All Comments on 'How Long has this Been Going on'

Too disjointed. Did I read the doctir called allens sperm useless? Great doc

I would suggest getting other editors for your next story to keep it flowing and reduce choppiness..

People who complain about grammar Nazis are usually people with poor writing skills. That you aren’t even aware how badly this story is mangled shows how desperately you need an editor. It wasn’t a bad story otherwise. Slow down a bit and proofread more. The leaner your prose, the better it goes.

cucks always get one star

I know I should say she should have been burnt at the steak but hey even I am human and I hate to say but it was a really really enjoyable read I know a lot of people say kick them into the gutter once they cheat but this just proves that there is real people who do love each other and as I said that this was a fantastic story and and you proved that by not going downhill as soon as she cheated and the use of the mother/ mother in law was great so get to and write more stories please

It didn't.

It was a good story, it just goes to show us how people can be selfish sometimes. And that's you they should be happy with what they have

And this didn’t happen once, you did it twice.

Honestly, I was just so bored reading reading this crap that I just skimmed through it. It was like you just said a giant “fuck you” to your readers. You made up laws and proceedings just to make your story work. Even the sex was so so at best with no explanation why she would cheat on her husband multiple times without even genuine guilt and the claim how much she loved him.

And why write “OMG”? What are you 14 and using Twitter? It’s a fucking story, write it out properly or did they really say “OMG!”?

You need to decide what point of view you are going to use and stick with it. Changing from third person to first person back and forth just confuses your reader

Terrible, terrible story. She's been awful throughout all this.

Which this did not. Great story, but you do have a lot of work ahead of you if you want to change point of view.

I usually enjoy this author's work, but there was a whole bunch of weirdness here. The declaration at the end about switching narration is correct. It's not illegal. Neither is writing your story in all caps or ending every sentence in two exclamation points!! It's also not effective. There's a reason why it's not utilized.

This story had the author switching from first person husband to first person wife to third person, often within a paragraph of each other.

It also had continuous tense slips from current to past.

It also had a ridiculous RAAC.

It also had recycled characters and situations from other stories. A cop of that rough height and weight? From an earlier story by Rob5373. The cop loves a strikingly beautiful woman but is separated from her for years? Same. The cop has women that throw themselves at him and he's a sexual dynamo? Same. The main female character breaks a leg or foot? Same. The main female character is a wealthy business mogul? Same. The main female character has a foot fetish that the main male character is happy to indulge in? Same.

I look forward to this author's next story and I'm confident that this was an aberration.

I guess he is a better man than me. I would not gave given a second chance. Then when she saw backoff again to make certain she had sex that would also have been it. But then she comes back into his life, he see's her third child which is a constant reminder, she tells him it was just the guys cock - an impressive cock, and had frequent booty calls with the same guy. He takes her in? He doesn't marry her, yet, but really?

It would be awesome if she is there watching the three kids and he comes into the room all dressed nice and tells her he has a date and may not be home for a few days. Let her know how it feels.

I get the reconciliation theme, but this went too far for any man to get past. Just another "near" cuck story in the end. I've seen women in their fifties cheat on their husbands. Oh wait. I've seen one in her sixties do it.

I don't mind reconciliation stories, but this one was awful

she's not only cheated, she's also got the bastard's baby (even so she didn't have to) and married him willingly

and even kept fucking him after her second divorce

that woman is definitely not to trust

1 starr

I was going to give you a pass on this time.But your lack of knowledge of the English language made it impossible.

Changing person in mid-paragraph is NEVER ok. I don't know what country inbred bumkin told you it was but it is not. And it DID NOT flow. The story had potential in the hands of a better educated storyteller.

Worst Regards,

C

If you want to switch from first person to third person, that's fine. It reads horribly, but fine. However, you switch POV without a moment's notice - for no reason. Seriously, get an editor. That's not me "getting my panties in a bunch". That's me trying to give you some advice.

Not much in the way of character development and very raac formulaic. Dredged up all the cliched tropes that afflict the genre.

