Hold Me Now

"Always suspect I've been around too long when they know my order." He muttered. "Should I go crazy? Have a dry martini?"

"No, gross." I laughed as I stirred the drink. "You're the only man with the guts to order a martini like this in the whole of Wellington, and you're right, it's infinitely superior."

"Phew." He said. I glanced up as the door opened and I waved at Lou and Brent. They greeted me, helping each other with their layers as they came in from the cold and I started to pour their drinks.

"Ooooh you're good." The man at the bar said. "Know everyone's order?" I grinned.

"Na, I'm cheating. These two are old mates." I waved them over to cosy up at the bar- more so I wouldn't have to move more than I had to then any other reason, but they were already spilling out all over a table and I sighed and ran the wine and beer over.

"So, first week as RM." Lou raised his eyebrows at me. "Charles in Charge. How does it feel?" I crossed my arms.

"Stop it, only while Gid's away."

"I'll put money on it. This is a trial run. He's about to retire and give the business over to you."

"He's in his 30s, Lou. He's not retiring." I laughed. "And he wouldn't give the business to me. Not in a million years." He really wouldn't. He didn't even really want to let me run the place for a few weeks while he was away with Elijah's family. It was with pained reluctance that he sat me down and asked if I'd be interested in shadowing him for the role. I was stoked. I would have dropped everything for more responsibility, and given the way rent was going up, more money as well.

"Exactly what I worry about." Gideon said. "Obviously you'd be the best option, but... only if it fits in with school."

"I'm basically done with school."

"So a bad time to drop the ball." He smiled. "And you'll want to get a proper job, a full time one, curating or... whatever. Promise me this won't fuck you over B." Funny how B had caught on. Almost everyone called me that now. But like a lot of things that lingered after Harrison left, like my now encyclopaedic knowledge of Black Metal, it was kind of nice, actually. I had made my promises to Gideon that I really wouldn't let this ruin my last year of school, and that if a job in my field landed in my lap I'd take it, and screw the restaurant, blah blah blah. But in the meantime... here I was. Restaurant Manager. Acting. I guess.

"So you just in to annoy me?" I frowned at the two of them. "Or do you want like actual food?"

"Food please." Lou moaned. "Starving. Jesus Christ, you'd think I'm eating for two." I laughed at him and grabbed them some menus. Lou actually has like... doubled in size. In a good way. Brent brought out something in Lou, and he was almost a whole new person. He dropped out of school to my absolute horror, because of anyone who you'd think would graduate with honours it was gossipy, hard working, gay as all get out suck up Louis Anderson. But he told me he always struggled with the work load and needed a year off and that year turned into... at this stage I think we can safely say forever. And, get this, of all the careers he could have and should have picked up- he ended up in, no seriously you won't believe me: landscaping. I know. Madness.

He loved it. He loved the workload, and he was great with the finer details, and he got shit on site, naturally, but he gave as good as he got INCLUDING several black eyes which even Brent was worried about. I'm not sure if he actually got involved or just told Lou firmly to knock it off, but either way the scrapping did stop to everyone's relief. Lou's daylight hours gave him time to work on his jewellery in the evenings and weekends, which he's always been good with. He was selling pieces for hundreds of dollars now down at Precinct 31, even without the fancy bit of paper I had my sights set on. He was so far from the twinky nerd I grew up with. I should have hated him, but I didn't have the energy most days. And he was my best friend. I'd always love him, even if he ended up miles hotter and richer and more famous than me.

And obviously Brent was still there. Of anyone I knew they were most likely to tie the knot at some stage. Brent had gone from an asshole who couldn't be bothered to remember my name to one of my best friends in the whole world. He was more use to me going through my breakup with Harrison than Lou was, and he was a waaay better wingman when we went out drinking afterwards. He never did stop going on about how he could get me into an electrical apprenticeship if I wanted though. I just smiled and rolled my eyes. Not for me. I was an artist. And a waiter. Probably forever.

"Guy at the bar's cute." Lou said absentmindedly as I set them up for food. I glanced at him. Huh. Yeah. He was. Not the kind of guy I usually looked twice at, which is why I hadn't. Shorter than me- but that was a good thing these days because it turns out I really like draping my arms over someone's shoulders. A face that was more 'nice' than devastatingly gorgeous. He was Māori, probably, but actually I could barely see his face let alone his body because it was winter so he was always bundled up. I rolled my eyes at Lou.

"Want me to drop off your number?"

