How the River Feels

But when Dan had lost his mom, he lost his dad at the same time. The estrangement went well back before the day his dad threw him out. His father retreated into his own grief and took it out on his son. The final breach when Dan was in college was actually the inevitable outcome of the break when Dan was nine.

The thing that helped Jack the most in understanding the situation was his love for Dan. He knew that whatever happened, he was going to be there for him.

Jack took Dan's hand and kissed it. Dan stirred a bit in his sleep then settled again. The afternoon wore on with Dan sleeping and Jack watching. Two men who were united by their pain, and by the depth of their love for each other. Jack knew that whatever life threw their way, he and Dan were going to go through it together and come out even stronger on the other side.

~~~~~~~~~~

Once Dan was moved to a regular room, he had a steady stream of visitors. He was improving every day and regaining his strength. His doctor said that they were still uncertain of the severity of the concussion, and they wanted to keep him for a few more days for observation and some tests. Dan's headaches were starting to lessen, and the gaps in his memory were filling in again.

Jack got permission to stay with Dan every night. He slept in a chair that pulled out into a bed. His big body barely fit, but he was content as long as he could be near Dan. He went home only to shower and change clothes.

Sean and Hannah came every day. A couple of times they brought the twins with them. Dan was happy to see them, but the boys' curiosity and boundless energy wore him out. He was glad when their visits were over.

Ian and a few other co-workers from his office came by once when Jack was out. Even Mr. Pendergrass came by. He told Dan that the contract he had negotiated in London had been approved and signed by all parties, and he hinted that there would be a nice bonus in Dan's next paycheck.

Sean and Hannah had gone to Dan's apartment and cleaned up the mess from his frenzy.

It meant a lot to Dan to know that other people were concerned about him, and he was eager to be released.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was Dan's last night in the hospital. He was going to be released the next morning.

During the preceding days, Jack had carefully avoided the subject of Dan's father, but it was time to face it. He took Dan's hand, looked him in the eye, and said, "Dan, I know it's a painful thing to talk about, but you have to either face your father and make peace somehow, or else go on feeling this hurt the rest of your life. I hope you'll see him and at least try to bury the axe. But whatever you decide, I want you to know that I'll be there for you."

Dan was silent for a few minutes as he got control of his emotions and his voice. "Jack, babe, my love, I know you're right. I will face him and deal with this, try to make peace with him somehow. Sean talked some sense into me, too. What you and Sean have is so special, so rare, and I've been envious of you two. My relationship with Dad was such a disaster. I don't know what will happen, but with you there with me, I know it will be all right. Thanks for loving me, Jack, and thanks for bringing me back to life again."

Jack's eyes were misty as he listened to Dan. To answer him, he leaned in and kissed Dan, at first a gentle kiss of gratitude. But Dan opened his mouth and deepened the kiss as he reached up and held Jack's face in his hands. Finally, Jack pulled away, his eyes shining and his chest heaving.

They both felt their desire for each other quickening their heartbeats. It had been only a week or so since they had made love, but it felt like years. They had had little time alone, and the conversation steered away from sex. But during the nights, they had been more open in what they said to each other. They hadn't acted on it yet, as someone could come in at almost any time to check on Dan.

"Hold on a minute. I'll be right back," he said. Jack was gone for a couple of minutes, then he came back with eyes dancing and twinkling. "I asked the nurse on duty if she could help us have some uninterrupted time."

Dan looked shocked, but Jack was smiling.

"She said we had about a half hour before the next shift came on duty. She had been wondering when one of us would ask. She did say to keep it quiet."

He lifted the light blanket off of Dan's feet and began to massage them, using his thumbs to relax the muscles of the arches. Then Jack took Dan's toes into his mouth and began to lick and suck them. Dan moaned quietly.

Jack moved to the side of the bed and pulled off the blanket. He knew that beneath the light hospital gown was Dan's naked body, the body that filled Jack with desire. He untied the gown and helped Dan slip it off. Then Dan lay back and let Jack make his body feel alive again.

Jack massaged Dan legs, then he licked his way to Dan's nipples and lightly bit them, soothing them by licking and sucking them. He kissed Dan's neck and sucked on his Adam's apple. Then he licked up over Dan's chin and captured his mouth in a deep kiss. Their tongues dueled and danced.

Jack had been stroking Dan's cock during all this, and now he bent over the bed and took Dan's cock into his mouth in one move. Dan gasped and cried out, then bit down on the pillow to stifle the sound. Jack expertly worked on Dan's cock, sucking, licking up and down the shaft, swirling his tongue beneath the foreskin, massaging his balls and licking and sucking on Dan's ball sack. Jack ran his hands up and down Dan's torso, making Dan writhe in sexual ecstasy.

Finally, Dan could take no more. He pulled a pillow over his face just in time as he screamed his orgasm. He shook and shot six or seven ropes of hot cum into Jack's hungry mouth. Jack took it all in, savoring Dan's delicious taste. He then kissed Dan, sharing the semen with him, letting it pass back and forth several times before they both swallowed.

