I Hate Him... No More!

Then - again - he went back to his test and continued writing things down. I didn't even think about it as cheating.

It was not important - Alex was important.

Soon the time for the test ended, and the professor took our sheets.

I was a bit nervous about what was going to happen now. What should I say, if anything? Should I give him the comic now?

There was also a small, additional problem, probably not worth mentioning. I was hard from the moment my hand stroked his slim arm. I tried to fight it, but looking at his slender neck, arms, and delicate back evoked a slideshow of pictures in my head - of me lying on him and thrusting into his pliant body.

Oh, how much I wanted to kiss him, just as I had done on Friday.

But... I couldn't, of course.

As people started getting up and leaving the lecture room, Alex and Marcy also stood up. Alex turned to me and said in a polite, yet official tone:

"Thank you for your help, Finn."

"No problem, Alex." I smiled, but he looked a bit confused.

Was that a good moment? I could feel my hands trembling a bit.

I struggled with myself, but suddenly, I understood that I needed to do this anyway.

"It's... for you," I said quietly, handing him my simple comic book. It had no cover, and the first page was blank. To discover what was inside, he had to open it, but I wanted to ensure I wouldn't be around when he did.

He took it with a strange grimace -- uncertain and uneasy. Observing his demeanor, I knew I couldn't remain there. I practically ran out of the lecture hall without looking back.

I even decided to skip the cafeteria today.

Why was I such a nervous wreck?

The next lab class me and Alex were attending together was around 3PM. I had time to calm down and prepare myself for whatever was about to happen.

As I went into the classroom, I noticed once more that Josh was sitting with Tim!

What the fuck? What was his problem?

I decided that I should confront him - the problem was - in this small labroom Alex and Mercy were sitting right behind Tim and Josh. I realized they would hear everything.

Ehhh. Okay. Let's have it!

I strode over in a power walk and crossed my hands over my chest, standing next to Josh.

"What's your problem Josh? Why do you have to behave like we're still in high school?!"

Josh raised his head. His eyes were narrowed, lips tightened.

"Maybe you should join your... rainbow friends, Finn, back there? That's where you'll fit better."

I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't. Alex and Marcy both snapped their heads up and stared at us, realizing what was just said.

I snorted and shook my head.

"What the fuck is going on with you, Josh? What's it to you if I'm gay or bi or whatever? Suddenly, I'm contagious?" Saying that, I darted a super-quick glance at Alex, who was staring at the scene with his mouth gaping.

"I, for sure, don't want you to check me out under the shower," Tim muttered.

I snorted. "Don't worry, Tim. In your case, there is nothing interesting to check out, anyway."

Marcy burst into laughter. Tim pursed his lips.

But I could not continue with this talk. I just could not.

So, I turned around and walked away, with clenched jaws.

I was pretty shocked.

Really? In a modern world, reactions like that could still happen?

Despite being from a small Texan town, I wasn't that narrow-minded.

But the sad truth was... Even though I talked back to Tim, but still - It was me who was really humiliated.

And Alex saw my humiliation. I couldn't look at him. As I marched toward the back part of the labroom, where some seats were empty, I was in a way... defeated.

I sat there feeling dejected, trying to clench my jaw and fighting through it, but it was hard. Not only that, but I couldn't even raise my head, I stared at my notebook and felt like shit.

Obviously, I had no friends anymore, as evidently, Alex hated me, Josh hated me, Tim also - my life seemed to suck for now.

Somewhere around the middle of the class hour, I gathered enough strength to glance toward Alex.

He was sitting hunched forward, writing something or... drawing? He really looked like he was very intensely working on something. What could that be?

As the class ended, Josh and Tim exited rather quickly. It looked like they were not going to confront me after the lab. Chickens.

Slowly packing my stuff, I felt - more than I saw - a lone figure approaching.

Alex put my comic book on my backpack and quickly turned around to leave.

I took the comic - the first impression I had - was that he just didn't want to have anything to do with me and was only returning the comic.

But I was wrong.

As I opened it, I froze.

Each picture had a new element added to it: comment clouds!

In the first picture, showing us in the classroom as I observed him, there was one comment added over his head: "How can I make him notice me?"

Over the second picture, of us in the parking lot, there was a cloud with an annotation: "He saved me. Will he kiss me?"

I felt like my heart was pounding faster.

God, he was waiting for a kiss then? How unexpected...

