I Couldn't Just BtB

"They say our greatest sex organ is the one between our ears. My guess is that as soon as Marc contacted you your inner slut was on overdrive and actively communicating with that sex organ. Marc did not have to be that great of a lover. In your highly aroused state, almost anything he would have done would have been the 'best ever.' Example: I know you quit nursing her when her teeth started coming in and Emma started biting you. It was unpleasant to have your breasts bitten. But if Marc bit you on your breast and harder than Emma ever did, it produced sexual pleasure. Your recently awakened inner slut combined with your greatest sex organ interpreted everything that Marc did and everything that you did as the height of sensual pleasure and sexual arousal. That's the power of the great sex organ between our ears when we allow our inner slut to play. They enhance one another.

"So I am not really competing with Marc. My success in making love to you does not ultimately depend on my skills as a lover. Your pleasure in having sex with me ultimately rests on how your inner slut and your greatest sex organ choose to interpret what we do to give sexual pleasure to one another. It's all on you. And this is where your promise, '... to do whatever it takes,' will require you to awaken your inner slut to play with me and that great sex organ between your ears is going to have to find delight in what we do when we play together.

"Bottom line: If your inner slut and the sex organ between your ears choose to always remember the time you spent with Marc as being the best sex you ever had, it will be, no matter what I do. As a result we will drift further and further apart and you will always regret that you did not take Marc up on his offer that you should divorce me, live with him and take the kids with you.

"The other choice that we have is not to return to what we once had - ten years of keeping our inner sluts dormant, but instead to awaken our inner sluts and let them come out and play - with each other. And we need to give those inner sluts time and occasions to play. If we do that, the time you spent with Marc will take it's rightful place in the past - together with all the other memories of former lovers that we carry with us. But our life as we go forward will be enriched by what we do as we allow our inner sluts to wake up, come out and play. The good thing that can come out of the night you spent with Marc is that it revealed to both of us that your inner slut is still very much alive and well. It is a shame that we have not let it come out and play for so long. And my inner slut is going to have to stop sleeping and get with the program if you are willing to move forward in this new direction in our marriage.

"I am convinced that our awakened inner sluts can work with that great sex organ between our ears so that what we experience with one another will be the best sex ever. And this can happen over and over again. We can look forward to having our best sex ever rather than looking back and thinking that those few hours in February were the peak and everything after that will always be downhill from there. That would actually be a rather hopeless way to live - for both of us..

"I'm not asking you to agree with me. All I'm asking you to do is to think it over and then share your thoughts with me. Can you do that?" Jim asked.

"If I am understanding you right," said Linda, "you're saying that when we went out that February night we were trying to roll back the clock a little bit and return a little bit in our attitudes to the horny young people we were when we were in college and were actively seeking a person who for a night would satisfy our sexual desires. Marc either picked up on that or else just happened to have the good fortune to be there right at the time when I was about to let my inner slut come out to play and before I knew what was happening I was swept up in the excitement of what my inner slut wanted after having been dormant for ten years.

"While you did not say this in so many words, it seems like you are saying that silencing our inner sluts for the ten years of our marriage was a mistake. It is what made me so vulnerable. You think that the way forward in our marriage cannot be found in looking back to try to make up for what I did. Nor is the way forward to be found in trying to restore our marriage to what it was like before that one night in February - a marriage characterized by keeping our inner sluts dormant.

"You seem to be saying that we both have an inner slut that is part of our personality and that wants to interact with our greatest sex organ - the one between our ears. You seem to be saying that one of the things that attracted us to each other was that we liked each other's inner slut and we liked playing with that inner slut.

"You think that the way forward is for each of us to wake up our inner slut and to keep that inner slut an active and vital part of our relationship with one another. Did I get that about right?" asked Linda.

"Yes, I believe you understand where I am coming from," I said. "I don't believe this will happen overnight. We have a lot of habits to break and new habits to form, from my perspective. But if we keep communicating with one another, I think we can do it.

"One thing I'm going to start right away," I continued, "is that I noticed that you stated that Marc's body was attractive and sexually stimulating by being so physically fit. I know I've let myself slide and am beginning to develop a dad bod. That's certainly not necessary or good. It doesn't help me feel good about myself. It doesn't make me feel that I am doing my best to be attractive to you. So starting tomorrow I am going to get a membership at a good gym, and get in shape - a shape that will look and feel good to you. My inner slut will feel good about myself, and I am hoping that your inner slut will like it, too."

"I think I'm beginning to get it and to agree with you," said Linda. "It just occurred to me that in college there were always magazines around like "Cosmo," "Glamour," "Seventeen," and other magazines that had articles about sexuality, sensuality, relationships, what makes a person attractive, what makes a person unattractive, makeup and fashion, among other things. And I used to read those magazines and often learned from them and followed their advice.

"But once we got married, I didn't get any magazines at all for a little while, and then when I got pregnant, the magazines I picked up were more about home decorating, feeding your family, raising children, even gardening. Nothing that really nourished or woke up the inner slut," she went on. "I think I need to start by nurturing my inner slut."