After Dan had calmed down, Jack helped him back into his gown and covered him with the blanket. Dan said, "Babe, you need to cum, too."

"Don't worry," Jack replied. "We'll be making up for lost time, I'm sure."

Just then, the nurse came in. "Good boys! No mess, and I barely heard you. Get some rest, Mr. Olson. You too, Mr. Middleton. You look like you're ready to fall over. Bedtime for both of you, you hear?"

Jack smiled at her. "Thanks! You're the best!"

Jack pulled out the chair/bed and got it ready while the nurse checked Dan's vital signs. Then he kissed Dan, who was already drifting off. He got into the bed, moving around until he got somewhat comfortable. He managed to put aside everything in his mind, focusing on the fact that Dan would soon be well. Jack relaxed into a dreamless sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Jack pulled the car up in front of the house. It was a lovely home, manicured lawn, well-maintained, in a nice upper middle-class West Houston neighborhood. Inside lay Dan's dying father.

Jack turned off the engine and turned toward Dan, who sat with his head down, fists clenched, sweat dripping from his brow, and his heart racing. Jack stroked his hair and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Babe, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. I can call and let them know we won't be coming."

Dan sat silent, mastering his emotions. "No," he said finally. "No, I have to do this. I'll make it with you there, Jack."

"Okay, let's go," said Jack.

When they rang the doorbell and waited for the answer, Dan looked around nervously. When the door was opened by a hospice orderly, no questions were asked. They were expected.

As they were passing through the living room, Dan stopped. There were so many ghosts in this house. He could see the fireplace where Christmas stockings had been hung. The dining room where Thanksgiving bounty covered the table. He could peer into the kitchen and almost see his mother getting his lunch ready. And he could see the stair landing where he had had his final confrontation with his father.

Dan began to tremble uncontrollably. Jack put his strong arms around him and held Dan's head to his chest. Feeling Jack's heartbeat started to give Dan a semblance of calm. After a couple of minutes, he said, "I think I'm ready. Let's go on in."

They went to the master bedroom at the back of the house. On the bed lay the sick man, wires and tubes connected to his obviously frail body. His breathing was slow and shallow, and he seemed to be asleep. Dan turned pale and his hand shook as he took Jack's hand. Then he realized that the dying man's eyes were open. His father looked at his trembling son.

"Danny, I'm glad you came. Sit here." He indicated with his eyes a chair beside the bed. Dan sat down on the edge of the seat, unsure of how long he would be able to remain in this room with his father. Jack stood behind him and laid his hands reassuringly on Dan's shoulders.

"And you must be Jack Middleton. Andrew Olson. Pleased to meet you." He chuckled at their surprise. How on earth did he know Jack's name?

"Danny, I wrote that note and I was sure you wouldn't come to see me. What I did to you was horrible, it was evil. There is no excuse for what I did to you. No son should ever have to go through that."

Dan was silent, not knowing what to say.

"After you left, I was so ashamed of myself. I started many times to contact you, but shame stopped me. I thought you were better off without such a horrible father in your life." He reached for a flat book on the nightstand and handed it to Dan. "Even if I couldn't be a part of your life, I figured I would find out about you."

The book was a scrapbook, filled with tokens of Dan's life. Honor roll report cards, photos from swim meets, dean's list reports, articles from oil industry magazines that showed Dan's successful career.

"I found out where you worked and followed you the best I could. I was so ashamed of myself, but I was so proud of you. A few months ago, when the doctor told me I didn't have much time left, I called your office and found that you were out of the country. I spoke to your friend, Ian, and he told me about you and Jack. I was so glad that you had found someone to love, who would give you the love you deserve. I wrote to you, expecting that I would die without ever seeing you again."

This was obviously draining the sick man's small reserve of strength. He coughed and gasped some, then lay still in the bed.

Dan stared at the scrapbook. As his father lay there suffering, Dan realized that his dad had punished himself more severely than anything Dan could have done. He thought of the many sleepless nights, the tears, the agonized shame and guilt over how he had driven his own son away.

Like the trickling of melting ice, the coldness in Dan's heart began to thaw. In spite of all the pain the estrangement had caused, in spite of the lost years, Dan's heart began to open to his dad. The unfulfilled father-longing in his soul yearned for peace, for finally finding that missing piece that left a hole in his heart. And his father had accepted that Dan had found fulfillment in another man.

"Dad . . .Daddy . . . I'm so sorry we waited this long. I've missed you so much. I do love you, and I forgive you."

Dan burst into tears. He sat on the edge of the bed and took his father in his arms, holding him close to his heart, both of them weeping for joy in each other, and sadness that they had so short a time together.

Jack laid his hand on Dan's head and stroked his hair. Andrew seized his hand and kissed it. Jack was included in the little tableau of joy and sorrow.

Dan released his father and gently laid him against the pillows, caressing his brow and kissing his hand.

Jack whispered in Dan's ear, "Sweetheart, I'm going to get us something to eat. You need this time alone with your dad. Be whole again, my love. Love on him. You two need each other so much. . . I won't be gone long."

