All Comments on 'Heroine Addiction Pt. 04'

What an aguishly long story. With Spashdown and this one, it is clear author can write well, but can't tell a good story. Not even to bother with any future efforts. Just score it two stars and move on.

Choppedliver seems to be more than the author's name. it's also a testament to the flavor of his stories: bad, just plain bad.

My only complaint is that it isn't clear, for sure, one way or the other, if Lewis got her pussy or not. Logic says he did if she was at his house for a couple of hours dancing. But it really wasn't clear, for sure. Buster2U

I hope you find the right mix of detail and brevity to make your work compelling. Too long and too much dithering and introspection.

Just like your splash down series waaaaay too long and repetitive, could have been told in one maybe two chapters at the most

Oh my. Started strong in Part 1 and then got progressively worse due endless wallowing in drama that was continually manipulated just to keep the story going, I think you should keep writing, but focus on the feedback you’ve been given across all of your stories.

The story started off quite well and offered a pleasant variation on the classics of the genre. Unfortunately the author's clear conviction of writing a masterpiece makes it a particularly heavy and indigestible dish. The husband is inconsistent and whiny and inspires no empathy; the woman is an obsessive and selfish liar concerned only with her desires.

Uninteresting story!

Even adding an excessive lot of nonsense psychobabble, a cuck tale ending with an unbelievable RAAC is doomed from the start to get a very negative response from the readers of this LW category.

Psychobabble: "a form of speech or writing that uses psychological jargon, buzzwords, and esoteric language to create an impression of truth or plausibility".

She didn't have an affair with Lewis, she had an affair with the notion of being the hero& didn't care what it cost...until it did have a cost. She ignored her husband, his feelings entirely. Obviously she also is more than a few cards short of a deck, she really was living in a fantasy world.

Okay,the story. The writing is not technically bad. The problem is it is way too dense to read easily, it is full of words people just don't commonly use,especially when they are angry. A guy who catches another guy in bed with his wife doesn't say 'now, chap, we shall engage in fisticuffs', he says 'okay,scumbag, going to beat the shit out of you'.

Another problem is the MC never shuts up! When there are other ppl around him, all they ever do is look astonished, look dejected , look in shock, you name it, they don't speak.

And the repetition! Constantly rehashing the same thing, over and over without changing what they say.

Others have said you can skim&still have the story make sense,and that is true. This could be edited to prob 3 lit pages,1 part.

In a sense, her affair was Kari living a superhero fantasy. That’s how she saw herself, and she certainly hid her alter ego from Barry. Secrets can damage, or kill, trust. You can debate whether omission is lying, but people still need to acknowledge that clear and/or obvious omission betrays trust.

I think maybe a bit overlong, but it was a challenging story to tell.

I gave part three 5 stars, although the other parts I sv I red a bit lower. This part hot the 5th star because of the macro ending - happy ever after - and for the big reveal of the mea I g of the song. I thought the last line was black-belt snark.

What an incredibly long road to travel in order to witness a vain, selfish slut receive essentially no consequences for betraying her husband with the knowledge and support of their supposed mutual friends. The author mistakenly believes the reader will share his fascination with the perseverative ruminations and endlessly repetitive thought loops that fill the minds of both spouses in this dysfunctional marriage. This error parallels that of the wife who believes her husband will in retrospect understand her motivations and actions once she explains how Lewis was "owned." Although the husband is content to continue his relationship with his mistaken and untrustworthy wife, this reader will choose to avoid other submissions by this author.

I enjoyed the series. I also like the ending.

JustPlainBob does this story in 3 pages.

/

Not saying his is better but perhaps you needed ONE rant, and not 4 to make the MCs point.

"The Night with Lewis, we danced until he got his cock in my pussy. I only let him put it in halfway, so that doesn't count. Then when He came, I made him pull out since I an not on Birth control. Then I burned him so bad, I laughed at his little dick, well it is bigger than yours Barry, But Lewis doesn't know that. I came so good on his cock, but I didn't let Lewis know that. I really burned him." "But Lewis fucked you!" "Yes, but it doesn't count, I only let him get halfway into my fertile pussy. Then told him it was too small!" "But I told you to stay away from Lewis!" "yes you did, Honey. But won't you don't know won't hurt you!" "But now I know what a cheating slut whore you are, I am divorcing your slut ass!"

Damn you... late to work cuz I just had to see how this ended.

This was fantastic!

Words and more words and slut time.

Started awful and plummeted.

Hard to imagine coming back from this or even it happening...but damn good story.

Good story, emotional rollercoaster, well written. I enjoyed it. It was enough words rehashing over and over to make it feel like a real conversation. What I don’t understand is this conversation is taking place in a bar/restaurant? Never order additional drinks and the 3 of them are making a scene. They shouldn’t got their asses lockout…….

Thank you for writing. 5⭐️

Well enough written pile of reeking garbage. Not much more than building the justification for every woman to have a little on the side and make hubby pay for it

I liked the story. Kari's body might have been a 10 but her brain is a 2.

Somebody needs their testosterone checked

Chapter after chapter of a cheating slut trying to justify her cheating. She cheated because she wanted to ..and Barry...what a wimp

I want you to write a Kari pov on both of the parties. You had a few Kari pov but not about those. We probably agree we need a few more ch.