Plotwise reconciliation might have been credible after Jacque 1 but not after Jacque 2 and all that lying. Even the hospital scene was self serving. She gets to posture as the devoted loving companion to her hero husband and bask in all that approval when she was anything but devoted and loving.

And the scene with Jacque donating blood? Raac writers just cant resist even the silliest most transparently contrived reconciliations and the stories suffer for it. You know she's already scheming on big cock Jacque 3 And why not? The author has now rehabilitated Jacque into A Good Man which is all the rationalization Jan needs for round 3. And 4. And 5. She now knows Allen will take her back no matter who she fucks. Tsk tsk.

Don’t care about the grammar, but half siblings are blood relatives. Just saying. Take your time and you’ll do fine. Keep writing.

There is no law against diarrhea, asthma, or cancer. That doesn't make them desirable, or even acceptable. What the writer did here was knowingly present an inferior product with the non sequitur stating it was okay to post shit. Piss down our backs and tell us it is raining, why don't you? The fact is, you can legally write a shitty story. You can legally tell us it's actually a good story and you did a horrible job writing it on purpose. The reader can legally tell you how your lack of respect for the reader is legal, but not acceptable.

If you had simply posted this very poorly written story. we would have felt you are quite clueless. To tell us at the end you know it was poorly written but that's okay is a slap in the reader's face. Either the writer thinks we readers are pretty damn dumb, or he is. I know where I stand on that issue.

She shouldn’t be burned at the STAKE either...

OUCH❗

Rob5373, why did you do that ❓

Sorry, it's just to much. Even for me and my forgiving nature.

Gave you 2*s.....

So much, so bad😣

AMerryman

Your writing is good, and will improve with time. The content of this story is what I am not fond of. It tells the story of a person who thinks she is entitled, and in my experience she will never change.

Technically a mess with multiple first person shifts. I don't know why people do that, it makes reading the story confusing as hell.

The story content was even worse... typical cuckold reconciliation bullshit. The whore cheated on him twice, got knocked up with a bastard and kept the baby... No man would ever forgive a cunt like her. Just because she plays nurse for a few months, in no way redeems her appalling betrayals!

The third person deal was an experiment to see if it could work. It didn’t so, I move on.

Those of you that enjoyed the story line. Thank you for readung

I like the story. I only have one problem with it ,

It's the scene where mom calls Jan in the hospital about the gunshot. When on the phone and in panic people don't say OMG. The closest would probably be something like " Oh God No!" or "Oh Shit No." or any other derivatives. Because ev en though it is going on they want to deny that it is happening. Otherwise I like the story.

Thanks

...but I've got a headache.

But not in the same sentence, let alone paragraph.

"Her toes were tickling my thighs as she massaged his back."

That sentence suggests that there are three people involved and just should never have been typed.

Wanted to give you a three for a decent consequence / reconciliation combo but too many sentences like the example above pulled it down to a two.

The experiment failed, oh well. You show promise, keep writing.

No man would take this slut back. Also sick and tired of the "I'll take care of you while hurt/sick then reconcile. Just stupid. No one forgets the hurt because she rubbed vitamin e on his wounds

I came back and read the comments before deciding to read it. Though confusing, switching tenses can sometimes work, so I decided to give it a try. What I can't take are Fup's in timelines or age screw ups. You started your story with

My husband is Lieutenant Allen Roberts with the Robbery/Homicide Unit of our local Police Department. He's been with the Department for 15 years. He's 41 years old, 6'3", and 220lbs of muscle. He works out regularly which is a requirement in today's law enforcement environment. OK so we know how old he is and how long he has been an officer.

I'm Jan Roberts, Allen's wife of 8 years. We began dating in our senior year of high school. We now know how long they have been married and when they met.

I'm thirty-nine years old and considered very attractive so I'm told by the opposite sex.

Wait, I thought they graduated together, was she an advance student or was he held back two years? Wouldn't these have been important things to know?

I will go back and give this another try later when I have had enough coffee to keep me awake as it started off boring.

Bones of a decent story, but felt rushed and the changing tenses from first to third and back was jarrring.

