All Comments on 'Holiday Hammer Blow'

Nearly a perfect story. I gave it all the stars.

Hello. I am loving this story. I have to read it in small doses, because my heart rate goes up. Naturally when I read a good story I look for more from the same author. This opinion is merely superficial. When I finish reading it I will give my opinion more specifically. Thanks to the author for sharing his magic.

Good read. Five stars.

Your protagonist is the most self-centered, idiotic, asinine, judgemental rapist you have ever written. There was nothing redeeming about him and no reason for anyone to want to be with him.

He hurt Kelly because he wanted to and did it in the most vicious way possible.

He used violence to intimidate everyone he disliked or disagreed with and forced them to accommodate to his whims.

Frankly, everyone would have been better off without him.

I really enjoyed this story, though I felt he was frustrating a lot of the time, probably exactly as you intended to present his character. You caught me at the end, though, as I felt as if you were working toward he and Kelly getting back together. Thanks again for an interesting story.

What a disgusting tranny

Run Dave, run. Don't look back, just run.

Another crappy story from a below par just surviving author!

Well done, yet again another fantastic story 👏

Gazza marked Kelly . Leaving love bites on Kelly's body in intimate places was to show and remind Dave that someone else had been there . Some best friend he was .

I liked this, great characters, awkward situations, really entertaining story.

There relationship could never be as strong as it could have been, with all those backstabers intertwined in there lives.

Congrats. Gut-wrenching, gripping, well written, as always. I wouldn't have minded if he'd stayed with Kelly, but it worked like this as well. 5*

Five stars.

You spin a good yarn, Cagivagurl.

Axcellent!

Thoroughly enjoyed that. I had a horrible feeling they were going to reconcile at one point!

It says a lot to me that I'm disappointed when the story ends, I was enjoying it a lot of

Great so far Cagivagurl, you created a good protagonist character, a great supporting cast.. A history with complications, what happens now ?

Feels unfinished to me. Will there be another chapter?

Run girls. Dave is a brooding SOB who only knows how to bring rain clouds.

Tab owns 3 houses, why was she living in an apartment? That goes against her goal of getting rich.

Dave would have been better off resigning and moving across Australia once he knew Tab was friends with he ex and all of the people that betrayed him.

Gave it a 3*. Could have easily been a 4-5. Ending was way too rushed - took away from the story.

Four pages too long and very predictable.

Damn, you're on a serious roll of writing trash. I've lost count of how many absolute bombs you've posted in a row.

If Randi's smart, she'll hitch her wagon to someone with actual talent.

hmmm, your stories are all becoming the same... too long and could have been done in 3 or 4 pages... i use to read your stories first now i check how long and the tags... too much of the same... sorry, just giving feedback... 2.99 stars

"Kelly, we all make mistakes"

Pity isn't it how we hardly ever listen to ourselves. Great yarn Cavi, as always, and beautifully written.

Very good story with an ending that felt very very abrupt. The ending was good but considering the pace the story moved at it felt weird to slam the ending shut so quickly like that.

entertaining ty i hope ur MC and Tab run to a therapist fast. actually the lot of them sould be doing the same. and wow they need to cut eisha or whatever her name was out of their lives she sound likes poison. the fact that gary wasnt pissed off at his wife for ruining a life long friendship is very telling. but i guess we already knew he wasnt a very good friend

Overall a good story, I agree with the main character that Gary knew how he would react. That said he should have set firmer boundaries with Tab. No man is going to want to socialize with the people who betrayed him

The writing is good. However 7 pages became a soap opera. The main character kept getting dragged back and back and back. It was painful to read after awhile.

7 pages of basically nothing, childish characters, 1*

I liked this story. You wrote the characters well enough to convince me of real emotional reactions to what they were going through. The initial conflict was very well done. Nothing wrong with swinging but if it’s not mutually done it’s cheating and it’s hard to imagine coming back from that.