"Nope." Brent said. Lou rolled his eyes.

"Meant for you, B." Lou said. "That's your type. Short, and long hair..."

"Ok, Lou, first of all, since when has that been a 'type' for me? I dated ONE guy like that. Second of all, he doesn't have long hair anyway." Louis peered at him unsubtly and I wondered exactly how badly our voices carried as he made his assessment.

"It is long." He decided. "It's tucked up under the beanie but then you can see it in his scarf. And don't tell me you don't have a thing for long hair because I'm the one who's been sitting there while you check guys out for the last... well however long it's been." I rolled my eyes at him.

"At any rate, much as I love it when you play matchmaker, can you back off my customers pretty please?"

"Alright, that's fair." Lou grinned at me. "He is cute though."

--- --- ---

I wish he'd never said anything. My mind's not really on boys anymore at work. I've learnt to compartmentalise a bit in that department. So I would never have noticed if someone was cute on the clock, but of COURSE Lou would. Lou thought I needed another boyfriend, but I was doing ok actually. I dated a bit, with no expectations. No one had my heart racing the way Harrison used to and that was fine, better in a way, because things were easy. I still wasn't built for hookups but now that I didn't sabotage myself by going for the wrong guy religiously I wasn't exactly lonely.

But sometimes, if I WAS alone at night, I did think how nice it would be. Maybe someday... I was thinking about it as I tidied the restaurant and shook my head to refocus. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and winced. Ooof. Not looking like this though. The phrase worse for wear sprung to mind... Running a restaurant turns out to be mildly demanding and I'd lost a lot of sleep trying to keep up with my final exhibition and prove to myself that I really could hold it all together. But with days spent at the Gallery, and nights spent here, and late nights into early mornings spent working on my final project.... Well. Yeah. I was losing it. But it was just a couple more weeks. I sighed and rested my head on the bar. I was in alone for the quiet afternoon until 5, and no one was here. I closed my eyes and before I knew it...

"Hello." I glanced up and realised I wasn't alone. And I'd fallen asleep. Ughhh. I looked up apologetically to catch the eye of the new regular- eh, not so new now, I guess. I rubbed my eyes and quickly started pouring his drink. "Ugh, I'm so sorry. I've been up all night wiring lights." His eyes twinkled at me as he looked at me. "You're not changing it up on me?" I double checked. He shook his head.

"Not today." He confirmed. "Do you moonlight as an electrician?"

"Oh, I wish." I sighed, setting down his drink. "Nothing so practical. Last year of Art School."

"Sounds chaotic."

"You nailed it." His eyes drifted to the sign with my name on it hanging near the till as put in his order and he frowned slightly. "Bailey Green." He said. "Is that you?"

"The one and only." I smiled.

"Like that song- do you know it? That Aussie band, it was all over the radio last summer." I felt my cheeks grow a tiny bit warm. It's very awkward when that happens. How are you meant to say 'yup, like, literally, THAT Bailey Green'. Hordes of Hell was just Hordes now, and they had a much looser poppier sound than when I'd known them. And commercially, it was working. Obviously. Very weird to realise the song your ex wrote about you is playing on laundry commercials.

"They're Kiwi actually." I said. "They just live in Melbourne."

"Oh, you're a fan?" I started polishing glasses to avoid his eye.

"Uh... I just. Know the song. For obvious reasons." I said. The guy laughed.

"That makes sense. I don't have a song." He sighed. "Oh, well. Maybe one day." I smiled and leant back against the bar.

"What is your name? I bet there's a song with your name in it." He shrugged.

"There's songs almost pointedly without it in it." He said. "Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme... but no..."

"Cinnamon." I guessed. He giggled.

"I almost like it better." He said.

"Your fries are ready, Cinnamon." I joked. "Hold tight, I'll grab them."

----

"Hey." He shook himself off from the rain like a wet dog and I internally groaned at the absolute mess he'd made. But he was so NICE. I couldn't say anything.

"Hey, Oregano."

"Warmer." He laughed.

"Usual?"

"This will shock you, but yes." I grinned and hung up his coat so he could settle in.

----

"Been waiting for you, French Tarragon." I jumped up as he entered. He grinned at me.

"One day you'll get it."

"We're out of gin."

"Get fucked, Bailey." I laughed.

"Sit down, it's on the way."

----

I tried really hard to have a good night's sleep before Gideon returned, and even considered makeup to make the dark shadows under my eyes look less pronounced. I really didn't want him thinking he could never take time off again because it would destroy me.

