How the River Feels

Preoccupied with his thoughts, Dan almost ran into his dad on the landing of the staircase. The two men glared into each other's eyes in silence, then Dan started to push past his father.

"Stop!" his dad barked. "What happened today in that video store?"

Dan looked down silently, feeling the anger rising. Then his pride made him strong.

"Dad, I was in there getting my cock sucked off. I like men, I like sucking and fucking with other men. I'm gay, Dad, that's who I am. I've known it for a long time, and if you had given me the time of day after Mom died, I would have told you."

Silence.

Then, "You have three hours to get out of this house. I won't have some faggot living under my roof. I'm going out, and you had better be gone when I get back. We're through!"

Dan was shocked beyond belief. Then he exploded.

"I don't need your fucking money! I don't need your fucking approval! And I sure as hell don't fucking need you!"

~~~~~~~~~~

Dan fell silent. As he told Jack his story, he felt a weight descend on him. He was surprised that Jack hadn't let go of his hands; in fact, Jack was rubbing his thumbs on the backs of Dan's hands, almost a caress. He looked up and into Jack's eyes. He saw there caring and compassion, things he hadn't experienced in a very long time.

"So, Dan, how did you survive what happened to you?" asked Jack earnestly.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dan grabbed a few trash bags and began stuffing all his belongings in them. Most of his possessions were at his college apartment. He owned his car, and he was on a full scholarship that included room and board, so he really didn't "fucking need" anything from his father.

Except that this cruel rejection left a hole in his heart.

Dan buried his grief and anger in his studies and in his sex life. Always a good student, his academic career took off, even with an exceptionally heavy course load. He consistently made the Dean's List, receiving praise and high recommendations from his professors. Finally, he graduated summa cum laude and soon had several jobs offers. He took a position with Apex Oil in Houston.

And his sex life skyrocketed. Always popular with many of the men on campus, his reputation spread. After all, who could resist nine inches of hard cock in a mouth or ass? Dan could count on several hookups each week, and his balls were always eagerly drained by other horny men.

But Dan always was a "fuck 'em and move on" kind of man. Never a commitment, just shoot and leave. His body was satisfied, but his heart was scarred. He thought the only way to not be hurt again was to never open his heart to anyone.

~~~~~~~~~~

Jack still held Dan's hands, and the spark between them had turned into a current. Something was drawing them together, like twin stars that orbit around each other. He didn't understand it, didn't know where this was leading him, but something inevitable was happening.

"What happened between college and now, Dan?" asked Jack. "What brought you to tonight?"

