All Comments on 'Her Turn - Finale (In 750 Words)'

Maybe it's me that is too dense, but I don't get it. Very confusing offering.

Cool. But I don't see the connection. Never Mind. 5 stars.

The BEAR

Enjoyed the story but yes, confused as well. WTF?

HER and her wife??? Would you say HER bought a house.? See it regularly. Dont they teach grammatical standards in the US?

What are you trying to say?

???

More Lesb category than LW. Another fempov fantasy out-of-place.

While I'm not normally a fan of the 750 word stories, I think you did very well on them. I don't understand the comments about having to think about them, I think they are pretty transparent. 5 stars from me.

I agree with anon about the improper use of "her". I think it is taught, the problem is the students don't learn. It is hard to read many of the stories on Lit because of poor grammar and punctuation. It is not only the US authors with poor writing skills.

Funny ending - Kind of “cheating” closing out a larger arc with a 750 word project. LOL! 4.1*

Had to re-read to figure it out. For those who did not, it apparently was a funeral for Bobby Henderson that Emily assumed wa Kerri's husband. At the end it was revealed that the funeral was for either his father or grandfather.

HUH?!

Can someone explain this for me in small words please?

Wow. I expected this to be the least liked of the trilogy, but I certainly didn't expect it to generate this type of confusion. It would probably help if the series would get approve so they are better linked together, but I thought my foreword made it obvious this was the third chapter in the "Her Turn" mini-saga. I think reading all three back to back instead of them being this spread out would help as well.

---

So, first thing, the couple who is in all three stories is Kerri and Bobby. They didn't need names in the first two stories, but they did for this one. It wasn't just for the full name drop at the end to throw in another 3 reference, but because it would be weird to name so many other people and not name them. I thought it was more obvious who was who than it apparently was.

-

The group that she is referring to is the rest of the girls' night out group from the first story. They are the ones who talked her into asking for a second, MMF, threesome. The dialogue between Kerri and Emily was meant to do two things. First, although it happened last, was to explain why Kerri asked for each of the two threesomes in the first story and reinforce that they were isolated incidents. Second, and it actually happened in that order, was to throw in the threesome joke about her having triplets from the pregnancy that was announced in the second chapter. Finally, although it came first in the dialogue, was to show the impact within the group. Basically, this story was intended to provide a lot of the backstory that commenters have been clamoring for.

-

For those who didn't catch it, the reason that Emily stopped for the visitation is that she saw the name Robert William Henderson on the sign in front of a funeral home announcing the visitation that was happening. Thinking it was Kerri's Bobby rather than his father, who went by Bill, that had passed, she stopped to console Kerri in her loss.

-

I hope that cleared up at least most of the confusion and I apologize for causing it.

---

"HER and her wife??? Would you say HER bought a house.? See it regularly. Dont they teach grammatical standards in the US?"

-

Touche! I restructured that sentence and completely missed changing her to she. Sorry about that.

-

That said, "don't" they teach the use of apostrophes in whatever country you call home? (Sorry, but I can't resist pointing out grammatical mistakes in grammar lessons...)

---

Now, for the snowflake who flipped out about me including a lesbian...

-

"More Lesb category than LW. Another fempov fantasy out-of-place."

-

I'm going to have to strongly disagree with you there. There is one member of the original group who is mentioned as becoming lesbian, but she is never actually an active character in the story. I would deserve the abuse I would get if I put this story about a heterosexual couple's life in the Lesbian Sex category, no matter how triggered you are by the mere mention of a lesbian.

Good story, not confused at all, had to read slowly though.

Les

Huh?????

Alright another silly story, Triplets = 3some LOL…… I like being confused and actually needing to read and think about the story. Thanks for writing.

First of all, a great continuation and easy 5 stars. Second, I'm glad that particular couple from the first 2 stories made it! Third, I would suggest editing out "Bobby just calls..." - that kind of gave away the surprise ending by being in present tense. Didn't make the story worse, but I suspect as an author you don't want to lower the impact of the surprise twist with slip-ups (assuming it wasn't intentional)

The "her" mistake is jarring, extremely poor grammar. Could have been an editing error, deleting part of a sentence to reword it and overlooking the remnant, but I don't see how that theory works in this case.

.