He was sitting at the bar when I arrived in the afternoon to open for evening service and he pulled me in for a hug.

"Don't read too much into this Bailey, but you're incredible. You're amazing and wonderful and thank you so much for keeping this place going." He pressed a magnum of Pet Nat into my hands and I blinked.

"Oh, like it's hard?" I joked, hopping up to sit with him in the bar. "How was your holiday?"

"Fantastic." He grinned. "Look at me! I've put on like 10kg!" I rolled my eyes at him. Gideon's vain. He works out like crazy. Even he admits it's because he's short. If he gained so much as a pound I bet he'd address that in seconds flat. We settled in to talking to each other and I kept an eye on the time, because I didn't want to be late opening. Gideon stretched out and grinned at me.

"Want the night off B? You look fucking wrecked to be honest."

"Thanks."

"I knew you'd work too hard."

"Did not." I yawned. "Anyway I can't take the night off, you don't know anyone's order yet. We have a whole host of new regulars. Lisa, the barber from next door, and Angie who's married to some famous rugby player I don't know, and Herb guy." Gideon laughed.

"What's herb guys deal?" I grinned.

"Herb guy is a sweetheart and if he wasn't a customer I'd have asked him out weeks ago."

"Well maybe I'll fire you."

"You just said I did a great job!"

"Too good. Anyway, what's stopping you asking out a customer? You used to drool over customers." I rolled my eyes.

"I grew out of that." I said.

"Aww, well. You're back to being a part timer now. I won't tell anyone if you hit on customers." I nudged his knee.

"Well. Maybe I already have been hitting on him. A little."

---- ---- -----

I did take the night off and went to crash Lou and Brent's date night at Ascot, although they told me pretty firmly I wasn't invited to the dinner portion of the evening at Amok after drinks. Which I could just about live with. I texted around, hoping there was something cool I could end up doing with the first Friday night off in weeks. Briony texted back almost immediately suggesting I catch up on sleep which wasn't actually a bad idea. But we'd see how the night went.

I frowned as I spotted something across the bar. Well. Someone. Herb guy. Lou followed my gaze and raised his eyebrows.

"Who's that?" He asked. I turned to him.

"Good question." I said. I raised my eyebrows. "The guy you thought was cute a few weeks ago. Follow up question- did either of you ever work out how to tell if someone's gay or not from a distance?" Brent glanced over his shoulder and shrugged.

"He's wearing nice shoes?" He offered. I shook my head.

"No good, you don't even own nice shoes. Proves nothing."

"He's... put together." Lou offered.

"So is every straight asshole who studies finance." I sighed. "Dammit. I'll just fucking ask him." I started to stand up but I paused as Lou and Brent exchanged wide eyed glances. "Oo- bad idea?" I asked.

"No!" Lou said quickly. "Good idea B. Real good. Just uh... very unlike you." I shook my head at him.

"I grew out of that."

I made my way over to the bar and tried to pretend I'd just noticed him as I ordered a drink.

"Hey, it's Coriander." I smiled at him.

"Shit, look at you." He blinked. "You're so tall!" He suddenly went bright red.

"Uh.... Same height as always." I laughed.

"I suppose I'm usually sitting down." He giggled. "Wow, weird to see you on the other side of a bar."

"I have clocked a LOT of hours on the other side of a bar." I grinned. "What are you drinking? I'll spot you one, you're basically covering my wage costs from 3-5pm right now I totally owe you." He glanced over in the corner where I guess his mates were and back to me. And then at the almost full glass in his hands. He smiled.

"Um. Can I take that offer up in 20minutes?"

"I'll be right over there." I pointed to Lou and Brent. "Flag me down." I paused as I turned away and took a deep breath before turning back to him. "Just... to be clear... I'm not actually offering to buy you a drink because of my golden wage costs." His whole face crinkled with laughter as he took that in.

"Bailey I'm not a moron." He said. "I got it."

"It's just that I am a moron." I explained. "And I wouldn't have."

"Ok... so just to be clear then, when I was hesitating it was because I didn't want to just ditch my friends without even a token 'hey, great night but I'm ditching you for the cute waiter at Olive now'."

"I was mildly concerned about that hesitation."

"I could see that."

"I'm right over there." I reminded him.

"I'll be over soon." He promised. I smiled and turned away again. And then I paused.

"Uh..." I winced at him as I turned back again. "I said I'm thick so like... just to be CRYSTAL clear... uhhhh- you're... like... gay?"

