Hold Me Now

"No need." He stretched out. I blushed. I didn't want to be that kind of guy. I know it's different when you bottom- and I know if I didn't cum with a hookup then I just shrugged it off and figured I'd cum later but... I opened my mouth to plead with him and my eyes alighted on the mess on my bed. Harrison winced. "Yeah, totally ruined your sheets." He said. "Guessing you're the kind of guy who wants to change them right now?" I was, but I was too full of pride to actually care. Jesus, how long had it been? And I could still make a guy cum like that. I could practically feel my chest puff out a bit as I threw him the tissues.

"It's a little late to do a load of laundry." I admitted, sitting gingerly on the bed beside him. He shrugged as he tried to clean up and I helped. He laughed and pushed me away.

"This is my fault." He said. "Should have warned you."

"It's my fault." I said. Harrison caught my eye and raised his eyebrows, maybe reading my mind a little.

"Yeah it is, stud." He teased. I laughed.

"Next time on your back." I said thoughtfully. "I kind of want to see it." Harrison grinned and threw himself in my arms- throwing the tissues on the floor-

"Oooh did I fuck those nerves out of you?" He grinned. I pushed him off and went to throw the tissues on the bin. "God you will be disgusted with my room." He laughed as he watched me and stretched out. I smiled at him.

"Yeah, probably." I shrugged. "You might be able to distract me."

"Yeah probably." He sighed and sat up again. "Uh- did you want me to stay? I can still Uber?" I rolled my eyes and lay down with him again, tucking myself into the sheets.

"Yeah, call an Uber." I joked. "Night." He snorted and wrapped himself around me.

"Whatever." He pressed his face to my back. "I seriously doubt you're the kind of guy who doesn't want to cuddle afterwards." I yawned.

"Call an Uber after we cuddle." He squeezed me, but then he stood up. I blinked at him and pouted.

"Joking?" I said quietly. Harrison rolled his eyes at me and went to turn the lights and the heater off.

"Night." He said as he climbed back into bed. He kissed my shoulder. "Sleep well."

----

Things were the best they'd ever been. I think his coolness was rubbing off on me because everywhere we went people knew my name, and would ask me about our projects and tell me how interested they were. Briony, despite a new man, kept me on my case with schoolwork and my grades- which had definitely slipped- were back to looking good. Work was the same as always and Gideon even laughed at me and said it was amazing how much more attention I was paying now I wasn't mooning over random customers....

Which brings us to Ed. He walked in one day and I felt myself freeze. I hadn't seen him in weeks. Not since I... I winced. Not since I led him on for ages and ducked out at the last second. He waved at me half heartedly at the bar and I knew I couldn't let it be. I felt like such an asshole.

"The usual?" I asked, trying to be normal as I drifted up to him. "Or are you switching it up on me?" He smiled and gestured to the menu in my hand.

"Well. I'm actually... switching it up." He said. "I'll need another menu. Ben's coming." I grinned at him.

"Who's Ben?" Ed smiled.

"He's a junior policy analyst." He said. "You'll hate him, Bailster. But it's funny. I didn't see him- I mean I SAW him- it didn't hit me until... you know... my ah... party... and..." Ed looked out the window, a little smile on his face. "You ever almost miss something right in front of you because..." He trailed off.

"I know the feeling." I said. I glanced around to check Gideon wasn't paying attention and sat down with him quickly. "Is this a first date? Need me to pull out all the stops?" Ed laughed.

"No, it's a third date." He said. "And it's BARELY a date, we're grabbing lunch. Is it ok we're here? I would have gone somewhere else, only I miss your pasta." I smiled and stood up.

"I'm really glad you came back." I said. "I would have died if you had to get second rate pasta from that place on the corner. I would never have forgiven myself."

"I knew what you meant." Ed said, staring at me. "Not at first. But you're right. Ben's the right guy." I glanced up as the door opened. And I knew immediately. Ben was SO the right guy. He was short, with hair not dissimilar to mine- short and curly. He was wearing a ghastly blue suit and had glasses on, which he pushed up his nose as he glanced around the restaurant. I squeezed Ed's shoulder.

"He's gorgeous." I said briefly, before turning away to pour them each champagne on the house. It was the least I could do.

---- ---- ----

"So you 2.0?" Lou was giggling.