Great improvement from you “splashdown” story. Still has a little too much verbosity and repetition, especially in the last two chapters, but not so overwhelming as the other story. But I’m still confused on Kari’s plan to “destroy” Lewis. So baiting him, making out with him, then going all the way until the very moment before having actual sex and saying “aha, the joke’s on you, I’m not going to f*ck you” doesn’t really feel effective to me.

Crap.

A long, often confusing story, that came to a rather lame ending.

Talented writer, great concept but she cheated, lied and made him a cuck, and he is one... There should have been a Better we part as equals or a btb She cheated, justified it to all her friends what a load of bs.... and he bought it.

Question, why did it take 8-10 ‘just fattening up Louis hook ups, when the guy obviously had a hard on from the start. She could easily have fucked over Lewis on the second or third make out Sessions. If this was real, I’d say because she got a thrill or maybe more , she admitted she liked his line of BS a lot. I don’t think I’d be able to reconnect with her. Like my ex told me before she started fucking my best friend. Once you get it, you’ll eventually get more. Great writing tho.

This was well written and thought out. Not a criticism, just my personal opinion, but I'd have leaned towards divorce. Because to me, I couldn't be married to someone that stupid. And to me, this woman was fucking stupid.

Again, no criticism of the story. I enjoyed it and don't feel like you should have changed anything. Just discussing my take on the situation itself. I look forward to reading more of your work.

You walked us through the pain and showed how horrible her actions were, and then just summarized a reconciliation? She's never to be trusted, nothing of the rejoining was earned at all. 1*

She still doesn't think she hit second base. Sigh. And what was all that garbage about she felt she cheated on him but masturbating with fantasies of exotic locales with 'faceless' men? Isn't the much bigger problem the two hours of dancing, teasing, grinding, and French kissing with the asshole in his backyard. Also why all the emphasis on the French kissing being a huge cardinal sin compared to ...oh I don't know... running genitalia through clothing, grinding, caressing each other's necks with their lips, and letting the guy maul her covered breasts. Kissing is first base. The other actions were second base that fateful night they got discovered and asshole beaten up. Please.

Also got hard to follow all the different theories for why she did what she did: mission, ego, heroine addiction, double life, exotic locates, fantasies, history of past manipulation of men with sexual behavior (but not intercourse), different reasons for not asking for consent ranging from collateral damage and inability to flirt and tease if known to the obvious thing that her husband would say no, why she defied his stern demands not to see the asshole, etc etc etc. Left the reader in whiplash.

Personally I get what he says about being less concerned abot her having mental issues than just being duplicitous. But only if they follow through and work to resolve her problems, which are not massive like bipolar, NPD, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, etc. Still she needs to see a therapist. Figure out why she needed the acclaim. Why the rush? Why the ego? How she coukd think it was not cheating? Why she accepted her "mission" in the first place. Why she had to "burn" Lewis and how that actually would never have done squat to alleviate her husband's pain. She totally planned to downplay and lie after the "mission" was completed. Is obvious. So honesty is a big issue as well.under certain circumstances.

Look some couples can get past with putting in the work and time, though personally would never stay in that neighborhood needing to change the dynamic (screw what the other housewives actually think) to get past bad memories. She is clearly remorseful and distraught and some readers clearly misread his intent. He just wanted her to se that she was cheating and it was unacceptable and might end their marriage. Her willingness to divorce and then date was telling. Her heart is not like most of the malicious or entitled LWs on this site. But she also is actually a villain here in this story, with an end justifies the means approach, when in fact her whole mission was bollocks anyways. She needs help and he scared her to death. Unlike most cheaters, doubt she will do anything like this again. She also had no history of flirting with other men before this incident. She burned her second chances. He absolutely should get a prenuptial agreement. He can tear it up years lager if he wants. She would sign it. So yeah therapy for her, counseling for them, a prenuptial, move out of neighborhood, and delay having kids for a few years. What she did was bad but not irredeemable. Worthy of separation and arguments and for some divorce, but isn't some torrid multimonth affair. Seriously.

As an aside all the trickle truth telling in the restaurant the last two chapters was frustrating to read. This could have been written shorter or maybe preferably to compress those parts and not milk things so much and push for more about their reconciliation, which appeared to mostly happen off page.

Not sure why the husband wouldn’t expect this to happen repeatedly in the future.

Verbose nonsense, an author who doesn't listen and just writes a load of platitudes, trying to look clever, but fails.

I have read the whole story and enjoyed it just my opinion it could have been finished in two parts I thought it rambled on a bit regurgitating parts but a good story

Jkthkst,

She could be the first time and at the barbeque.... All him to whip it out so she can play and then laugh and call everyone over to see how ill equipped he was. Other wives are on board so they can make it seem true to himwhetner it is or not. I need to touch or bake out or be private together

Its that fucking “Forgiveness bug” again! Great story, then the wronged party falls for the complete bullshit arguments!

Very sad to ruin a truly excellent BTB,

Once again, women are not held accountable for their choices!

It got to the point I was skipping paragraphs just to get ahead of all that babbling back and forth. Either you fucking consider it cheating or not. I think she just pulled the wool over her hubby, she fucked the guy, no doubt about it and he got snookered by her bullshit excuses.

She could have destroyed him at the BBQ to the point of him moving just by stroking the front of his pants then say loudly where was his dick? Had he given it away? Then discover it and exclaim it was a baby dick and call the women over to laugh.