All Comments on 'Husband encounters wife's adultery Pt. 01'

To be continued.

I'll go for another chapter and she if he burns this cheating whore.

... publishing your first story. It's not easy getting everything down on 'paper' and then having the guts to pull the trigger and publish it.

May I make a few suggestions? Get a few beta-readers. I'm not aware of any successful writer that doesn't have a few people that they trust read their work and invite feedback. Get an editor. No matter how many times you read over your own writing, an editor will catch something that you've missed. If you can't get an editor, try Grammarly. It's a free add-on for MS Word.

There were a few issues with the story that you may want to address in your future efforts. There should have been a rage component. He should have wanted to put the mans head through the wall. He should have been screaming at the wife.

The wife's confession was problematic. It didn't make much sense and she should have been so wracked with guilt that the explanation shouldn't have been as free flowing as it was. She should have been interrupting her narrative with tears, broken sentences, pleas for forgiveness, etc.

Overall, it was a worthy first effort. You got a lot accomplished and set things up for the next chapter. I look forward to seeing how you develop as a writer.

may as well get divorced now,

hell see if his wife is up for a good fuck.

" I felt guilty for throwing her out. "

Why? The whore cheated and he caught her red-handed! An affair after only being married for four years?! Time to divorce the slut.

I guess English is not your natural language!! You really do need an editor.

She really went overboard with such a calm description of the sex she had that first time. Three times that night and so good she hated it ending. So he now knows she lies and did so every other week for six months. I wouldn't stay married. Young enough to easily find someone else and start over.

In my limited opinion you’re in way too much of a hurry..why not slow down & tack a breath. Thanks again

I would have liked more development, but keep on writing, I want to see how it ends. Seems like it would go to divorce since they haven't been married all that long.

This was too short to judge. Nor really a chapter.

Congratulations on submitting your first story.

More than that, it was a brave move to make your first one a Loving Wives story. The nest of vipers that forms the LW commentariat are mostly an unhelpful critical bunch who judge a story on whether the characters are doing what they want them to do, rather than whether it is a well constructed and well written story.

Bebop has made helpful comments, and I agree to a fair degree with what he said. I thought your story was a long way from being poorly written and, while an editor is always a good idea to polish the writing, I thought it was quite readable. The Loon who asked whether English is your first language makes that comment all the time. He would ask Shakespeare the same boring question if the Bard had submitted a story here.

I agree with Bebop that the husband and wife seemed rather more intellectual/rational and less emotional in their conversation than one might normally expect from a situation like that. However, you might expand on that later if that was what you wanted your characters to be like. My husband character in one of my stories was even more that way inclined.

They do exist. I married one.

Again, congratulations. I look forward to where you take your story from here.

Lue

So think about your next chapter. An obvious unrepentant cheating slut and " you feel guilty". Another run of the mill wimpy cuck story???

Not a bad story, but the writer almost ruined it in the end with: "I felt guilty for throwing her out"...let's see where this is going...3* for now

I like the look back in time to earlier in the day. It's a nice way to tell a story. Your story makes me think there's not much hope for her, but isn't that always the way when someone gets caught?

First , why do you feel bad (hangover excused)?

Second, why did you even let her come home and rationalize her cheating?

If you want to save this one, chapter 2 needs to go Atomic!

If this story turns into a reconciliation, I'm done with the story and author.

Why did he feel bad for throwing her out again?

The only author (here at least) of the first six readers gave positive feedback for a first effort, and many tips for improvement. Others just criticized and demanded it be like every other story that they like b/c the outcome fits their ideals. I would add that the feelings she expressed, and the frequency (weekly lunch and evening) and duration (six months) would not seem to indicate much of a happy future here, yet hubby is already admitting she's human and allowed to make mistakes. Mistakes are one-offs with lots of regret and guilt. As written, this affair had none of those.

She cheated continuously for months. She got caught and kicked to the curb...The End. By the way, how many "football clubs" are there in the Cleveland area? This isn't Europe Moby.

Before I even start reading, this is one SHORT page. You've labeled it Pt. 01, so you KNOW there's more to come. Why not wait and post more, if not all, to begin with? Or is the rest not even written yet?

SHE made a "disgusted" face at HIM?

The parenthetical present tense doesn't work for me. Remove the parentheses and write it in past tense: "I THOUGHT our life was great." "We WERE happy and content."

Yes, get a Beta reader. I've only gotten to the room service waiter and already have hit two things that I would have flagged.