"Flaming fairy." He grinned, twinkling with mirth. I sighed with relief.

"Talk soon, Marjoram."

---- ----

I grinned at Lou and Brent and planted myself heavily at the table.

"He's gay."

"And his name?" Lou asked.

"Oh fuck I forgot." I sighed as I looked over to his corner as subtly as I could. He was also pointing me out to his friends, as subtly as he could. "It's a herb."

"What? Like Basil?"

"Oh." Yeah. Like Basil probably. Because that's an actual name. God, I really am stupid. I wrinkled my nose. "Damn, this better be a great one night stand because there's NO WAY I can date him."

"Why not? Brent asked.

"Basil and Bailey?" I groaned. "That's terrible."

"It's cute." Lou said. "B1 and B2. Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1?"

"I think I am B2!' Brent joined in teasing me and I laughed with them, and we made jokes while I watched out of the corner of my eye in case Basil waved to me. Which, to my delight, at some point he did.

I drifted over and picked up his glass.

"Dirty Martini?"

"Oh no, only you make good martinis. Just a wine, whatever you're drinking." He glanced at my glass.

"This is bottle only."

"So buy me a bottle, coward." He grinned at me. And I felt it. That little racy heart skip thing that I hadn't felt in ages. My palms began to sweat. I grinned back.

"Anything you want, Basil."

"You worked it out!" He grinned. "Not as dumb as you look after all."

"I had help." I admitted, nudging his ribs. "And don't set me up for being smart, I can't live up to that."

"Friends call me B." He said, shuffling closer to me. I started to laugh and groaned as I motioned to the bartender for another bottle.

"Oh nooooo." I giggled. "Ugh that's terrible. I thought I'd escaped the horror of hitting on someone with the same name as me."

"Oh no!" He laughed as the bottle was placed in front of us. "No, this won't work at all."

"But it will make our Halloween costumes easy."

"But What about the wedding?!" He laughed. "B and B cordially invite you to their Banana's in Pajamas themed wedding. Formal dress. No children."

"And we dress up as Bananas in tuxedos."

"I can get on board with that." I poured him some wine and looked at him thoughtfully over the table. I'd liked him for weeks. But I'd never properly looked at him. He had big brown twinkly eyes and a lovely smile that dimpled one of his cheeks. He did have long hair- and ok... maybe I'd developed a preference for that. He was calm and funny and almost infallibly cheerful. I smiled at him as I felt my heart rate play that old familiar, almost sending me to hospital, syncopated rhythm. And for half a second I thought how sad I'd be if it didn't work out. But then I remembered how wonderful it would be if it did, even for a little bit.

"So B1." I folded my arms. "Please tell me everything about you."

"I'm a musician." He said. I almost groaned. "Trumpet." He said. Huh. "And a waiter as well actually." He sighed. "Probably forever." I smiled at him and took his hand.

"Tell me more." I said, and I gazed into his eyes as he told me all about himself. And I sent a silent thank you out to the universe for everything and everyone who'd gotten me here. And a special one, just for Harrison. And I hoped he was in a bar somewhere in Brunswick, holding someone's hand, as happy as I was.

----- Afterword ---

"I can't do this." I sighed. Lou shook my shoulders and my head snapped up to look at him. I winced. He was that close to slapping me, I could tell. Which I sort of understood after a morning of this.

"You are going to do this." He said firmly. "And it's going to go well. Snap out of it, B."

"What if he says no?" I let my head fall to the table with a groan.

"He CAN'T say no." Lou sighed. "And he'll be THRILLED. He's been all but begging you for this for months now!"

"Well if he wants it so bad he should go first."

"B." Lou folded his arms.

"I know." I looked at my satchel and swallowed. I couldn't believe I was doing this. Years and years and years I'd thought about it. But I never actually thought I'd have the balls...

"You've got this." Lou said firmly. "He'll be over the moon. Promise."

"Right."

I took a deep breath and stood up. My hands were trembling. I walked down the street and into the cafe.

He could tell something was up immediately. He frowned as he looked at me and I walked unsteadily towards him, my hands shaking as I reached into my bag.

"Is that...." His eyes went wide as he looked at me and I tried to read his expression. He looked kind of relieved, and his face slowly broke into a smile as I slowly pushed the piece of paper towards him. "B!" Gideon's hand brushed mine as he took it. "You're... is this... are you resigning?" I nodded slowly, scared if I said anything I might cry.