All Comments on 'His Submission'

I took the author's cue and put on Derik Fein's "Chanel Perfume". As he crooned "baby I'm a savage for all the dirty little things you do", the writing built with breathtaking mental imagery and descriptive word play that spoke to my soul and libido. This was one of the most beautifully written and erotically charged pieces I've seen on this site. A model for what erotica can and should be. As I write this review, I'm still dripping with sweat from reading it ... and I love it.

Good premise.

Lacks dialog as sex it happening.

Needs her telling him what she's going to do to him. In detail. Needs her requiring him to tell he if that sounds good? Needs step-by-step details of what she's actually doing to him together with what's going on in his and her minds. Needs more teasing before she starts to suck him. His eyes aren't covered, so what about teasing with her boobs?

Play with his cock. Slowly. Teasingly. And his balls.

Ask him to imagine how good it'll feel when she finally puts his cock in her mouth.

Ask him if he's ready to cum. But don't let him.

Three stars

Anonymous thank you for your suggestions! As it stands now I write my own personal fantasies and experiences. Those are great things to keep in mind though if I venture into more writing. I think I’d also like to add content with more character development as well. I’m still very new to this so I appreciate the critiques! Take care!