With trembling hands I checked the next page.

The scene of our kiss on the dance floor... there was another cloud:

"Finally..."

I swallowed hard.

So, he knew. So, he... wanted it. I interpreted it right the first time.

My cheeks were now blushing like crazy.

Over his head in the sex scene was only: "Mmmmm..."

With sweaty hands, I turned the next page and... froze.

There was another scene added there! He drew it himself. It showed us sitting on the mattress and Donna was standing in front of us. Over her head a question was hovering:

"Are you into Alex, Finn?"

Over my head was a comment cloud with the words: "No, are you crazy?!"

And over Alex's head was...only one emoji:

An icon of a broken heart.

I clenched my hands into fists. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

But there was another page added, probably just now, as it was drawn by a normal pen in an obvious hurry.

It showed us sitting in the classroom, during the test I helped him with. Over Alex's head was one comment: "Why is he doing it? What does he want?"

And nothing more.

It was obvious that he didn't know what to think now.

Definitely, my behavior was confusing to him.

First I pushed him away, but now my attitude toward him changed.

Yet, the simple fact alone, he had... positive feelings toward me before... It meant something. Maybe I could still repair it? Perhaps I could 'mend a broken heart'?

I realized that he might have behaved like a dick just to get my attention.

Like a small boy in preschool that pulls on a girl's braid to get her mad but also to make her notice him?

Did he like me all this time? Me? Simple, buffed jock?

I couldn't believe it. So, the whole semester I hated him... but he didn't hate me?

I was so lost, I had no idea what to do. I went back to my room, still feeling partially shitty because of the situation with Josh - but on the other hand, weirdly elated about the comic book.

Furthermore, I sat by my desk and drew another scene. Me and him... in the café, together.

He wanted to know what I wanted?

Okay - I wanted to know him a bit more. Definitely. He needed to know that.

So, I added a cloud over my head: "I want a chance to get to know you."

An hour later, I went to my Muay Thai training, but my practicing was half-hearted at best. I had serious problems with my focus.

As soon as I was back I opened the comic to the last page I added today, and I took a photo with my phone's camera. After some hesitation, I decided to send him the picture via text message.

But not only that. I added another comment cloud over my head in the scene with Donna and this "broken heart" icon.

And I wrote there: "That's not what I really felt! I panicked :( "

And I took another photo of that picture too and sent it to him zoomed in on the cloud in which I had written my explanation.

But... no answer came.

I waited and waited, looking at the screen, but no new text message showed up.

I strode around my room feeling uneasy. What if he was too hurt by my behavior?

What if he didn't want us to... even try to mend it?

I couldn't sit calmly in one place, so I jumped to my feet and decided to wander around campus. My legs just couldn't stay still. I circled around the dorms, passing by groups of students sauntering around. Eventually, I felt my throat becoming too dry, so I stopped by the vending machine to examine its contents.

I heard some voices coming closer and somebody stood behind my back. I recognized Rita's voice - Alex's second bestie, apart from Marcy. Could he be there also? I turned around and looked at them.

Yep, it was Alex.

I kinda froze, staring at him. He looked unreal in a thin, silky white blouse with deep cleavage, his long blue strands blowing in the evening wind. I cleared my throat, and he raised his head, recognizing me. He also seemed frozen.

We were standing like that, not saying a word.

Rita was glancing at me and then at him, and again at me...

"Alex?" she muttered, pulling him by his elbow.

"What?" he responded, looking like he was not happy she was disrupting our 'gaze-lock'.

"Why are... what are you doing?" she whispered.

"Yyy... nothing." He snorted and bit his lip.

I moved aside. "Do you wanna buy something?" I asked in a polite, but official tone of voice. "Go ahead, sorry for blocking it. I just need to think a bit longer about what I want to pick."

"Ah, okay. Thanks," he responded, and approached the machine. I was standing very close to him now. I could reach my hand out and touch his naked, slim neck. Caress it with my fingers...

I could hear his breath, the movement of his chest, up and down... I could observe his clean, elegant profile. I just noticed his nose was slightly aquiline, very subtly, and it added some classy impression to his facial features. His full, plump lips looked so fucking... soft and kissable!

I was staring at him, and he had to feel it, yet he let me do it, as he was studying the contents of the vending machine. Finally, the silence was a bit too long, it became almost... sexual, intimate. He slowly, very slowly turned his head toward me. He knew, and I knew. Our eyes met.