Dan felt his hands trembling as he looked into Jack's eyes. The honest concern he saw there changed something inside him. In a flash, he began to see his whole life in a different light. Where there had been only hardness and bitterness, he saw the first stirrings of life, like a seed starting to grow. He found the courage to continue his tale.

~~~~~~~~~~

As Dan rose through his company, eventually reaching a level where he was a trusted supervisor and contract negotiator, he found himself living a life of luxury and adventure. He traveled worldwide, carrying out assignments successfully. And he loved the sense of newness as he saw famous places, ate new foods, went to concerts and visited museums, and experienced other cultures.

And his sex life was one of constant activity. He loved the anonymous hookups at bath houses and video arcades. Dan loved the feeling of an unseen mouth on his cock and balls through a glory hole. He relished parading naked around a bath house, knowing that all eyes were on him as his hard cock displayed his sexual prowess. He engaged in threesomes, full out orgies, gay sailing cruises. His cock was always busy. In the years between college and age forty-six, he had had so many sexual encounters, perhaps in the thousands, that he should have felt completely satisfied. His body was, but his heart knew better, even though he buried it.

The searing pain of being rejected by his father gradually subsided into a dull ache, one he could usually ignore. Even his grief over his mother's death receded into the depths of his mind. Day by day, he lived as if he was on top of the world, as if he had it all. And to all outward appearances, he did have it all. Wealthy, successful, handsome, healthy, and sexy beyond belief, he should have been content. Most of the time, he did live as if he was happy and fulfilled. Every now and then, he would wake in the middle of the night with the weight of a sense of sadness. But even that became less frequent as he got older.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dan fell silent again, and he felt the current that connected him to Jack.

"Dan," said Jack quietly, "I haven't really been touched by anyone for a year and a half. I've been a sexual hermit . . . but I think I'm about to cum."

From the moment their hands had joined, Jack's cock had begun to harden. Absorbed in telling his story, and then being drawn in by Dan's narrative, he hadn't noticed his growing erection. But his cock had become insistent, and his precum made a growing spot on his pants.

Dan became aware of his own hardness. He started to pull his hands away, but Jack held him like a vise. They both began breathing harder and kept their eyes locked on each other's eyes. The fire burning there increased in intensity as they both grew closer to the moment of exquisite climax.

Jack came first with a quiet groan. He felt his semen gush out of his cock, covering himself with his release. His whole body shook, and he clung to Dan's hands as if he was drawing life through them.

Dan felt his body tense and then let go as his cock exploded. He had never cum like this, from only the touch of another man's hands. His semen soaked his underwear and pants, and his hands trembled with his awareness of Jack. What was it about Jack that had raised his desire to such a pitch that he could have such a shattering orgasm without even touching himself?

As they both came down from the mountain of their orgasms and began to relax and breathe normally again, they kept their hands together. Finally, Jack said, "Dan, I don't understand what just happened. I know I want to see you again, but I need some time to process this."

"Go ahead and take your time," said Dan, "but please don't let it be a long time. I'm confused myself. I've never experienced anything like this."

They exchanged cell numbers and began to stand to leave the restaurant. They suddenly stopped, looking aghast into each other's faces, and then they sat down, quietly laughing. Being mid-September in Houston, they had both shed their suit jackets before they came into the coffee house. How were they going to get out without drawing attention to the very obvious large wet stains on the fronts of their pants?

Finally, Dan said, "Let's just go, and screw anyone who has a problem with this."

They rose and went to the counter to pay, ignoring the smiles and raised eyebrows of other customers who saw the very plain evidence of their pleasure.

~~~~~~~~~~

Three - Restless Night

Colpo di fulmine. The thunderbolt, as Italians call it. When love strikes someone like lightning, so powerful and intense it can't be denied. It's beautiful and messy, cracking a chest open and spilling their soul out for the world to see. It turns a person inside out, and there's no going back from it. Once the thunderbolt hits, your life is irrevocably changed. - J. M. Darhower

Jack had a difficult time driving home. His world had been turned upside down and he was spinning in a mental and emotional tornado that whipped him round and round.

Dan had seized him and turned him inside out. Never had Jack been sexual with another man, had never had even the slightest inclination to do so. But merely from the touch of Dan's hands on his own, Jack had been driven to an explosive orgasm that had wracked his whole body.

And how had Jack been so foolish to share his most secret pain with a total stranger? But it had felt so right, so natural. Dan's reaction to Jack's story had been so full of caring and kindness, even entering into Jack's grief so deeply.

As he drove down the Westpark Tollway to his apartment in Katy, Jack had a hard time focusing on the road. He managed to get home safely, but still the maelstrom of his emotions pulled him this way and that.

Jack stripped and lay naked on his bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to make sense of what had happened to him. His reaction to Dan was so totally unexpected that Jack had no idea where it had come from.

He had never had any desire for sex with another man, had even been somewhat repulsed by the idea of sex between men. But as he had related his story of grief and loss, somehow the burden had been lightened. He felt his own heart stir and expand with a sense of hope. The curtain of darkness that had fallen on him over the past several years began to lift.

A memory rose unbidden from the depths of his mind, a memory that he had repressed in his pain.

He was in Karen's hospital room the night she left him alone. Karen was asleep, breathing feebly. Her face was worn but still beautiful despite her suffering.

Five years of ups and downs, hopes raised and dashed, had worn him out, and he looked at Karen with an empty heart. He looked at the monitors that showed him the truth that this was the end. Jack became aware that Karen had opened her eyes and was looking at him. He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned close as she whispered weakly to him.

"Jack, you have to let me go."

Acceptance finally became reality.