Curiosity"stopped" him? It would have made me go confront them!

“Mike, you will hate me and judge me. You will want to divorce me if I tell you anything.” - That tells him all that he needs to know.

"He is one of the product managers for the Cleveland division," but has to return to Boston?

I don't think she has to describe Brian, her husband has already seen him.

Why was Saturday being an off day worth mentioning? Aren't Saturdays USUALLY off days?

This is set in America, but you obviously aren't American. "Football Club?" "Cinema hall?"

Dawn breaks, dusk falls.

"We made love thrice that evening and can’t remember how many times I had cum. It was so amazing that when Brian left in the morning, I felt sad and disheartened." - This is supposed to get her husband to NOT throw her out?

"People who think that women are some special creatures who can never lie, cheat or deceive are hypocrites" - Who thinks that?

..keep it going...

You have the ingredients in the right mixture for a nice setup. I have seen too many nice setups go sideways to get too excited. There are those things Bebop mentioned. Your tags could use some work. "Cheating, husband, infidelity, married, wife" are all uninformative, as these are pretty much defined in the category description, and "kinky" doesn't bode well for future installments.

@ a couple of other commentators: Why you gotta be so crude? "Cheating whore" this and that? Just makes you sound dumb.

who can help with grammar, spelling and correct words use. It's easy to confuse site with sight, for example, or there and their.

And a good editor can say: "Are you sure you want her/him to say this?"

We will see where you take this. In her case you thru her out and I see no way you could take her back aswhat will she do the next time she is attracted to another guy.

welcome to the roughest category on the website. Like Bebop I think a good Beta reader would do you right. When you write a story you write it for you so when you decided to share others see the flaws and ding you for them. A beta read gets you a test drive ahead of time.

In L/W world, when you write a line like, “Let’s get back to the house and talk this through, okay?” You are taking all the power away from the injured party.

Then you took away the rest of his masculinity with, Ten minutes after the encounter, I found myself inside my car. Five minutes later, Claire joined me and I drove us home. You had a distraught husband sit in a hotel parking lot and wait for his wayward wife?

Now let's cut off his balls with, “I saw my wife was preparing us dinner." As we were eating dinner, she rose out of her seat and sat on my lap. She started to kiss my face slowly and said, “Honey, you are the only one I love and Brian was a mistake. Let’s forget this ever happened.” Then he finds the hickey.

Though these are a great set up for the next chapter, the problem is you have with out saying it telegraphed one of two things. First is a future Cuck story or two an RAAC on the half of Claire because as so said where am I suppose to go.

You put in a half ass time line but was very vague about how long it had been going on. “I met Brian about 6 months ago. He was visiting our Cleveland office for a product inspection." I remember the call, it was Saturday, March 10th.

Has it been going on for five months or was this just the second encounter?

I too look forward to your next chapter. If you haven't already submitted it please heed our advice. Good luck.

Good story. Especially for a first effort. Either mock or ugnore the trolls. Like dogshit they are always underfoot.

its a good start, , look forward to the next part, thanks for sharing

'Cause there's nothing that says "I'm yours forever!" than having a full blown affair with someone else. There's nothing more romantic than turning your husband into a cuckold. 🙄😄

And the worst part of it all: the dummy actually bought it! He really did!

The following line was, IMO, the most egregious and nonsensical thing written in this whole flash:

"People who think that women are some special creatures who can never lie, cheat or deceive are hypocrites -- they don’t recognize the fact that women are as human as men, with the same human strengths and failing, so what if she drifted away, she still loves me and is still my wife."

There's a lot to unpack here:

• No, people who thinks women don't lie, cheat or deceive aren't hypocrites. They're simps and/or sad white knights. Or are people who never have spoken to any female in their entire life.

• If Claire should be viewed as weak as any other men... does that mean Mike also cheated on her?

• I have yet to see ANYTHING in this story that proves that she still loves her husband. Quite the contrary, actually.

She had an affair, and she wouldn't have stopped it if she hasn't got caught. And all this, only FOUR YEARS inside the marriage! Forget gender politics - if the same thing happened to a woman, I would scream at her "Run, girl, run to the nearest lawyer!"

This is, sadly, the second story I've read this morning where a spineless MC refuses to understand that the relationship he thought he was is over, and it's time to move on. Yes, "The Foreign Exchange Student" was way worse than this, but I still do not get what exactly does Mike thinks he is 'guilty' of. Dude, you hitched the wagon on the wrong woman... It happens. Time to move on - way too many better catches out there to settle for a rotting fish.