The true conflict however was the Dave and the small circle of friends that betrayed him. It just seems too weird that Tab couldn’t see his pain and not be sympathetic to how Dave would feel. If you love someone you don’t make them feel horrible or pick at their scabs. With all the people in the world these 5 people just don’t have to be in his life. It’s a little weird and it would be enough to destroy the newly emerging relationship. He is better off without those people in his life.

It shouldn’t be the promiscuous past of Tab that worries him. It should be the answer to his question “what would you do?” …and the. The pushing him into such a similar situation to the one that destroyed his marriage. I cringed when I read this, The ending didn’t feel like an ending either… it’s like you ran out of ideas on how to wrap it up.

Nice story, but some weird stuff that makes it hard enjoy.

I wanted to give you a higher vote, this the sort of story you are good with. But the ending was rushed and cut off at the end. It felt like there was more to say. But abruptly it was all over.

With me that cost you two points.

A sold story but it leaves one feeling it is unfinished

Scores 3/5, nearly was a 5.

Stupid Cuck.

Great story, very good character development. I've known waaay to many pricks like Gary and guess I relate very much to Dave. Thank you for your tale! 5 stars.

somewhere east of Omaha

I understand the tensions you were trying to create in your story world, but there were too many times stretching incredulity and too many sequenced improbabilities for the story, in the end, to be credible.

Congrats C, on your 100 Literotica stories. This, as usual was well written and the story was nicely done. A tad "Mills and Boonish" for me but it's nice having a happy ending sometimes. Cheers.

Elise is the villain here, she killed one relationship and planted the seeds to kill another.

No vote...another unfinished story. BOOM. A CLIFF

Great writing as always. The ending did feel abrupt. I don't think Dave will ever be happy with a super experienced older woman who is friends with his ex. Also, there should be some consequences for Elise and Dave should have fucked Maike, if for no other reason than to get back at Marty.

Wow. Well written but no characters for me to respect, let alone like. Spoilers ahead for those that skim comments, be warned.

The women conspire without telling the guys, ohhh THAT level of communication is the stuff of life-long committed relationships.

So-called best friend decides to go for it wife without CHECKING wih him first ? Oh, THAT'S a close friendship.

Mom and sisters take the offender's side against their own family, nope, nothing dysfunctional about THAT family.

After justifiably getting enraged over the cheating wife AND his complete social circle turning against HIM, the MC gets violent, but later tries to reconcile with the cheater ? Nothing hard to imagine about rage-boy becoming Mr near-RAAC there.

Then there's the control-freak, self-justifying cheater, who apparently knows what's good for the MC better than he does himself. Setting up a "surprise" when they've never done anything like that before. THAT will surely go well, nothing risky about that. Lying about how she will chase his former friends away, and then letting them into their apartment when her husband ALREADY warned her of impending violence. "We should have considered Maike's lack of self-esteem. " Hey, how's about you OWN your own fuckup, beyotch!

Lastly, there's Tabitha. She starts dating someone whose last relationship blew up over a lack of communication and a total asshole of a wife. So what does Tab do? Simple, she becomes a Sphinx, communicating nearly nothing, putting words into the MC's mouth. Yes, another happy, life-long relationship in the works.

And even at the end, the MC has learned nothing, and decides the Sphinx is the way to go.

Your writing is extremely good. But I really wish there had been someone in this story for me to root for. Without a decent and consistent character, I got nuthin'

Is Dave some sort of emotional masochist? His wife and friends betray him - even his BEST FRIEND! - and he still takes her back? Then he realises that she isn't really repentant when she deliberately invites the "friends" into their home, despite all that he has said and she has agreed to? He is making a new life and finds a new girlfriend, who just happens to know his ex and who deliberately brings them together? And then she wilfully blackmails him into meeting up with the betraying "friends", not just once? Then his ex intervenes and gets him back with the girlfriend? Dave is seriously dumb! It will not end well, will it?

Well that was a relief.

I knew Caggivagurl is a very good writer but it just so happen that a number of his/her stories are all wimpy husbands with slut wives some have cuck themes that I most often ignore this author.

/

I am glad I stuck to this story. I was always on my toes that the next page would reveal the hubby a wimp. But turned out alright for me. Good job author thanks for this non-cuck story

Because I hate cuck stories.

