All Comments on 'Hyperspermia Pt. 01 Ch. 14'

Odd that you slipped into present tense for much of this episode. Can be effective, but I think the tale is better presented in the narrative past tense. Also lots of basic errors mar the story's flow. I enjoyed the two new female characters, especially Chau. But neither character gets sufficient development to make them truly personable and memorable. While the orgy is fun, the frenetic pace and basic listing of sexual activities makes the romp more mechanical than truly erotic. Finally the sliver of presentation of Stanley and Debbie's feelings about each other, the potential jealousy, and the awkward situation that Debbie thrust them into is left unresolved, murky and unsatisfying. I still think to tell.a more complete and emotionally affective tale you need to look beyond the enjoyable device you have created concerning Stanley's condition to some more detailed examination of the character's feelings and careful construction of deep and meaningful relationships. (All you need is love ☺) Add in complications resulting from sadness, jealousy, hurt or anger, and the tale could begin to achieve some real depth. I do enjoy what you are creating, appreciate the overall light heartedness, but continue to hope for more substance in future episodes. Thanks.

I totally agree with Travayne (above). There's a paint-by-numbers feel to the sex portrayals in the more recent chapters of all your stories. Your premises and setups are exciting, but then the erotic energy kind of drains out. Almost like you're watching a porn video and describing the action on the screen rather than being involved in it imaginatively.