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Click hereShe resolutely ended that line of thought as she stood up and went to bed. For now she just had to let things run their course and get as much enjoyment out of it as she could.
END PART I
I was Dominant and Assertive, she was submissive and compliant.
I was 21, when I Seduced her, she was 48.
We were Lovers for 14 years, then Best Friends for another 18 years.
She died in 2010 at age 80.
Her ex-husband hated Me, but her 3 daughters (all around My age) loved Me, because I made their mother happy and never wanted anything or anyone except her.
Loved the suspense end. You know, keep ' em cumming !
Writing is a craft. You'll get better, the more that you do.
Who are the morons who think this is well written?
Who is the neighbor? Mrs Cinders, Mrs Cinder Mrs Cider or Mrs Sanders?
The past tense of orgasm is orgasmed.
There were so many missing words it was difficult to read.
She'd put on some rogue? Hillarious.
She told him to sit down beside him. How is that possible.
You really need an editor or to stop..
Why would he need her hair to make it? It's logical enough that it required his sperm but her hair? She's gonna drink it anyway and saliva = DNA.
Bit long I must admit. Good thing is you kept the story line going. All part of the learning curve. I like stories of 2 to 3 pages. Also my favourites are incest and mostly Grandson and Grandmother.
You could make the ladies older, always appeals.
Hope there is another one for me now.
Keep writing.
REgards
Is the neighbor 1) Mrs. Cinder, 2) Mrs. Cider, or 3) Mrs. Sander?
You REALLY need to keep your main characters straight.
Your story has a good idea but darn you take forever to say things and the story wanders repeatedly. I struggled with it for as long as I could but took you 6 pages to say what most authors can say in 2.
Your story has potential, but it really needs some major overhaul. The protagonist is unappealing, he doesn't seem to have any idea what to do after he converts Mrs. Cinder. The dirty talk is good, but the description of the sex could be stronger. The trip to the mall didn't really advance the story. What was the point in bringing Mom back home? It's fantasy, let them have the whole weekend. There needs to be some element that is going to make the kid grow up and BE dominant. I wish I could say that I could do better, but I can't. I'm hoping that you can. Good luck.