I stopped breathing for a while, feeling my cheeks flaming.

Bum, bum.

Bum, bum.

My heart was pounding loudly.

We were staring again, it... went on and on...

We were so - fucking - intensely - staring! Crazy!

I never ever stared at any person for such a long time.

"Alex...? What's going on? Did you finally pick something?" Rita was being a disruption again. She eyed us. I felt annoyed by her presence.

Now, Alex cleared his throat. "Not yet, I'm... thinking."

His eyes were still fixed on my face. I was red as a beet the whole time.

"Did you... receive my text messages?" I gathered my courage to ask that, but I was whispering, so Rita couldn't hear me too clearly.

"I did, I..." he started, but then she moved closer.

"Alex, dammit, what are you doing? We have to go! People in the debate club are waiting for us."

He coughed and nodded.

"Ah, yes. Sorry." He finally tore his gaze from me and quickly chose a small glass bottle of mineral water. As he picked it, he moved back, letting Rita make her choice.

I was still looking at him, and then he... kinda smiled. It was a small, shy smile.

So, I responded with a similar smile, feeling a weird, sweet tingling inside.

As they strode away, I stood there and watched them. Alex looked back at least three times before they disappeared behind one of the dorms.

After returning to my room, my head felt like the surface of the ocean during stormy weather. Everything was swirling within me like a vortex of pink bubbles. I made an enormous effort to calm myself down before I went to sleep. I was truly at a loss about what was going to happen next.

On the next day our class started at 9:00, so I went to the cafeteria around 8:15.

I was stunned, however, as Alex and Mercy were already there, eating at the table near the window. Rita was nowhere around, which I noticed with relief. One annoyance less.

Glancing toward them, I hesitated but decided not to press the matter and sat alone at the another table with my tray. But as soon as my ass touched the chair, I spotted Marcy coming toward me. Her face was not that happy, so I froze, expecting the worst.

"Hey, Finn. Care to join me and Alex at our table?"

She made an obvious effort to smile. Did he... send her?

I bit my lip. "If Alex doesn't mind, I can join you."

"He doesn't," she said with such a grimace that I already knew. He didn't mind, but... she did.

I sighed. "Okay." I stood up and followed her, feeling my heart beating like crazy in my chest.

As I approached the table, my gaze met Alex's. He blushed and lowered his eyes.

He was wearing light blue long sleeves with a glittery zigzag, very clingy, almost like a second skin. It showed how small and thin his body was, and I realized that I was also blushing, feeling warm pink bubbles inside - again. His long blue hair was loose, framing his small, cute face. The eyeliner around his eyes was navy blue today. He looked so... refined.

"Hey," I said in a quiet voice.

"Hey," he answered in a similar, quiet manner.

As we all sat down, Marcy said, wincing:

"So...Finn. What's wrong with you and your friend Josh?"

I snorted in response.

"I don't know, he's being a jerk! He went ballistic when I told him I... " I realized that I would have to tell them the truth. "That I may be bisexual. He doesn't want to be my friend anymore, so it seems." I shrugged, as if it meant nothing to me, which was not true.

Marcy sighed. "Homophobes. They are the worst!"

"One would think that friendship should be stronger than that... "

I murmured. "But obviously, he wasn't my friend - at all."

Unexpectedly, Marcy grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "Don't worry. There are many people who will accept you as you are; you don't have to bother with those idiots. Maybe you would like to join our protest today, this evening? The professor they want to employ is known for his homophobic and transphobic remarks and tweets."

I hesitated. I glanced toward Alex, and he was looking at me pretty intensely.

Finally, I decided to go for it. Even if it was only for him because I was never that deep in political and social issues.

"I can... try. What time?"

"6:00 PM. He will be meeting with the dean, and we want to be there."

"Okay. One day without an evening gym workout won't kill anyone, right?" I winked.

Marcy chuckled, Alex became even redder, but I didn't know how to interpret it. Was he that happy I unexpectedly agreed?

"Take Alex with you one day. He could use a bit of muscle on him, would you agree?"

I swallowed. I hated being cornered in such situations, but I also had a low-key need to tell him something... nice.

"No, actually I wouldn't."

Marcy raised her eyebrows. Alex also looked surprised.

"Why? He is thin as a stick!"

This time I blushed. There was a moment of prolonged silence before I responded, staring at my tray, careful not to look him in the eyes.