Children are taught in school how to speak and write correctly, true, but those lessons are weak if not reinforced by parents and friends. If one is raised where poor-grammar is used daily - and never corrected - one grows up speaking poorly.

I apologize @IEnjoyErotica, but I've had this thing about pointing out grammar mistakes in grammar lessons since about Junior High...

-

"I think it is taught, the problem is the students don't learn."

-

This is grammatically incorrect. You should either use a period to split it into two complete sentences or use either a semicolon or a conjunction to join the two independent clauses properly.

---

@Demosthenes384bc - I guess maybe writing 750 word chapters is cheating. I hadn't really thought about it as the first installment was intended to be the only installment.

---

@Prince020402 - I apologize for it being confusing. The setting was not a funeral, but the visitation that often proceeds a funeral. They are sometimes called viewings (if open casket), but that term is not as distinctive as visitation. In fact, I'm not aware of any other formal use of the term visitation than this. A quick Google search confirms that this is the common meaning, so I thought I made it clear early on what the event was.

-

The confusion on who was deceased, on the other hand, was intentional, as it was a setup for another instance of revealing the number 3 in their lives. However, the last sentence clearly states it was his father that had passed.

---

@inka2222 - Good catch. I should have used past tense, which would have worked since she could have been referring to the point in time when he first did it. On the other hand, if it had been her husband, it would not be surprising for the widow to still struggle with not using present tense to refer to the recently deceased. Mom and I still slip on occasion and use present tense to refer to my Dad and it's been years since he passed.

---

"The "her" mistake is jarring, extremely poor grammar. Could have been an editing error, deleting part of a sentence to reword it and overlooking the remnant, but I don't see how that theory works in this case." - Anonymous

-

I agree that it is poor grammar. However, I wouldn't call it jarring as many people would not even notice it and some people would even argue it was correct.

-

I don't remember the exact wording of the original sentence, but it was originally supposed to be possessive as it was something about her and her spouse's house having a white picket fence and two adopted kids in the yard. I didn't like the way it sounded, so I rewrote it. Other than the grammatical mistake, I think it was an improvement.

This confused me a little!

4

Finale

Okay. That’s the ending.

I've read 750 word stories that I like. Some are complete. Some are written well. This story is not written well, it is no complete, and it is really bad. Why bother writing this?

Enjoyed it!

"Why bother writing this?" - Anonymous

-

I wrote this because it came to me to write. I also wrote this because every story I write and get feedback on helps develop my writing skills. I want and need to improve my writing skills because, sadly, they are not perfect. Sorry, but that means that my stories are not going to be perfect. Some will be better than others. They will (hopefully) get better on average, but I'm not going to promise that every story will be better than the previous one. I'm only human...

-

I do appreciate the general comments of dissatisfaction as it's weird to get all praise in the comments and then a low rating that doesn't match. That said, what I would really appreciate is if those comments would be a bit more specific. For example, all of the comments that say it was confusing tell me the story was confusing. However, that leaves me confused as to what was confusing about it. Was it the setting? Was it suddenly giving the characters names? Was it not specifically referring to the group as the girls' night out group? Was it not indicating the time lapse until late in the story? Was it finding out the pregnancy from "Again?" was triplets? Was it all of the above or some combination?

-

If you want me to improve as much as I want me to improve, I need specifics. PLEASE!

-

That said, I'll still be happy to receive the more generic feedback if you don't want to take the time, or admit that you didn't know what a visitation was...

What's with people who complain about free stories?

I read it and enjoyed it enough to give it 5 stars, but if I hadn't I have enough computer skill to hit the back key.

Please keep writing and don't let the negative Nellies discourage you.

Please, keep writing.

To quote a comment below "Why bother writing this?" I could ramble on about various things but I'll be succinct. Because it's bloody good that's why. To try and give a picture of what's happening in a situation and put in a twist within a short story is amazingly hard to do. Each of the three parts to this story have done that. Just keep writing please. Keep the ideas flowing and trust us all to your excellent work. Thank you. BardnotBard

VG.

.

When the third part posted, I went back and re-read the parts in order in one sitting. It all worked very well for me.

.

Thank you!

Well done, wasnt so hard was it.

Best of the 3. Especially like the ending conversation. Nice when the spouse comes the their senses and the marriage survives and then gets better like this scenario.

Great writing. Keep on at it.