Also, for the wife to jump back in with both feet to Jacques made no sense, she didnt love him the first time, it was just lust, so why after getting a second chance go there? I mean I guess it happens, but not to anyone I know.

If I understand her words correctly, Jan will NOW be a faithful wife because she no longer has the allure, opportunity, or curiosity to fuck around, for now. Nowhere has the concept of virtue and ethics been discussed. She continued to fuck Jacques because she enjoyed it, and quit only when it stopped being fun. Nothing to do with remorse or guilt.

If she finds another man someday who stirs her sexually, and she thinks she can get away with it, she will continue to be a opportunistic whore. Why not? Whoring doesn't seem to violate any of her values or sense of commitment and responsibility. She only experiences regret after she gets caught.

A well crafted picture of a selfish, dishonest, unethical woman. If she still makes great money he should at least enjoy her wealth and her pussy for as long as he can. And remembering men age like wine, while women age like cheese, there will lots of opportunities for him to get compensatory pussy long after hers has turned into a dried out wrinkled crevice.

What she gonna do when both Allan and Jacques are fucking younger prettier women? That's the sequel.

Thanks for the effort.

It evolved believably. Well done except for the switching of narrators. I could follow it but it got in the story’s way.

Credit where credit is due! Right? I’m not going to duplicate the grammar critics comments, but I will say I’d love to re-read this if you would ever consider publishing an upgrade. I would also love to hear more from these characters in spinoff stories. Jacques holds a lot of promise as a central character in his own “after” story. His blood donation was a reason for redemption with the family, but there might be an interesting tale exploiting what he learned from it all.

But the telling deserves 1*. Really, mixing pov is just confusing especially when it occurs mid-sentence. Make a choice for pitty's sake.

3*

usually in the middle of a sentence; proofread before you post a story, it stops messes like this sneaking in under the wire. 1 star

This was a train wreck. I'm STILL looking for all the parts to the caboose. With thoroughly unlikable characters doing really stupid things this story had no chance of being even mildly entertaining.

2 stars

As long as I was looking for the transitions I was mostly ok, though there were more than a few I had to go back a bit and reread to be sure of it. It makes for a bit of a tough read, but not too bad. Honestly, you did a credible job with it for an early try. This is definitely a case where a good edit or two, by someone who knows what you’re trying to do, can help pick up any of the rougher transitions.

Story: RAAC, but ok. She did it once, was truly remorseful, still loved her man, and time had passed. The only thing missing would be it was a drunken spur of the moment fling, which it wasn’t, and it was the second time. Still, enough time had passed.

Because of 1st/3rd problems I give this a week 4-stars.

SHEESH

Great concept; too bad about the execution.

While I did enjoy this for the most part, I agree with folks that the POV jumped in a most disturbing way. Example: in the scene at the cabin, it changed for first-person, Jan, to third-person, to first-person Allen inside of four paragraphs.

Also, Rachel and the other children WERE blood relatives through Jan.

Add a couple of glaringly misplaced words in the doc’s description of Allen’s injuries and the result was a less flowing narrative.

But still well worth the time to read. Thanks.

What in the world have you people been reading? I, for one have read a tale, a story, and a very good one.I give it five (5) stars.

But it is too bad, the grammar flows downhill.

. . . had problems with the grammar and perspective shifts, and these are problems which can be easily solved by asking for a volunteer editor.

The story itself was a good one; if etchiboy can appreciate a reconciliation story, it has to be.

Her toes were tickling my thighs as she massaged his back.

If that sentence makes sense maybe the story will. Yeah it's ok to switch from 1st person to 3rd in a story, not in a sentence.

It might flow, but the reader still needs to be able to follow along. When the doctor first speaks to Jan and Mom, you wrote: "He's lost a lot of blood. We put out a call for blood donors. We have 20 officers and citizens outside giving blood as we speak. I decided to donate also." With no break between the lines, I was immediately wondering why a doctor would do that right before surgery, if they would even let him.

