Hit'n Those Notes Ch. 11

Leza waved at the audience, "Second place, Carlie Brooks!"

As expected, there was a repeat of the explosion of applause Dana had just received. Cheering... Envelope delivery and Carlie hugging Dana center stage. How could Dana have beaten me?

My ears were ringing and buzzing, and to say I was disappointed wouldn't capture how far I'd just fallen after hearing Carlie's name. Did she deserve second place? Absolutely. I just couldn't resolve losing to Dana. Would Bill agree? Was my voice off somehow? Was it a mistake to dress as I did? What if I had...

"And the winner of the first Transgender Day of Visibility singing competition is... Wyatt Stiller!"

Wyatt pulled me to him and hugged me. I had heard his name called and tried to be excited for him, but my brain was stuck in a rut.

I yelled, "Congratulations!" and kissed him on the cheek, but inside I felt hollow. Wyatt left us to go accept his envelope, but before heading to center stage, he came back to Lisa, Michelle, and me, hugged and kissed each of us on the cheek, then joined Dana and Carlie. He shook Dana's hand but hugged and kissed Carlie on the cheek. Was that a message? The three of them took a final bow, but Wyatt turned back towards us and waved us forward. That resulted in a big group hug, with everyone holding hands and bowing together.

We all did one last round of waves and clapping towards the audience, and as a group, we left the stage. Leza Howell was building up the crowd, thanking them for attending and their support, and inviting them to the after party.

I tried to tune out everything, thinking this was not exactly how it was supposed to play out...

Thursday, March 29th, 8:38 p.m.

In the dressing room, I ditched the dreadlock wig, leather hat and goggles, nose ring and assorted jewelry, and funky house coat that were part of my outfit. It took a few minutes to get my hair to look something other than flat, which matched my mood perfectly, but in the end it was acceptable enough to join mom and the others at the after party.

I glanced at my phone; the messages were all the same: "Bullshit!" except the one from mom. She said I was absolutely perfect tonight, and it's the best she's ever heard me sing. She added that it gave her chills when the audience sang along and that she loved me and couldn't wait to see me. My feeling like I was going to cry had passed; now I just felt like hitting someone... I was anxious to hear Bill's assessment of the performances.

This was a disappointing ending. Should I have switched songs around? Would tonight's performance have been enough last night to get me to the finals? Would I have fared better tonight singing 'Toxic'? Maybe I missed the appeal of those songs? Should I have sung more rather than sticking the mic out for the audience? Augh... I'll never know, but I would pay to see the judges' score cards.

Unlike last night, we were left to make our way to the after party on our own. No grand entrance, no table setup for greeting people - just come party with everyone. I had to take a step back and look at the root of this event - visibility for those who were Trans. Take the high road. Let this performance go. Grow from the experience.

When I exited the dressing room, I had to go past the green room to get out of there. As I passed it, I could see the PBS crew and Leza Howell interviewing tonight's winners. I didn't bother to hang around, though it looked like Michelle was watching.

I needed to be with my peeps right now, not give a speech about how I felt about the competition. I hoped that after the interview of the winners, PBS would pack up their cameras and go home. I grinned as I exited the backstage door. You think they want to hear what I think about Dana right now?

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Author's Note:

Don't be afraid to rate this story if it's doing anything for you (you don't have to have an account to do so, and there are no prizes for most 'Rates'). If you comment, I will reply directly to you (if you have an account) or in the comments if you're anonymous, so let's chat...

If there are problems or you have criticisms you'd like to share privately, feel free to message me; I'd love to address them if I can.

I'm trying to grow as a storyteller; I'm far from perfect, so any help is much appreciated. Thanks for reading...

Rachel M. Moore