... Yet, somehow, I doubt this is what the author will end up doing.

As noted, beta readers might help.

Maybe leave out details of items, like the convertible Tiguan, the home, the name of the suburb.

Add in details of feelings, thoughts, and intentions.

A feeling detail you did well:. Him changing course in reaction to the hickey was a good detail👍

In the words of CCR, keep on chooglin! (Keep going)

I liked the story idea. Not new or original but thats ok. I agree with comments about it needing a beta reader. Your opening line of tossing her out in the middle of the night doesn't match the dinner story. Also her confession was not realistic. Nobody gives up that kind of detail after being busted. Also no questions by the husband? Not bad overall, and you will get better once you get a beta reader and editor.

Middle age is 29?

"We made love thrice...". No one talks like that.

I almost stopped reading at the time Hubby is outside room 302. He declared that one of his options is to pound on the door and confront Sweetie, but decides he does NOT want to do that. Then, Hubby immediately does just exactly THAT!

It turns out I shoulda done exactly what I first decided. The advice to get beta readers and an editor are excellent points. Very few guys from Cleveland fuck a new conquest THRICE, although some fuck her three times.

They get home and Hubby hears what an easy piece Sweetie is. Later in the evening, after he reconciles the adultery, he nuzzles Sweetie’s neck, sees The Bull’s hickey and orders her out. WTF? By the bye, why did Bull leave his own hotel room? By the other bye, 29 is the new middle age?

2*

That was apparent in the first paragraph.

<P>

“What are you doing, where am I supposed to go in the middle of the night?” She blurted out. “I really don’t care, why don’t you go back to your lover?” I snapped back at her.

<P>

Both dialogue sections are written as one sentence each, but both are run-on sentences. To make it worse, the second one is two different types of sentences, one declarative and the other interrogative (i.e., a question). Also, they are said by two different characters, so it should have been two paragraphs.

<P>

“What are you doing? Where am I supposed to go in the middle of the night?” she blurted out.

<P>

“I really don’t care. Why don’t you go back to your lover?” I snapped back at her.

Bebop3 gave you a lot of good advice, be sure to consider it.

BTW lots of luck with the editor and beta reader bit--I finally got tired of trying to find one and tried to learn as much as I could about doing it myself; believe me when I say that's a rough route to take.

One thing that helped me a lot was printing my third or fourth draft then proofing from the printed page. I was amazed at the errors I found that way. Always let any story sit for as long a time as you can tolorate before the final read through.

Another resource you don't want to pass up is the "Writers Resource" here on LIT. You'll never outgrow the need to study and review that section.

My last bit of advice is develop a thick skin; chosing the category you have almost assures you'll be insulted by people who don't have the guts to obtain an ID so you can respond to them the same way they addressed you.

This was a good start and has my interest. Anxious to see how you take the story to the next level. Thanks for the story.

"Buckeye Fan"

Definitely you should follow all bebop's suggestions for future work. There are other important thoughts in Luedon's analysis. I would say that I did not feel any connection to the characters.

... and the fact that you are not in the cohort that does and, despite your inability to wrap your head around it, there ARE people who are different than you. Thank the Maker!

I also recommend text to speech. Reading along whole the computer speaks works wonders for finding missing words and double words that your eyes will often miss.

I enjoyed your story. It read as if you were reliving it in your mind and onto paper. Your use of words others don't see or know isn't anything to worry about. It is a story not a english paper for God sake. Keep it up I'm looking for part two.

Will they seek a Dr. to talk with? do a temporary separation? To many times the husband jumps her bones and all is well. That to me isn't real life that is a story book ending and i'm for that at all. Will he sit back and figure out how many times they were together? Will she get tested for STD's ? she should, and him also. Maybe he should come clean, did he ever cheat on his wife, or was going to but it didn't work out or he backed out of it?

Enjoy writing part 2 and lets see where it goes in your mind.

John

You also tell it very badly.

Those are two different things. Keep swinging.

But when a husband knocks on the door, demanding entry, and encounters his wife’s lover, nine times out of ten we’d expect the husband’s fist in the lover’s face.

That thought had to have occurred to you when writing this, yet you didn’t go there. That, right there, tells us where this story is headed.

