All Comments on 'I Own You'

Nice read. I’m looking forward to more from this series and your writing in general.

I am not gay... but the musky smell of cock turns the person on and they are happy to suck the D smh. And no apprehension about getting a large dick up the rear. If it is going to be a blackmail story then it needs to be a blackmail story. Even though it is a cliche about a large dick at least the author didn't add in something dumb like adding some dumb length like 10 inches.

“pop you’re cherry”?

The most common mistake in amateur writing, right there.

Damn I hate a weak finish.

Good idea to make your first story simple and short. Get your feet under the table, so to speak. Punctuation and spelling problems, which I’m sure you’ll see for yourself if you read through it a few times, but I won’t dwell on them because with a first story it’s the plot and the telling that’s importsnt.

Two immediate points. Your description of her missed out her age. It’s an important point, at least to me, because it affects how you read this type of story. You say, and your name supports this, that you have written a futa story. But there is nothing to indicate that she is anything but a transsexual.

You took a long time to get into the story. I would go so far as to say that the first nine paragraphs were a waste of time. I am very surprised that, at the time of writing, you’re on 4.48. You’ve got 9 favourites but no views. So apparently no one has read the story but it’s been favourited and three comments? Perhaps I just don’t understand the system

Back to the 9 paragraphs. Most of that information you could have worked into the story after the printing scenario. You could have started with “I have a crush on my very attractive 40 year old boss at the firm where I’m a 19 year old intern. I log onto her Facebook page every day, print pictures of her, and masturbate over them every night. I thought I was very clever in covering my tracks until one day I received a text message from my boss, before leaving home, that said “see me as soon as you get in!” The previous evening, when I thought everyone had left, I did my usual thing. Etc etc.” Then the story following the plot you’ve already got and working in the information in those opening paragraphs as you go.

You’ve got to grab the reader by the balls right at the start and writing a shopping list doesn’t do that. I continued reading only because you’d stated it was your first story and it’s not long ago I had my first story published. I received a lot of helpful advice from more experienced writers and I’m trying to pass some of it on to you in this comment. Sorry to say that the story, as written, didn’t want me to eagerly look forward to a sequel.

Hello, I really appreciate the constructive criticism. I know it wasn't original or very well written. I'm working on my english as well as my writing so I appreciate the pointers, especially from Emirus. I'll keep working harder to improve.

Thank you

Considering this is your first entry I thought it turned out quite well, and while simple I am excited to see where this story goes and how you will evolve as a writer. Keep em comming!

Please make more, don't be one of those users who makes one and gives up. This is so hot. Next time, maybe three pages with more build up and maybe more cum

This story is SSSSOOOO FUCKING HOT!!!

Please don't quit with one chapter this story is so good can't wait for the next part.

Maybe make it longer than just 1 page but that's just on personal note, still great!

What complete and utter shite. So obvious most of these comments are fake. "this story is SSOOO HOT!" No, it fucking isn't. Some weird fucker who acts like a. 12 year old wanks over pictures of his boss, who we know nothing about other than that she's tall and has a blonde ponytail. And does the dude not have a fucking phone? Or a laptop? Why does he have to print out pictures to have a wank? And why would he print out pictures of his boss when she hasn't even left the fucking office?

And then what, she blackmails him into sucking her "massive cock!!"

The whole thing reads like some weird virgin's wanky fantasy, it's not a story in any sense of the word. And supposedly 3 different "anonymous" people all react the exact same way, thinking it's the hottest thing they've ever read? Almost begging you for more? Considering it's a shit wanky fantasy, I find it very unlikely 3 different people happen to think such garbage is their perfect wanky fantasy too.

First of all ... I really liked the story and would love to see chapter 2 and 3 I think the story can go in many directions and really cant wait to find out how the boss treats the young man ... thanks for your first story and looking forward to more cheers

Please write more chapters!! Thanks in advance.

I love this scenario one of my personal favorite fantasy I particularly liked her making him sit in her lap and rubbing her hard on into his butt. You gave his Boss a real Dom Mom vibe, and I think you did a good job understanding Micheal's obsession and how that leads him to his dubious but willing submission. Next part try to maybe give her more dialogue to further establish her character. When I say that I don't mean exposition about her past or anything but letting her personality be established through her dialogue. I didn't see any glaring grammar mistakes but I myself am weak in that department myself, so take that with a grain of salt. I think this really promising and I hope to see you do more.

So for a first attempt there was some promise, but it can't be ignored that the entire central premise of the story didn't make any sense. Why is he looking at these photos at work? Why is he printing them out at work? Why is he printing them at all? I suppose it could be a part of the thrill for him, but if that is the case it should have been better explained. Of course, it still wouldn't clear up why he even has access to her FB acct in the first place.

What made it worse is that the entire blackmail scenario wasn't even needed as the MC seemed ready to submit to her of his own free will. I understand it's always a fine line in these kinds of stories of how things should progress from reluctance, to acceptance, and eventually actual desire. But if you are setting up a blackmail plotline then it would probably be a good idea for the 'straight guy' to make it more than five seconds before he's drooling over a big dick.

Now that being said, there is potential in the story. And this genre is too underserved to discourage any author. Perhaps rather than a full on dominance/blackmail tale you should try something with both characters being completely willing participants?

Not bad at all for the first attempt! Looking forward to read the continuation.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

Very good. He's cherry been pold at work or at the boss place.. An well him dress in female type cloths.

Loved your start, please keep adding chapters.

wish there was more!

Dang it ended too soon. I wish she wasn't soft on him but I can't complain. I think I will like the future chapters.

After reading the comments, it's no wonder why you didn't finish this story. I liked it. It's too bad some people would rather put someone down for trying to write a story, instead of just enjoying it. Please finish this.

More Please. It's been almost 3 years. Please give us more. It's a great start to a story. So many things she can do to him. I can see him bent over her desk as she pounds his asshole the first time. Other times when someone knocks on the door and her cock is deep in his ass or down his throat. I love to read a good under the desk blowjob while the boss is talking to someone in her office. Not to mention being tied up and gagged. More than one Futa using him while the boss watches. Please more story. I love this one.

Excellent first story, keep up the great work. I hope you continue with this story

Its an amazing story, I hope there will be more to it.

Excellent story, excellent start. More please. Keep this going, I (we) want more.

I think you may have panicked and brought the story to a close too early.

She could have ordered him to her home and seduced him, taking his cherry then stopped leaving room to continue to a part two.

Ok so there were a few mistakes. Look at your grammar, learn when to put you're (you are) and your.

A bikini is a two-piece swimming costume for women. You don't have a pair of bikini. You can have a pair of bikini bottoms though.

Just take your time and re-read what you've written every few sentences.

Read as many fura stories to get ideas but also to see how they are composed.

Good luck in the future.

I really like this story and hope there will be more

Excellent start. Now with lots of detail, write about how she fucks the living hell out of him. How he begs for more. How she makes him a she-cock loving bitch! She forces him to suck her and ride her giant cock dozens of times a day, total domination! He sucks her cock under her desk as she works and talks to others in the office. He licks her ass and balls to keep her "up". The best of her employees are Trans-gendered and the best one of the week gets to fuck him.

One star because you didn't continue the story.

How the hell did he not notice she has a giant cock if he's been staring at pictures of her in a swimsuit for weeks? I would think year kind of thing would... "stick out" a bit.

Lovely and short.