"I know," murmured Jack, and Karen's face became radiant. Jack climbed onto the bed and held her close, struggling against the wires and tubes that encumbered her. He kissed her lips and looked into her eyes, filled equally with love and pain.

"Jack, promise me one thing."

"Anything for you, Karen."

"Live passionately, Jack. Live passionately."

Jack nodded, unable to speak. Karen gave him one more loving smile, and then she was gone.

As this memory overtook Jack, his heart broke at last, and he finally, truly, grieved for his dead wife. He turned onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillows. Jack sobbed for hours, until his exhausted body took control and sent him into the blessed oblivion of sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dazed, Dan drove home to his luxury apartment in Uptown, near the Galleria. The miles from downtown passed in a blur. Nothing was steady. The foundations of Dan's life had been upended and he felt he was on a restless sea. He rode the elevator to the seventeenth floor and went into his apartment as if in a trance.

They say people see their lives in a flash when in great danger. Dan's life passed before his inner eyes so fast that it took his breath away. But this wasn't danger. Or was it?

Dan stripped and lay naked on his bed in the dark, searching for answers. His hedonistic lifestyle now seemed to him cheap and squalid. Not that indulging his sexual appetite was wrong. But he had always given only his body, never his heart. Dan now looked at his life as empty and tragic.

But then he met Jack. Feelings Dan had never known now consumed him. Was love at first sight a real thing? He had always dismissed the idea, but now he wasn't so sure.

Tossing and turning, unable to sleep, Dan's thoughts wandered through his life and rested on a memory of his mother. He had just passed his ninth birthday and was in his bedroom doing his homework. Even in fourth grade, he put his schoolwork first.

"Danny, it's nearly time for supper. Are you about done, my beautiful boy?"

Dan glanced up from his work with a big smile. He loved it when his mom called him her beautiful boy. Knowing he was cherished filled him with gladness and joy. "Only three more math problems, Mom. I got a late start after swim team practice today."

'I'm glad you like school, Danny, and I'm glad you're a busy boy with your swimming and other activities. But please remember that people are more important than things or activities."

Young Danny looked up at his mother and smiled.

Grown Dan also smiled along with his younger self. Then his heart broke. Heartrending sobs poured from him as the shell he had carefully crafted around himself shattered. He grieved for his mother. He grieved for the lost relationship with his father. And he grieved for a life that appeared so full but was really so empty. It was a sad thing to finally realize at age forty-six that he had been an orphan.

As the sorrow and pain poured out, Dan began to see a new life ahead.

Jack.

He knew Jack was as confused as he was. But a glimmer of hope appeared. He began to yearn for a life that was settled and grounded in love. Commitment to one man. Was that man Jack?