The husband was angry, he was outraged, and he’d had little time to really think and plan; he was reacting to seeing his wife go into a hotel room with an unknown man. Yet despite the rage pushing his (re)actions, when the most important moment comes, he chickens out.

And yes, chickens out is exactly the right description. He had the rage to confront the lover, but not the courage to act when he’d be expected to.

Why does he feel "guilty" for putting her out? She's the one who lied to her husband so she could screw her lover. "Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time"!

My complaint isn’t anywhere near as deep as all of the out of work English teachers. Why would he let her sit on his lap or even get close enough to touch his bare skin. He should find her so disgusting, that it would sicken him. That would be the question or problem with the story.

Should have just left both at hotel

Upon confirmation of her cheating butt I'd have sent a text telling her not to come home. Keep your butt in room 302 with your f-head boyfriend.

You're discounting criticism of editing is misplaced. I don't think any criticism related to words that were. known, it was more things like where a word is accidentally double, like "the the," which is simply awkward, or missing words, like I THINK in your own sentence: "That to me isn't real life that is a story book ending and i'm for that at all." I COULD be wrong, but I think you MEANT, "I'm NOT for it." and leaving out that word completely changes the meaning. It's small potatoes in a comment, but could be crucial in a story.

let your ego assume control and beg BTB. TK U MLJ LV NV

As others have said, too short, better at least three times the length. One reason is to develop the characters better. The reader has to identify with someone, or they loose interest. The characters need to be true to themselves, hollering and cursing, or cold furry, tears of pain, violence...the actions have to fit the characters.

The characters have to act naturally, “stay in character”

Chilleywilley

"...I quickly hid behind a nearby Volkswagen Tiguan when they passed by me. I stood behind the convertible for a few seconds..."

I don't believe that the Volkswagen Tiguan was ever configured as a convertible. It's fine to go into detail, but when you do, you have to be on top of the facts.

He actually asked her what she was doing with another guy in the hotel room almost naked. Duh!!! It's no wonder she was cheating, he has to be one of the dumbest morons on the planet. Marriage was over when he saw her walking hand in hand to the hotel with this piece of shit. Only a loser would actually wait for her and drive her home and ask for details. The only good part is that he tossed the Cunt out.

There are no football clubs in March. Never heard of a 24x7.

If you're a Brit or Aussie, write what you know. As long as you don't go overboard with the slang the Yanks will get it

Another pitiful BTB story for the losers in life. Please don't bother writing any more. It's not even engaging.

I would’ve had something in my hand and when the scumbag opened the door I’d have busted it over his face. Then repeating hard swift kicks to his balls and face . When the dirtbag cunt came she would get spit in her face and told don’t even. One home . Her shit would be packed up and left outside for her to pick up the next day. A definite research of scumbags name and a call to his wife to explain it all . Next day attorney to set up divorce and lawsuit against the company even if it goes nowhere. Never to second guess kicking her and her nonscholant attitude about 6 months of cheating and lying .

Besides, as others have said, his weird back-and-forth about banging on the door, why not just push his way in as the waiter left?

I thought it was a good story, Most of these type s of stories turn the husband into a cuckold. This one is going the other way, showing he's got a set of balls for a change. I'd like to see more of it. Next chapter??

So far so good. Some parts were a tad confusing either being grammatical errors or possibly slang terms.

He sent her packing but he also has left himself wide open for attacks on several fronts (personal, financial, reputation, etc), from his wife and her lover(s). (Anyone actually believes this is her ONLY lover ever).

Another option would have been to leave her in the home, for now, making her sleep on the couch and using her to extract some information and revenge against her lover, his career and his personal life. It takes 2 to Tango and he knowingly bedded a married woman. Also, getting her on video talking about her affair, moving financial assets away from her, etc.

After that, then he could have dealt with his cheating wife in most any manner he saw fit.

By the way, what is a "Football Club"?

waiting and looking for the rest of this story to see how and where it goes

I believe the writer isn't American, so by "football" means soccer, an I'm guessing that it's some sort of amateur league, similar to Americans having a softball team.

But in the end the writer is going to pussy out and turn the husband into a willing CUCKOLD !!!

I can see this one coming a mile away !!!

To the anonymous user who has commented by the name smokepole. Get a life. What u r doing is called nitpicking. Scums like u r everwhere and that's why u get kicked out of places. I bet people like u r never invited anywhere coz u r a snob.

I agree with a couple of the latest comments before mine here. I think I see where this story is headed.

