Her Sexual Past

When I think about her old boyfriends I tell myself, "She is with me and not them," but I am not naive enough to not realize they probably get into her head occasionally for a little mind fuck in the privacy of her sexual fantasies. Anyway, it is true that I have her and they don't.

I do wonder what she is thinking about when we are fucking, or just after. Is she reminiscing about some big-dicked lover who she fucked at eighteen on a date after the movie who rocked her world with her first orgasm. I also think about who she gave her first blow job to, being smart enough to realize at 24 it most likely wasn't me.

Who did she 'swallow' first? Since I wasn't her first, who broke her cherry? Who showed what anal sex was like and whether she dug it or wouldn't do it again, since she doesn't now or in the recent past. Has she ever participated in a gang fuck, a group sex scene, and has she ever had a threesome and who was it with? I even dream about the possibility and visualize the scene.

I know she was not a virgin when we met, she had two children after all, but did she have wild sex with a stranger, ever? I know about one of her sexual escapades, on a bus to New York City, but what about those other 'dates' when her hormones were flaming and her looks were attracting admirers by the dozens? Back when guys were picturing her naked while they admired her at school.

She was a beautiful young woman with normal desires and sexual abilities, so how did they blossom and with whom? I know men fantasized about fucking her, that goes without saying, and I wonder how many had those fantasies realized, fulfilled with my sexy wife humping on the sofa while their parents were at work.

I don't think she has necessarily been unfaithful, but she was with me as her surreptitious sex partner, so could it be she has again? Of course the possibility exists. Her sexual desires were busy back in our day. She made love to me as a married woman, and certainly had lustful cravings, so do they remain and get exercised with a furtive lover today?

It is not that I want her not to have a sexual past, just maybe she could have a sexual present, but I would deep down like to know about those days when she was 'discovering' herself and the lusty world of sexual desire. I wonder if she ever shared herself with more than one person at a time. If she ever lay in bed and brought herself thinking about a past encounter, a lover who made her groan or scream out an orgasm. Who, I let myself speculate, was the first person she let finger her pussy? Kiss her anus? Did she come during her first fuck? Did she repeat the maneuver with the initial lover?

I know what she likes, so did she learn those things at the hands, or cock, of a sexual mentor who taught her the ways of the flesh? We have had our own wonderful sexual adventures, so has she memories she calls back to in the privacy of her erotic musings. If so, with whom? And if so, what did they do? How many times? In what hidden places?

I don't begrudge her having a sexual past. In fact, to a great extent I enjoying knowing and hearing about it. I actually don't know if she masturbates, but who doesn't? But she denies having done it and I wonder if that's true. I can't imagine not having masturbatory fantasies, and when she has those, which I am sure she does, who does she picture in them with her. Me? Some guy on a bus?

Or is it a person I don't know about and don't realize how turned he gets her while thinking of him? Is he a real person, or an invented figure?

When I met her I could not keep sex with her out of my mind, even before there was any chance of sex in the reality of the moment. I would look at her and see her naked under those sexy clothes and I could almost smell her vagina, almost taste it's flavor. I know other men were having the same issues, imagining her naked at school with the children of her class following behind her, that added to the appeal of the moment, but just how physical did those admirers get and how many of them were there?

I asked once, maybe it was a hundred times, I am not sure, just how she learned to give head so spectacularly. Of course that was a ploy to get her to talk about her past, her sexual-oral past, but it worked more often than not and I was adrift in sexual ecstasy listening to her tell me about some lustful past experience with a naked and erect man who enjoyed her oral presence.

Of course, now that we don't have sex as often as it rains here in the desert, I wonder if she ever thinks about sex at all. Knowing, of course, that I think of sex just a few more times a minute than I breathe. I can not imagine her world today is completely sex free. How can that happen?

I am now more involved in sex of the past than of the present, without a doubt, but I would like to think occasionally she thinks back, like I do, on great sex we have had in the our lusty days of yore. We did have some incredible sex in those days of lust and morning fucking.

Did she have morning sex with someone else? God don't let it be that fucking ex-husband. I couldn't take that. I may slit my wrists, if I ever found she actually had good sex with him. Of course she did, and it hurts me to say it.

I can't help but wonder if she ever thinks back to sex we've had, times when in the dunes, right out in the open, we fucked like rabbits without a single hesitation or any inhibition at all. If she ever recalls fucking in my classroom without thought of the custodian or the security person interrupting us. I wonder if she ever remembers fondly having strawberry rhubarb pie smeared over her pussy for me to eat off of. I wonder if she ever thinks about posing for sex pictures in the bedroom and letting me take a photo of her giving me head with a talented and eager mouth, using a mirror to get the picture.

Her past excites me because her present is so very intoxicating and is mine, and I have lived a good portion of her past, enjoying a good deal of the wildest and most exciting sex of my life. If that was the case with me, I realize, it certainly was the case with others. Some of the others I know of, most I don't. I do know how exciting and sensuous she can be. I know, then, that some of that excitement got exercised with other lucky people and I wonder about the extent of it.

I have said I wonder about her first fuck, her first blow job, her first experience with cunnilingus, her first sexual fantasy, or her first public sex, and I am sure as can be that she had all those things. Did she scream out her orgasm with a high school classmate she let put it into her in the backseat of his car? Did he get some semen on her dress which she hid in her closet under some dirty clothes? Did she let someone eat her pussy while a roommate slept, as the world went on outside?

Did she ever show "it" to someone in his father's garage and swear him to secrecy under penalty of a fate worse than death: refusing to let him see it again? All of these things I wonder about because she has been so much fun to be with for so long, and sex has been such a great part of all of it. It is not like I don't have wonderful memories of my own with her, but I do on more than a few occasions enjoy wondering about her past, thinking about what she's done, about what excited her, and who made her panties wet with their presence or their prompting.

Life with Barbara has been exhilarating and sensually intoxicating, and I often reflect on who else she has exhilarated in her time floating around like a butterfly in summer. She is a remarkable, exciting, sexual person, who gives off lasting and meaningful resonance. I can't help but wonder who else has prospered from her presence, and who else has she given her panties to.