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

I get he ran off thinking his wife was screwing around- which she wasn’t yet, but what was the point of that from a storytelling standpoint? I see it as a second story where the male cheating is dismissed by everyone (not even mentioned again in this one) whereas it’s horrible when the woman does it. Even if the Raac, this looks one-sided. That part would’ve been better removed all together

Haven’t read one exactly like it. Going back to the start, seems to me he married anther husband except for the pussy. Good story even if I might have made different choices

A cop works out regularly which is a requirement in today's law enforcement environment is a funny line. See out of shape police everyday.

Allen fucks another man wife for three days. Where the comments about that? Why only about Jan and not Allen? What excuses will be use?

Good story, I wont say it was well executed but is was dam close. The overall story concept was ..., adequate and I get the whole love concurs all concept. I'm guessing you really upset the BTB crowd, I myself go back and forth depending on the tale, and Allen had every right the BTB, GRUMBLE. Then, you added insult to injury by jarring the hell out of my sense abilities by switching between first and third person, then back again, then back again. Maybe its not against the law but it should be. Oh, and do yourself a favor and get an editor. On the flip side, solid effort. 3 and 3 quarter stars.

Was it hard getting a compliment, only to have it followed by a criticism? Then back again, then back again?

Changing points of view, and verb tense, are marks of a lazy writer and one who does not adequately proof read his/her material. Add to that some stilted, unrealistic dialogue and a cliche-ridden plot - the result is a thoroughly uninteresting mass of words that amount to nothing. Very sad.

Wanted to like it but .. stilted and unbelievable. I found a few other stories by the author quite good.. but this one a dud unfortunately.

Some errors in execution. Don’t worry about the naysayers, they can’t read the description of this category, let alone criticize the content of a story posted there.

Very enjoyable. Sure there are plenty of technical things that could be improved but it was a nice story. Posting here is a chance for a writer to improve. Maybe complainers should write a story of their own if they think they're better.

It's been made abundantly clear by this 'writer' and I use that term loosely that he doesn't give a damn about improving his 'writing' skills. He doesn't give a damn that he has no pride in his 'writing' in wanting it to be as good as it can be. He bitches about comments not only on his but comments on other writers stories to bitch about the comments he gets on his. He NEEDS to go back to school and learn how to fucking write! Grammar and switching points of view ruins a story, he claims this pile of shit is fine because it 'flows' don't know what he thought he wrote but this doesn't come close to 'flowing'.

Ugh......

Why would someone who writes stories, do it so poorly and then brag about doing it? Flow? What flow? Jumping around between first person narration of 2 people and having to stop to figure out who the hell is talking stops any flow you may have had. Jumping from first to third then back to first screws up the flow, it sure as hell doesn't ad to it. The jumping between past and present tense was just annoying.

On top of that, there were places with partial sentences and other parts with repeating text. This "flowed," like cold molasses. Why would you insult your readers like this? You obviously knew of the mistakes from your comments at the end. Is it you simply don't care? (In which case, I don't care to read anymore of your stuff) or is it that you're just too damn lazy to correct it? (In which case, I don't want to read anymore of your stuff.)

hey people get a life it is only a story for crying out loud

I wasn't going to leave a comment but thought the author deserved some positive constructive feedback. The storyline was good. I would keep working on dialog which is the most difficult part of any story,

The characters needed more development, but that comes with more writing.

As to first, 3rd person transitions, if the author knows the difference, why do it? Just don't. Don't explain it away as an author note, and indicate awareness. Consistency in any contract, process, or story is critical towards holding attention to the subject matter and winning the audience's applause.

Thanks for the read.

This was a combination of a flaming train wreck and a multi-car pileup. Do yourself a favor, retire.

What did the husband need her to do to realize she wasn’t worth it?

I didn't have trouble reading it at all. But I had a lot of trouble with the reconciliation. Cheating twice with Jackoff and getting pregnant while married to Allen. Then marrying the bastard. Should have taken him off the board when he caught them the second time.

Little of everything in this story. From experience.... women in business weather they are good looking or not tend to have this power craze. And from what ive seen 90% cheat on their less successful spouse. 5

Well sometimes the heart wants what it wants despite what the btb crowd wants and believes. And on top of it all shez a raven haired blue eyed babe ... makes me think of Linda Carter... any normal man would go another round with her!!