"No! My hair maybe, but he was awful!" I laughed. "A million times cuter than me, but he was discussing STOCK OPTIONS! Over LUNCH! With his BOYFRIEND!" I laughed. "God I am so fucking grateful I ran out on Ed. Can you imagine?" I glanced up as Harrison arrived and I pulled him into my lap without thinking. "You'd never discuss stock options with me would you?" I wrapped my arms around him and he tried to wriggle out of my grip.

"Stock what? B, let me go." He laughed as he tried to take the seat next to me and I held on tight.

"That seat is for Pip." I told him. "You're stuck on my lap."

"You're gonna regret that." He sighed and leant back into me. "Missed you." He let his head fall to my shoulder and I kissed his forehead.

"These two are the worst." Lou rolled his eyes at Brent.

"Shouldn't be allowed out in public." He agreed.

---- ---- ----

Harrison was right, his room was completely fucking appalling. Filled with beer cans and empty dishes and piles of clothes. I eyed his bed dubiously and he giggled as he followed my gaze.

"Hmm." He strode across the room and threw open the curtains, hissing slightly at the light. I laughed at him as he sat me down at his desk and started picking stuff up around me.

"You don't have to clean up." I said gently.

"I do." Harrison glanced at me. "You should see the face you just made." He grinned.

"You don't have to clean up but..." I winced. "Seriously dude- how the fuck do you live like this?!"

"I've never had a sweet beautiful boyfriend to take care of me?" Harrison batted his eyelashes at me as he moved the sea of black fabric slowly to an already overflowing laundry basket.

"Asshole." I laughed, starting to stack dishes almost without thinking. "Absolutely not." I shuddered as I caught a glimpse of the sludge in the bottom of a mug. "Ew, what did your one night stands say?"

"One night stands?!" He laughed. "B, I was waiting for you to learn my name for months! You think I could handle a one night stand?" He winced as he straightened up and cast his eyes over his bedroom. "Although point taken. At least I have a bed frame. Impressive right?!"

"Yeah, I think a mattress on the floor and we'd be waking back to mine." I laughed. "You're lucky you're hot."

"God I know right?" He smiled at me. "And talented. I guess God had to give me like, just one flaw, to make it fair you know? That's probably why I'm a slob." He raised his eyebrows. "Although YOU didn't get flaws. What's that about?"

"Uh... I think we can both agree I have flaws." I rolled my eyes. "Like, even if you're trying to be cute let's just both admit I can be a fucking idiot."

"Mmm, yeah you maxed out all your stats and had to take a hit on wisdom, that's for sure." Harrison grabbed the pile of dishes I'd been stacking and gestured to the door. "Well. Help me with this then."

"Ouch." I laughed as I grabbed the door for him and the rest of the debris.

"Oh THERE'S my grandmothers Temuka." Skinner commented as we brought the load through the living room to the kitchen attached.

"Yeah, B said he'd dump me if I didn't clean up." Harrison said cheerily. "What an asshole, right?"

"Ernie! I didn't say ANYTHING, dickhead." I looked at Skinner. "I didn't have to, I think even this bum knew his room was kinda beyond the pale."

"Ernie?" Skinner frowned at us and Harrison punched me in the ribs as he sat down his load of dishes.

"Is nothing sacred to you?!" He sighed. "Jesus, talk about being lucky you're pretty."

"Oooops." I winced. Harrison scowled at me and sighed heavily.

"Bailey worked out my legal name." He mumbled. "And he's allowed but swear to god, Skinner.... Ugh, what?" He trailed off as Skinner doubled over with laughter.

"Don't you see it?" He cackled, gesturing between us. I pulled at my striped shirt uncomfortably as Harrison shook his head at me.

"Yeah." Harrison groaned and wrapped his arms around me. "Please fucking tell me we aren't going to be called Bert and Ernie for the entire run of this relationship."

"No promises." Skinner shook his head.

"Dammit." Harrison glared at me and I felt myself grow hot under his grim gaze.

"I'll make that up to you." I said quickly.

"Better." He grunted. "You can start by helping with the dishes."

"Dishwashers empty." Skinner suggested.

"We have a dishwasher?!" Harrison's eyes widened. "Fuck, that makes life easier."

"How do you live with him?" I groaned as I started to rinse dishes, glancing at Skinner over my shoulder.

"He pays rent." Skinner shrugged.

"God, I'd make him pay double." I grunted, handing the pre rinsed stuff to Harrison, who was arranging the dishwasher carefully. He glanced at me with a little smile.

"I do my mandated chores." He said. "Just in case you thought I was completely fucking useless."