"It's getting to be time to go to bed. I'm still carrying some negative baggage with me, so I know I will not set your world on fire but it seems to me that if we want to wake up our inner sluts, we can't do it by avoiding having sex with one another. That has been a big mistake on my part. Can we go up to bed and let our sluts play with one another?" I asked.

The bowl of popcorn was quickly placed aside and Linda was holding me and kissing me and saying, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" between kisses. We made love that night. I still had some internal struggles but worked hard at playing with Linda - letting my inner slut play with her inner slut. I also let my fingers, lips and tongue savor the intriguing contours of her body. I took my time and the more I concentrated on her body and on her pleasure the less apprehensive I became over my own performance. And in the afterglow pillow talk we began to imagine some of the things we could do to encourage our inner sluts to come out to play.

The next day Linda went to a bookstore to get a couple of magazines and picked up a few paperback books of letters people had written about things they had fantasized about or had done to add spice to their marriage.

I found a gym with a trainer that would make me work hard but give me the results I wanted. I also took some marshal arts training. I knew Linda was hot and that other men thought she was hot. If I was going to take her out more frequently, I wanted to be able to defend her and to stand up to any man who would try to take her away from me or do her harm. While I feel I had fully forgiven Marc, nevertheless, if I was working at punching or kicking a heavy bag, I felt extra motivation when I brought a certain football player to mind.

While it was December, I told Linda that I was giving myself until Memorial Day to get in shape. I would also give myself that time to nurture my inner slut and to develop creativity within that sex organ between my ears.

So I did a lot of reading on female sexuality and how a man can best pleasure his partner. I also contacted Ellen the escort. I asked her whether she could put me in contact with a male escort who had a great reputation for satisfying women and who would be willing to teach me some things the books did not mention. She put me in touch with Travis, who was maybe a little too proud of his abilities, but, because of that, was glad to spend a few hours with me on several different days bragging about himself and at the same time sharing with me those things he did that gave the greatest pleasure to his clients. One lesson that really struck home was that you cannot rush it. You need to take adequate time to pleasure a woman, and you pleasure her from head to toe. Using the word head, he meant not only physical kissing and caressing her but also saying things to and about her that make her feel special.

We also watched porn and bought toys to play with. Watching porn we discovered that we were both visual people. Linda had liked the way Marc looked. Linda also liked to look good herself. As we watched porn, she realized she did not just like to look good, but liked to look sexy. She admired much of the clothing that the porn stars wore at the beginning of the video before the clothing came off and they got down to business. She always had been taking good care of herself, physically, but as we moved closer to Memorial day she was actively replacing her conservative mom clothes with clothing that showed off her curves and lingerie that she would wear for the evening once the children were in bed..

Somewhere along the line we came to the realization that one reason we put our inner sluts to sleep was that we were afraid of what others might think of us if they saw us acting on the impulses of our inner sluts. Linda had been afraid to dress attractively, thinking others might slut-shame her for the way she dressed. We decided we had to do what was best for us and not worry about what others might think about how we looked or what we did. In a short amount of time we both had readjusted our attitudes so that we craved those comments that were meant to slut-shame us and especially Linda. Her clothing was always too tight, her skirts too short, her shorts too revealing, her tops too tight, her heels too high, and her walk too sexy. And any time anyone would express criticism of her for being too blatantly sexual she would consider that to be compliment because it verified that she had accomplished what she had set out to do.

I would wear skin tight shirts, or shirts that were open to the waist, tight jeans or leggings, or box-cut swimwear for shorts.

We took dance lessons so that when we danced we would be spending our time thinking about and seducing our partner rather than thinking about our feet.

And we started fantasizing sometimes as we fucked. We would fantasize about sexy things we would like to do. We would tell fantasies about former lovers - never letting our partner know how much might be true and how much might be pure fantasy. We fantasized about fucking porn stars and about fucking friends, co-workers or even sexy strangers that we saw on the street and would point out to our partner. We would fuck using toys and imagine a double penetration in a fantasy scene.

We lived in the mid-south. Once warmer weather began we decided that around the house after work and on weekends we would want to wear very brief swimwear as often as possible. We started looking at on-line catalogs and ordered swimwear for each of us. We ordered a style that would raise a few eyebrows but still would be acceptable at our local beach. Then we ordered the styles less conservative than that, down to dental floss bikinis that we could wear at only a few select salt water beaches that allowed nudity.

We touched, fondled, hugged and kissed as often as we could, considering the circumstances. While we did want the children to know that their parents were in love with one another, we were not overtly sexual in our actions in front of them. We ordered swimwear for them that matched in style our most conservative suits.

In mid-February Linda dropped a bombshell on me. "I want to get my tits done," she said one night after putting the children to bed.

"You certainly don't have to do that for me," I replied. "I love your tits just the way they are."

"I know you do," she said. "I want to do it for me. It's part of my inner slut. If you could talk to some of my girl friends from college my freshman year they would tell you how one night we were sitting around talking about nothing in particular when one of the girls asked, 'What would you do if you won the lottery?'