/

Personally I am apprehensive about Tab as wife material as there is that seven-itch and hormonal imbalances of a middle age wife who had adventures before, riding the cock carousel, might bebhaving the urge of strange phalluses later...

Same old, same old from Lit's most man hating author.

That's a terrific, well-written story. 5***** all the way! I don't know where the criticisms and adolescent name-calling come from, but I hope the author ignores them.

unilateral decision to swing....

5 "friends"... wowza, what are enemies in this world?!.... who went along or preferred to keep quiet

a "wife" who doesn't have the empathy to understand how much shit he has been exposed to because of this

a "wife" who shoved her betrayal into his face

and this bitch expected him to smile and roll over and is harrumping because he quickly aggreed to the divorce?

This level of absolute incredibility alone is breathtaking.

Add to that the self-deprecating behaviour of Tab (and a few others) (seriously he didn´t do anything and she flips?!) and I can't understand how the MC didn't end up in the loony bin.

I had massive "Mexican soap opera vibes" (brrrrr) and the ending itself is like an "end of season" cliffhanger

Went from 5* because the dialogue IS good, to 4* because of implausible plotholes, totally irritating behaviour of the "wife and friends" (3*) to finally 2* because of all the other things mentioned above (MCs rocky road to mental breakdown)

which is a pity because I know this author's stories to be very enjoyable ....

IF there is no second part that finally unravels the plot lines, I would rather not devalue the story, but ... the whole drama could have been left out and the whole plot could have been told in 3 pages-then it might even have come across better/more believable...

There were too many words for the content, and particularly a story with sort of an incomplete and rushed ending.

For my part, the best person was Tab, and the person I disliked the most was Dave. Elise was correct - Dave was "juvenile, and paper thin." The girls made a mistake in conspiring to swap without the husbands knowing and having a chance to object, but neither Kelly nor Gazz had any reason to believe that Dave was not going along with the plan. That Dave could not forgive that sort of mistake is unforgivable.

I want more. Also I'm confused how Dave is a cuck accordingtosome comments? The dude beat the guy who banged his wife and left her. Dunno how that's a cuck

"Oh, for heaven's sake, it was only sex. The others, even Maike, could accept that and move on. It was always just a one-time thing, just a wicked little adventure. It didn't mean anything. The world didn't end."

"So you want to make me the bad guy."

... illusory! I didn't like "friends" because honestly they acted like it too, but damn, these people make me want to puke

As always, I thoroughly enjoy your writing. As much as I wanted to like Dave, I never really did. His depth of anger, his vehemence, his intransigence ultimately really put me off. I’m glad in the end he set aside his insecurities and reembraced Tab. Maike’s a character I’d like to read more about. Sounded like some potentially serious drama in her backstory. Thanks for another enjoyable read.

Too unreal to get my head around. The notion of having friendship and socializing with each other after the betrayal weekend is simply not going to work and is mentally unhealthy. Gary never admitted what the real truth was so he gets off scott free. No mentally well human being is going to say "lets keep picking this scab, I don't want the wound to heal" which is what the protagonist was forced to do. That Genie will not go back in the bottle and trying to say "it is ok to be friends" is just a defacto acceptance of the original event.

Bravo, that was an excellently told story. In the short term, I feared you would let him become a cuckold, but you pulled the topic straight through. Your characters were understandable and clearly recognizable at all times. I liked that he allowed some contact with the past, but remained tough on his ex-boyfriend and the slut Elise. One of the wonderful stories I've read here! 5/5!!!

what a load of crap

every person, MC aside, are pricks (my way or the highway- if you are not one of us you are the one in the wrong)

MC behaved not normal, at the latest, when Tab (the multi-hole whore) failed to answer the question, EVERY red flag should have been raised.

The inability to comprehend that actions have consequences has become a red thread with many stories on Lit, probably because so many don't comprehend that anymore in real life either

Enjoyed the real as it was an almost perfect story. It seems like all stories I enjoy reading end in too much of a hurry.