"Which apparently don't include emptying the dishwasher?" I raised an eyebrow at him. He was blushing terribly and I bit my lip and decided to reign it in. We finished the dishes with a bit of chat to Skinner about his plans for the week, and he and Harrison started yarning about band stuff before Harrison caught my eye and seemed to catch on that no matter how awesome I thought the band was on stage, learning about the right tone they were aiming for and what pedals it would take to achieve that was probably one of the more boring things for me to listen to in the world. He grabbed my hand and made a non committal see you later to Skinner and led me back to his room.

His room felt a bit more inviting already, with the dishes gone and the mountains of clothes off the floor.

"You won't believe me." He pressed himself against me and wrapped his arms over my shoulders. "But the sheets are actually clean. I changed them in honour of you." He laughed as I smiled thinly at him, choosing not to ask how long exactly they'd been on his bed for before I agreed to come over tonight. Harrison pressed his head against my neck and I felt my arms wrap around him, smiling as I felt him push me, a little forcefully, to the bed. As we got close I paused, swinging him round so I had the upper hand. I threw him gently on the bed and pinned him down, grinning at his face, flushed from the way I was manhandling him. I bent over him, pulling him up to meet me by the scruff of his t-shirt and he moaned as our lips met. Sparks of electricity were flying between us as he melted into my kiss. I grasped his ponytail and slowly released it from the tie, shaking his hair over his shoulders and pausing to look at him. He grinned at me, stripping his shirt off rapidly and reaching for mine.

"Time to make up for outing me." He grinned. He peeled my shirt away and trailed his hands over my shoulder.

"Huh?" I smiled goofily at him.

"Ernie." He reminded me. "That was our secret."

"Oh right." I blushed. I knew my chest would be turning blotchy and pink and I quickly reached for Harrison, placing my hands on his waist and staring deep into his eyes. "Sorry." I mumbled.

"Strip for me." He whispered. I could feel my chest really on fire then.

"Uh..." I giggled. "Ernie, you know I can't do that."

"Do it." His eyes flashed. "Or I'll be mad at you forever." He lay back on the pillows and smiled as his eyes roved over my chest.

"Ernie...."

"You can play a stud." He met my eyes. "I've seen you. Be my stud, B." His eyes twinkled. "My fucking hot, hung, dumb for me top stud." I felt my cock lurch looking at him. I shuffled off the bed and stood in front of him, feeling hot and hard as he looked me over, that little self satisfied grin on his face. I slowly undid my trousers. I let them fall to the ground and stepped out of them. I glanced at Harrison, feeling a little silly. What, was I gonna, like, dance for him? He was still eyeing me up eagerly. I reached for my briefs and hooked my thumbs in them, pausing as Harrison let out a a strangled moan. Huh. Who knew I could have that effect on people. I smiled as I ran my hands over my flat abdomen, teasing with the elastic on my underwear but not pushing it down just yet. I felt a little stupid, still, but I slowly turned around, running my hands over my ass and glancing over my shoulder to see if that was still doing it for Harrison. I bit my lip watching his face. He looked almost high, he had the most spaced out expression on his face as he reached for his cock and squeezed it. His eyes met mine again and he smiled dopily. "I did say strip though." He muttered.

"You did." I turned around and stepped closer to him. "And how can I deny my perfect little bottom anything?" Harrison's face was beet red and his bottom lip trembled as I slowly pulled on my briefs. My cock was rock hard now, and as I shuffled my underwear down it swung out with a satisfying bounce, dripping a bead a of pre. Harrison looked up at me and swallowed. "Want a taste?" I suggested. He nodded and I kept on the bed, dragging my cock over his body. He shivered as it touched him. His eyes were following it as I knelt over him. "There you go, baby." I whispered, propping myself up over him so I could watch his face. His eyes closed as his lips parted. His tongue darted out for just a second and I moaned, watching the pure ecstasy on his face as he licked up my shaft. I kept my eyes slightly open, almost unfocused but unable to look away from him as he took me in his lips and started to tease. I tangled my hands in his hair, thrusting gently, letting him work his magic and take it slow. His cock was hardening against my thigh and I reached down to stroke it, just fondling his balls and lovingly touching what I could reach. He moaned around me, the vibrations feeling insanely pleasurable. Harrison actually worshipped me, I could feel it through his mouth. I don't know hat I'd done to deserve it but I was letting myself enjoy it, paying it up as I stroked his balls, and his abs, and his hair, and telling him how fucking good he was. I started to thrust a little deeper, because he was so slutty I couldn't help myself. My hands drifted to his waist, and I dug into the soft flesh there, pulling him closer. I ran my hands down his haps, and up his waist again where it narrowed, squeezing and stroking his flesh, moaning as my cock throbbed in his mouth. I reached for his ass and he shivered, moaning again. Oh fuck. I pulled away from him to dive between his legs and spread them for me, gently teasing his hole open with my fingers and my tongue.