"I was the first one to pipe up and said I'd get a boob job. At that everyone laughed and the conversation quickly switched to how one girl would help her poor parents and another would use it to assist a battered women's shelter and everybody else talked about all the social good they would do. For a little while I got the nick-name, 'Boob Job,' from those who were in attendance. Fortunately it did not stick.

"But I used to sneak my brothers' porn magazines out of their room from time to time and admired the girls with the big boob jobs - not the ones that were made to look natural with some sag to them but the ones that looked like they had big softballs or melons implanted on their chest. My job is going well enough that I have been setting money aside and I think that I can afford it."

In March she got the job done and I must say that her massive chest was impressive. She could hide her augmentations - or at least tone them down somewhat - by wearing baggy sweatshirts and loose fitting jackets and blazers. The more she got used to them the less she worried about toning them down. Her motto became, "I paid for them. Now I've got them. So it's time to flaunt them." It was part of her/our new proud slut persona.

In February Linda also asked me whether it would be okay if Dee came over to visit her every once in a while or if she went over to Dee's once in a while for some female bonding. I told Linda that she did not need my permission to visit with other people.

First she pointed out that this was Dee and that she knew I was upset with Dee for the part she played in my leaving with Marc. I assured Linda that I had forgiven Dee. Whether she felt forgiven or not was a problem that Dee would have to deal with. Then Linda further explained that since Dee had been divorced from Dave she was feeling sexually frustrated. Linda was sure that Dee would want to spend some intimate time with her as part of their visit. Linda thought that the upside to this was that Dee's inner slut was very much awake so that Linda might be able to learn some things from Dee. The down-side was that I might consider this to be unfaithfulness and Linda did not want to be unfaithful to me.

In my reading and studying about female sexuality I had already come to the conclusion that as far as I was concerned, unfaithfulness was defined as being a woman accepting the cock of a man who was not her husband for intercourse without her husbands knowledge or consent. That was a rather liberal definition, but was one that I thought a person who was going to allow their inner slut to play, could live with.

I told Linda my definition and then said, "If you and Dee want to play, that's fine. Just don't bring another man into the picture without my knowledge and consent."

"What about toys?" asked Linda.

"A toy is not a man. We use toys with some frequency. I have no trouble with that. If you want to have some girl-on-girl fun and use some toys that is fine with me unless it begins to take away from building our own relationship," I said.

"Would you like to join us sometime?" Linda asked.

I don't know where that question came from. I decided not to pursue it. I simply responded, "At the present time I want all my energy to go into forging a new, vibrant and playful relationship with you. At best, Dee would be a distraction and I do not want to contemplate what the worst would be. So in a word, No. I'm not interested in doing anything with Dee."

While Linda and I did do some social things together - parties, dinners etc., I had told Linda that my goal was to be ready to go public with letting our sluts out to play on Memorial Day weekend. As my body took on new contours I got rid of old clothes and purchased clothing I could look good in. Besides dress clothes I purchased tight jeans and even some Lycra spandex leggings, tee shirts, muscle shirts and tank tops. I purchased men's box-cut swimwear to use as shorts, as well as the different styles of men's bikini and thong swimwear. I even bought a baggie.

Memorial Day weekend finally arrived. On Saturday we took the kids to the beach. We had done this the previous year and they loved it. They had already taken swimming lessons. Often in the summer they played in the sprinkler or in their kiddie pool. But the beach was so much better. We took along pails and boxes in which we could put damp sand so they could build sand castles when they had to come out of the water. The water was not too cold, but cool enough that they needed to come up out of the water and warm up every now and then.

Linda and I wore the most modest of our new bikinis. Linda's most modest bikini was as brief as the smallest bikini seen at the beach. My men's bikini brief was a men's version of the style and cut of the suit that Linda was wearing. No other guy was wearing anything that brief. All the guys were in board shorts. We used plenty of sun screen and Linda and I wore tee shirts over our swimwear. Our real focus was on the children and we spent the afternoon playing with them.

We also looked at the swimwear that people were wearing. I had called up the park and learned that thongs were not allowed and was cautioned that this was a family park so that the rangers and lifeguards reserved the right to ask people to cover up or leave the park if they felt that a person's swimwear was too revealing. The ranger I spoke to was nice, and I think he was being understanding when he added that on crowded days the farther away people went from the heavily populated family section of the beach, the less the park patrol monitored the swimwear that was worn.

It was the returning college students who were home for the summer and revisiting their old high school friends who wore the most daring swimwear. Even then all the guys wore board shorts and the girls' bikinis covered more than any of the swimsuits that Linda had ordered for herself from a catalog.

We spent the bulk of the afternoon at the beach, giving our full attention to the children. Sunday would be our turn, when we took the children over to Linda's parents and then returned to the beach to let our inner sluts out to play. Once the children were put to bed (they were tired out from the day's activities) Linda and I did a little preparation for our return to the beach on Sunday. We had purchased sunless tanner - the kind that stains the skin. We put on a first thin coat on Saturday night.