The trouble is it doesn't.

I am still trying to figure out who said what to whom.

Rob don't let these boring as hell English teachers get you down. They don't have "it". The ones that teach and the ones do. Keep it up.

But it is close! What a terrible waste of time to write and to read! This author should not give up his day job BUT should give up writing shit like this!!!

And I usually don't like RAAC. I liked the mother in law - she was funny. The wife screwed up but she did humbly redeem herself. HDK does have a point that the author could have taken a little more time and cleaned it up a bit, but I see this site as recreational reading so have more tolerance.

Love or no love 3 strikes and your out . She broke her marriage vows twice got pregnant ,did not abort at that age. Married the lover for all the wrong reasons. And yet she gets back with her wounded X. I say not impossible but highly unlikely. A lieutenant on the police so forgiving .i doubt that. But a good story nonetheless.

This has got to be a troll account by Ohio. A reconciliation story as horrendous as this has his name all over it. Betrayed twice to the point of catching her with the douches cum dripping from her vag and years later he not only just takes her back but now starts raising the assholes kid. Fucking come on. No man would ever do that in his right mind. What is with all these wimpy authors lately? Did your momma sit on your head at birth or something.

It didn’t flow. That was a problem because it was a distraction. The dialogue was inconsistent. Drop the arrogant attitude, listen to comments from people that know more than you, and be willing to get better. ***

I really really wanted to give it a try, but god damn it was awful. The writing was bad enough, but the story was such nonsense.

Examples of nonsense:

1. I actually stopped reading at this point. She hired an Uber for 24/7 service. Fuck, you just text them when you want and they're there within a couple of minutes. They've already made it as user friendly as it can be.

2. The conversation the mother is having with her, I mean the whole thing was bad; however, supposedly the mother comes from money too and she says gems as, "You know Jan, with power and prestige comes personal responsibility." Who outside of comic books speaks like that?

3. On her first date (still on page one which I couldn't get past) her first date, who has been very rude to her, has a little scuffle with the man in the other booth. He has "superficial" wounds, but for some reason he is on the floor when the cops come and SHE is treating the wounds of the first date man who was so rude towards her that the man next door felt he needed to intervene. If that wasn't silly enough, but not only cops come to this little scuffle, but detectives as well. Man, crime must have been really low that week.

I mean I got to 3/4 of the page and it was filled with one nonsense after another, enmeshed in terrible writing. I really wanted to get through it for no other reason than to see what the commenters were talking about, but I just can't.

Arrogant prat laughs at gramer Nazis.Week plot not even original.A weak and very poorly written story that annoyed me.Jumping all over the place.I couldn't always work out who was who.Ifyou want a well written version of this plot see The Sheriff Quin stories.

. . . so many readers that you clearly needed to give them their money back. You just needed one more paragraph, the one in which Allen’s heart melts the first time Rachel calls him “Daddy.”

I just come here to read HDK's hilarious takes.

When you change POV 3 times in one sentence, it doesn’t flow!

get an editor, this was very hard to read

1- she is one of the worst Sluts that have been written about .

2- The lover is the lowest form of Douche possible .

3- You attempt to get sympathy for the Slut and Douche .

4- He is a total Cuck taking her back even the first time .

5- Literotica should separate these Cuck stories from loving wives . More and more of you Cucks are writing into the loving wives section

There is no way under the sun that a guy like that takes a cheating wife back the first time let alone after she cheats again, gets pregnant and keeps the kid. No Beta-male with that little self-respect would make Lieutenant in a police force doing that kind of job....complete nonsense.

I thought it was a pretty good story. I had no problem following along for me it flowed. In a way I guess you could say it was like a chick flick. a story of true love never fails a fairy tale. But I liked it so I gave you five stars

the dues ex machina ending of loving wives.....someone goes to the hospital.

somehow that makes people so stupid and emotional....a RAAC happens.

i see about 12 of these stories a month....minimum.

i just wish you'd be more original.

and you could have shown the husband getting laid too, more than that one fling that no one ever knew about.