"Fuck."He whined, grasping at me desperately. "So exposed."

"Yeah." I whispered, spreading his legs wider and trailing my fingers up his cock. "For me."

"Yeah." He whimpered. "Oh shit, B, flex for me." He moaned. I rolled my eyes and ignored him. "Do it." His voice grew firmer and I grinned at him.

"Ok." I penetrated him with my thumb and he writhed beneath me as I sat up. I flexed my arm for him, which shouldn't feel sexy, it should feel ridiculous, but Harrison moaned, squeezing my bicep and pressing his warm body closer to me.

"That's so hot." He pressed his lips to my arm feverishly, kissing the muscles. I pushed his hair off his face and caught his chin.

"You're insane." I smiled, playing with his ass again, like I opened it, pressing in two fingers as he cradled himself against me. His head rolled back and his mouth fell open.

"Take me." He demanded, whimpering. I sighed as I sat up, my eyes roving over his soft body, completely open and exposed for me, his hole gaping just a little with total relaxation. I ran one hand over his body and played with his nipple as I reached for lube and condoms. I didn't want to break the contact of my skin against his. I smiled as I flicked his nipple a little forcefully. He was moaning, his eyes half closed, watching me take possession of him. I played with him a little longer, making sure he knew he was mine, moving between teasing his hole, and his nipples, and tasting his inner thighs. "Take me!" He moaned, bucking uselessly against my larger body.

"Ok." I moaned, pinning his arms down. I reached for his face and he opened his eyes, staring into mine as I pushed his hair off his face. I didn't need to say it, but I couldn't help myself as I slipped inside him.

"I love you." I murmured. He closed his eyes in ecstasy.

---- ---- ---

That's sort of the end, and we could leave it there. I'd never in a million years imagined love could feel so hot, and so fulfilling, and so gentle and comfortable. We fit together like we'd always meant to be together. Truly Bert and Ernie. I often thought I'd marry him. He was my best friend. He made me fell like a total fucking stud. He did occasionally seem to suffer from arrested development and way, way too often we found ourselves giving each other grief because I was insecure and kind of judgemental, and he was a slob, which went way beyond just his bedroom and I genuinely thought it was holding him back from so much he had to offer the world...

Look, obviously we didn't end up marrying each other. Na, like anything in your twenties, it worked until it didn't. We were truly madly deeply in love, and we managed a relationship pretty well in spite of us both being manic pixie dream protagonists of our own life stories. We even lived together, for a bit... but Harrison's friends and band were all slowly drifting to Melbourne, and I was working in He Para Toi, which was giving me all the access I'd ever wanted to every artist Aotearoa had to offer. He wanted me to move overseas with him. I could have- the world opens up outside of New Zealand- but I still had school to finish, and all my friends and family were here, and Melbourne just... didn't sing to me.

We argued about it, and had long sad talks about where we were headed. And it became more and more obvious that neither of us had the patience for long distance, or the flexibility to give our own dreams up for someone else.

We did half heartedly keep in touch after we said goodbye. But it hurt. Like a wound you just keep picking at. And eventually, we agreed we had to really move on. We had to live our own lives and let each other go. And breaking up was awful and painful and I never wanted to go through it again, and agreeing not to contact each other was even WORSE...

But I did take away a few things. I had some amazing years, with an amazing person, who loved me. I'd never regret a second of it. And if you made me do it again, even knowing it would end- I'd still do it. Harrison and I grew together. We learned about each other, and where our weaknesses were and we propped each other up until we were strong. And I did let him slip away. But I didn't let him slip away because I was scared of him slipping away. And I'd never be that guy again. Because- if that was how good love could be while I was still working it out- how fucking amazing must love be when I knew what I was in for?

---- ---- ----

"The usual?" I asked a new regular. He'd been in all week. Dirty martini, bowl of fries. Followed by a red wine and a cigarette. "Got a new gin in, let me know if it's anything good." I smiled at him as he settled at the bar and started putting his order in before he'd confirmed it. He winced as I started to pour the gin.