His Beautiful Neighbour

I was Dominant and Assertive, she was submissive and compliant.

I was 21, when I Seduced her, she was 48.

We were Lovers for 14 years, then Best Friends for another 18 years.

She died in 2010 at age 80.

Her ex-husband hated Me, but her 3 daughters (all around My age) loved Me, because I made their mother happy and never wanted anything or anyone except her.

Loved the suspense end. You know, keep ' em cumming !

Writing is a craft. You'll get better, the more that you do.

Who are the morons who think this is well written?

Who is the neighbor? Mrs Cinders, Mrs Cinder Mrs Cider or Mrs Sanders?

The past tense of orgasm is orgasmed.

There were so many missing words it was difficult to read.

She'd put on some rogue? Hillarious.

She told him to sit down beside him. How is that possible.

You really need an editor or to stop..

Why would he need her hair to make it? It's logical enough that it required his sperm but her hair? She's gonna drink it anyway and saliva = DNA.

Bit long I must admit. Good thing is you kept the story line going. All part of the learning curve. I like stories of 2 to 3 pages. Also my favourites are incest and mostly Grandson and Grandmother.

You could make the ladies older, always appeals.

Hope there is another one for me now.

Keep writing.

REgards

But well written.

Is the neighbor 1) Mrs. Cinder, 2) Mrs. Cider, or 3) Mrs. Sander?

You REALLY need to keep your main characters straight.

All of 1* !!

Your story has a good idea but darn you take forever to say things and the story wanders repeatedly. I struggled with it for as long as I could but took you 6 pages to say what most authors can say in 2.

Your story has potential, but it really needs some major overhaul. The protagonist is unappealing, he doesn't seem to have any idea what to do after he converts Mrs. Cinder. The dirty talk is good, but the description of the sex could be stronger. The trip to the mall didn't really advance the story. What was the point in bringing Mom back home? It's fantasy, let them have the whole weekend. There needs to be some element that is going to make the kid grow up and BE dominant. I wish I could say that I could do better, but I can't. I'm hoping that you can. Good luck.

Dont

Please post the Recipe for the majik potion.

Tks

I admit, I am a little cheesed out by the storyline. Dominance and submission in this series seems to be almost accidental. The fact that Mrs Cinder is hypnotised is somewhat of a turn off. I would prefer her to feel this way of her own will, or be tied down against her will--- but aware of the situation. In this story she is unaware of the actual situation, or so it is written thus far. However, the natural dominant side in James is a turn on. His frequent reference to porn is a bit childish (ironic?) but I suppose that is the point. I will keep reading because I enjoy the hot love scenes and his natural emerging dominance. I can see things improving as he learns, and hopefully there will be a happy ending, out of hypnosis.

Lol, this kid is such a pussy it's ridiculous, but in bed he's some deranged asshole? Whatever, I always love the dominating stories and this one was pretty good although it really is more like mind control considering she had to take a drink to take his dick. Again whatever...it worked I guess ;D I am certainly not gonna read this for the story, but rather for the awesome sex scenes which you write pretty well.

You come in with the mind control angle and give him the ability to essentially 'magic' up whatever he wants. Then, instead of taking the world by storm, he sits there still being babied by his mom, solely focusing his lust on his neighbor.

To make matters more convoluted, you write as if the son is trying to seduce her 'after' he's already taken her. She's under his spell. There is no way for him to know what are her real emotions and what is caused by the potion. There is no reason he should preen every time she says something good about him in bed, she would do that no matter what.

Which leads to my final beef with this story. You came up with quite possibly the most annoying protagonist I've ever read. Not only is he moody, sullen, arrogant, naive, etc. but his constant outbursts and temper tantrums cause the neighbor to always be on guard and soothe his ruffled feathers - something that would require almost superhuman patience, no doubt an impossible scenario without the potion.

... only hidden by the flimsy bikini-top and the rounded curves of her hips, "

Her 'huge, well-formed breasts' are hidden by the 'rounded curve of her hips'?

Is she a contortionist?

I am really enjoying seeing how his dominant side is developing. So far so good!

;)