It was a well thought out and told story but you really need an editor. There were several confusing sentences that did take a bit away from the story. I gave you a 4 but it would have been a 5 with a decent editor

he caught her the first time. They did everything but fuck. Instead of finishing the divorce. He gave a second chance. Mistake number one, they go one for some years and like expected. She proved her self to be the slut she is. Even her mom wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. They divorce and she continue's on being someone elses slut.

You were gonna force this RAAC no matter what, huh?

This has to be the dumbest story in the history of Literotica!

Love is actually a very complicated phenomenon, difficult to describe. In this case it appears to be shared in different ways by different people, especially in the case of Jan. I'm not sure she deserves what she appears to get at the very end.

This story would be a hell of a lot easier to read and follow if you did find a grammar police man/woman.

T. T.

... and the ones throwing rocks at the presenter and cannot spell and or draft a sentence... me this is 5 story thanks

Maybe you were referring to the structure nazis?

Don't mistake legal and the right thing to do. It is perfectly legal to do many things that are not advisable.

What you really shouldn't do is take comments as a personal attack (unless they absolutely obviously are), take them as people trying to help you improve by pointing out what they see as wrong. You'll never please everyone with content, but can improve your writing.

Grammar would cover things like getting your speech marks correct. Don't close them off if the same person continues speaking in the next paragraph. Although poor grammar isn't a game ender, it is there to make reading easier. When you are flipping POV like you did in this, closing off the speech like that was plain confusing.

Switching POV is fine, I use it myself. Like you say it has to flow. Changing with no notice, no obvious changing point, mid-paragraph, mid-sentence will never flow.

Simple mathematics would help. 12 weeks plus 7 months = about 10 months (I guess this falls in biology 101 as well).

We are told she was 44 when she got pregnant and still 44 when she dropped Rachel, so at 50 Rachel would have been 5. Does Rachel have a special educational need that is liable to keep her in high school until she is 23?

The thing is this is implied to be a about a year or so after Rachel is born, so she would not be 50, but 46 any longer than that and Rachel would not be a baby, but a toddler.

Then again, the timeline was a mess from the start, 2 years difference but graduating at the same time, maybe she was brilliant, hence her high-flying job. Everything to do with age and time felt wrong.

Chapter 4 should follow the first chapter 3. Is it really needed to put chapters in? It's just one more thing to check.

Logically, although she may have been a slut, having her job she would not be stupid and she would pay attention to details. Details like it was Allen's sperm that was useless and it was her Dr that had a shit manner, useless indeed. Someone in her position would not make that sort of mistake.

Even now it is dangerous having kids when over 40, so it seems surprising that abortion was not mentioned, even to be disregarded.

Her attitude of she must marry Jacques to give her child a name is laughable. Was she brought up in the 50's?

Both characters have marriage ending flaws, there is not enough development to garner any sympathy for either. Yet it felt that everything is Jan's fault. Allen didn't listen when she broke her ankle and had full penetrative sex, despite his self-imposed limit, but felt it was ok not to tell Jan. He saw he wit Jacques weeks before she had sex with him, but said nothing. I think at the end of the day he should be thankful she still loves him even though he won't protect her, even from herself.

Good read and shows the very real life in the corporate world. The cheating and fucking that goes on on the job and especially with travel for work which minimizes the chance of getting caught. All men chase pussy and the more money they earn the more arrogant dicks they are. A older friend worked in a big company and his two bosses fucked everyone that worked there and they weren’t the only ones. The company parties were described as glorified orgies and the company owned an apt that was used daily to fuck so they didn’t need to go to hotels. One of the top guys was as arrogant as you could be and bragged and told anyone who would listen what he did sexually with the woman. At one Christmas party he was telling a group of guys about the blowjob he just got but didn’t realize her husband was in the group. He was saying how he’s been fucking her for years and how she loved his big dick. He was telling how he’s been fucking her and everyone he fucked up the ass . He was saying how it sealed his dominance over them . As he was saying how this one begs for it up the ass the husband Layed him out them broke his jaw and nose also kicking his balls hard before he was grabbed. The wife went nuts yelling but as a coworker of hers told her what was being said the husband threw a drink in her face and told her to find another place for her whore dirty cunt to live . A really bad divorce and lawsuit occurred for the company. All guys I ever knew that worked in a office setting we’re getting laid all the time.

cliche...the very serious or life-threatening injury leading to reconciliation. I almost laughed when the MIL said: "Allen, she's a fifty plus year old beautiful woman with three young kids. Her job that was once the star in her life is secondary. The men she teased and flirted with for their attention are history. I see the sparkle in her eyes again when you touch her or say something nice to her. She's yours for the taking, Son."

