Hotel Caeneus Ch. 01

Story Info
A hotel with a secret surprise.
1.2k words
4.19
15.3k
10

Part 1 of the 3 part series

Updated 06/10/2023
Created 10/28/2020
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Hotel Caeneus was an opulent edifice few could match its level of luxury. Expensive, exclusive and an enigma. The three e's of success that made it the unknown success it was. Its visitors never came once, they returned time and time again. The only way it got new custom was with references and an exclusive interview. Few would pass this interrogation to become part of the club, a member of the Hotel Caeneus.

*****

Torrential rain poured from the heavens. Flooding drain and road with ankle deep freezing water. Wind smashed at umbrellas, snatching them from their owner's hands. Haggard faces in raincoats clutched them closed. Cars crept slowly, but fast enough to splash pedestrians as they made their way down the sidewalk.

Val made his way through the wind and the overflowing puddles, dragging his suitcase with him as he went. Flights canceled for three days and all the hotels booked out. In desperation he had asked his friends and business associates for options. Jarred, a man he had helped with some rather difficult personal matters had responded quickly, passing him details and money into his account.

Val appreciated the reference, but said he could not take the money. Jarred had insisted and asked as a personal favour that he attended. This Jarred said was for assisting him in a dark part of his life. Val offered three times as he was told by his mother, and then on the third relented. Jarred had been ecstatic and had promised him he would not regret it, that the hotel was amazing and could assist him as the storms passed.

Jaded was the view he had of hotels. Roach infested meth dens. He had been sent to for the last three trips, the one he was on he had just departed for the airport. That hotel could add the ignominious title of being over crowded. This Hotel Caeneus seemed to be on the seedier side of town. Shops looked like fortresses, alleys choked with rubbish, and graffiti smeared every surface.

The front had a small garden, manicured hedge behind an elaborate iron fence. An arch in the same style framed heavy gates that, for the moment, were open. Walking through, Val noted the neat lawn either side of the worn flagstone path. Swirls of alternate grass types created a mosaic of spirals, each segment another type of grass. The outside was brownstone much like its neighbours. However, the front was polished, intricate brass fittings and polished marble steps led to the front door.

Val nodded impressed, this was not like the other hotels he thought. The door black and polished opened silently but with a blast of warm air. Paralysed Val looked from the young door woman to his open hand that moments before was reaching for the polished door knob.

"Good evening, sir?" The uniform was a pencil skirt that wrapped tightly a white blouse and black vest, a gold chain dangling from the pocket. Her voice stern yet welcoming. The vest had an elaborate embroidered C on the top left breast. This was the concierge.

"I, ah, um," Val unintelligibly stuttered.

"Sir this establishment is by invite or referral only," her body prevented further ingress into the building.

The memory of the cold and wet behind helped snap Val out of his paralysis."I have a referral?" Val was unsure of the process, and his rising tone showed that. This was different from a roach flophouse.

The young woman smiled and flicked her brunette fringe off her high cheekbones.

"Please step this way."

Val stepped into the large entry room. Maybe the big four star chain? He shook his head, this was unlike anything he had seen before, the extravagance was intimidating. Gladly he wasn't paying he shuddered to think of the tab Jarred was picking up for him.

The cadence of high heels on the marble floor made him look up at another beautiful, young, female staff-member walking into the room. Blonde hair in a corporate styled bun, white gold-rimmed glasses and braces she smiled walking towards Val.

"Good evening, sir," Her voice was melodic but carried a unique depth.

"Ah, yes good evening," Val said.

Both Val and the young woman looked skywards as a distant boom of thunder reminded them of the weather outside.

"Dreadful weather, absolutely dreadful weather. I am Persephonie," the young woman stepped forward offering her hand.

Val shook it, his soaked and dribbling wheeled luggage falling as he let go to eagerly grasped her warm hand. "Thank you," he said, feeling his teeth chatter. Eyes wide, he let go of the warm hand and knelt to grab his belongings as the wet bags integrity failed.

"Oh sir, I can get someone to gather that for you, let's get you a blanket."