"She was in counselling for bloody months"

Didn't help much, did it?

Not one of these morons has understood "what the problem is" yet.

Ending is rather incompl

...

The beginning of this story was great, with some fantastic dramatic scenes, but the second half kind of fell apart.

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I think the main problem is that you're writing about a male protagonist but from a woman's perspective. You wrote Dave as having very firm beliefs on right or wrong, particularly on loyalty, which led to his furious and violent reaction to his wife's infidelity. Okay, no problem. His approach towards his unfaithful wife and all the friends that betrayed him was to cut them out of his lives... which is also perfectly fine and in-keeping with his character.

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Where it all started going wrong is Dave putting up with all the haranguing about forgiveness from his mother and sisters. A man like him would never tolerate that kind of shit. He would've sat them down and forbidden them to talk to him about Kelly again, unless they wanted to be cut out of his life as well.

-

Then later, when he found out Tabs was best friend's with Kelly, the relationship should've been over. Her being that close with his ex-wife was a recipe for disaster and at the very least would lead to endless unnecessary drama. A man like Dave would never in a million years have gone to Elise's birthday party. That bitch destroyed his marriage. Her husband fucked his ex-wife and they came to blows over it... men don't socialise with people they hate and wish dead. They just don't.

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A far more likely outcome to this story is Dave leaving town after filing for divorce. He lost his wife, best friend, his career, his circle of friends, and his family (for taking Kelly's side). There was literally nothing keeping him there any longer, but loads of horrible memories if he stayed. He should've ghosted everybody, moved away, started a new career, and made a completely new life for himself.

Obviously, the common denominator in all of Dave's problems is Elise. If he can't separate Tabitha from Elise he'll have more trouble in the future.

I, for one, enjoyed your story

4 stars Thanks for the effort...

Is this the only kind of story you can write? You're a one-trick pony.

Your stories always paint the husband as being unreasonable and wishy-washy until he eventually explodes. I wonder why that is?

Your writing is entertaining and reads well as usual.

There are lines that shouldn't be crossed with people though and it seems that far too many of your characters have no concept about that.

There are people that crossed lines with me that I've never spoken to or seen again and it is for the best.

Gary, or Gazza, totally destroyed his friend's marriage and ended his friendship. No going back.

Kelly was a blithering idiot to do this to her husband In the first place and then she wanted to keep hanging around Gary and Elise?

It would do you wonders to actually explore the subject of relationships that totally ended. There are some examples too numerous to count and it has nothing to do with maturity.

Crossing some lines will severe relationships forever.

Still, this was very entertaining and I thank you.

The main character learnt nothing!

He ends up with a woman who said she would do the same as his ex-wife, and go with the flow if Gary did it with her. But somehow that is lost in the background as we dive into her former promiscuity, which is not the problem here.

He also still has the toxic group of friends in his life who set up the destruction of his marriage. Who are friends with the woman he is now with.

We both liked your story. It was lifelike and the characters could be easily visualised. 5 stars from us.

I really liked this. 5 stars. Thanks for sharing your talent.

Hooked

Good story except for the flash ending. After seven pages you’d expect a smooth landing.

So tired of the trolls that call every guy a cuck.

I enjoyed your story, it's definitely one of the better ones. Keep up the good work.

Excellent writing, wonderful story, thank you for your creativity, time, and effort.

My bit of criticism is that your stories tend to spin a bit in the middle. Great starts, good endings but they tend to circle the same ground a bit too much, just iterating on the same ideas. I hate to use page count as a measure but this story could have been tighter at 5 pages than 7.

It was good. Dave was so old fashioned….being married, he refused to cheat! What a novel idea!

.

Kelly was very immature, and too easily influenced by that Slut Elise. Maike was a bit of an enigma — would have been interesting to have learned a bit more about what made her tick. Her and Elise’s husbands were creeps….both of them EAGERLY cheated when the offer was made. Losers.

.

Dave was very consistent in his own ethics. When dirtbag Gary said “what kind of red blooded males WOULDN’T take advantage?” Dave gave the perfect answer: “A happily married one”.

