All Comments on 'Heather and Tom’s First Time'

Lucky coupling!

4

Sorry, but the first two paragraphs made me wince. There's a saying in writing - show, don't tell. Those first paragraphs read like a wanted poster. As a start, try getting the characters to describe each other in the body of the story. eg... Movement caught Tom's eye but he turned too late. Already, her long blonde hair was disappearing down the corridor.

If you Google 'show, don't tell' you'll find better explanations and examples.

Very nice. could have used more romantic dialogue, but still a nice short story.

It sounds like a love story with spicy and hot scenes. I enjoyed it!

This is a marvelous romantic story, although one could certainly argue that it is much too short in both its introduction, character development, and in the subsequent love scene. However, this is also just the first chapter in the series of Tom and Heather.