Her embrace was warm and her deep yet feminine voice comforting. She half knelt beside Val and with a hand on either shoulder her arm encircling his back, she helped him rise.

"Thank you," he said through chattering teeth.

*****

The room was warmly lit by sconces of mood lighting. In the middle of the room in a sunken marble lined dais there was a fire pit. The heat of the wood fire gently lathered Val's face with warmth. Audibly Val whimpered, this had been the warmest he had been since leaving the shower of the flop motel this morning.

"Oh, God, I am cold," Val said, rubbing his hands with the wet thighs of suit pants, in the earnest hope of warming both.

Persephonie gestured to a leather wing-backed chair near the fire, one of a pair.

Val sat in the warm leather chair gingerly, fearful of wetting the expensive furniture. Persephonie alighted in the chair across from him, crossing her leg and tapping her foot to some internal rhythm. In the fire light she looked like some Celtic goddess, her alabaster skin and blond hair illuminated in flickering waves from the fire.

"Mr?" Persephonie pushed her wire-rimmed glasses back onto her face.

"Val," Val responded sheepishly, feeling his personality return as he slowly warmed.

"Val, who?" Persephonie said with a grin, leaning forward in the chair with a delightful wobble of breasts.

"Oh. Sorry. Val, Valentine. Valentine Black."

"Mr Black," Persephonie began. "A member in excellent founder standing has vouched for you."

"Val," Val said.

"Pardon?"

"Call me Val," Val nervously crossed his legs. He was out of his depth. This place screamed extreme wealth.

"Val, you have come by our doors with one of the highest recommendations. Be at ease." Persephonie smiled, folding her hands neatly in her lap. "However to stay here at the exclusive club there is the usual battery of tests."

"Tests," he said with a questioning look of concern.

"Yes, it is our way." Persephonie smiled, a reassurance.

"So what type of tests?

"That, in itself is problematic. You have to sign several heavily binding non-disclosure agreements along with several invasive procedures permissions."

Val was stunned. This was more invasive and scary than his triple life insurance. "To what aim is this information needed?"

"All I can say is it is an exclusive club," Persephonie said with a smile. Besides, there is always the outside."

Val nodded at the reasoning. How bad could it be, he thought? "Ok, so what do I have to do?"

With a snap a smart computer was handed to Val, the touch screen a glow with instructions. Val read them looking for the catch. Seeing none, he did as it instructed. Applying his thumb print into the screen, he uttered the words flashing on the screen.

"I Consent to the Hotel Caeneus."

Val never saw what happened next.

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4 Comments
SaraSeraSaraSeraover 3 years ago

You had me with the thunderstorm. Keep going.

Chris7swChris7swover 3 years ago

So what happened? Sure, I guess it's all in the next chapter but to leave it like that - as if you just said to yourself, "that's enough for now" - isn't any use. What's the basis of the story? Where is it leading? What category are we in?

I was absorbed into the story by some of your words and yet I was also put off by others because some of your opening phrases made little sense to an English speaking person. The first few sentences said to me that English isn't your first language and because of that I allowed you some leeway and before long your words seemed quite 'normal' and nicely phrased and so, giving you the benefit of the doubt I read on.

Again, the word selection was strange at times - sometimes as if you were browsing an obscure thesaurus and picking odd and 'different' words and other times as if you just couldn't find the right word at all.

But the idea seemed fascinating - a hard-up guy; a strange hotel; some stern yet alluring staff and an unknown quality could all come together to make for an utterly captivating story - but can you do the job?

It'll take some better penmanship than you've used so far to make this story stand above the others, I'm afraid.

rctr1rctr1over 3 years ago

Nice mood setting. Looking forward to next chapter. However, please proofread and grammar check next chapter.

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
Seems aimless

It seems like you focused too much on word choice rather than content. Using fancier words like deluge or alabaster can make a story more descriptive or immersive, but using them too much can make the pace grind to a halt and leave the reader bored. In a page, you told us that Val got a recommendation for an exclusive hotel, got greeted by the concierge, and signed a consent document. It seems like you just wanted to throw out a bunch of exposition to hype the audience up to the hotel without being specific enough to generate legitimate excitement.

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