In other words, "My daughter has had her fun, even if it was at your and the children's expense; she's getting long-in-the-tooth anyway, so she won't be likely to wander anymore; now she REALLY wants to settle down with you, unlike before. Why don't you just forget about the years of blatant disrespect, disloyalty, betrayal, dishonesty, and narcissism/egotism and take her back like a good cuck?"

...you clearly don’t care enough to polish your work. Like making a fine chair but leaving the rubbed oil off. It simply isn’t complete.

I guess we should be grateful you know the difference between to, too, and two.

All that aside, this story was choppy and plastic. Your female characters were melodramatic and your hero came off a bit dumb and waffling.

It was all I could do by way of courtesy to finish it.

Sorry, dude. A I looked at a couple of your other stories. I’m moving on.

It’s too bad you don’t do the rework and polishing needed to make your stories shine. They would, you know. The transformation usually takes place in the second rewrite.

After hubby screwed the married chick, I found none of the characters had any likability and no way to relate to any of them. That is simply poor or lazy writing. You made the wife such a horrible character you would have been better off killing her off. Their marriage is going great, no issues and all of sudden she is doing the guy that almost destroyed her marriage??? Another of the famous Character Errors we see so much on Literotica. At least have the common courtesy for your readers to develop a reason as to why she did that out of the blue. Sorry, can't give you more than 1 Star.

This was pretty close to what happens when cheating happens, the first half was close to some friends and the other half was close to another couple. Keep writing.

Why didn't she have an abortion?.According to the divorce dates of the two marriages,she and Jacques were married less than a year,so despite his letter Jacques obviously didn't want to try and win her.

to lay waste to marriage vows, but it is certainly reprehensible behavior. How does one enjoy a story in which none of the main characters are worthy of respect?

Although it may not be strictly improper to sometimes transition between first person and third person and back again within a story, it is reprehensible to do so within the same sentence.

I am puzzled why, as the last paragraph acknowledges this, the author went ahead and posted the story without correction.

The first aim of literature is to frame a story and have characters that people are interested in reading about. Your characters have no appeal whatsoever. Absolute rubbish

this is the way a comment should be presented. Not hey fuckwad, how rude.

I'll not read one of chingered stories.

Your viewpoint switched erratically from 1st to 3rd person even within the same sentence! It might have been an OK story but it was like wading through treacle to follow.

Did he suck the come out of his ex wife's pussy when they got back together. They writing in reality. Real men dont forget shit and would have chocked that bitch to death after putting him through her shit AGAIN! 1 star for this crap

And I will too.

The problem throughout this story is the CONSTANT changing from 1st to 3rd person from sentence to sentence and even sometimes within the same sentence.

This does NOT flow for me (and your other readers) because WE CAN'T READ YOUR MIND. It "flows" for you because you are writing it and (assumed) know what you are trying to convey. Other people have to stop and try to decipher it.

It is "legal" to write in both 1st and 3rd person but for clarity sake - again for your readers - this is best done by chapters and remain constant in those chapters.

"The Narrows" by Michael Connolly is a Heironymous Bosch novel written in 1st and 3rd person. In fact, it is the first Bosch novel written this way. Every chapter written from Bosch's POV is first person (just like the previous 9 Bosch novels.) But when the POV switch's to the "bad guy" or someone else like Bosch's FBI partner, it is all 3rd party. The switch is always by Chapter or significant and clear line break.

If you download the free Kindle portion from Amazon you can easily see this in the very first three very short chapters.

Great story! I like the " English grammar Nazis " comment. :)