~~~~~~~~~~

Dan stood at the foot of his father's grave, his arm around Jack and his head leaning on his shoulder. Andrew Olson had died about two weeks after reconciling with his son. The short time they had together was bittersweet, but the peace they both found more than balanced with the sadness of the end. Dan had been with his dad during his final hours, holding his hand and weeping with him. The sorrow was overwhelming, and without Jack's presence and support, Dan wouldn't have been able to endure it.

As his father whispered his final goodbye, Dan held him to his chest, stroking his hair. "I love you, Daddy. Goodbye."

Andrew was buried next to his wife, Elaine. For the first few years after his mother's death, Dan had gone to her grave and wept for her. But after the breach with his father, he had stopped going. His past itself was something that had to be buried, and he couldn't bring himself to go.

Today, he had brought fresh tulips, her favorite flower, to lay at her grave. "Mom, I'm sorry I've stayed away all these years. I want you to know that Dad and I have made up. We're at peace with each other. And I want you to know that I've met a wonderful man, Jack, to share my life with. He's here with me, and without him, I couldn't have made it through everything. I love you, Mom."

With a sigh, Dan turned to Jack. "Thank you, Jack Middleton, for being the man you are, and being there for me, supporting me through everything. I don't know what I would have done without you. I love you so much."

Jack smiled and hugged Dan close. "Babe, you deserve to have found peace at last with your father. You both needed each other so much, and I'm so glad that we can go forward without you having to bear this burden any longer. We have so much living to do! I love you, Daniel Andrew Olson."