Hope against hope, this isn't another purposefully cucked wimp husband, that likes being cucked by his wife...useless stories, that are so rampant in LW section here, last couple of years!

Though I will give this author a break, be fair.

Therefore, I will wait and reserve final comments or judgements, as well as final vote on how many stars I think this finished story is worth...until I read the final chapter(s), when they finally appear here...

Good writing, well edited and proofed, for what has been written...so far...

Four days since a one page ch 1. NOT a good sign.

At this point, I would suggest just waiting until it's complete and post the rest all at once.

Had to skip so much. The long winded explanation was just way too long and boring. Besides you told us the ending at the start, so saved me struggling to finish.

Next time don't start with the ending.

Hard to be long winded on less than a full Lit page!

I am curious as to why in 90% of E.M.A. when the Loving Wife confesses...She gives an in depth description of the tryst including how it rocked her boat with his 18 inch barge pole...That is not going to win back her husband?.Sheesh. .So Far So Good! ★★★★★ WOOF!

I have a feeling this story is a one hit wonder.

Where is the ending. If you are going to write a story then finish it. It could have been a very good contribution but you dropped the ball.

I heard he had a truck accident and was injured badly...

O'well take care...

bill 5

That makes n sense. He made 2 mistakes: first, he waited for her in the car - he should have left her there; later, when she asked where to go, he should have immediately called her sister and told her to expect Claire (and why).

No pictures to prove they had an affair to get them into problems at work, HE felt guilty. Garbage story, sort 1 star.

Very. People don't talk this way, and narration written this way is very odd. Makes me think the English isn't the author's first language. If that's the case he/she is doing a way better job in a different language than I could do in any non-English language.

On the other hand the basic story of suddenly finding the wife with another man is a good plot point. The reactions and.questioning what to do by main character are more realistic, even if it's done in awkward grammar.

..of any reader's time. The author would benefit from an intensive course in our language.

Well, were waiting on part two. I liked it so far.

Another part needed, starts off very well. You have the basis for a good story. But whatever you write, don't ever consider having her back. She's a typical example of a cheater who won't change, you'd never trust her again. Even if she didn't cheat again, every time she was out, every time she was late, you'd remember this and feel sick. There are no children involved so nothing to have her back for. make a clean break and move on.

1/5, why???

Unfinished story, that’s why.

Chapter one, and almost a year later, no chapter 2?

This was a piece of garbage anyway. About as dry and unemotional as possible. But, thanks for the contribution. All we readers appreciate the contributions of our talented authors.

Huh? Where's the rest of it?

No ending ?

WTF, why is it nobody seems to ever want to finish the story. If it were finished it would be a 5 star, but since it left the reader hanging 1 star

Why post a new story when you haven't updated or finished this one yet? If authors aren't able to finish stories, then they shouldn't post them to begin with.

Why would she think telling THAT story was a good plan?

where is the rest of the story pointless unless you finish it no stars incomplete

Would really like to read the rest of the story.

Is there any need for another story, he can't forgive that. divorce is the only option

Pretty good story. I am sorry the author never continued it. I see the author posted a story in June of 2021. Hopefully, new installments will come

-

Pasqual

Kick the hoe out for good

FINISH THE DAMN STORY!

I hate cliffhangers.. finish this and I'll vote..

Half a$$ story when left hanging???

Your idea of a joke???

So do you only get half a paycheck???

I kicked my ex to the curb for cheating . I told her before we got married that Loyalty was number 1 to Me . She lied and our friends backed her up . So imagine my surprise when i came home 4 hours early due to a machine breaking down . She was in bed with him and I took some pictures with my phone . She either signed the divorce or her Dad and brothers where getting pictures

No finish and then you continue to write others? 1* on all your works.

Any reason why you didn’t finish the story?

I know you’ve written others after this. Why not finish it?

Where is the rest?

You never finished. Do you only way half of your car. Do you leave work after half a day. Finish the d@#$ story!

Just another cuck story!

Boo hiss...

DOL

Didn't even read the shit.

He says his wife does most of the house chores but they both work full time. Then he writes: “People who think that women are some special creatures who can never lie, cheat or deceive are hypocrites -- they don’t recognize the fact that women are as human as men, with the same human strengths and failings”. Really? Women are as human as men? And he thinks he needs to explain this? Wow! No wonder his wife cheats on him. This guy is straight out of the 1940’s…