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Not sure if Dave and Tab will succeed. It really depends on how “reformed” Tab the party girl is.

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Perhaps just a tangential part of this richly written tale…but it was fairly disturbing how cavalier Dave’s Mum and family were to the behavior of Kelly and all of those “friends”. Maybe just a sad reflection about how far down the “moral relativity” hole we’ve fallen?

.

One of this author’s best. 4 very strong ****

Dave's reaction to the swap was right on. EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE in the story is against him. Dave makes it blatantly clear he wants NOTHING to do with the group from the swap yet EVERYONE keeps shoving his face in the pile of crap that resulted.

So he disconnects and gets a new job. He meets a new, interesting woman and presto, she is BEST FRIENDS with the SWAP assholes and she INSISTS he interact with them. That should have sent up major red flags for him. Just like the original group, Tab has no respect for his feelings. She HAD TO KNOW exactly what had happened because she was giving major support to Kelly. Instead of respecting Dave, Tab is pushing him to "get over it". Elise, being the viper she is, poisons his relationship. She points out Tab's previous promiscuity and equates it to Kelly's actions in the swap. The two behaviors had NOTHING to do with each other. Kelly's behavior was a problem because SHE WAS HIS WIFE. Tab's previous behavior was none of Dave's business EXCEPT to possibly verify that, now that they are together, he expects fidelity, without exception.

Frankly, Tab closeness to the swappers was a FAR bigger issue than her previous promiscuous behavior. Dave will never be free of that mess as long as he is forced to be around them. It's not really fair to ask Tab to stay away from them but that is the choice facing him.

The magic reunion at the end IGNORES the mess that still exists. Tab is still friends with the swappers. Tab is unwilling to break it off with them. Tab has repeatedly blindsided Dave with respect to them, placing him in uncomfortable situations and straining their relationship. There is NO RESOLUTION of the persistent and fundamental problem of the toxic mess created by the swappers. Over and over a shit pie is pushed in his face and many times Tab's hand was pushing it.

He should have taken the new job and ditched the whole mess, starting fresh with people far removed from the jerks that started the whole problem and Tab who keeps dragging him back into it.

very good story.

5⭐

beautiful comparison between a woman who betrays her marriage, and a faithful woman but with a heavy past.

Thanks for sharing your talent.

Randi has still a lot of work to do. But he's not a miracle worker.

The premise was an original and compelling variation on the Unwanted Swap trope. After that charged beginning, though, the story slowly leaked energy, before plugging itself into a whole other LW trope : can the husband/lover deal with his wife's/girlfriend's promiscuous past? That situation deserved a story in its own right, not just a few paragraphs to close out the tale with a little contrived conflict.

.

Overall, though, a strong performance.

Well written. Every single character in this story is selfish beyond belief. Each of them wanting what they want... sex or forgiveness; fun or faithfulness; all demanding and judging the others. Even the "good guy" proves his selfishness by his refusal to allow his wife the opportunity to make amends. Comical that they tell each other to "grow up and act like an adult" when they are, to a person, childishly self-absorbed.

Casual sex and hook-ups IS a touchy subject.

Women have ZERO empathy for what a guy goes through sexually, so she has literally no idea how to handle men. Why is it that these women will just assume, "These are red-blooded men, they'll jump at the chance to swap...." and will also say things like, "It's just casual sex....not a big deal" and then flip flop to, "I don't want to be seen as a stupid and selfish promiscuous...." Women in this story understand that men will usually jump at the chance to have sex, because they have almost no power sexually.....and they understand how easy it is for women to have casual hook-ups. they also realize men have all the power in not sex...but relationships....which is WHY they care about being judged as 'easy'. So these women understand on some base level what men go through, but don't care enough to process it.