Only time would tell, but Dan hoped that Jack would respond to him and open the door to a new life. Finally finding some calmness in his mind, Dan at last fell asleep. Jack filled his dreams. Not sexual dreams, but dreams of walking hand in hand, talking quietly over a meal, just living day by day.

~~~~~~~~~~

Four - First Date

At first dreams seem impossible, then improbable, then inevitable. - Christopher Reeve

Jack woke, groggy and disoriented. His sleepy mind was confused as he sat up in bed, shaking his head. He met a man at the concert last night, they went for coffee, he felt an unexpected attraction beginning. He couldn't decide if it was a dream. All the pieces were disorganized and disjointed. He looked at the clock. It was after three in the afternoon. He had slept for more than ten hours.

Then he saw his underwear on the floor, stained and crusted with his semen.

Everything snapped into place as he remembered his earth-shattering orgasm. Dan! Something about the man drew him inevitably closer, but part of him still resisted.

Jack had been a faithful husband to Karen, never even giving a thought to another woman. She was gone, but what happened last night felt almost like a betrayal. It seemed inconceivable to find a sexual attraction to another man, and all his mental and emotional habits rebelled at the thought. But then he recoiled in horror at the thought of life-long loneliness, an empty abyss of nothingness as he lived his days in darkness and despair.

But with a man?

Jack's mind twisted every which way. Confusing thoughts chased through his brain. But every time he remembered Dan's tear-filled eyes as Jack expressed his deep anguish of loss and loneliness, everything began to calm and relax. He found that in the center of this wild vortex that whipped him around, there was a place of peace. And it was in the person of a man: Dan. Was love at first sight possible? He hadn't thought so, but now he became a believer.

Finally, Jack got out of bed, tossed his clothes into the hamper and started the shower. As he waited for the water to warm up, he looked in the mirror at himself, taking inventory. His face still looked younger than his forty-eight years, although there was a bit of gray in his beard and at his temples. Not too bad, he thought, not realizing how many heads, male and female, he had turned over the years. His muscular, hairy chest expanded as he took a deep breath. He ran his big hands over his torso, stopping at his waist, feeling the bit of love handles there. Time to get back into my gym routine, he thought. He turned and looked over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of his butt. Pretty decent, he thought, not realizing that his ass was lethal.

Jack got into the shower, soaped up, and began rubbing his hands all over his strong body. He pulled at his nipples, tugged on his balls, groped his butt, reacquainting himself with his own body, feeling needs that had been neglected for so long, remembering how good it felt to be a man.

Finally, he began stroking his cock to its full eight inches of hardness. Jack's hips began to thrust forward as he moved closer to his orgasm. At last, with a load moan, his cock erupted, painting the shower walls with six, seven, eight ropes of his cum. He writhed in pleasure, feeling the glorious sensation of celebrating his manhood. The aftershocks of his orgasm made Jack spasm as he slowed his stroking of his dick and his breathing returned to normal.

He was still half hard and a bit confused, so he tried thinking of naked men in general, their hard bodies and stiff cocks. Nothing. But then he thought of Dan. Dan's compassionate eyes, his handsome face, his hands touching Jack's hands. Instant erection. As he stroked himself, Jack began to imagine Dan naked, Dan hard, Dan kneeling and taking Jack's cock into his mouth, Dan's hands caressing his balls, Dan sucking harder.

Jack cried out as his cock exploded again, his cum hitting the shower walls and running over his hand. He hadn't cum twice this close together since he was a teenager. Then Jack did something he had never done before. He tasted his own semen. It was unusual, different, but he found he liked it.

Rather perplexed about his smooth acceptance of this unexpected side of his sexuality, Jack got out of the shower and dried off. He walked into his bedroom, his satisfied cock swinging left and right over his huge balls. He pulled on some shorts and a t-shirt, then looked at his phone.

A text message. From Dan.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dan woke, feeling strangely refreshed and energetic. His mind wasn't alert yet, but his body felt young and alive. Bits and pieces of his time with Jack last night ran around his brain but refused to become orderly memories.

He sprang from bed and stepped on his underwear, feeling the dried semen on the fabric. Everything became instantly clear in his mind. He had met Jack at the concert, gone for coffee afterwards, heard a moving tale of grief and loss, and shared his own story of pain and a broken heart.

And then there had been that tremendous orgasm that had completely drained his body.

But even more, every time Dan thought of Jack, everything confusing in his life settled down and became understandable. The mental and emotional storms of his life found a center of peace: Jack. Dan didn't know what the next steps would be, but he was determined to pursue this new adventure wholeheartedly.

Dan went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. His strong swimmer's build had been maintained with regular gym workouts and lap swimming. His hairy chest was strong, with large, sensitive nipples. His face was clean-shaven with stubble that added a bit of rakishness to his good looks. He felt his body and finally stopped at his cock, which was beginning to awake under this personal inspection.

He got in the shower and began to lather up and explore his body as he washed. Pretty soon his was fingering his asshole and stroking his cock. As his sexual arousal mounted, he began to think about Jack.

Suddenly, everything came to a halt. His cock deflated and he leaned against the shower wall, breathing heavily.

The memory of Jack's face, handsome though lined with grief, as he opened his heart to Dan, made his arousal seem cheap and tawdry. He was ashamed of himself, and he decided that he was not going to make Jack the subject of a quick tug and shoot. Jack was worthy of more than that. If Dan wanted to pursue Jack, his mind was going to stay focused. He knew that if Jack responded, the sex would be mind-blowing - eventually.