieve this, you brought your boyfriend. Yeah that's real smart, Kayla."

She cringed. "Rogan is not my boyfriend. He offered to help. He only came to apologise."

"Kayla, this is a mistake, okay? I would prefer it if you just left."

"No, Luke, you have to hear me out. It was a mistake, okay? I see that now, but on the night of the party, it was all just a huge shock. I let it get to me. I should have listened to what you were saying. I should have gone home with you when you asked."

I nodded. "Yeah, you should have, but you didn't. End of story."

"So there's no room in your heart to hear my apology? No room for forgiveness? Surely there must be some way to get past this. I love you and only you. I don't want divorce, or separation. I want you at home, or if this is our new home. I will move here."

"Forget, it Kayla, you chose your road, you wanted something I didn't. Like I said, lets move on."

"That's fucking it!" I heard Rogan bellow, as he stood up from the sofa and took a step towards us.

"I've heard enough of this fucking shit. Luke I'm sorry for the way things turned out I really am. Jesus, I never set out to wreck your marriage, okay?"

I went to say something but he cut me off. "No, you had your say, now it's my turn. I did not realise what an uptight insecure pathetic dick you were. Okay, so Kayla and I had sex, big fucking deal. Yeah, you heard me, big fucking deal."

He started pacing around in frustration, his fingers running through his hair. "Look, Luke, I offered you a deal, I got to have the pleasure of Kayla's amazing company for a couple of days. You got the same deal, you got Candice, and let me tell you something, she is fucking hot. Maybe the hottest woman on the planet. There's a reason why she cost ten grand."

"Fuck off," I snarled. "You didn't offer me anything. You made it clear, there was no negotiating. It was a done deal."

"Oh, stop acting like a spoiled fucking brat. Yeah, I chased something I liked, but if you acted like a man rather than a sulking brat, you could have enjoyed what would have been the singular greatest sexual experience of your life. Instead, you chose to go home with your tail between your legs and have a cry."

He paced around, kicking some invisible pebble. I stood there stunned by his tirade. "Jesus, Luke, I'm sorry man, I really am. I misread the situation. Usually I get it right. I'm good with body language. You looked like a cool guy, and I was very attracted to Kayla. I talked to Candice, to see whether she was up for it. Her words, and I quote, 'I think I'm getting the better end of the deal.' I made Kayla the offer, thinking there's no way you were going to say no to Candice. I saw you gawking at her from the moment we walked in."

Kayla butted in. "He's telling the truth, Luke, you know you were. When Rogan suggested this thing to me, I was shocked. I was horrified, I remembered you had told me he was going to, but it rattled me. Maybe it was the mood, I don't know, but it intrigued me. We would both have an extraordinary experience to share."

"Oh, what a load of baloney, Kayla. I told you I was not into it."

"I know that, Luke, but when Candice and I talked she explained that sometimes guys are too scared to admit their interest. She convinced me that you were interested, but were feeling intimidated by Rogan. A lot of men react that way. She assured me that once you were alone with her, you would change your mind."

"Luke, I am going to plead with you. Something I have never done before. Do not throw away what was obviously a very happy marriage, just because of sex. Jesus, that's all it was."

"Easy for you too say, buddy. You obviously have no concept of love, or what that entails. For me, love is monogamous, or if not, then accepted by both parties. I could accept swapping or whatever the hell you want to call it, if we talked about it before hand, and agreed."

They glanced little glances back and forth, as the room fell into a brooding silence. Rogan broke it with. "For what it's worth, Luke. If you need to be mad at anybody, then be mad at me. I instigated it, it was my idea. Kayla was shocked, and said you would never accept it, and she wouldn't either unless you were interested."

"Baloney, I couldn't have been plainer, could I? I said, if you went ahead with the stupid idea then I wouldn't be home when you got back."

"Yes, but then Candice went out after you. When neither of you came back, I thought you must have gone with her," Kayla gushed hysterically. She fell down on her knees. "Luke, you have to believe me. I thought, oh god I don't know. I thought what Candice said was right, and once you were alone with her you changed your mind."

"That's not true, I heard her on the phone talking to old douche bag there, and she told him I was leaving."

She turned quickly to Morse and snarled. "Is that true, Rogan?"

He shook his head. "No, what Candice said was Luke was still unsure. She thought he was thinking about it."

He walked around, "Fuck, come on, who in their right mind says no to Candice? You're a damn fool, Luke. That yacht has everything, jet ski's, sailboards, paragliding. I know it's not something that all people get to experience. I remember what it's like to be broke."

I thought he was going to pull his hair out, he seemed so frustrated. "Luke, believe it or not, I don't do what I do to humiliate husbands. I do it because I get to share my life with people. Honestly, bro, if you had just opened your mind, it could have been amazing."

"What was amazing was my marriage," I barked. "Well, before you decided to interfere. My vision of what my marriage was has been shattered. Sorry, but you wasted your time coming here today. Maybe you could book into a hotel and have a romantic stopover."

Kayla interjected tearfully. "Luke, Rogan and I have not been together since that weekend. He kindly offered to come with me today to see if we could salvage what was a beautiful marriage. Luke, I love you so much. I can't explain what happened, or how I got it so wrong, but I am sorry I hurt you so much, let you down so deeply."

Trying to hold the quaver from my voice, and the tears from my eyes I replied. "It's too late, Kayla, the magic is gone. It's over."

Rogan opened his arms and she fell into his embrace. He glared at me. "You're an idiot, Luke, a god damned idiot. You work at that computer repair shop, wasting your talent. Simon told me how bright and switched on you were. You sit around here wasting away, when you could be in your wife's arms. You're a damn fool."

They left and I flopped back in the chair, all my anger and dismay rushing out of me in one long exhale. It really was over.

The one thing that bit was his comment about wasting my talent. That, he was right about, and I knew I was hiding away. I had tried to convince myself it was all about the surfing, but the truth is, I felt embarrassed about what happened. I needed to fix that.

It came out of the blue. I was becoming well known amongst the local surfers, and I had repaired plenty of gear for them. It was one day while sitting on the beach beside a guy who I surfed with occasionally. We started talking and he asked about my job. Somehow, that extended to ambitions and I blurted out about my computer game designing.

He looked stunned. "Do you have any, bro?"

"I have a couple that I think could be cool. Some of my buds have played and liked them."

He chuckled. "Still waters, aye, bro. Look, I work for an investment firm. We specialise in helping young entrepreneurs get into business. We have funded hundreds of start-ups. Would you like to present your stuff to a couple of our managers?"

Now I was the shocked one. "I would love to, if you're serious."

"Oh dude, I'm so serious."

I drove back to my apartment floating on air. I had some stuff already, all i needed was a presentation, and a financial plan. That was the hard part, I knew nothing about business. Not a damn thing.