If average men, not studs, had the same sexual power that average women have.....then sex would be a non-issue. but truth is almost all women want to...and CAN have casual sex with the top 20% of men....without much effort. some women don't act on it, or hide it because they want to eventually marry a man...a good man. maybe she'll settle for a 6 or a 7....that has amazing personality. because chad isn't gonna settle with women literally throwing themselves at him...and if he does settle...he'll prolly become a serial cheater/swapper.

the main character isn't rigid. he's just a guy...that values his relationships. the lying and cheating is enough a reason to cut them all out of his life. you don't reward loyalty and respect with deceit and disrespect. it's amazing he caved enough to allow kelly into his life because she was tabby's friend. that took a lot. tabby has a lot of personal growth and apologizing to do for how she handled his confrontation. people judge people. it's normal. and she ran away instead of letting the poor man process it.

Clearly should have left the state and made a new life immediately

Just a few points.

Honestly, Kelly made a mistake but I can kind of see how that happened. The guys all had a history of being interested in the women. And she thought her husband would be satisfied that weekend as well.

She was definitely wrong. But for Dave to reject counseling or any way to try to fix things was disappointing. Because Kelly is written as truly loving him and he her. I think they could have worked things out if he really tried and they both re-committed to each other.

Also, Kelly made the ultimate decision and was wrong. But if I was her or Dave, I would be BEYOND pissed at Maike. If she felt uncomfortable she should never have agreed to swap! I know she was sorry but I wanted to tell her off myself. As even she said, she could have at least warned him!

And what kind of person is Tab. Are you kidding me? Yes I would have been ok with a reconciliation between Kelly and he, but once that was no longer an option he should have been able to not have her in his life if he so chose. Tab's insisting on having Dave be around Kelly was intolerable to read.

I'm sorry that he never found a woman in this story who truly had his back and was willing to put HIM above her friends. And I'm a woman who LOVES both reconciliations and my bffs saying this! Sad. Even his family wasn't really on his side.

Most men would have dropped Tab as soon as they realized she was besties with Kelly and Elise. Especially with how overly close she and Kelly were. Waaay over-the-top. When he asked Tab to stop talking about their intimate life, she couldn't even do that!

I just feel like most, if not all of the main female characters in this author's stories cannot be faithful and lack integrity! Whether it's physically, emotionally, or both. Then the main male characters are either wimpy or rigid and unforgiving. I mean geez. Yes, this is Loving Wives but come on! Every woman is not untrustworthy and easily led astray. And every man is not either a wimp or lacking in forgiveness entirely.

The "happy" endings in this author's stories just never seem genuine.

Excellent story. Your best story to date, IMO. During the dialog sequences I often found myself wishing Dave would have said this or asked that, but I guess that just shows how successfully the story tapped my emotions. A couple of examples are:

When he was talking to Gary at the party, why didn't Dave ask him why he deliberately "marked" Kelly with "love" bites, unless Gary wanted to rub his nose in the fact that Gary had fucked the crap out of her, and basically diminished her?

When talking to Maike on the way to their bike trip, why didn't Dave ask her what she expected to happen when he got home and found out what had happened? Why didn't she at least tell him on the way home?

But great story. Please keep posting. 5 stars.

Love the way you tell a story.

This story has bothered me since I read it a few hours ago. I guess that is good. I think the big problem with this story is that no one seems to care about Dave's feelings. The people that betrayed him keep getting thrown in his face. The wife constantly chooses the friends over Dave. Even Dave's mother invites the guy that ruined her son's marriage to a party. No way Dave stays with Tabitha, but for a reconciliation with Kelly to make any sense, she has to respect his feelings and put them above the friends. It should be obvious to her and everyone that Dave cannot socialize with Gary anymore, yet she keeps wanting the friends and the old relationship. That is not possible. The wife needs to make a real effort for a reconciliation, like a willingness to move and move on.

You have a gift of making the hubby THAT WAS CHEATED ON BY HIS WIFE AND BEST FRIEND into the bad guy. You droned on and on continually running HIM into the ground by everyone including all of his friends,his Mother and all of his sisters hell he had to leave his entire life behind to get away from his perverted friends and fucked up family. All for not wanting to cheat on his wife and not approving of her cheating on him with his best friend. What kind of fucked up logic are you employing in this piece exactly? Are you saying for 7 pages that if a man doesn't accept his wife cheating with his best friend that he is wrong? If that is the case then 99% of men in this world disagree with your logic! Then you have him hook up with a used to be slut and that is the solution to all of his problems? Oh and don't forget the slut is friends with all of his old perverted friends. This story has more holes in it than a screen door. Seriously, erotic fantasy is one thing but this was a dumpster fire! 1 star!!!

