All Comments on 'Hoyle's Valley Falls Ch. 01'

Colin seems to have a lot of insecurities. I love her, knows what she wants and not afraid to go for it. Sounds like a beautiful place, waterfalls are magical, majestic. There are some spectacular ones in the Canadian Rockies, especially after snow melt.

I know it's a sort of cross-cultural thing, but though I've discovered that the writer is Canadian, I thought for sure I was reading a Brit, since the prose is - to an American - quite turgid, and that, therefore, paints the narrator as well.

Both, as a consequence, come off as quite constipated. Even the sex lacked any hint of heat or passion.

That was my impression and, of course, your mileage may vary.

Like the story, but it reads a little like it was written in a second language. There are mixed tense issues, and the future is often used when it should be conditional. Most of the dialogue is stilted - I only saw one use of the contractions we use all the time in speech, and it is unusual to keep repeating names in dialogue. How many times did ‘Colin’ get used?

I love it! Very cozy...Warm...Friendly...

Do you ever get to Nashville?

:+)))

Good Storyline. Now I am waiting for Chapter 2. If you read the comments, let's see if the story takes advantage of the critiques. Good Luck on smoothing out the edges. ;-)

I love how you are building the story line. Love your thoughts on how a work trip can be opportunistic too!

Great beginning1 Glad there is more.

5