They turned and walked away from the graves, into the life they shared.

~~~~~~~~~~

Twelve - Happy Valentine's Day, Jack!

A man of integrity is a true man, a bold man, a steady man. - William Penn

Jack and Dan longed for a more settled arrangement for living. They knew they were moving toward a permanent commitment now that same-sex marriage was legal in Texas.

Sometimes, each would wake in his own bed, wishing fervently that the other was there beside him. More often, they would wake up together, only to realize that one of them needed something that was in his own apartment.

They had decided to buy a house together. Jack had sold his home, and Dan had never owned a home before. It was the obvious solution, but major life changes don't come easily to men in their forties.

It was Valentine's Day. They were going to meet somewhere for a quick lunch and then drive around, checking out the neighborhoods of some of the homes they had selected as possibilities.

Jack decided to surprise Dan at his office with flowers. Then they would have lunch, look around at houses, and then go to Jack's apartment, where he had a special night of love planned for Dan. He had even bought a velvet rope and a blindfold to drive his lover wild.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dan sat at his desk, poring over some financial reports that demanded his full attention. There was a knock on his door. "Come in," he growled. It was Robert.

Dan groaned. He had hoped that with his hospitalization, Robert would lay off and leave him alone. Instead, Robert had become even more of a nuisance, so much so that Dan had considered referring the matter to the personnel office.

Robert pulled a Manila envelope from his courier's bag and handed it to Dan. Dan tried to dismiss him, but Robert said, "No, sir. I'm supposed to wait for a reply."

Dan sighed and opened the envelope and pulled out the contents. There was a photo of Robert, naked and erect, with the words "Happy Valentine's Day, you sexy stud!" written across it.

Dan looked up in shocked disbelief, and Robert took the opportunity to jump into his lap, straddle his waist, and kiss him.

At that very moment, Jack rounded the corner and looked down the hall into Dan's office. He saw Dan in his chair with a young man in his lap kissing him. All the blood drained from Jack's face. Without a word, he turned and left the building, dumping the flowers in the trash on his way out.

He got into his car and started driving. He headed west on Interstate Ten, not knowing where he was going and not caring. Apparently he had been played for a fool. Dan was on the prowl for sex again. That was all Jack could think about. The image of Dan and the young man was burned into his mind.

His phone kept ringing with calls and messages from Dan, so he turned it off and kept driving.

When he got past Seguin, he saw the sign for a cheap motel. He exited the freeway and pulled in. In a daze he checked in for the night.

Darkness filled his heart. How could this be? The man who had promised his undying love was with another man! The past five months had apparently been a cruel joke.

Jack lay on the bed without undressing. His heart finally broke completely, and he cried himself to sleep. But evil dreams pursued him there.

~~~~~~~~~~

His strength momentarily drained in his shock, Dan recovered, and shoved Robert off his lap. The stupid kid tried to climb on again, and got Dan's hand at his throat for his efforts.

With fury in his eyes and voice, Dan said, "Get out of here! Thanks this shit with you!" He flung the photo at Robert. "You had better quit your job today or I'll make sure you're fired!"

Terrified, Robert began backing out of the room. When he turned to run away, he slammed into Ian, who was just coming into Dan's office.

"Whoa! Dan, what's going on? What are you doing to scare people away? That was the second one today!"

Dan stared at Ian uncomprehendingly.

"I mean, I just saw Jack walking away, looking like someone had just shot his dog."

"O my God! If he saw Robert all over me . . . "

Leaving a perplexed Ian, Dan ran from his office and bounded down the stairs. He reached the parking lot just in time to see Jack's car pull onto the street.

"Jack! Jack! Wait! I need to explain!"

Unable to catch Jack, Dan pulled out his phone and quickly called him. No answer. He tried again. No answer. He hurriedly texted Jack, asking for a chance to explain,

Defeated, Dan trudged back to his office. Ian was still there, looking for an explanation. Dan told him what had happened with Robert and how he couldn't reach Jack. Dan slumped onto his desk, totally dejected.

Ian said, "Why don't you go to his apartment? If he's not there, you can wait for him. He has to come home sometime. Go ahead, I'll cover for you here."

Dan brightened a bit and said, "Thanks, buddy! You're the best," and he dashed off. Taking the elevator this time to give him a chance to calm down a bit, he chastised himself for falling into such a trap. How could he have let himself be taken by such a stupid act? Robert had been more than a nuisance lately, and Dan should have taken the matter to personnel. But he never figured that Robert would have the guts to do something so outrageous.

Dan got into his car, but before he left, he called Sean. He said he couldn't reach Jack and that he had to explain something. Sean became suspicious at that, but he said he hadn't heard from his dad. Dan drove to Jack's apartment and let himself in with the key Jack had given him. There was no sign of Jack. He waited for several hours, calling and texting Jack. Still no response.

Not knowing what else he could do, Dan headed home, his heart agonizing over what had happened. Just when things were going so well with Jack, just when they were beginning to make solid plans for their future together. Now it seemed that everything was lost.