Even if Kelly and Maike are sufficiently repentant to justify letting them back into his life and Marty and Gary are smart enough to steer clear of him, Elise is still the same scheming liar. And Tab still wants to have her as a friend. And then there's Tab's reply to the "what would you do?" question. The future is a minefield of red flags.

And yes, it doesn't seem finished. It feels as if there's still a giant sword hanging over their bed.

Elise - “Kelly was against it. It took me two days to talk her into it.” Yeah, she’s a great wife. I know she knew better but did it anyway because she really wanted to

Gary - “So, I fucked your wife, the most important person in the world to you. What’s the big deal?” And to top that off, he made sure to leave hickies all over her. That’s a ‘rub your nose in it reminder’ if I ever saw one! He certainly knew better but, again, did it anyway. There’s got to be more going on there than we were told in this story. Best friends don’t do that to each other. Ever!

Dave, being Dave, did the only thing he could do. I was disappointed the author made him fret over it so much. A man like Dave, as written, wouldn’t second guess himself that much. He would just move on.

Just a bit of forced drama that didn’t really fit.

Reminds me a bit of Jezzaz's Out of Love series. Thought the characters in that story were a little more 3 dimensional than this one. However, this is still a fun story to read.

I commented earlier about the characters, the history established and the protagonist. Something however was bothering me, like an itch i couldn't reach. Something was out of kilter.

Reread the story again and pay particular attention to the actions of Tabitha.

Cagivagurl, if its just incidental, you have written about the most vapid group of women on Literotica, If its intentional, I highly look forward to part 2.

Two big problems: an absurd premise, and a forced, unsatisfactory conclusion.

So... no mention of the promise Tabitha made to Dave to get him to attend the party. Hmmmm....

It’s almost like you have a template ready - think of an idea, get out the template and adjust it to the new theme.

Manipulating, toxic females trying to decide what best for this stories main male character.

Subject him to said manipulation, have him protest vehemently, splitting with the g/f, wife that betrays him, cast of friends (mostly more toxic females) to berate him over his make pride / being to straight laced / strictly monogamous / to straight, add female family members who ally with manipulating betrayer.

Have him so desperate, he keeps forgiving and Returning, beat him down with constant words, manipulations

Have him give in

Same template, same story, new theme

A great story! Ladies, Cagivavgurl has described the perfect man. TO AVOID AT ALL COSTS! A violent, controlling, whiny, holier than thou simp. Trust me those traits don’t get better over time, they get worse.

Going to agree with any and all who see yuo as a one trick pony. You have a certain template and literally nothing gets you to wander far from it.

I think the story is well written and absorbing. I question why he would not hold his boundaries after he has been clear in setting them. Both of the female characters seem more interested in their friends than in him.

Amazing how the morally weak try and make the one that stands for something take the blame for their shortcomings. Dave never wavered in his beliefs of what was and wasn’t exceptable. The rest just came up short.

The relationship will fail eventually because she continues to associate with same people that failed before.

She knows Dave will not bend and eventually it will force her to make a decision that she is not equipped to make.

This shows that knowing how to write well doesn't mean that you can write a good story.

The characters didn't behave like they were described. The character didn't rationalized or won't defend their moral and thought. This makes the character unlikable, all of them. If there's no character to root for, the story is not going to be interesting.

Same old stupid bullshit. Your stories are entirely predictable and rigidly formulaic. As good as Randi is, I'm disappointed in her continued support of your writing. In my opinion you never realize your potential. I read first page, skipped to the end, and sure enough, same ole same ole. Wimpy husband who becomes scapegoat for his wife's bullshit, then back and forth sex amongst various characters, and finally to a rushed ending that includes some sort of partial or full reconciliation with a poorly voiced resolution. Rinse and repeat as they say. No thanks. Your writing reads more and more to be that of a myopic female who strongly believes she understands men, when in fact your writing consistently says otherwise.