"He... doesn't need improvement. He is beautiful and perfect as he is."

The silence was pretty intense now.

Marcy bit her lip and glanced toward Alex.

"Interesting," she murmured, obviously not pleased with what I said. Again - why? Wasn't she his friend? Shouldn't she keep her fingers crossed for him?

Finally, I slowly raised my head and darted a look at him. Alex looked abashed and even embarrassed. Was I too intense?

"Thanks, Finn," he whispered shyly.

"Wow, I wish somebody would say something that sweet about me... " Marcy added with a bitter voice.

I ogled her. She was overweight, had short pink hair, and she didn't have very healthy skin. She tried to cover her acne with concealer, but not in a very effective way; she also had poor fashion sense. A style that Josh used to call "flanneled."

I bit my lip.

"Someone will tell you that one day..." I said half-heartedly. Although it wouldn't be me, for sure, I added in my thoughts. Nothing against her... just not my type.

"Sure, sure... only pretty femboys get all the attention. Not their ugly fat friends." She was obviously in a sour, self-degrading mood.

"C'mon, Marcy. I'm not a femboy! I'm non-binary trans femme!" Alex huffed.

"I know Alex, you are non-binary, but look-wise - femboy, am I wrong?" She glanced at me, as if looking for a nod, but I only bit my lip. Yep, he pretty much looked like a femboy or a tomboyish girl, but if he didn't want to acknowledge that, I probably shouldn't press the matter, if I wanted to be on good terms with him.

Marcy had a weird look on her face, still sour and maybe even angry. I didn't understand what was going on with her mood and attitude. "Alex, don't be shy, you should show Finn your cute Japanese school girl outfit... That's pretty typical femboy-ish stuff."

"Marcy! Please, stop it!" He cleared his throat. "And by the way! Jimmy likes you. He tried to talk to you three times during the last party at Sammy's. So, it's not only femboys who get all the attention."

Sammy? Could that be a girl Josh mentioned...?

"Sammy? Like Samantha Nash?" I asked.

Alex blinked. "Yes."

I needed to know. "Is she your... girlfriend?"

His eyes widened. He obviously didn't expect that question.

"No. She never was," he said, licking his lips nervously.

I straightened my back. "Oh. Josh said he saw you two fucking during Eve's party. But he can't be trusted."

Only then I noticed that Marcy also looked pretty shocked.

It seemed like she didn't know... Interesting!

Alex swallowed. "Well. It was... a one-time situation. But no, she was never and surely never will be my girlfriend. "

"Alex, maybe you should explain it a bit since Finn looks like he is afraid of being called a boyfriend-stealer on campus..." Marcy was obviously being a bitch, I needed to know why.

She seemed weirdly tense and angry.

Alex looked aside.

I shrugged. "Listen, Marcy, I don't need to know. It's not my business."

"It's not, Finn? You don't care? Are you sure?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. "Better be careful with your word choice. That sounded a lot like what you said to Donna," Her voice was almost threatening.

I froze, staring at her. So. He did tell her that...? Fuck! If so, he had to mention to her that he also slept with me. Was that the reason she was so angry?

Suddenly, I recalled her behavior at the door of her room.

She was surprised by how I described my reason for drawing Alex!

So, he kept it a secret that we had sex. But she had to call him about my confession that I have feelings for him! And he was probably pressured to spit everything out...

So, in a way, it was all my doing!

I outed us...?

Fuck!

So what now?

Should I behave like a jealous not-even-a-boyfriend-yet?

But maybe it would prove I care? Maybe he wanted me to show it? After what I said to Donna I probably should some type of interest...

"I don't have a right to ask about anyone's past, Marcy, and he already told me she is not his girlfriend. It's enough," I said quietly, deciding to put it that way, as I believed it was more respectful.

Alex blinked and suddenly said:

"Sammy broke up with her boyfriend a couple of days before that because he cheated on her. She wanted revenge on him, and she chose me. But then she forgave him, and now she is with him again. "

I stared at my tray. "Thank you for your clarification, I appreciate that, but you didn't have to do this."

"But I wanted to. I admit, had a bit of a crush on her during the first month of our freshmen year. But... she decided to be with him, not me. I guess it was the sentimental reason for agreeing to do that with her during winter break. But to be honest... I didn't feel anything anymore. I was over her by then, obviously. Probably because I had already developed an interest in another... person," he said slowly and looked at me with a slight blush.