There needs to be more story. It was well written ,

clearly told , it moved well and held atention. Thanks for a nice read.

You're killing me! You are a great writer and as with most of the ones Randi edits, I love the overall story arc. However, the last couple published stories had some significant plot gaps I just couldn't jump across. In this story, the characters and the setup you gave us with the couples becoming fast friends and flirting back and forth was too obvious what would happen when the spouses split up to match their weekends on that weekend. I get it's "me", but a) no way in hell I would have let my wife go without me, nor would I have complained to the point the husbands did; b) If in a drunken stupor I did allow it, my antenna would have been up for sexual misconduct and my wife and I would have had a very direct conversation about fidelity prior to her leaving. You did try to cover yourself with a couple comments by Dave as Kelly and Gary were leaving, but they were much more off handed than a normal husband would be in that situation. You are oh-so close to getting my beloved 5* (LOL) I can taste it for you. Please, go back up to 10,000 feet; consider the true human condition, and apply it to your next story in such a way I can buy in totally... 4*

Good story but he is in for mote heart ache.

Until the very end when Kelly was trying to help him save his relationship with Tab she never took any real responsibility for her actions. She kept talking about how it was supposed to be fun for all of them. How, if he would have slept with Maike it would have all been alright because he would have been even with her. It was just a silly game that they needed to put behind them.

At the end she finally said it was wrong, it was a huge mistake, I should have never agreed to do that. If she would have said those things and actually taken responsibility for her own actions maybe she could have saved the marriage she said meant so much to her.

Lt Spicer summed it up. It would be one thing if you had Dave come out and point blank say, “Yes, I DO wish I’d fucked Maike,” but you didn’t take him there. Where you did take him is perfectly consistent with the character you presented- he’d have tried to raise Kelly on the phone and inform her what doing this would mean. Kelly did not pick up the phone and call Maike to see how Dave was doing. Gary didn’t pick up the phone and touch base with his “best” friend. Tabitha’s embarrassed by her past? Understandable, she knows Dave’s character. With another guy there’d be no reason for her to be embarrassed. But yes, Dave might very well have been big enough to not knock Tab for being in touch with her sexuality, but to learn she’d repeat the very thing he drew the hardest line at?

No. You have undermined the very character YOU drew, and as such it’s you who is voiding our suspension of disbelief.

That’s how a writer lies to their own audience. We can’t trust you to be consistent within your own work. If you’re going to give a character a drastic sea change in worldview, that deserves to be sussed out. I’m not in favor of spelling anything in Columbo-like minutiae, but there’s a lot more to get there than what you gave us here.

Awww... Nice. Your characters are well developed, well portrayed, consistent throughout. Thank you for this story.

LWlurker

Great story! Enjoy you style.

Till the moment this Tab character appeared it was a powerful story, with believable characters and a good plot. From then on, the MC turned unto an insufferable braindead puppet who was manipulated by everyone with a skirt.

One star

Your stories are consistently better than almost any other offerings. Thank you so much.

An illogical and rushed ending, as is your custom. And at the end of the day, it's the male MC's fault, because he couldn't be sensitive enough or insightful enough, and of course he's a neanderthal for believing in fidelity, loyalty and truth. What a bizarre individual. Cagivagurl, your ideas about life in general and men in particular are really screwed up.

@Imnotananon: Yeah, I already have my stars, and Cagivagurl is one. I know talent. What are your qualifications as a judge of talent? Mine are demonstrable. The untalented need not apply.

Check the loving wives top 250 list. I have edited over half of them. Check my events: over 10 million views. Hundreds of those stories have red Hs. My peeps can go anywhere on the site and dominate the scoring and reading there. Yeah, I know talent, and Cagivagurl has it in spades. Don’t act like you can diss my hommies to me, and it’s okay. It isn’t. Fight me.

Great story, Cagivagurl. Write another please. Randi.